guardians_song: A sprite edit of Nils from Fire Emblem, looking shocked: CHRISTMAS EDITION (Nils)
guardians_song ([personal profile] guardians_song) wrote2013-07-18 03:47 pm

*random thoughts*

Thinking of shipping Ninian/young!Zephiel.
...Okay, so age 20-21 is when the crack!shipping tendencies appear? Good to know.
(You don't even know. AU!Zephiels are gradually glomming up all the dragons in various AUs. The only reason I haven't shipped him with Idoun is that half-dragons would grow too slowly to become Bern's heirs. Eesh, dragon!fanboyism will get you a lot of ships.)

(Disclaimer: In such an AU, Zephiel would be running away from a murderous father about fifteen years earlier than similar events occurred in canon, so he'd bump into Ninian and Nils before Eliwood did. *grimaces* Urgh, the... joys... of competing ships when you can't resolve it all with a threesome. I'd probably have Fiora take Eliwood instead, since my default AU-TP for Lyn is Hector/Lyn/Florina.)

Have started Gates to Infinity! I was planning to take Tepig for coverage against Ice-types, but... how could I say no to a Pikachu partner? D: *pikapikapika* At any rate, I'm an Axew. Ah, the joys of resisting Fire, Ice, and Lightning. :D (And Grass. Them too.)

Unpopular opinion on mental illnesses/neuroatypicality:

TL:DR: Yes, mental issues lead to deficiencies. Some people judge you hard on those deficiencies. To some extent (which may be anywhere between "absolutely" and "semi-demi-hemi-maybe-in-an-alternate-universe"), they have a point.


I apologize for the prior idiocy and incoherence before I condensed the point down to the TL;DR. I have enough baggage on this point to fill an aircraft carrier. Said idiocy was filtered through and set off by said baggage, which is why it was meaningless and offensive rubbish.

I'm set off by overly-positive stuff because A) I believe overly-positive stuff presents an unrealistic and dangerous filter, it erases anyone with less than positive views, and it's often vacuously idealistic... and B) I've been conditioned to fear unconditional positivity as one side of a persona, with the flipside being blistering rage, contempt, and hatred if one dares to say anything questioning the positivity. That has to be the most pathetic fear-reflex known to humankind, but - *throws up hands*

So, in this case, I was set off by a bit too much we're-faultless/no-negativity/write-down-happy-things/you're-absolutely-great-just-as-you-are preaching. I should have thought through it MUCH longer before posting.  Again, my sincere apologies. My thanks for the civil and detailed call-out.

There are reasons why there are stigmas against emotionally unstable people. And I say this as someone who is... *grimaces*... not the poster child for calmness and maturity, and was pretty much a poster child for Emotionally Dysfunctional Children And Adolescents in the past. There were perfectly valid reasons why people would have treated me uncomfortably then and why I would feel anxious and guilty for volunteering to do something where competence was absolutely crucial now.

Look. I do stupid things when I'm overconfident and/or emotionally agitated. And I know they're stupid at the time, to some extent. But my positive-negative weights on thoughts and actions tell me at the time that it's perfectly rational and righteous and of course I should say this off-color or aggressive thing or do this ill-advised or lazy thing, because-why-the-hell-not. And this comes back to bite me, which is why I've come to be more careful - but when hormones or certain chemicals that make me more aggressive are in my system, I go back to old behavior patterns. Sometimes this turns out to be a good thing - the consequences aren't bad, or I needed to say such a thing - and sometimes it's... ill-advised. Yeah. There are infinitely many ways to elaborate.

For this reason, people should have a stigma against my diplomacy skills in difficult situations. Yes, I can be very mature and well-reasoned or at least my current arrogance tells me so. On the other hand, when I get riled up, I tend to go into if-God-be-with-me-who-be-against-me mode. And I may not ever grow all the way out of this, because I have seen senior professionals* with behavior patterns implying similar thought processes. (Let's just say that said professionals tend to acquires bosses/colleagues who take up the roles of reining them in when they get carried away and protecting them from their own stupidity.) So, no, I am actually not qualified for the role of Professional Diplomat 24/7.
*MALE professionals, mind. This is not a We Women Are Just More Emotional issue unless there are a lot of closeted trans women.

So we've established that I have emotional over-reaction issues. And yes, I hate to say this, but THIS DOES IMPAIR RATIONAL JUDGMENT. Does it impair my raw ability to reason? No, but it changes the weights. And a change in weights can lead to obtaining utterly wrong results, even if the processing before and after that point was without a single error or flaw.

To take a saner such situation - under different circumstances, the weight of the negative event 'Being in close proximity to a spider' may be either 'Tolerable' or 'Intolerable - cause to flee the room'. If I had a severe phobia of spiders caused by OCD or some other condition, that might be upped to 'Cause to flee the room via the window'. Rationally, I don't need to fear the spider THAT much, particularly if it's benign. After all, if worst comes to worst, I have large, heavy objects, and it has the ability to run like hell. But the weighting my intuition assigns might be much higher.

This is regarded as a fairly sane and normal impairment of rational judgment due to emotional over-reaction. It is also regarded as fairly empathic and normal to point out that it's sheer ridiculousness to have a fear of non-severely-poisonous spiders. And I type this with the full knowledge that, if a spider crawled across my keyboard right now, I'd knock over my chair in my haste to stand up, nearly hit the doorframe on my way out, and probably spend at least five minutes in another room before I dared to come back. Many "sane" people could sympathize.

