guardians_song: A crop from FE7's Arcadia CG showing Nergal and two villagers chatting over scrolls. (analytical)
guardians_song ([personal profile] guardians_song) wrote2014-02-21 02:24 am

I s'pose part of why I close myself off to stimulus is that I'm afraid of being disappointed by LACK

...of stimulus.

So I deaden myself because... I'm resigned to the world already being deadened, and so I choose not to disappoint myself.

It's also because I just couldn't take negative stimulus when I was younger. I'm getting more of an actual tolerance as I get older, as opposed to just blocking it out or having my emotions shut down, so I no longer need the coping mechanisms to the same extent... but I do need to remember they're there in order to switch them off.

(Also, now that I actually know the difference between true tolerance for pain and a faked "tolerance"? I am doubly convinced that "taking things in stride" is:
A) a learned skill;
B) a skill taking a surprising amount of time and directed effort to learn;
C) a skill that cannot be learned while one is in acute pain;
D) a skill that must derive from one's inner values and one's personal goals, motivations, and efforts;
E) not something one can spontaneously acquire just because a sanctimonious authority figure is lecturing one about it while one is sobbing one's guts out.
Not that I would know anything about E, now would I?
I'm sorry if I've gotten annoyingly petty about certain issues recently, and I know I have [on Tumblr, at least], but my self-righteousness increases as my amount of spine increases. Sorry, still not sure how to moderate that, guardians_song.exe is still in the debugging process.

To TL;DR the reason behind this proportionate increase in self-righteousness, I believe certain kinds of ignorance are malicious. Viewed objectively, I cannot forgive unrepentant, proud malice. And the more spine I get, the less I make excuses for myself and others.

I can be less tetchy about it, but I think that probably won't happen until I get through the first round of venting - at which point my discomfort with outright redundancy and going around in circles will take over. That may take a while. Sorry for being pissy in the meantime, guys. D:)

Anyway - yippee, it's a magical world out there, Hobbes, let's go exploring. Just need to figure out the correct way in which to phrase it.

And to figure out how I'll get my brain to shut off at night so I don't start up my computer because I can't sleep for hours on end after midnight. :P D| Well, that's how life goes...

(No, it's not electronic lighting. I have the occasional so-tired-but-can't-sleep fit even in the absence of electronics. Probable bad brain wiring. Just have to learn to circumvent it.)

sarajayechan: we'll get to the bottom of this (Nuriko)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2014-02-21 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Eh? I don't see any of this self-righteousness or pettiness you're talking about, especially on Tumblr. (Then again, yours is probably a tiny case compared to MOST on Tumblr).
sarajayechan: we'll get to the bottom of this (TR Trio)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2014-02-21 04:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Aaah. *nod* I haven't seen that yet, but tumblr moves so fast, lol.

(It's okay! She would, yeah, compared to the angry SJW types who send death threats over misunderstandings. And LOL, she would have some VERY funny trigger warnings. "tw: haircuts. tw: Ash Ketchum" and so forth. On the other hand, she would be fresh meat for the SJWs if her homophobia did show up.

And oh God, I "like" a lot of food posts but I only reblog about 1/4 of them. Cori would reblog EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And gush over how some of them matched what she used in her fics. Or say that was what she was gonna have Team Rocket eat in her next fic.)
sarajayechan: one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite episodes (Ash/Misty)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2014-02-21 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
She'd be a very strange type of SJW. XD

Yep. It doesn't help that one of the food blogs I follow posts a lot of sushi and sweets and breakfast food...including French Toast now and then.

Oh God, I can imagine her spamming up the Team Rocket tags with her headcanons. And she would definitely approve of the Ash-mocking that's gone on re: Ash being fooled by TR's disguises, not evolving his Oshawott and any other ~sin~ he committed by not being too bright. She would reblog them at least once a week. And all the "Team Rocket gives me feeeeeels" photosets and having her posse of Shigeru1313/Hot Lips/etc giving her asspats and making huge cuddlepiles over the slightest thing.

Yeah, it's a good thing she was pre-Tumblr. A VERY good thing.
sarajayechan: sometimes I wish Usagi had told Naru about the whole Sailor Moon thing in the anime, too (Usagi+Naru)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2014-02-21 07:51 pm (UTC)(link)
OH GOD. If she actually did that, that would be at least creative and original and possibly less unfortunate implications. Unless she added pictures of abuse apologism or Twilight too...

Yeah, true. She wasn't well in the head and as much as other fans would've suffered her fanwank on Tumblr, she'd have been at risk for major meltdowns and explosions.

Yeeep. D: Take parts of the FE fandom wankery combined with HP wank and Bleach wank and...oh boy.
lliira: Fang from FF13 (Default)

[personal profile] lliira 2014-02-21 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
"Taking things in stride" often just translates to "stop having emotions that do not please me."

About not sleeping after midnight: have you always been a night person, including when you were a child or young adolescent? You might have delayed sleep-phase disorder. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder) I have this, so that's why I know about it. However, it could be other things -- insomnia can have lots of different causes. I don't think it's something one can figure out and take care of on one's own, without professional help.