Oh yeah. D: "I hate the way he thinks a fork is a trumpet!"
The sad thing is I don't even know if you're making that quote up.

I may have to write this. Or we may have to co-write it through cracky DW comments or something.
Doooo iiit. XD

Tharja: I have better things to do in my dead time than spoon-feed my kid love and success. I taught her everything she knows before I kicked it, and she's got her friends.
Cori Falls: But OF COURSE you have to flounce about sobbing dramatically over your child's hardships! It's mandatory!
Tharja: Are you insane, woman?
Nergal: *arrives* Yes. Completely insane.
Desmond: Hmph! And what if the child doesn't deserve to be wept over?
Nergal: ...I honestly don't know which one of us is the worse father. On the one hand, I tried to bring about the apocalypse. On the other hand, I was only hounding Ninian and Nils for a FEW years, and you made Zephiel miserable for thirty-one.

But it's also an animated comedy. With negative continuity.

Cori's trying to write a series of serious dramatic stories. The inconsistency just. Doesn't. Work.
In fact, Cori's stuff is practically ANTI-comedy with the insistence on everything being Serious Business. So playing Jessie's violence for something innocuous... doesn't work.

Ash: I dunno, buddy. D: This writer doesn't run on Earth logic.
Cori: SILENCE, SHITHEEL!
Misty: *to Brock* How much does it cost to ship a person to Abu Dhabi?
Team Rocket: We could whip up something on the cheap...

And the fainting! Don't forget the dramatic fainting! Then all James has to say is "I love you, you're not fat" and she starts eating again.
THIS. You knoooow that would be exactly what it would be like, plus a ton more wangst.

True. I may hate certain tropes and cliches but as long as the writer's not trying to foist them off as "realistic"...
Or ~good and true and perfect and if you disagree you're a horrible heartless person~...

*nods* Yep. That's the beauty of a LOT of initially "unhealthy" pairings I can think of. Hell, I can even vouch for Frederick/Cordelia (if you ignore their fail of an ending)-maybe she eventually DID grow to love him despite initially accepting his proposal just so she could forget about Chrom. Maybe they didn't get married straight away because he knew she needed time.
Yeah, I tend to assume positive things about pairings that aren't fundamentally broken. A lot of stuff can be patched over with fanwank.

Not so with these versions of Jessie and James. Cori writes every step of their relationship, every moment, every stage. There's no room to assume they get better, we just have to watch them be horribly unstable and co-dependent until the split from canon where they're suddenly a perfect couple and all the past drama is conveniently forgotten.
They're STILL horribly unstable and co-dependent. It's just that they never have any sort of crisis again because Cori's hand-waving it away to make it all better. If Cori actually allowed them to have any sort of conflict, they'd crash right back into the same old behavior patterns. They DON'T change. At all. It's just that we get French Toast Glurge all the time. D|

"One day Ninian was walking alone when she spotted Eliwood talking to Lyn. Her poor little heart broke into a million shards of glass while crystalline tears trickled down her pale cheeks. She lifted her skirts and ran through the woods towards the nearest cliff, where she stood with her hair flowing in the wind staring at the waning moonlight. Oh, Eliwood, my love, how could you betray me?! No, it's not his fault, it is mine, for being of tainted filthy dragon blood, an unwanted child no one could ever love! Lady Lyn is beautiful and strong and deserves him so much more...if I am not the one for him, I will bow out gracefully. But just as she was about to take her dramatic swan dive Eliwood caught her, took her in his arms and professed his undying love and they made out and everything was all better." And then the rest of the socks gagged and puked and made fun of her. And Rod farted on her head.
Perfect! Now you just have to make it ten times longer and have Ninian slap Eliwood a few more times. ;)

And remember, they have to make love in purple prose for four hours. While Nils is all tsundere about it but is secretly glad about his sister getting laid. And Hector goes AUUUUUGH. And Lyn sighs and goes off to her appointment to weep into Rath's arms about how no one could ever love a mixed-race child like her. And...

Well, Jessie's the weepy basket case of emotionally insecure mommy issues and the sweet pure heroine with a broken heart! Of course her issues are blown up while James's, which are actually CRIPPLING, are only given a bit of spotlight before he goes back to being Jessie's manly protector and therapist. :P Seriously, we should be lucky she even gives James's issues the attention they need-even if one of her fics involving his past is just an excuse for poor helpless Jessie to be attacked while she's ill and then run away crying and wangsting.
In all fairness, Cori!Jessie's issues could well be crippling, but... it never really seems to affect her in canon aside from giving her a permanent I-was-deprived-as-a-child complex. (And Cori's shipping biases are VERY OBVIOUS in her exploiting every opportunity for angst... except Jessie looking just like James's childhood abuser. I mean, hell, living, breathing trigger much? Especially when she gets loud and violent towards him...)

I still can't believe I forgot all about that last part of the fic. You'd think I'd remember something as fucked up as THE ENTIRE TOWN THROWING A FESTIVAL FOR TEAM ROCKET. WITH A STATUE.
Your mind obviously protected itself. D: