guardians_song (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guardians_song) wrote2013-09-28 02:54 am
guardians_song) wrote2013-09-28 02:54 am
Entry tags:
Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 3/4
With our sporkers recovered, we now head into the next part...
@->->-
When Jessie and James finally stopped kissing (Meowth had to threaten to turn a
hose on them),
Tom: If that works, why doesn't he do it in all'a th' other fics?! Come on, y' catty bastard! Spare us th'rest'a this trash!
we continued on our way. Jessie filled James and Meowth in on her
plan to go to Lulu's house first, and they agreed that it was a good idea. It
felt as if a great weight was being lifted from our conscience as we drew closer
to our destination, but at the same time, I could sense a collective
apprehension...fear that our good intentions were all going to blow up in our
faces.
Guardian's Song: Fun fact - I was just reading some accounts of acid trips for the heck of it.
This sort of hand-waving silliness really does read like the story's on acid. All we need is some hallucinated iguanas and scorpions.
Before long, we found ourselves on the outskirts of the village once again. It
was about ten o'clock, and the Wobbuffet Festival was still going on, but the
festivities were starting to wind down. All of the young families had already
gone home (to put their children to bed, no doubt), and only a few teenagers and
adults remained, milling around the giant Wobbuffet statue in the town square.
One of those people was Lulu. She was standing at the buffet table and helping a
young, dark-haired woman wrap up the leftovers from the feast.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - Miss Falls does manage to convey environments reasonably well when nobody's talking.
Just... it would be somewhat improved if no one TALKED in her fics... D:
The two of them
had grim expressions on their faces and seemed to be talking about something
important. Knowing that it wasn't yet the right time to reveal our presence,
Jerry: In other words, there's a ~plot-important~ conversation coming up.
She doesn't even try to disguise it!
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
"I just don't understand what happened, Rachel," Lulu sighed. "I thought it was
pointless, myself."
"Sounds to me like she screwed up big-time," the woman named Rachel replied.
"First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna talk to the chief of police and get
this all sorted out."
Lulu nodded approvingly. "Good. Because I saw the whole thing...and it just
wasn't right. Something needs to be done."
"Something WILL be done," Rachel assured her. "Just go home and take it easy
tonight -- I'll see what I can do."
Lulu smiled and picked up a package of the food that she'd helped wrap. "Thank
you."
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
Tom: It's obviously a metaphor fer all'a these fics. James th' Articunokin just ain't right. I agree with 'em on that. An' they're gonna haul th' author in fer questionin'.
"I heard them mention the police," James replied. "They were probably talking
about what we did today."
"No doubt," Jessie grumbled. "That goddamned Officer Jenny really had it in for
us -- it wouldn't surprise me if they wanted to launch some kind of criminal
investigation."
Jerry: There isn't already one going?!
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Oh, quit being such a pessimist! I told her. Do you really think Lulu, of all
people, would be calling for the police to come after us?!
Jerry: After you attempted to commit a crime?!
"Wobbuffet is right!" said Meowth. "If anybody in dis burg is still on our side,
it's her!"
Jerry: (Meowth) ...And noboidy in dis burg is on our side! Case closed!
James nodded. "Yeah! Somehow, I doubt she'd turn on us like that -- she's a nice
lady, Jess."
Jerry: Hello there? Team Rocket? Criminals? Does that mean nothing to you?
Tom: Nonsense! They're just poor saps driven t' crime by th' hunger in their bellies, not at all international criminals rankin' highly in an organized crime organization! Ketchum's obviously th' only one who thinks otherwise!
"I know," she sighed. "But actually seeing her again just made me feel worse
than ever about what I did...."
"And that's precisely why we're here," James reminded her. "This is our chance
to make it up to her."
Jessie looked at him.
James smiled and extended his hand. "Now, come on. Let's go," he said softly.
Jessie smiled back at James and placed her hand in his. "Okay," she whispered.
Then, Meowth put his paw on top of their hands, and I put my hand on top of his
paw.
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* The thing is, she was probably really happy in Yu-Gi-Oh fandom... Wonder if she was already into it at this point?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Now more than ever, I was grateful that James and Meowth were here
with us...that we were doing this as a team. Once we'd mustered enough courage,
we broke from our huddle and followed Lulu to her house, taking care to stay out
of sight.
Jerry: Yes, it took TWO PEOPLE AND TWO POKEMON a while of mustering courage to pursue ONE WOMAN.
What courage.
When we arrived at Lulu's, I could sense that Jessie was losing her nerve again,
but after a moment of hesitation, she steeled herself and walked up to the door.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered as she began to knock.
James smiled at her again and put a hand on her shoulder.
Jerry: Is she FIVE?!
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu studied us for a moment and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "Come on in."
"Thank you," said Jessie.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
"I thought Officer Jenny ran you guys out of town! What are you doing
here?" she asked.
"Lulu," Jessie began, "we came back to tell you how sorry we are for what we did
today."
"And to explain why we did it," James added.
Lulu nodded and gestured for us to sit down. "I'm listening," she said.
"We...we didn't mean to cause any trouble, Lulu," Jessie told her as we seated
ourselves at the table.
"Yes. We only took the food because we were hungry," said James.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
Jerry: ...You complain about THAT, rather than saying, "YOU TOOK ALL THAT FOOD BECAUSE YOU WERE HUNGRY?"
*sigh* It's just to force a dialogue branch. Watch.
"Well, we wasn't hungry right at dat moment," Meowth told her. "But believe it
or not, dat lunch ya gave us was the first real meal we'd had in days!"
