"We did get over a month off," his magenta-haired companion points out, dusting herself off as she rises from the floor.
"Too bad! Look at th' Little Miss Mary sporkers! Now there's a spork that ain't EVER goin' t' be finished!"
Are you seriously comparing Cori Falls, even at her worst, to Little Miss Mary?
He pauses, biting his lip, and then shakes his head. "Aw no. No, no, no, no, no." He raises his hands in a defensive gesture. "You ain't gonna make me spork ANYTHIN' resemblin' THAT fic."
Good. Now that we're clear...
ONE FOR THE MONEY!
TWO FOR THE SHOW!
THREE TO GET READY!
AND HERE! WE! GO!
After discussing our plans for the next Salon Roquet a little more, I noticed how late it was and that I was famished.
Tom: It's like th' Pokemon Fan Club, only with French Toast rather than some creepy old brony tellin' y' about his special relationship with his Rapidash.
Jerry: Instead, it's about two creepy adolescent pod people telling us about their special relationship with their Meowth and Wobbuffet.
Tom: Y' AIN'T HELPIN'!
We hadn't eaten since breakfast, and I was sure Jessie was even hungrier than I was.
Jessie nodded. "Yeah. I'm starving!"
"What would you like?" I asked. "I'll make anything you want."
Jessie closed her eyes and thought about it for a moment. "Anything with apples is fine by me," came her reply. "I've had a craving for apples lately, too."
Jerry: I can only be thankful that this was pre-Twilight, so I can be certain that wasn't a homage.
When she said this, I thought back to something that had happened about a week ago. It had been the day before pay day, and we were all out of money and groceries. After being blasted off by the twerps in another failed attempt to catch Pikachu, we were all tired and hungry, but the only food to be found was a single apple growing on a nearby tree. The three of us had gotten into a fight over the apple, and after beating us up, Jessie suggested that we share it. She'd then proceeded to eat all of the fruit and share the core with me and Meowth.
Guardian's Song; Ah, the sweet sight of canon. And I know it's canon because Jessie isn't a sparkly saint.
I remember, I'd been so angry with her for being so greedy and letting us go hungry that I hadn't spoken to her for the rest of the night.
Tom: (Jessie) YOU chose not to speak to ME? Ha! You speak only when I permit you to, slave!
(James) Yes, Mistress.
(Jessie) DID I SAY YOU WERE PERMITTED TO SPEAK?
(James) No, Mist- ohdoubleslap...
Now that I knew she was eating for two, however, I felt guilty for being mad at her.
When we got to the kitchen, we found Meowth sitting at the table. A look of mild annoyance was on his face.
"Uh, hi, Meowth," I said.
"Youse two work things out?" he asked.
"Dat's nice. Woulda been nicer if you'd let ME know!" he said sarcastically. "I was sittin' outside all day, waitin' for youse guys ta finish discussin' yer private matters! If I wasn't so damn hungry, I'd probably still be sittin' out dere!"
Jerry: What, is he an NPC? Does he only have permission to move when the main characters enter the room?
"Should we tell him?" I whispered. "He has a right to know."
"Yeah. But let's wait and tell him over dinner," she whispered back.
"Hey. What's goin' on?" he asked.
"We'll tell you in a minute, Meowth," I replied. "Right now I need to get dinner ready."
He nodded. "Good."
Since we were all hungry and wanted to eat as soon as possible, I kept dinner simple and just made some baked chicken and a fruit salad (with lots of apples).
Jerry: Does Miss Falls have some sort of compulsive food-description condition?
Tom: I swear an entire parade could go chargin' by in front of her and, when asked t' describe th' scene, she'd just mention that th' kids across th' street were havin' some really delicious churros.
Once we'd all helped ourselves, Meowth put his question to us again.
Jessie blushed and turned away from him.
"Come on!" he prompted when he saw her response. "Me-owth is sick a bein' outta the loop on everything!"
I smiled at Jessie and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Then, I turned to face the cat again. "Meowth...Jessie and I...are going to have a baby."
Meowth's eyes widened, and he began to choke on the apple wedge he'd been eating. "A b-b-b-baby?!" he stammered once he was able to stop coughing.
Tom: (Jessie) No! We're going to have a Nuzlocke!
Jerry: (James) No! We're going to have a plot!
Tom: (Jessie) Good heavens, James, that's going much too far! A PLOT? But what would happen to us next? Nuanced characterization? An elimination of double standards?
Jerry: (Meowth) A sudden deficit of French toast?
Tom: (Jessie) We couldn't go on like that, James! Oh, my goodness! Abort it! ABORT IT!
Jessie blushed again and nodded.
I smirked. "Well, you see, Meowth, when a guy and a girl really love each other...."
"DAT AIN'T FUNNY!!!" he screamed.
Jerry: *morosely* It isn't! Not when we had to suffer through all those sex scenes...
"Jeezus Christ on a motorcycle!
Tom: Who's Jeezus? Is that like that 'Lord Helix' meme that's goin' around?
Jerry: *scratches head* I don't know either. Wait, wasn't some famous Pidgeot nicknamed something like that?
(Note: Dear Miss Falls- THE POKEMON WORLD IS NOT NECESSARILY CHRISTIAN! There's a REASON other fanficcers invoke Mew and Arceus!)
