YAAAAAAY! I squeed out loud when I saw this. :D :D :D
Oh, well. It had been a pretty shitty day anyway. Seemed only fitting that it should have a shitty ending, too. Tom: That's exactly what th' show needed. More of James's wangsty LiveJournal entries.
James: Today the Twerps were mean to me again! I hate them so much I'm going to namedrop them on an anon meme! Meowth: Uh, aint announcin' yer plans kinda defeatin' the purpose of anon? James: ...aw, crud! D:
Normally, I'm pretty laid-back, but my temper had been on edge for the past couple of months. Jerry: ...For the past COUPLE OF MONTHS? Continuously?
James has a neverending case of PMS!
"Jessie, honey, maybe you should go to the doctor," I told her as I crawled to her side. "I've never seen you this sick before, and it's not normal for a stomach flu to last such a long time...." Tom: (Jessie) I'm sick of all the wangst and drama in these fics! I'm not your damsel in distress! You're not a manly hero! Meowth isn't a furry! I WANT MY CANON BACK! (James) *pats her on the back* I know, Jessie, I know... *bursts into tears* I MISS CANON TOO!!!
Ash: YOU miss canon?! My older self's severe brain damage would like a word with you two.
Also JEANS? James is complaining of the heat and he puts on JEANS? I know people wear pants in the summertime, but you'd think with as hot as it is he'd go straight for the shorts.
Sure, romantic vomiting. You know, the kind where the heroine delicately presses a hand to her stomach and gasps before swiftly dashing off to the bathroom!
And yeah, I've said it once and I'll say it again, her double standard over the Big Eater trope is hilarious. The trio get to stuff their faces with huge sundaes, French Toast, bacon and eggs, chocolate mint cookies, chicken with pasta and salad and cheesecake for dessert and three plates each from a Chinese Buffet but it's okay because THEY'RE HUUUUNNNNGRRRRRRYYYY. Tracey snacks on some Oreos and LOL LOOKIT THE BIG FAT PIG WITH HIS BIG FAT GUT!
Once we'd finished our ice cream, we headed into town so we could find a place to rest for a couple of days. However, we soon discovered that there'd been a fire at the local motel, and the entire building had burned to the ground. Guardian's Song: ... ... ... ...I am oddly nostalgic. This is the sort of batshit drama I would have put in a story when I was a young and naive fanficcer. 'THEY TRIED TO GO TO A MOTEL, BUT IT HAD BURNED DOWN.'
Hahaha, I'm sure you're not the only one who's done that. Hell, I think even canon does it sometimes. "WE TRIED TO GO TO A HOTEL BUT IT WAS CLOSED. OR HAUNTED. OR ON FIRE. OR FULL OF NAKED PEOPLE."
Forced to make alternate plans, Meowth got out a map and found that there was a cabin further inland, near the foothills. Tom: (James) Excellent! It's even MORE inflammable than the motel! What could go wrong? :D
Then the cabin caught fire and they were forced to build an igloo out of sand.
Jerry: WHAT?!
You're just going to STEAL THE WARTORTLES SO YOU CAN HAVE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS?!
What next?! 'We wanted to watch a movie on our portable TV while we were in the woods, so we STOLE HALF THE POPULATION OF A POWER PLANT'?!
LOGIC BOMB GO BOOM!
When the Wartortle fell into the pit, we grabbed them in our net and took to the sky in our balloon. Predictably, the little brats started whining about how it was wrong to steal the Wartortle, but we didn't listen. Jerry: And there went ANY attempt to give Jessie and James the moral high ground in this fic.
"How dare the Twerps tell us stealing isn't okay! Those rotten little shits!"
re: James blushing. To be fair, blushing over something a girlfriend/boyfriend says isn't THAT far off. Some people just blush easily. But the way Cori does it is pretty glurgey, so...
Silly GS, the canon events are just there to hold the WYDS together!
[stupid fighting wangst]
Remember when you pointed out the problem with her WYDS series? This reminds me of that. Cori tries to reconcile "icky stupid canon" with her fantasy world and ends up making Jessie and James's relationship look unstable as fuck. I mean, it's one thing to have couples arguing when they're starting out in a relationship, and it's not THAT far off to have them need things put back in perspective now and then. But the way Cori ends every fic with "and our love was stronger and shinier than ever"? Just. No.
Normally, I could let a rude remark like that slide -- the three of us poke fun at each other all the time, but we never mean anything by it.