"Are you serious?!" she gasped.
All four of us nodded.
"Well, no wonder you had such an appetite," she remarked.
"We didn't know when the next time we'd have a chance to eat was going to be,"
James explained. "That's why we took the food. It wasn't anything personal or to
be mean -- it was just a survival thing."
"You were so kind to us, Lulu, and we really do appreciate the hospitality you
showed us," Jessie sighed. "Stealing your food was a terrible thing to do, and
we regret it. I just wanted you to know that."
Lulu's expression became grim again as she listened to Jessie.
"You have every right to be angry about what happened, and I don't expect to be
forgiven for what I did," Jessie continued. "But please don't be mad at my
friends. James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet didn't want to take the food, and they
tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen to them. They didn't do
anything wrong -- this is all my fault. If you're going to hate anybody, then
hate me...."
Guardian's Song: You know, someone reading this will probably point out a logical error here -
But I could really accept this. It might work as part of a fic having Team Rocket transition to being better people. It does make internal sense.
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
...Which do you think is about to happen here?
:\
"I don't hate you, Jessie," Lulu said.
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
Jessie looked up at her. "You don't?"
Lulu shook her head. "I don't hate any of you -- I'm actually glad to see you
again."
"You are?!" Jessie, James, and Meowth asked in unison.
Tom and Jerry: You are?!
"When you first arrived in town and when you were my lunch guests, I didn't see
bad people," Lulu explained as she placed her hand on my head.
Guardian's Song: If you could SEE bad people, would they be even a TENTH as dangerous?!
"Your Wobbuffet
is so happy and energetic -- nobody with a pokemon like this can possibly have
evil in their heart.
Jerry: ...And how did you know it wasn't a psychopathic Wobbuffet?
Tom: Heh heh heh. Y' missed th' obvious remark. Ash Ketchum's Pokemon are almost all so happy an' energetic it's sickenin'. Clearly, Ash must be th' nicest Pokemon Trainer in th' world, eh?
Jerry: Well, there went even Moon Logic.
Jessie, I knew from the moment I saw your Wobbuffet that
you and your friends were good people. But...I guess that's why I was so shocked
to see you trying to steal the festival food. I knew that you were nice, and I
just didn't understand how you could be capable of doing something like that. I
understand now, though. Thank you for telling me."
Jessie hung her head. "It was the very least I could do."
"Well, it's greatly appreciated," Lulu told her. "And if you four will stay
awhile, I'll see what I can do to help you."
"Help...us?" Jessie asked.
Lulu nodded. "The way you saved our festival...and our village was nothing short
of heroic," she said. "It wasn't fair that those children accused you of hurting
our Wobbuffets without any proof, it wasn't fair that Officer Jenny was so quick
to condemn you for breaking the festival rule when you only did it to help us,
it wasn't fair that you were forced to leave town...
Guardian's Song: *literal facepalm* If she just told them that 'Why didn't you ask us for help, after all you'd done to help us?' or anything of the like, I'd forgive a good deal of this. But no, they're just unconditionally given a pass on any and all bad judgment ~because they were desperate~.
Gewd gad...
(And, though I hate to defend untrue accusations - practically every OTHER time that Team Rocket's been seemingly benevolent to anyone, they turn right around and try to steal Pokemon. Ash and the others were just jumping to the overwhelmingly-likeliest conclusion.)
and now that I know why you
took our food, I don't think it was fair that you were punished so severely for
it."
"Life is never fair," James sighed. "We're used to it by now."
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| ||
"Watch your language, Meowth! We are guests in this woman's home!" James scolded
him.
Meowth blushed. "Whoops. Sorry about dat."
Jerry: Well, THAT'S a change...
Jessie and I said nothing, just exchanged looks and snickered.
"That's okay," Lulu replied as she got back to her feet and headed for the
kitchen. "And there's still no justification for the way you were treated today.
Even though you were stealing our food, we could've let you have it as payment
for helping us -- we have plenty and to spare.
Jerry: Right. It's not stealing if they would have given it to you anyway? Is this the G-rated version of "can't rape the willing"?
There was no reason for Officer
Jenny or those children to hurt you.
Guardian's Song: Officer Jenny was an idiot, if the recounting given in-fic is accurate. The children, however, had AMPLE reason to believe...
...Wait, I already said this. *headlaptop* Never mind.
It was just wrong. Now, if you'll excuse me
for a moment...."
After Lulu went to the kitchen, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I fell silent and
reflected on everything she'd just told us.
Jerry: (Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet) Yep! Yet ANOTHER Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!
When she returned a few minutes
later, she was carrying a large plate of chocolate mint cookies and a steaming
kettle.
"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's unfairness,"
Jerry: Such as to Ash Ketchum?
Tom: Aaaaah, don't talk nonsense. Ash is always evil. If he gave a buncha food t' a million starvin' children, he'd be evil fer not givin' it t' th' POOR, ABUSED TEAM ROCKET instead!
she continued as she set
the cookies on the table and poured us each a mug of hot green tea.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
"And there
was nothing fair about what happened to you."
James, Meowth, and I each grabbed a handful of cookies and began to eat. The
chocolate coating melted in my mouth, and the inside was crisp and cool. They
were the best cookies I'd ever tasted...
Jerry: Yes, just as every time you have sex is the best sex you've ever had.
and actually getting to eat twice in one
day was a rare treat, indeed!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
"You really are on our side, aren't you?" Jessie asked as she took a sip of her
tea and grabbed a few cookies for herself.
"Yes," Lulu replied. "I consider you guys to be my friends...and I never turn my
back on a friend."
