Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to listen in on their conversation.
[conversation]
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
James: Sounds like she got a text from last night from her sister in jail after she danced naked on a rooftop while doing a dramatic reading of "Little Miss Mary". ...actually, anyone who would read that thing out loud deserves to be in jail. Meowth: Least dere's no navelfucking in dat one. *shudder*
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?! Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Cori: EARTH LOGIC IS EVIL! Get it out of my soppy romance fics!
[snip TR whining]
Should we rant about Cori wanting TR to have their cake and eat it too, or has that just been done to death?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes.
...no, if you avoided making that joke I should to. It's only right.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes? Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Isn't that canon, though?
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu: Get out of my house! Jessie: B-but we're selling 12 CDs for a penny! Lulu: ...tell me more.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in her house. Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black* Jerry: *spittake*
*snicker* Ew.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you have been hungry?!"
James: Well, I'm related to Ilyana from Fire Emblem 9 and 10. Jessie: That would explain the hair color.
[Lulu forgiving Jessie for stealing the food]
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
YES. Cori!Team Rocket never learns shit because THERE ARE NEVER ANY REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THEM. See, THIS is where the "calling out and consequences need to happen" attitude actually has a place-not in Fire Emblem fandom where people bitch that Eirika needed to be slapped and yelled at over her error with the stone, or Awakening "doesn't have any real consequences for actions" just because of the happy ending. Compared to two noted criminals robbing people or trying to rob people on a daily basis and getting hugs and cuddles for it instead of punishment? A girl making a naive mistake after being blatantly manipulated or Chrom not being punished for...whatever it is he did wrong according to his detractors is fucking nothing compared to this.
Making mistakes or poor choices when they seem like the right thing to do is not worth lectures and callouts. STEALING WILLFULLY IS.
/tangent, sorry
Blah blah blah more poor TR are such persecuted woobie babies weh weh weh Cori is displeased weh weh weh. She'd get along well with the woobie!Gangrel fans, methinks. If we didn't already have her pegged as a theoretical Robin/Lucina shipper and Chrom as becoming a good person she'd fit in well with the ones who monster-ized Chrom and Emm for daring not to suck Gangrel's dick.
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
WAH WAH WAH. Drawn Together did the shit sandwich song better, Cori!Meowth.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
Well, she has to feed the poor things because canon won't serve them bacon eggs and toast with a side of strawberry cheesecake for breakfast, grilled chicken and fresh fruits with french toast for lunch and fine Italian food for dinner!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
Silly GS, Cori can't have the nasty realism of starvation in her better-than-canon romance fics! Who wants to read about two emanciated delusional teenagers holding hands and shivering in front of a fire?!
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her? Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
See, what would be logical.
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?! Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock. (Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock. (Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock. (Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock. (Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock. (Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock. (Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock. Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock. Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
My Little Pony crew: The solution to the problem was friendship! What a shock. Boy Meets World crew: Feeny was right! What a shock. ATLA crew: The Fire Nation is evil! What a shock. The Cinema Snob: This porno movie has lots of tits in it! What a shock.
And holy shit, they wore their fucking TR uniforms into Lulu's house?! And Lulu just lets it slide?! WHAT THE HELL?!
[TR whines some more]
Y'know, Cori, if you really wanted to outline the downside of being in Team Rocket, WHY DID YOU KEEP GIVING THEM SUPER NICEY-NICE BENEFACTORS WHO FED THEM COOKIES AND TEA AND CHICKEN AND PASTA AND CHEESECAKE AND DECLARED THEM THE BESTEST NICE PEOPLE EVER JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE TO THEIR POKEMON?! Seriously, just because they're nice to THEIR Pokemon doesn't mean they're not assholes.
And...wow. I forget, why all the drama about being ~forced~ to stay in TR when they clearly have plans that they should, I dunno, quit and look for more lucrative or less illegal positions in order to pay for?! Oh, right, because Cori loooooves her melodrama.
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU
EXACTLY. If Cori had just declared herself an AU writer from the outset and written whatever she pleased without trying to make it conform to canon, she may have had a better reputation among the Rocketshipping fandom, or at least not such a bad one.
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME! Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male! Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Cori!Meowth: But I'm a humankin! I can only be sexually attracted to humans! Cori!Wobbuffet: BUT I LOVE YOU D: Cori!Meowth: Okay! Cori: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *implodes*
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman like that, after all?)
WHAT?!!
How did I miss that the first time I read this fic?!
What?!
I
WHAT?!!!?