Actually, even mild teasing "means" something. It means "I tease you for being a dork because you are one, but I tease lightly because I don't think you being a dork is a bad thing. In fact, it's one of the reasons I like you". Or "You eat a lot, and it's funny. But I also find it cute". Or "You used to have a crush on me and I didn't know, but we became friends and we're both comfortable enough to joke about it".
Not everything has to have a Deep Deep Meaning, but not everything "doesn't mean anything" either.
Tom: So stop wearin' it! Come on, y' ain't gonna get fired because th' old Boss heard y' weren't wearin' yer uniform on a heist! Yer gonna get fired because y' haven't stolen any Pokemon fer months! Th' only reason y' haven't been tossed out is he's probably forgotten yer on th' payroll!
THANK YOU, TOM, FOR REMINDING US OF CANON.
the fat kid Jerry: The people who scarf ice cream like it's becoming illegal next Tuesday aren't ones to talk about overeating.
*jerks thumb to her earlier rantlet*
I slowly got back to my feet, but as I stretched my aching muscles, I looked over at Jessie and saw that she was still lying on the ground. Her hands were on her stomach, and she was moaning softly.
Romantic tummyaches!
Tom: (James) The results of her airsickness were spattered over the last mile of our journey - Jerry: *turns green*
Ewwww, air barf! D:
C!Syaoran, don't eat Cori Rocket eyes. They're bad for you. D:
And yes, this is another good example of Cori's Double Standard Abuse: Female On Male. D: "I shoved at Jessie and raised my voice to her because she insulted me! I'M A MONSTER! WAAAAAAAAAH! Oh, but when she beats me for no reason at all she's just stressed and it was my fault for breathing too loudly! SHE LOVES ME SHE LOVES ME MY FINGER FELL DOWN THE STAIRS I SWEAR TO ARCEUS!" Creepy.
OH GOD I FORGOT THIS TOOK PLACE AFTER "THORNS OF THE ROSE". D:
...oh my God. JAMES IS A GENDERFLIPPED ANA STEELE. D: I CAN'T UNSEE IT.
I wonder if Cori even realized how unfortunate these stories would come off. Probably not, but holy jeez does it ever when you look at it through dark n' grittier deconstructionist vision. Or hell, even through merely REALISTIC vision.
This was definitely a healthy change for us, but perhaps I'd been taking too many liberties with my new degree of control. Jerry: This is not helping, either! 'Oh, I'm too liberated. I should be Jessie's good, submissive helpmate.'
*cradles head in hands* This is an anti-Jessie/James essay in disguise!
And Cori called herself a SHIPPER of them. D:
Jerry: I'm horrified that James/Meowth is a more functional pairing than Jessie/James.
The sad thing is, in these stories it could be. Because James and Meowth aren't said to be ~in the deepest of looooves~. So Meowth being a jackass isn't jarring or disturbing-we ROOT for him to be a jackass because it's canon that he shows his love by being one! And the "we're cool now" is more meaningful than any "and our love was stronger than ever and we would never fight again".
"The Room" reference? XDD Oh, you mean during the birthday party scene? I always forget the beginning of the party, because the rest of it's so damn memorable. XD
Meowth nodded and excused himself from the table. Before he left, however, he gave me a sly smile and a playful nudge. "Way ta go, Jimmy!" Tom: (Meowth) Anyway, how is your sex life?
James: What are you talking about? Jessie: I like you very much. Loverboy.
She shook her head. "No. Though I am sorry about saying that you were dumb-looking, and everything. I just...haven't been myself lately." Jerry: (Jessie) Ever since this 'Cori Falls' took over writing duties, in fact...
James: We really should talk to the higher-ups about firing her. Although it's going to be hard to convince them what with the huge meals she makes them every day. Who could say no to free food? Jessie: They might take you seriously if you didn't whimper outside the door begging for leftovers.
OH NOES PREGNANCY DRAMA NO WONDER JESSIE WAS HOLDING HER POOR STOMACH AND MOANING SOFTLY! Seriously, the wangst that this sudden development generates is just. Beyond words.
And morning sickness always kicks in immediately in fanficland. Anywhere from three days to a week, really. Oh and it's the oldest cliche in the book.
Tom: *groans* What is this, a Very Special Episode of Cori-Fallsverse?
"Tonight, on a Very Special Episode of Coriland, Ash Ketchum burps in the presence of Jessie after drinking a can of soda. Jessie is forever traumatized. How will James avenge her while retaining his pacifism?"
Tom: This IS th' Very Special Episode. *disgusted* Lemme guess, th' next section is about someone abusin' X Specials?
"When Arbok's Special Attack becomes abnormally high for her species' usual stat growth, the rest of the team must confront her and save her from herself..."