The four of us stopped eating and looked up at her in disbelief when she said
this.
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
"I spoke with the mayor earlier," she told us. "And she doesn't think Officer
Jenny was right to punish you, either.
Tom: (Lulu) She wants to "punish" you in person. *waggles eyebrows*
Jerry: Gah! The images!
She promised me that she's going to call
the police chief first thing tomorrow morning and see if he can look into
it...."
"That lady Lulu was talking to at the festival -- that must've been the mayor,"
James whispered to Jessie.
"And that must've been what they were talking about!" Jessie whispered back.
See! Didn't I tell you it was silly to think that Lulu would send the cops after
us? I said.
Jerry: And the momentary pretense at drama was so obvious that it was painful.
"....And if you guys visit the mayor tomorrow and explain the whole situation to
her, I'm sure she'll help you find a way to sort this mess out with the rest of
the village, too," she continued.
"You really think so?" James asked.
"I know so," said Lulu.
Jerry: (Lulu) Deus-ex-machina vult!
Jessie smiled, and her normally sparkling eyes went dull with tears. "Thank
you," she whispered. "I only wanted to apologize -- I didn't expect any kind of
forgiveness or hospitality...but you've given us both."
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
Lulu returned her smile. "Well, the very fact that you came back to apologize
proves that you're good people...that you deserve to be forgiven."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* Is it so hard to hold them responsible ONCE? ONCE? ONCE?
"See, Jess. I knew she'd understand!" said Meowth.
"Yeah," James told Jessie as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Lulu is a good
friend --
Tom: I take it back. Yer all psychos.
we didn't have anything to worry about."
Lulu chuckled and seated herself at the table again. "Not to be nosy, but why
were you guys starving in the first place?" she asked, changing the subject. "I
see those uniforms you're wearing, and you even said that you're members of Team
Rocket --
Jerry: You wore criminal uniforms TO YOUR APOLOGY?! *grabs hair in both fists and starts tugging*
Tom: *mouth open*
...
...
...
Fer MUK'S sakes. Yer completely Mukin' insane.
Ferget Earth Logic. Ferget Moon Logic. This is ALPHA CENTAURI Logic.
that must mean you have jobs.
Jerry: That's your ONLY REACTION to having Team Rocket members in your house?! "That must mean you have jobs"?!
Tom: Too Stupid T' Live?! Too Stupid T' BREATHE!
Why can't you just buy food?"
Tom: (Lulu) Or steal it! From someone else!
"I wish it was dat simple," Meowth sighed. "But paltry don't even begin ta
describe our salary -- we can barely make ends meet, even after we put all three
of our paychecks tagedda!"
"And we're not exactly the best employees," Jessie grumbled. "You saw with your
own eyes how incompetent we are at stealing. We don't get that many bonuses, and
a raise is pretty much out of the question."
Jerry: ...This is thievery! It's not a common corporate job! BONUSES? RAISES?
I mean, you can make all the jokes you like about the financial sector and televangelists, but they at least have some legitimate veneer! Team Rocket is an out-and-out organized crime organization! Can't you see the difference?!
Tom: Yeah - bankers wear suits an' televangelists use loads more hair pomade.
Bonuses? BONUSES? Y' smokin' somethin', Falls?
Jerry: Are they going to start talking about health insurance and retirement benefit packages next?!
"I see," said Lulu.
"And the budget we're on kind of complicates things, too," James added. "We
don't really want to be thieves -- circumstance kind of forced this line of work
on us. We're working our butts off to do something worthwhile with our lives,
though...
Jerry: (James) Which is why we keep stalking ONE KID AND HIS PIKACHU in the face of ALL EVIDENCE that it isn't going to work. That's really a sign of people who want to leave thievery ASAP, folks!
and Jessie and I want to get married and have a family someday soon."
Jessie smiled at him and blushed when he said this, and he blushed, too. "But
starting a business,
Jerry: WHAT?
You want to OWN A SMALL BUSINESS, TOO?
You - WHAT? Do you want to have a nice pool in the backyard and a fancy car before you quit thievery, too?!
Would it be SO hard to get a job and try to work your way up?! I mean, maybe yes, but if you're so remorseful, why don't you QUIT once you have enough cash saved up to survive and just fight your own way - like people who don't turn to thievery even in the face of STARVATION?!
I'm not one to preach, but at least I don't pretend that Team Rocket is my only chance to earn a living!
(It's a self-funding vigilante organization. At least in my AU future.)
Tom: *under breath* *to fourth wall* Like Scientology, we'll say whatever brings in th' recruits...
having a nice wedding, being able to provide for
children...it's taking a lot of saving and planning ahead.
Jerry: (Cori!James) Which is why we blow all our cash on crazy inventions that Pikachu will blow up anyway every chance we get!
We've been setting
aside most of our money so we can have that better life. But we've had to make a
lot of sacrifices in order to do that, and money is so tight to begin with that
we sometimes have to sacrifice necessities like food.
Jerry: (Cori!James) In favor of necessities like Arbo-Tanks.
Also, which is more important - saving money, or NOT STARVING?
Tom: But then, y' couldn't have ~Teh Dramaz~.
We stretch our paychecks
as far as they'll go, but more often than not, we don't even get to eat the
entire week before pay day...."
"How awful!" Lulu whispered. "I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"We even take second or third jobs whenever we get the chance, but those never
last long because we're always on the road," Jessie said.
Jerry: So don't STAY on the road, you idiots! Settle down in a big city, commit minor crimes against tourist Trainers under false identities, and accumulate some MONEY so you can EAT!