What the hell is wrong with youse two?!" he shouted.
"How could ya?" Meowth asked, giving me an angry look. "How could ya knock her up like dat, James?!"
Tom: (James) You insert your throbbing manhood into a girl's flower of love, and then she tenderly caresses your buttocks...
"Yeah, yer damn right, ya didn't plan!" he said. "I know youse guys've been havin' sex, but ain't ya been usin' protection?!"
"Of course we've been using protection, Meowth!" Jessie shouted.
"Yeah! Do you think we're stupid?!" I chimed in. "Wait a minute. Don't answer that."
Guardian's Song: HEY! No fair asking the READERS questions! D:<
"I've been on the pill," Jessie told him. "But birth control doesn't always work, Meowth."
Jerry: (Jessie) Even abstinence can't protect you from plot convenience!
Guardian's Song: Just ask the Virgin Mary!
Guardian's Song: Never mind.
"Nature just decided to give us a little surprise," I said, wrapping my arms around Jessie and placing my hands on her stomach.
"Well, whaddaya gonna do now?" Meowth asked. "Ya got a lotta choices. None of 'em easy."
"We're going to keep it, of course!" Jessie replied.
Tom: (Jessie) Abort OUR precious hellspawn? Never.
She looked up at me, her blue eyes filling with tears. "I'd never get rid of our baby! And I don't want to put her up for adoption either." She then looked back at Meowth and scowled. "James and I are going to have this baby, and we're going to raise her as best we can!
Tom: ABORT TH' KID, IT'S INHUMANE T' DO OTHERWISE!
Jerry: I wouldn't go that far.
Tom: Considerin' that we're talkin' about th' Cori versions here?
Jerry: I recommend immediate abortion and subsequent sterilization of both parties. And the Meowth.
Shame on you for thinking we'd even consider doing otherwise!"
Meowth closed his eyes and sighed. "I wasn't tellin' ya ta get rid of it, and I'm glad ya wanna take responsibility and keep it. I'm just tryin' ta be realistic, dat's all. Let's face it -- babies are a lotta money! How are youse guys gonna provide for it when we can barely keep ourselves fed?!
Jerry: (James) Perhaps we could stop blowing all our life savings on chasing after a kid and his Pikachu?
(Jessie) Don't be absurd, James! Soon you'll be preaching financial responsbility, and THEN what chance will we ever have of being elected President?!
And what about dose twerps?! Ya think dey'd go easy on Jess, even if dey knew she was pregnant?! Dey probably wouldn't even care!" His voice cracked, and I could tell he was doing his best to keep from crying.
Guardian's Song: *groan* Miss Falls, did you really just imply that Ash and friends are heartless baby-killers?
Good gad, woman, do you have NO sense of subtlety?
He looked up at me. "Y-ya do?"
Jessie nodded. "If we can get a loan from the boss, we're going to try our hand at reopening Salon Roquet. James says it'll be a lot safer, and we'll be earning a lot more money."
"Hmmm. Dat just might work," he said after considering it for a moment. "I wonder why we didn't think of it sooner."
"Well, actually, I have," I told him. "Been thinking about it ever since the last Salon Roquet. It's just that we haven't earned enough money to get it off the ground yet.
Tom: (James) Which has nothing to do on blowing all our time, effort, and money on a certain Pikachu, of course.
Asking the boss for a loan is kind of our last resort."
"Great minds think alike," I said, kissing her on the cheek.
Meowth smiled at us.
"So, are you okay with this now?" I asked.
Jerry: (Meowth) Of course. I am part of the Rocket Borg. Resistance is futile. Your buttocks shall be caressed.
Tears welled up in his midnight-blue eyes,
Guardian's Song: Even the MEOWTH gets purple prose?!
and he launched himself at the two of us. "Meowth! I can't believe it!" he cried, throwing his arms around Jessie and nuzzling into her stomach. "I'm gonna be a uncle!"
But Meowth didn't listen to her. He just hugged her more tightly and began to purr.
Jessie continued to protest, but after listening to Meowth purr for a moment, her frown faded, and she began to laugh. Then, she hugged Meowth back.
"Youse two are gonna have such a cute little baby," he said.
Jerry: (Meowth) After all, since you're both Sues, you have to have a Sue spawn.
"Thanks, Meowth," Jessie whispered.
"I'm sorry I yelled at youse guys. I was just worried. Dat's all," he continued.
"It's okay," I replied as I folded him and Jessie into an embrace.
"Yeah. We don't blame you for being concerned," said Jessie.
Meowth smiled again.
And that's how the three of us spent the rest of the evening -- in a big group
Tom: I didn't even say anythin'!
Tom: You've got no sense of humor.
hug. The warmth of Jessie's embrace and the sound of Meowth's purring comforted me and reminded me that no matter how bad things got, we were still a family. Being a family was what always saw us through the bad times,
Jerry: Glargh. MORE sappy Aesops?
Tom: Funny, I thought it was th' author weepin' over how abused they were.
Jerry: Especially since they have some sort of fight in EVERY SINGLE FIC.
and now our family was going to have a new member. Things were definitely starting to look up.
Guardian's Song: That phrase is definitely getting repetitive.