And yeah, it...doesn't say anything good for their love and how strong it is if Jessie can't trust James enough to tell him. I get it, she's ~triggered~ by what happened to her mother, but hasn't she said a million times before what a perfect idealized man James is? Meaning he WOULDN'T be a dick like that and leave her just cause she's preggers?
Tom: Brave words before y' have t' deal with ~Th' Hottest Woman Ever~ gainin' weight... an' gettin' swollen... an' bein' tired... an' generally no longer bein' Jessie th' Infinitely Sexy... An' before y' really realize yer goin' t' be stuck with a kid fer several years... An' that th' kid's going t' be screamin', soilin', an' squirmin' over everythin' fer a while... An' that it won't be perfectly adorable an' cute through all of that... An'... Jerry: Oh, but as you point out, that's Earth Logic, and this is Coriverse. Undoubtedly any child of theirs will be a perfect angel and absolutely adorable, without a single blemish or trace of imperfection. And it will have the best features of all its parents. And...
Don't forget being born with its adult hair and eye colors! And giggling and grabbing fistfuls of hair!
Tom: *turns green* Stop th' fic - by its standards, I'M pregnant! ...Can sporkers get maternity leave? Guardian's Song: Nice try. Tom: But I'm sick an' tired a' this, I feel like throwin' up, an' I definitely ain't had any periods in th' last month! SURELY I MUST BE PREGNANT. Guardian's Song: Watch it, or I'll shove you into a fanon where MPreg IS possible. Tom: *turns greener* On second thought, I ain't pregnant.
I was just about to make that mpreg joke, too.
[rant]
YES. GOD, YES. I'm sick of the term ~healthy relationship~ being overused too, but there are cases where IT'S ACTUALLY A MAJOR CONCERN. Soren having trust issues and being slightly dependent on the only person who ever treated him like a human being or Jaffar being clumsy with his emotions and Nino having to help him along the way is N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to the way Jessie and James's relationship is portrayed in these fics. Because Soren never lashes out at Ike and Ike never takes it and says "it's okay, he's just in a bad mood". Jaffar and Nino don't fight every day over tiny things. NONE OF THEM has ever been suicidal over a haircut.
These versions of Jessie and James are not healthy, stable people. At all.
no subject
Oh, well. It had been a pretty shitty day anyway. Seemed only fitting that it should have a shitty ending, too.
Tom: That's exactly what th' show needed. More of James's wangsty LiveJournal entries.
James: Today the Twerps were mean to me again! I hate them so much I'm going to namedrop them on an anon meme!
Meowth: Uh, aint announcin' yer plans kinda defeatin' the purpose of anon?
James: ...aw, crud! D:
Normally, I'm pretty laid-back, but my temper had been on edge for the past couple of months.
Jerry: ...For the past COUPLE OF MONTHS? Continuously?
James has a neverending case of PMS!
"Jessie, honey, maybe you should go to the doctor," I told her as I crawled to her side. "I've never seen you this sick before, and it's not normal for a stomach flu to last such a long time...."
Tom: (Jessie) I'm sick of all the wangst and drama in these fics! I'm not your damsel in distress! You're not a manly hero! Meowth isn't a furry! I WANT MY CANON BACK!
(James) *pats her on the back* I know, Jessie, I know... *bursts into tears* I MISS CANON TOO!!!
Ash: YOU miss canon?! My older self's severe brain damage would like a word with you two.
Also JEANS? James is complaining of the heat and he puts on JEANS? I know people wear pants in the summertime, but you'd think with as hot as it is he'd go straight for the shorts.
Sure, romantic vomiting. You know, the kind where the heroine delicately presses a hand to her stomach and gasps before swiftly dashing off to the bathroom!
And yeah, I've said it once and I'll say it again, her double standard over the Big Eater trope is hilarious. The trio get to stuff their faces with huge sundaes, French Toast, bacon and eggs, chocolate mint cookies, chicken with pasta and salad and cheesecake for dessert and three plates each from a Chinese Buffet but it's okay because THEY'RE HUUUUNNNNGRRRRRRYYYY. Tracey snacks on some Oreos and LOL LOOKIT THE BIG FAT PIG WITH HIS BIG FAT GUT!
Once we'd finished our ice cream, we headed into town so we could find a place to rest for a couple of days. However, we soon discovered that there'd been a fire at the local motel, and the entire building had burned to the ground.
Guardian's Song: ...
...
...