"We're doing
everything we can, but sometimes our backs are against the wall, and we have no
other choice but to steal. I know that's not an excuse for what we did to you
today...but it is the truth."
Guardian's Song: I'll be perfectly fair to Cori Falls, because I can see what she's doing at this point.
She's trying her damnedest to set up a logical escape route for her favorite characters using logic and foresight. It's really evident here, and I can respect that. This sort of methodical, not-really-normal-dialogue writing is a giveaway. She's trying to give Team Rocket more intelligence behind the scenes than they have in canon.
The problem is that she's simultaneously forcing it to conform to canon, and it's just not compatible with what she's writing. I can write that Harry is secretly reading up on Defense Against The Dark Arts like a full professor in his spare time, but that isn't compatible with what's actually shown in Harry Potter canon, where he seems not to have learned much past Fourth Year. I can write Ash as secretly being a genius, but... ah... um... ERRRRRRRR...
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AUand while having her own peculiar issues shining through, but that's just the usual drill and so failed at both.
I do sympathize with Cori as an author. I'm a lot more sympathetic to her than I would have been before I started trying to write a good deal of fanfiction. She does have admirable persistence, good description skills, and genuine empathy for her characters. In some ways (WORDCOUNT*), she's definitely superior to me. I can see how she got the title of "Queen of Rocketshipping"
Just... it's the rest that is so insanely ridiculous/bad/absurd that it sporks itself so hard that it nearly loops around to trollfic!
*That's not sarcasm. I often have issues losing my attention span at about 1K words on a oneshot. As for Miss Falls... 85K on a SINGLE ONESHOT? @_@Insanity Zeal, thy name is Cori Falls.
"Well, I think it's admirable that you young people are working so hard to make
something of yourselves...and you've proven that when you do have a choice, you
choose to do good.
Jerry: You always have a choice! Stop the pity party, please!
That's all the more reason you deserve a second chance," Lulu
told us. "I have a guest-room. Please stay for the night.
Ariana: (Lulu) *screen flashes* Your party has been fully healed! Come back again soon! :D
In the morning, I'll
do whatever I can to see that you get your second chance."
James nodded and shook her hand. "Thank you, Lulu," he said. "Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this means to us."
"Don't mention it," she replied. Then, gesturing towards the hallway, "Come on.
I'll show you to your room."
@->->-
After Lulu took us to the guest-room and told us to make ourselves at home,
Jessie and James set up a small cot next to the bed so that Meowth and I would
have a place to sleep. (Much to my delight, Jessie had decided that I didn't
have to go back into my poke ball
Ariana: (Wobbuffet) Wobbuffet, wob wob wob! [Translation: Thank goodness! I don't like being poked!] D:
since I was the reason we were here.) Once
they had everything in order, the two of them stripped off their uniforms and
went into the bathroom to take a shower.
While Jessie and James were bathing, I flopped onto the cot and stretched myself
out. Nice place, I remarked.
"Yeah," Meowth agreed as he admired the cross-stitch pictures and family
photographs that adorned the walls. "Real homey."
I smiled and found my thoughts returning to what James had told Lulu about
wanting to marry Jessie and have kids with her. Meowth?
"Huh?"
Do you think we'll ever have a place like this someday? I asked. A place that we
can call our home?
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Meowth returned my smile. "Well, in a way, we already have a home...with each
other. But I know what ya mean...and yeah, I think we will. Like James said,
dat's why we're workin' our asses off now."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||
Do you ever think about what it's going to be like when we finally do have that
better life?
Meowth's smile grew even wider as he jumped onto the cot and seated himself next
to me. "Only all the time."
I like to think about what Jessie and James's children are gonna be like, I told
him. Except for the twerps and my old trainer, I've always loved kids.
Guardian's Song: Yep, Ash-and-co. are the only kids (aside from Wobbuffet's old trainer) that Wobbuffet has EVER hated. EVER.
*facepalm* Aw, COME ON! Are we REALLY to believe that ONE obnoxious ten-year-old is SO MUCH MORE EVIL than, say, open sadists? And vicious bullies? And, I don't know, THIEVES WHO TAKE POKEMON FROM THEIR BELOVED TRAINERS?
I'm not an Ashfen by any means - when I was a kid, I would have gleefully bashed him after he abandoned Charizard - but this is just frickin' ridiculous!
I really
want to see the day when those two have some of their own.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I can't wait ta be a uncle...and I think dere kids'll
love you, too."
You think so?
He nodded. "I know we pick on ya a lot, Wobbu, but we really are happy dat yer a
part of our family now. We woulda missed out on so much if we never met ya."
This made me smile. Thanks, Meowth.
"Ah, don't mention it."
Support rank increased to A!
After a moment, Jessie and James emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed
in their pajamas.
"Making yourselves comfy?" James asked when he saw us.
"Yep. A cat could get used ta dis," Meowth replied.
I nodded and saluted him.
Jessie came to my side and smiled. "Everything good that happened to us today
happened because of you. Thank you, Wobbuffet," she told me as she planted a
kiss atop my head.
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
Tom: *slams hands down on the desk and stands up, chair screeching on the floor behind him*
*KA-FLOUNCE*
Jerry: Come back here! I'm not going to suffer alone!
{We will now experience a brief delay...}
Aww! Thanks, Jess!
Tom: THANKS FER NOTHIN', Y' DAMN FURRY!
...Eh? Mrs. Weasley, y' say? Y' want yer Capslock back?