However, if my job involved typing in a spider-ridden place, this would be a crippling dysfunction. And yes, compared to my coworkers (who would wear thick clothing, keep anaphylactic medications around, and take other level-headed steps to minimize adverse occurrences), I would be irrational. And it would be an irrationality that pervaded everything I did in said spider-ridden place. I might, for instance, insist upon doing something that 'was clearly the right path' when, in reality, it would be extremely suboptimal - but it would help me avoid spiders or put off encounters with spiders, even if that meant I had to stand ankle-deep in spiders for three hours straight later on.

My fear of spiders would not make me a bad person. It would not be something I wanted, it would not be something I could help without a great deal of focused effort (and many false starts), and it would not alter my status as an otherwise fairly rational, well-intentioned, and well-behaved human being.

But it would be a mark against me in a place filled with spiders.

sarajayechan: also known as Dancing Kyurem, thanks Sora XD (Ninian)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-19 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
Thinking of shipping Ninian/young!Zephiel.

...that'd actually be pretty adorable. :o

[rant about mental illness]

That's...kind of a point, there. Not sure how I feel, but basically what I'm getting is "people should know their limits, and some people just aren't suited for certain things". But to be fair that's kind of a given overall.
sarajayechan: surely being creepy and scaring everyone will help me achieve that! (Rei/Kira)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-19 02:51 pm (UTC)(link)
It really does. *nod* That's something I'd totally read!

Aah. *nod* Yeah, ANYONE can have impaired judgment about anything, really.

...It just feels like a lot of SJW mental-illness advocates refuse to admit that neuroatypical people can have any disadvantage compared to neurotypical people that might actually mean something. It's all the 'We are all special people and meant to be this way, and God makes no mistakes!' self-esteem crap. And it just leaves the people who do have problems (and refuse to ~feel good about the whole shebang~ just because FuckYeahBlog#2019393 says they should) out in the cold. :\

Hmm...well, I definitely hate the idea that having mental flaws or emotional issues is something to ~feel special about~ because guess what, a lot of people who have them HATE THEM. But I also don't like the idea that a person should feel held back or let the resentment run their lives. Basically, I believe in people doing the best they can with what they have. Acknowledging that yes, they have a disadvantage compared to neurotypicals and the mentally stable, but at the same time not throwing in the towel and letting their problems make all their decisions for them. Therapy and meds can't cure a person of everything but they can help make life more bearable.
sarajayechan: surely being creepy and scaring everyone will help me achieve that! (Hannah)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-19 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)
It's okay, I'm the one who read that into it. I know you yourself weren't doing it intentionally but that's how I've felt myself in the past. "Welp, I'm not "normal" like everyone else, I should just settle for whatever I can get and never bother wanting anything better because it's too risky!". And I'm sure I wasn't the only one either, there's people out there with similar defeatist attitudes.
sarajayechan: art ♥ pixiv (Mist/Rolf)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-20 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I've been there too. And even though I believe in optimism and greatly prefer it to the alternative, it CAN get annoying when people keep shoving it in your face and treat you like a loser for having even one negative thought. Optimism is HARD sometimes, you know?

(Also guess what I got in a fortune cookie: "Even a broken clock is right two times a day". I immediately thought of you!)
sarajayechan: surely being creepy and scaring everyone will help me achieve that! (Alvis)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-20 12:28 am (UTC)(link)
*nod* Optimism's good but it's also good to know how to work with reality. Go for your dreams, but also realize it might be harder than you think.

No, I mean because you've said that phrase a lot. XD
sarajayechan: seriously friends are the best (Applejack)

[personal profile] sarajayechan 2013-07-20 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Too many extremists in the world. D:

LOL, probably a good thing!
violent_cat: (analysis)

[personal profile] violent_cat 2013-07-20 06:03 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't want a medal for it or anything, but I'd like people to ACKNOWLEDGE that optimism takes effort - particularly in bad situations - just in general."

I second that. It's not only about fighting with alleged helplessness, and sometimes (often?) low self-esteem. One has to be careful, for said optimism may just turn into denial. Oh, actually, sarajayechan wrote that.
Edited 2013-07-20 18:05 (UTC)
violent_cat: No, really (kowalski)

[personal profile] violent_cat 2013-07-19 10:25 am (UTC)(link)
"Yes, I can be very mature and well-reasoned or at least my current arrogance tells me so."
Then I agree with your current arrogance XD

*thinks* It's quite possible, that I didn't understand you rightly. Misa deduced, that your opinion is "unpopular", because you are not trying to defend emotional unstable people's stupid actions, and you admit, that, in some situations, these people (should I count myself as well?) just don't think rationally, while "their advocates" claim we're all the same, like there is no difference between neuroatypical people and neurotypical people.

That makes a lot of sense to me. An acquaintance of mine once told me, that she had learned to ignore whatever I said, when I was in "THAT mood".

Of course emotions affect rational thinking, even of the "sane people". The stronger these emotions are, the worse is logical thinking. Like in the example with the spiders - all that rationalising the fear is reduced to simple "mustgetaway", the moment one notices a spider.

Yeah, I don't know, if I just paraphrased the part of your post, or wrote something completely opposite. Either way - does that comment have ANY sense? Maybe I should have gone to bed. ^.^'

On a different topic, I have two questions about your sporking :)
Do you inform badfic authors that you sporked/are sporking their fics?

I've just finished reading 'Subjugation' spork (chapter one and two), and I'm wondering, if you're going to (somewhere in the future) resume sporking this?

"Gellert: Why not use Disillusionment Charms for even better concealment, such that one would not have to stroke oneself through one’s robes? For that matter, why bother with robes at all?

Albus: *turns bright red* Gellert!

Aberforth: Speaking from experience, Grindelwald?

Gellert: Hah. Not that you can prove."

*cracks up* *calms down* *stares dreamily at the wall* *cracks up again*