...I am oddly nostalgic. This is the sort of batshit drama I would have put in a story when I was a young and naive fanficcer. 'THEY TRIED TO GO TO A MOTEL, BUT IT HAD BURNED DOWN.'
Hahaha, I'm sure you're not the only one who's done that. Hell, I think even canon does it sometimes. "WE TRIED TO GO TO A HOTEL BUT IT WAS CLOSED. OR HAUNTED. OR ON FIRE. OR FULL OF NAKED PEOPLE."
Forced to make alternate plans, Meowth got out a map and found that there was a cabin further inland, near the foothills.
Tom: (James) Excellent! It's even MORE inflammable than the motel! What could go wrong? :D
Then the cabin caught fire and they were forced to build an igloo out of sand.
Jerry: WHAT?!
You're just going to STEAL THE WARTORTLES SO YOU CAN HAVE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS?!
What next?! 'We wanted to watch a movie on our portable TV while we were in the woods, so we STOLE HALF THE POPULATION OF A POWER PLANT'?!
LOGIC BOMB GO BOOM!
When the Wartortle fell into the pit, we grabbed them in our net and took to the sky in our balloon. Predictably, the little brats started whining about how it was wrong to steal the Wartortle, but we didn't listen.
Jerry: And there went ANY attempt to give Jessie and James the moral high ground in this fic.
"How dare the Twerps tell us stealing isn't okay! Those rotten little shits!"
re: James blushing. To be fair, blushing over something a girlfriend/boyfriend says isn't THAT far off. Some people just blush easily. But the way Cori does it is pretty glurgey, so...
Silly GS, the canon events are just there to hold the WYDS together!
[stupid fighting wangst]
Remember when you pointed out the problem with her WYDS series? This reminds me of that. Cori tries to reconcile "icky stupid canon" with her fantasy world and ends up making Jessie and James's relationship look unstable as fuck. I mean, it's one thing to have couples arguing when they're starting out in a relationship, and it's not THAT far off to have them need things put back in perspective now and then. But the way Cori ends every fic with "and our love was stronger and shinier than ever"? Just. No.
Normally, I could let a rude remark like that slide -- the three of us poke fun at each other all the time, but we never mean anything by it.
Actually, even mild teasing "means" something. It means "I tease you for being a dork because you are one, but I tease lightly because I don't think you being a dork is a bad thing. In fact, it's one of the reasons I like you". Or "You eat a lot, and it's funny. But I also find it cute". Or "You used to have a crush on me and I didn't know, but we became friends and we're both comfortable enough to joke about it".
Not everything has to have a Deep Deep Meaning, but not everything "doesn't mean anything" either.
Tom: So stop wearin' it! Come on, y' ain't gonna get fired because th' old Boss heard y' weren't wearin' yer uniform on a heist! Yer gonna get fired because y' haven't stolen any Pokemon fer months! Th' only reason y' haven't been tossed out is he's probably forgotten yer on th' payroll!
THANK YOU, TOM, FOR REMINDING US OF CANON.
the fat kid
Jerry: The people who scarf ice cream like it's becoming illegal next Tuesday aren't ones to talk about overeating.
*jerks thumb to her earlier rantlet*
I slowly got back to my feet, but as I stretched my aching muscles, I looked over at Jessie and saw that she was still lying on the ground. Her hands were on her stomach, and she was moaning softly.
Romantic tummyaches!
Tom: (James) The results of her airsickness were spattered over the last mile of our journey -
Jerry: *turns green*
Ewwww, air barf! D:
C!Syaoran, don't eat Cori Rocket eyes. They're bad for you. D:
And yes, this is another good example of Cori's Double Standard Abuse: Female On Male. D: "I shoved at Jessie and raised my voice to her because she insulted me! I'M A MONSTER! WAAAAAAAAAH! Oh, but when she beats me for no reason at all she's just stressed and it was my fault for breathing too loudly! SHE LOVES ME SHE LOVES ME MY FINGER FELL DOWN THE STAIRS I SWEAR TO ARCEUS!" Creepy.
OH GOD I FORGOT THIS TOOK PLACE AFTER "THORNS OF THE ROSE". D:
...oh my God. JAMES IS A GENDERFLIPPED ANA STEELE. D: I CAN'T UNSEE IT.
I wonder if Cori even realized how unfortunate these stories would come off. Probably not, but holy jeez does it ever when you look at it through dark n' grittier deconstructionist vision. Or hell, even through merely REALISTIC vision.
This was definitely a healthy change for us, but perhaps I'd been taking too many liberties with my new degree of control.
Jerry: This is not helping, either! 'Oh, I'm too liberated. I should be Jessie's good, submissive helpmate.'