...*smug* Well, too bad. I'm a thief. *takes out switchblade* Now, if y' wanna argue with me, lady -
Jerry: *sits back and reads Harry Potter book as carnage ensures* Tom, what do they say about taking a knife to a wandfight?
Tom: ...OUCH...
...*in battered, bruised heap on the floor, switchblade now Transfigured into a very confused duck*
"Good night, you guys," said James.
{snip fluff}
"Good night, Jessie," he said as he put his arms around her. "I love you, too."
After Jessie fell asleep, James stayed awake for a few more minutes, gazing
adoringly at her and running his fingers through her sea of crimson hair.
"It never ceases to amaze me how sweet you can be," he whispered as he traced
the outlines of her facial features with the tip of his finger. "No matter how
tough you try to act, you have a heart of gold, Jess. I love you so much...."
Jerry: Stop Telling rather than Showing. You were an ENGLISH major, Miss Falls - didn't they TEACH you that?!
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I think she paid rapt attention during the How To Write Description parts and fell asleep during anything having to do with Character Development...
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
But now that she and I have
finally found people who really do love us, it gives me hope that everything
will be okay.
Tom: I am NOT here fer furry free-love! I have th' My Ponytas Hate You Now wank if I wanna read THAT sort of thing!
Jerry: Neither am I, but we're here for the spork and we'll STAY for the spork!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
A sense of peace came over me as I thought about the events of the day and
everything Jessie, James, and Meowth had said. Maybe they're right, I said to
myself. Maybe all of the suffering we go through now really will pay off
someday....
Tom: Mine won't!
Jerry: Oh, hush.
And so, with my sense of hope renewed, I, too, drifted into peaceful
repose...and beautiful dreams of the bright future that lay ahead of us.
@->->-
I was awakened the next morning by the familiar gnawing pain of hunger in my
stomach...a pain made all the worse by the warm, sweet aroma of food that was
permeating the room. Jessie and James must've smelled it too because they were
already out of bed and getting dressed, and even Meowth (who normally likes to
sleep in) was awake.
"Whatever Lulu's making for breakfast, it sure smells good!" Jessie said as she
brushed her hair.
After pulling on his shirt, James closed his eyes and sniffed the air. "Smells
like pancakes," he remarked.
Meowth sniffed the air, too. "Not just regular pancakes either -- blueberry
pancakes!"
Guardian's Song: *sarcastically* Nooooo! I thought it was French Toast pancakes!
...Please, Cori Falls, I'm joking. Don't ACTUALLY do that. D:
Jessie grinned. "Then what are we waiting for?! Let's eat!"
"Yeah!" James and Meowth cheered.
With that, the three of them raced out of the room. And not wanting to miss out
on breakfast (especially not one that smelled so delicious), I followed.
Sure enough, when we got to the kitchen, Lulu had a giant platter of blueberry
pancakes ready for us. "Good morning, guys," she said cheerfully. "You're
certainly up early!"
"How could we sleep when dere's food ta be eaten?!" Meowth replied as he stacked
his plate with pancakes and began shoveling forkfuls of them into his mouth.
Jessie and James gave him a playful whack on the head.
"Mind your manners, Meowth!" Jessie snapped.
James grinned sheepishly. "He means good morning, Lulu," he told her.
"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "Just eat up -- we have a busy day today!"
"Oh, yeah. We gotta visit the mayor, don't we?" Meowth said.
Jessie and James stopped eating for a moment and exchanged looks.
"It's okay. Mayor Houlihan is nice," Lulu said when she saw the concerned
expressions on their faces. "I wouldn't take you to her if I didn't think she'd
be willing to help."
"I know," Jessie said.
"Yeah. We trust your judgement, Lulu," said James.
This made her smile. "Like I said last night -- I talked to her for awhile, and
she's on your side. Just tell her what you told me, and everything should be
just fine."
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
Jessie sighed as she poured two cups of coffee and fixed a plate of pancakes for
me. "I just hope everybody else is as reasonable as Lulu and the mayor," she
whispered to James, handing him one of the cups.
James stirred a bit of milk and sugar into his coffee and took a sip. "I'm sure
they will be, Jess," he assured her.
I smiled at Jessie and saluted as she set the plate in front of me. I knew that
we could trust Lulu, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but share
Jessie's concerns. Could we really trust the rest of the village to give us a
chance to tell our side of the story and hear us out?
I guess only time would tell.
Guardian's Song: *sourly* I left that unsporked so you can see Cori Falls's tendency to reeeeally take her tiiiime with food scenes. And the thing is? Those get WORSE after the Break From Canon!
Dear gad. I dearly wish this woman had run into an editor. We'd at least lose out on her odes to various meals...
@->->-
After we finished our breakfast, Meowth and I volunteered to clear the table,
and Jessie and James did the dishes. Once we'd cleaned the kitchen...and
ourselves up, Lulu set out to take us to Mayor Houlihan. While we were on our
way to Town Hall, however, we ran into an unexpected problem.
"Come on, guys! The sooner we get to Ecruteak City, the sooner I can win a new
badge!" I heard an annoying voice say.
Oh, god. Don't tell me he's still here.... I said to myself.
Tom: Oh Articuno, Zapdos, an' Moltres, don't tell me we need MORE Ash-bashin'.
Jerry: *sourly* You even have to wonder, at this point?
My fears were confirmed when I looked and saw Ash, Misty, and Brock. They'd just
left the local pokemon center...and they were heading our way!
At my side, Jessie, James, and Meowth tensed. They'd seen the brats, too.
