THIS IS JUST GLORIOUS BATSHIT INSANITY

[guardians_song]

I AM SORRY FOR NOT CLARIFYING
THIS WAS IN THE NAVELFUCKING FIC I MENTIONED EARLIER



A SITE DEMANDING $4.00 PER MINUTE FOR VIDEOS OF MULDER GETTING SCREWED IN HIS NAVEL MADE OVER $50,000,000 IN FIVE DAYS

MULDER HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO QUADRUPLETS THROUGH HIS NAVEL, ONE OF WHICH WAS AN ALIEN

MULDER ENDS UP HAVING NINE BABIES THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF THE STORY

DID I MENTION THAT MULDER HAS TURNED INTO SOME SORT OF REGENERATING HIGHLANDER-THINGY THAT CAN RECOVER FROM BLOWING OFF HIS OWN HEAD, AND THAT'S WHY HE'S HAVING NAVELBABIES

AND HIS NAVELLUBE MAKES MEN UNCONTROLLABLY HORNY

AND I'VE SKIPPED OVER 75% OF THE STORY, SO I MAY BE MISSING EVEN MORE BATSHITTERY IN THOSE PARTS

DID I MENTION THAT THE PSYCHIC RUSSIAN TSAR (THEY BROUGHT BACK THE TITLE AND THE US DOESN'T EXIST ANY MORE AND ALL SORTS OF WEIRD SHIT) ALSO WANTS TO GET IN MULDER'S PANTS

I MEAN, NAVEL

THERE IS A CHART OF ALL THE KIDS

WHY IS THIS NOT BETTER KNOWN

AND MULDER'S SPERM IS SPECIAL SO HE HAS SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY TEST-TUBE DAUGHTERS APPARENTLY
COURTESY OF THE GOVERNMENT
SEE, ALMOST ALL THE WOMEN DIED FROM THE ALIEN NAVELBABY PLAGUE

EXCEPT SCULLY

BECAUSE SHE'S JUST AWESOME I GUESS

THERE ARE OTHER FEMALE SURVIVORS BUT THEY'RE NOT ONSCREEN

AND NOW THE EVIL ALIEN KING WANTS MULDER TO BEAR HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN

SOMEWHERE DAVID DUCHOVNY IS SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY AND SOBBING AND HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY
I MEAN, THAT'S JUST MY OPINION
I WANT TO CLARIFY
THE FIC DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE THAT IN IT
BECAUSE AT THIS POINT IT WOULDN'T LOOK TOO OUT OF PLACE

AND THE ALIENS HAVE KIDNAPPED ALL THE NAVELBABY DUDES

SO THEY CAN BEAR ALIEN NAVELBABIES

AND NOW MULDER'S ALIEN NAVELBABY HAS BROUGHT PEACE TO THE GALAXY

HOORAY

ALL IS WELL

THE FUCK DID I JUST READ

Comments

[sarajayechan]

ESSIE FAINTS AND SAYS NOTHING FOR HOURS AND HOURS

CASSIE PROBABLY NEEDS A STIFF DRINK

AND JOE WROTE A FIC ABOUT AN ANTHROMORPHIC TENTACRUEL HAVING MAD KINKY SEX WITH ETHAN AND LYRA ONCE BUT THIS IS PUSHING IT

MISSY THINKS HAVING BABIES IS OPPRESSIVE BUT SHE'D PROBABLY WRITE IT ANYWAY AS A MEANS OF PROMOTING A "STRONG WOMYN BREEDING FACTORY"

AND MITTENS BARFS OVER ALL THE TALK OF HUMAN SEX

PROBABLY ON SOMEONE'S FEET

I SKIMMED LIKE MOST OF IT

AND SOMEHOW I MISSED THE NAVEL BIT AT THE TIME. OR MY BRAIN PRETENDED IT NEVER HAPPENED.

[guardians_song]

ANGELA HAS TO BE RESUSCITATED

ZACH PUTS ASIDE HIS DIFFERENCES AND JOINS CASSIE FOR THAT STIFF DRINK

MILA AND MILOS ARE LEFT WISHING THEY COULD DRINK

JAHN POINTS TO THIS AS DIE-HARD EVIDENCE FOR HUMAN IRRATIONALITY

WANKTHULHU SAYS 'THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL FOR MY SPECIES'

THE FE:AWAKENING CAST AGREES THAT THEY'VE SEEN LOTS OF WEIRD SHIT, BUT THIS IS PUSHING IT
EXCEPT HENRY
HENRY IS KINDA WONDERING HOW THAT HEX WOULD WORK

I SKIMMED IT, BUT I KNEW ABOUT THE NAVELFUCKING, SO I WAS LITERALLY CTRL-EFFING MY WAY THROUGH MOST OF IT WITH "NAVEL" AND "BELLYBUTTON"

I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED

OH BOY WAS I NOT DISAPPOINTED

[sarajayechan]

CASSIE IS GLAD FOR THE COMPANY

JULIA AND MOLLY AND MARK AND SUE ALSO WISH THEY WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK

LYSSIE GROANS BECAUSE PATRICK IS GONNA TRY TO REPLICATE THIS IN HIS OWN WRITING

MAXIE DECIDES THIS IS TOO FUCKED UP EVEN FOR HER. AND SHE WRITES MONSTER PORN.

LUCY FAINTED THE MOMENT SLASH WAS MENTIONED

HANNAH SIGHS AND GOES OFF TO BARF OVER THE CONSTANT MENTION OF PENISES

I MAY NEED TO RE-READ IT AT SOME POINT AS A PROJECT AND SPORK BITS OF IT

OR SEE IF ANYONE'S EVER SPORKED IT

[guardians_song]

THIS FIC HAS UNITED #1 CANON-IS-EVIL AND #1 FANON-IS-EVIL REPS
THERE WILL BE PEACE IN OUR TIME
BROUGHT ABOUT BY NAVELFUCKING

LYSSIE IS ALSO WORRIED THAT THE FAMILY'S GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR PATRICK'S HOSPITAL VISIT AFTER AN EMBARRASSING AND PAINFUL INCIDENT INVOLVING HIS NAVEL AND A DILDO

HANNAH ALSO COMPLAINS THAT IT'S SO MISOGYNISTICALLY TYPICAL TO KILL OFF ALL THE WOMEN SO THE MEN CAN SHAG

ROD IS WRITING EXTREMELY DISTURBING FANFIC WITH EJACULATING DICKNIPPLES


I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S EVER SPORKED IT

IT'S FIVE BOOKS LONG

LONG BOOKS

PEOPLE WOULD TRY TO STAB THEMSELVES IN THE NAVEL HALFWAY THROUGH

I MEAN YOU COULD SPORK THE WORST BITS

BUT THEN THOSE WOULD LEAD TO WORSE BITS

AND EVEN WORSE BITS

AND YOU'D BE MUTTERING ABOUT HAIRY ANGEL COCKS AND PLASTER-STATUE FUCKING BY THE TIME THE MEN IN WHITE COATS CAME TO TAKE YOU AWAY

[sarajayechan]

EVERYONE FINALLY LEARNS TO NOT KILL EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF ONE FUCKED UP FIC

OH GOD

IF THAT HAPPENS SHE AND HER DAD MIGHT JUST HAVE PAT COMMITTED

AND ROD WOULD TOTALLY WRITE THAT OR HAVE CHICKS LAY EGGS


OH GOD

I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT

AT LEAST LITTLE MISS MARY WAS ONLY FOUR PARTS