*cradles head in hands* This is an anti-Jessie/James essay in disguise!
And Cori called herself a SHIPPER of them. D:
Jerry: I'm horrified that James/Meowth is a more functional pairing than Jessie/James.
The sad thing is, in these stories it could be. Because James and Meowth aren't said to be ~in the deepest of looooves~. So Meowth being a jackass isn't jarring or disturbing-we ROOT for him to be a jackass because it's canon that he shows his love by being one! And the "we're cool now" is more meaningful than any "and our love was stronger than ever and we would never fight again".
"The Room" reference? XDD Oh, you mean during the birthday party scene? I always forget the beginning of the party, because the rest of it's so damn memorable. XD
Meowth nodded and excused himself from the table. Before he left, however, he gave me a sly smile and a playful nudge. "Way ta go, Jimmy!"
Tom: (Meowth) Anyway, how is your sex life?
James: What are you talking about?
Jessie: I like you very much. Loverboy.
She shook her head. "No. Though I am sorry about saying that you were dumb-looking, and everything. I just...haven't been myself lately."
Jerry: (Jessie) Ever since this 'Cori Falls' took over writing duties, in fact...
James: We really should talk to the higher-ups about firing her. Although it's going to be hard to convince them what with the huge meals she makes them every day. Who could say no to free food?
Jessie: They might take you seriously if you didn't whimper outside the door begging for leftovers.
OH NOES PREGNANCY DRAMA NO WONDER JESSIE WAS HOLDING HER POOR STOMACH AND MOANING SOFTLY! Seriously, the wangst that this sudden development generates is just. Beyond words.
And morning sickness always kicks in immediately in fanficland. Anywhere from three days to a week, really. Oh and it's the oldest cliche in the book.
Tom: *groans* What is this, a Very Special Episode of Cori-Fallsverse?
"Tonight, on a Very Special Episode of Coriland, Ash Ketchum burps in the presence of Jessie after drinking a can of soda. Jessie is forever traumatized. How will James avenge her while retaining his pacifism?"
Tom: This IS th' Very Special Episode. *disgusted* Lemme guess, th' next section is about someone abusin' X Specials?
"When Arbok's Special Attack becomes abnormally high for her species' usual stat growth, the rest of the team must confront her and save her from herself..."
And yeah, it...doesn't say anything good for their love and how strong it is if Jessie can't trust James enough to tell him. I get it, she's ~triggered~ by what happened to her mother, but hasn't she said a million times before what a perfect idealized man James is? Meaning he WOULDN'T be a dick like that and leave her just cause she's preggers?
Tom: Brave words before y' have t' deal with ~Th' Hottest Woman Ever~ gainin' weight... an' gettin' swollen... an' bein' tired... an' generally no longer bein' Jessie th' Infinitely Sexy... An' before y' really realize yer goin' t' be stuck with a kid fer several years... An' that th' kid's going t' be screamin', soilin', an' squirmin' over everythin' fer a while... An' that it won't be perfectly adorable an' cute through all of that... An'...
Jerry: Oh, but as you point out, that's Earth Logic, and this is Coriverse. Undoubtedly any child of theirs will be a perfect angel and absolutely adorable, without a single blemish or trace of imperfection. And it will have the best features of all its parents. And...
Don't forget being born with its adult hair and eye colors! And giggling and grabbing fistfuls of hair!
Tom: *turns green* Stop th' fic - by its standards, I'M pregnant! ...Can sporkers get maternity leave?
Guardian's Song: Nice try.
Tom: But I'm sick an' tired a' this, I feel like throwin' up, an' I definitely ain't had any periods in th' last month! SURELY I MUST BE PREGNANT.
Guardian's Song: Watch it, or I'll shove you into a fanon where MPreg IS possible.
Tom: *turns greener* On second thought, I ain't pregnant.
I was just about to make that mpreg joke, too.
[rant]
YES. GOD, YES. I'm sick of the term ~healthy relationship~ being overused too, but there are cases where IT'S ACTUALLY A MAJOR CONCERN. Soren having trust issues and being slightly dependent on the only person who ever treated him like a human being or Jaffar being clumsy with his emotions and Nino having to help him along the way is N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to the way Jessie and James's relationship is portrayed in these fics. Because Soren never lashes out at Ike and Ike never takes it and says "it's okay, he's just in a bad mood". Jaffar and Nino don't fight every day over tiny things. NONE OF THEM has ever been suicidal over a haircut.
These versions of Jessie and James are not healthy, stable people. At all.