Fortunately, Jessie and James weren't dressed in their Team Rocket uniforms this
morning -- they'd opted to leave their jackets and gloves off and wear blue
jeans with their black shirts instead. The twerps never recognize them when
they're out of uniform, so I was hoping that we could simply pass by unnoticed.
Jerry: They never recognize them when they're out of uniform AND IN DISGUISE. Important distinction.
Guardian's Song: I mean, I never saw the infamous bikini episode, but they definitely could recognize James in a bikini with blow-up gag boobs, right?
Tom: Come ON, there's a difference between "can't see through disguises" an' OUTRIGHT FACE-BLINDNESS!
The last thing we needed was those jerks picking another fight with us when we
were only trying to make peace.
Unfortunately, Ash did catch sight of Lulu...and to make matters worse, he
decided to talk to her. Go figure.
"Heeey! Lulu!" Ash cried as he raced up the sidewalk and came to her side.
"Oh. Good morning, Ash," Lulu replied.
"My friends and I are off to Ecruteak City!" he announced proudly. "I'm gonna
win my fourth Johto League badge there!"
"That's nice," she said dryly.
"God, I hate dat kid, always struttin' around like he's king a the freakin'
world," Meowth muttered.
Yeah, he's king, alright -- King Shit of Turd Mountain! I replied.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| ||||
James's eyes widened when he heard us. "Whoa! That's a new one!" he remarked.
"Meowth, have you been teaching Wobbuffet how to curse again?!" Jessie
whispered.
"Don't lookit me -- I already taught him every word in my extensive off-color
vocabulary! I dunno where he picked dat one up!" Meowth said innocently.
Tom: What, do they really think Wobbuffet's too dumb to come up with new combinations of what he already KNOWS?
Jerry: *stony expression*
Tom: Eh, yeah, dumb question.
Then,
turning to me and grinning, "Dat's a good one, though -- I'm gonna hafta
remember it!" With that, he produced a pen and a note pad and wrote it down.
Once he was finished, the two of us high-fived.
Tom: I wanna "high-five" 'em with a Doubleslap.
Jerry: It wasn't even a good cursing spree!
Jessie buried her face in her hands and groaned. James just shrugged.
Fortunately, the twerps still hadn't taken note of us, and they hadn't heard our
exchange.
Jerry: ...Perhaps we should replace "severe face-blindness" with just plain "blindness"?
"We had a lot of fun at the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday!" Brock told Lulu.
"Thank you so much for inviting us."
"You're welcome, Brock."
"We're just sorry we can't stay longer...and that those punks and Team Rocket
caused so much trouble for you," said Misty.
You little two-faced phony! I thought as I listened to Misty insulting us...yet
again. Didn't anybody ever tell you that friends don't talk shit
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |
about each
other behind their backs?!
Guardian's Song: I'd make comments about Geek Social Fallacies, except that this goes beyond that and into "horse's head in your bed" territory.
I had issues with friends-never-criticize-friends before my hiatus, but I wasn't expecting people to forgive me MASS THIEVERY. Sheesh. This is disturbing.
(In all fairness to Cori Falls, she seemed to practice this sort of fanatical loyalty in real life, to tell from her still-extant fanfiction.net page:
2. I don't agree with FF.net's ban on reviewing fics more than once. It gets on my last nerves when people say mean things about my friends' fics, and there's nothing I can do to defend them if I've already reviewed the story...or when I can't add author's notes to or defend my own work.
In other words, one of the reasons she left fanfiction.net is because she couldn't turn the reviews page into a flamewar. o_o Um... yeah, she really WAS practicing what she preached. So I can't rag on her for being "unrealistic", because that was her reality.
...On the other hand, may I reiterate that I hope she's slightly better-adjusted now? D:)
I don't know why Jessie, James, and Meowth even gave
you a chance in the first place! Stupid back-stabbing bitch....
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| ||
Ash smirked. "I'm just glad you guys finally realized how evil and rotten Team
Rocket really is and ran them out of town!" he said. "I can't believe everybody
actually thought they were nice! That's a laugh!"
Lulu sweatdropped.
"Hello! We're standin' right here, dipshit!" Meowth grumbled.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||
Really! Jeezus Christ on a motorcycle,
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
this kid is such a dumbass!
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
I agreed.
Jessie and James gritted their teeth and clenched their fists. I could tell they
were supressing the urge to say something.
Tom:
"Say, who are your friends, here?" Ash asked when he finally noticed us. "I
don't think we've been introduced."
The sweatdrop on Lulu's temple doubled in size. "Uh, does he even recognize
you?" she whispered to Jessie and James.
"He never does," they replied.
Lulu rolled her eyes.
"You know...you guys look kind of familiar...." Ash remarked after studying us
for a moment. It was then that it finally registered with him. "Hey! Wait a
minute! You're Team Rocket!" he shouted, pointing to us with an accusing finger.
Not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, are ya, kid? I asked, though I'm
sure all he heard was, "Wob-buf-fet."
Guardian's Song: Sadly, the apparent reaction is much more IC than the dialogue.
"GRRR!!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!?!" Ash demanded. "DIDN'T YOU CAUSE
ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?!"
Jerry: YES!!! BUT CORI FALLS DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP, DOES SHE?!?!?!
Tom: AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CAPSLOCK!!! AMIRITE?!?!
"Now, you hold it right there!" Lulu said, coming to our defense again. "Jessie,
James, and Meowth aren't here to cause trouble! As a matter of fact, they're
here to make up for what they did yesterday!"
"Yeah, right! Like I'm gonna believe that!" Ash sneered, fixing us with a
venomous glare.
Jerry: YES!!! LIKE THE READERS ARE GOING TO BELIEVE THAT?!!?