...all right, to be fair I've written Pokemon as crushing on humans before and in a better-written fic I could sorta see it as being totally innocent. But in a Corific? It gives me a really grungy feeling. D:
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny. Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text! Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me! Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY! Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
Oh Tom and Jerry, I feel your pain. D: The J&J ~fwuffy fwuff~ is nauseating enough but now Meowth's corrupted Wobbuffet into wanting to bang humans!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
She accidentally wrote a James/Meowth shippy moment once. It was hilarious.
damn character limits
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
[conversation]
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
James: Sounds like she got a text from last night from her sister in jail after she danced naked on a rooftop while doing a dramatic reading of "Little Miss Mary". ...actually, anyone who would read that thing out loud deserves to be in jail.
Meowth: Least dere's no navelfucking in dat one. *shudder*
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Cori: EARTH LOGIC IS EVIL! Get it out of my soppy romance fics!
[snip TR whining]
Should we rant about Cori wanting TR to have their cake and eat it too, or has that just been done to death?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
...no, if you avoided making that joke I should to. It's only right.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Isn't that canon, though?
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu: Get out of my house!
Jessie: B-but we're selling 12 CDs for a penny!
Lulu: ...tell me more.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
*snicker* Ew.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
James: Well, I'm related to Ilyana from Fire Emblem 9 and 10.
Jessie: That would explain the hair color.
[Lulu forgiving Jessie for stealing the food]
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
YES. Cori!Team Rocket never learns shit because THERE ARE NEVER ANY REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THEM. See, THIS is where the "calling out and consequences need to happen" attitude actually has a place-not in Fire Emblem fandom where people bitch that Eirika needed to be slapped and yelled at over her error with the stone, or Awakening "doesn't have any real consequences for actions" just because of the happy ending. Compared to two noted criminals robbing people or trying to rob people on a daily basis and getting hugs and cuddles for it instead of punishment? A girl making a naive mistake after being blatantly manipulated or Chrom not being punished for...whatever it is he did wrong according to his detractors is fucking nothing compared to this.
Making mistakes or poor choices when they seem like the right thing to do is not worth lectures and callouts. STEALING WILLFULLY IS.
/tangent, sorry
Blah blah blah more poor TR are such persecuted woobie babies weh weh weh Cori is displeased weh weh weh. She'd get along well with the woobie!Gangrel fans, methinks. If we didn't already have her pegged as a theoretical Robin/Lucina shipper and Chrom as becoming a good person she'd fit in well with the ones who monster-ized Chrom and Emm for daring not to suck Gangrel's dick.
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
WAH WAH WAH. Drawn Together did the shit sandwich song better, Cori!Meowth.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
Well, she has to feed the poor things because canon won't serve them bacon eggs and toast with a side of strawberry cheesecake for breakfast, grilled chicken and fresh fruits with french toast for lunch and fine Italian food for dinner!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
Silly GS, Cori can't have the nasty realism of starvation in her better-than-canon romance fics! Who wants to read about two emanciated delusional teenagers holding hands and shivering in front of a fire?!
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
See, what would be logical.
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
My Little Pony crew: The solution to the problem was friendship! What a shock.
Boy Meets World crew: Feeny was right! What a shock.
ATLA crew: The Fire Nation is evil! What a shock.
The Cinema Snob: This porno movie has lots of tits in it! What a shock.
And holy shit, they wore their fucking TR uniforms into Lulu's house?! And Lulu just lets it slide?! WHAT THE HELL?!
[TR whines some more]
Y'know, Cori, if you really wanted to outline the downside of being in Team Rocket, WHY DID YOU KEEP GIVING THEM SUPER NICEY-NICE BENEFACTORS WHO FED THEM COOKIES AND TEA AND CHICKEN AND PASTA AND CHEESECAKE AND DECLARED THEM THE BESTEST NICE PEOPLE EVER JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE TO THEIR POKEMON?! Seriously, just because they're nice to THEIR Pokemon doesn't mean they're not assholes.
And...wow. I forget, why all the drama about being ~forced~ to stay in TR when they clearly have plans that they should, I dunno, quit and look for more lucrative or less illegal positions in order to pay for?! Oh, right, because Cori loooooves her melodrama.
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU
EXACTLY. If Cori had just declared herself an AU writer from the outset and written whatever she pleased without trying to make it conform to canon, she may have had a better reputation among the Rocketshipping fandom, or at least not such a bad one.
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Cori!Meowth: But I'm a humankin! I can only be sexually attracted to humans!
Cori!Wobbuffet: BUT I LOVE YOU D:
Cori!Meowth: Okay!
Cori: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *implodes*
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
WHAT?!!
How did I miss that the first time I read this fic?!
What?!
I
WHAT?!!!?
...all right, to be fair I've written Pokemon as crushing on humans before and in a better-written fic I could sorta see it as being totally innocent. But in a Corific? It gives me a really grungy feeling. D:
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
Oh Tom and Jerry, I feel your pain. D: The J&J ~fwuffy fwuff~ is nauseating enough but now Meowth's corrupted Wobbuffet into wanting to bang humans!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
She accidentally wrote a James/Meowth shippy moment once. It was hilarious.