Tom: *under breath* You can stop now.
Jerry: OH?!?! CAN I?!
"Fine! Nobody said you had to believe us!" Jessie shot back.
"I DON'T believe you!" he snapped.
Guardian's Song: When Ash comes off as better at snark than Team Rocket, you... may not be doing a good job of Rocketfen fic. Just sayin'.
"Whatever," Meowth growled.
"Just leave us alone, kid," said James. "We have work to do."
"I will not!" he cried. "You may have fooled these people once, but you're not
gonna do it again! I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
"And we decline," James replied cooly.
Guardian's Song: So cool, he only uses one "l". *strikes a pose* That's our James!
"What's the matter?!" Ash jeered. "You losers afraid to fight me because you
know I'll win?!"
"No. We're just not in the mood for your putrescence," Jessie retorted.
"I don't know what that means, but you'd better take it back right now!" he
shouted.
Jerry: And neither does Cori Falls, since "putrescence" is such a ridiculous word to use in this situation. I think she tried to give "rotten" a thesaurus as a Hold Item and failed miserably.
"Puerile behavior", "belligerence", "wanton pugnaciousness", and... *checks thesaurus* "nescience", "sciolism", and "philistinism", if you want to get obscure... would have all done perfectly well. But no, she had to go for the smirking win and missed straight into a wall. *rolls eyes* Way to make your point, Miss Falls.
Jessie folded her arms across her chest. "No," she said defiantly.
James hooked Jessie's arm in his own
Jerry: While it was folded across her chest? Possible, but... why not just sling an arm around her shoulders?
and turned away from the brats. "Come on,
guys. We don't have to put up with this," he said.
As we continued on our way, however, Ash followed us and lobbed three of his
poke balls. "Oh, no you don't! Come back here and fight me, you cowards!
Tom: Yeah, Ash totally attacks 'em even when they're NOT DOIN' ANYTHIN'. That's why he totally attacked 'em BEFORE th' festival - Oh, wait.
Pikachu, Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile! GET THEM!!!"
Instead of following his commands and mercilessly attacking us like they usually
do, however, Ash's pokemon did nothing, just stood there and stared at us.
Tom: Even th' FIC is acknowledgin' this has nothin' t' do with canon behavior! An' she's passin' this off as pure Gospel'a Ketchum!
"What's the matter with you?!" Ash demanded. "It's Team Rocket! Go get them!"
Pikachu frowned and flattened his ears. "Pikaaa? (Ash, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?)" he sighed.
Chikorita frowned, too. "Chi-kor-ii. (I don't wanna attack them if they don't
wanna fight. It just seems wrong.)" she said.
Cyndaquil nodded. "Quiiil! (Yeah! They're not causing trouble this time!)" he
agreed.
Totodile studied us for a moment and nodded, too. "To-to. To-to-dile? (That's
right! Can't we give them the benefit of the doubt?)" he asked.
I couldn't help but smile as I listened to the four pokemon. Even though they
don't always fight fair, I don't really hate them -- they're actually kind of
okay when Ash isn't barking out orders.
Guardian's Song: So it isn't THEIR fault they don't play fair, it's ASH'S fault.
Uh, Miss Falls? Do you... ever bother to check the internal logic of A SINGLE SENTENCE?
I was relieved that they'd decided to
assess the situation themselves rather than blindly follow his commands this
time.
Tom: Yeah, this either means th' fic's sporkin' its own OOCness (SO WHY AM I HERE?!) or there's somethin' DIFFERENT about this situation.
*dryly* I dunno, WHAT COULD IT BE?
Ash, however, didn't share my feelings. "Come on!!! Why won't you fight?!" he
wailed.
Jerry: He can't HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, you dope! Of COURSE he can't share your feelings!
She treats Ash like an imbecile for not understanding what they want, but she seems to keep forgetting that Ash doesn't have a translator-Pokemon! Team Rocket needed Meowth to translate for Pikachu and Zapdos in Pokemon 2000! Contrary to what Cori Falls showed up there - and I should have pointed it out up there - Jessie and James can't understand Pokemon any better than anyone else can!
...Besides which, any human, no matter how well-trained, really shouldn't be able to hear the difference between "shit", "crap", and "turd" in Pokemonese, because there shouldn't be one. They're all vulgarities for "feces". You'd think every Pokemon speaking the language differently would be a hint that, you know, it's not a cipher for English. So Wobbuffet would sound like he said "Shit King of Shit Mountain", which... is just plain scatological, not particularly clever.
*throws up hands* What a stupid ~clever~ thing to put into her fic!
Tom: Stupid an' ~clever~ are synonyms in badfic. What's new?
Jerry: You're one to talk, Mr. I'm So Shocked The Pokemon Sound Like Furries In A Cori Falls Fic.
Tom: Don't REMIND me!
"Cuz we didn't come here ta fight! Dat's why!" Meowth snapped.
Brock grabbed Ash by the arm and pulled him back. "They said they don't want to
fight. Let it go, Ash," he said.
"Yeah! You're making a fool of yourself!" Misty said, grabbing him by his other
arm.
It's about friggin' time those other twerps called Ash on what a jerk he is! I
said as I watched the exchange.
Jerry: Uh, yeah. That's why you HONORABLE, NOBLE souls always respect when HE'S just having a normal day and don't randomly attack him and try to steal his Pokemon!
NOT.
"Really!" Meowth agreed.
Lulu shook her head and sighed.
"It's obvious he's not going to listen to reason," James told her. "Let's just
go before he tries to start something again."
"Yeah," she agreed. "Come on, guys. I know you're not troublemakers."
With that, we turned away from the twerps and continued on our way once more.
However, my instincts told me that this encounter wasn't over yet.
Jerry: By "instincts", you mean "author"?
From the
corner of my eye, I saw Ash break away from Brock and Misty...and when I turned
completely around, I saw him pick up a rock and throw it at us.
And it was going to hit James if I didn't do something!
Tom: A ten-year-old hurlin' a rock at a nearly-grown man! TH' HORROR!
...Seriously, Falls? THAT'S yer idea of drama?
LOOK OUT!!! I shouted.
At the sound of my voice, Jessie, James, Meowth, and Lulu turned around and saw
what Ash was doing.
Acting on instinct once again, I jumped in front of James and prepared to use my
Counter attack. As the rock hurdled towards me, I began to glow, and when it
struck me, it bounced harmlessly off of my body. I breathed a sigh of relief as
it landed at my feet.
Tom: So y' literally screamed just t' be a drama queen. Good t' know.
(Counter can counter AN ENTIRE ROCK THROW ASSAULT FROM A L100 GOLEM. IT AIN'T GONNA FAIL FER A TEN-YEAR-OLD THROWIN' A PEBBLE.)
An' also? Counter returns at double damage. So that rock shoulda gone flyin' straight back at Ash at double speed. An' I don't think she realized that, because she'd NEVER pass up th' opportunity t' have Ash taken down by his own throw.
Yeah, bitin' y' in th' rear that y' seem t' have never played th' games, ain't it, Falls?
"Oh, my god!" Lulu gasped. "Why did you do that, Ash?! Somebody could've been
hurt!"
Tom: *facepalm*
"Yeah! Namely, me!" James snapped.
Tom: That's th' IDEA, moron.
"What part of we don't wanna fight don't you understand, kid?!" Meowth demanded.
Tom: (Ash) The "we", the "don't", the "wanna", and the "fight".
"Quit playing innocent, Team Rocket!" Ash shouted. "It's bad enough that you
tried to ruin the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday, but coming back to cause even
more trouble is a new low!
Guardian's Song: ...*spreads hands and shrugs, smiling*
Heeeey. You think I'm gonna argue with that, Miss Falls? You got a whole 'nother thing comin'.
I'm not gonna let you bastards get away with it!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |
Jessie's face contorted in anger when she heard this. "How DARE you?!" she
cried. As she began to reach for Arbok's poke ball, however, James stopped her.
"Don't do it, Jess," he said softly as he placed a hand on her arm. "He's only
trying to provoke us -- if we fight him, he wins.
Tom: *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING*
Jerry: ...Well, she got ONE point of canon right, albeit unintentionally...
Don't give him the
satisfaction."
"Fine," she grumbled.
Lulu frowned. "Listen, Ash, I didn't say anything yesterday or this morning
because I was trying to be nice, but I'm not going to keep quiet anymore! You
have a lot of nerve treating such nice people so shabbily!"
Ash's eyes widened. "What?! Don't tell me you're still on their side -- they're
TEAM ROCKET!!!"
"What does that have to do with anything?!" Lulu shot back.
Jerry: *throws up hands, then slams them into her face*
Tom: *in falsetto voice* What does them being incorrigible, unrepentant career thieves, muggers, and fraudsters have to do with anything?! *fakes a swoon*
"They're...they're Team Rocket!" he cried! "They're evil, heartless, pokemon
thieves who can't be trusted!
Tom: An' proud'a it! *thumps chest*
Jerry: *through hands* Wouldn't go that far, but... yes, that IS Team Rocket, Miss Falls. You didn't notice?
Oh, that's right, you DIDN'T. *groans*
Just look at what they did yesterday -- they
pretended to be your friends, and then they tried to steal all of your food!"
"For your information, they only took the food because they hadn't eaten in days
and didn't know when the next time they'd eat would be!" Lulu told him.
Jerry: (Lulu) Not that they mentioned any of this yesterday, but - SOB at their woes, you heartless whelp! SOB!
"And if
you ask me, they EARNED that food! There was nothing pretend about the way they
saved our festival -- it was an act of true heroism!"
Ash scowled.
"Tell me, Ash," she said. "If it were anybody but Team Rocket, taking food for
no other reason than because they were starving to death and needed something to
eat, would you have been more understanding?"
Jerry: (Ash) If they took food, yeah. If they took ALL THE FOOD AT THE FESTIVAL? I mean, that stuff's perishable! You really gonna tell me that they planned to eat ALL OF THAT STUFF before it started going bad?! Three SNORLAXES would get a stomachache from that!
Silence.
"Well?"
Ash averted his eyes. "Yeah, probably," he grumbled.
"And why is that?"
Again, Ash gave no reply.
"Is it because you're so blinded by your hatred that you can't even see that
they're living things, too?" Lulu ventured. "That they're being driven by the
need to survive and not the desire to do evil? Do you truly hate them so much
that you don't even think they deserve the right to exist?"
Guardian's Song: *starts laughing until she starts letting out whining and sobbing noises, which isn't very long*
{The below has been edited after I ran out of steam and bile. That should give you an indication of what it was like beforehand.}
...In all seriousness, I don't like this empathy trolling. This fic pretty much epitomizes why. But generally, I don't like it for the false dichotomies (they didn't have to steal the WHOLE THING, and they could have BEGGED for some if they were so desperate - the festival-goers might have understood if they gave them the whole spiel they gave Lulu), the veiled hatred and dehumanization (if you don't agree with Our Heroes, CLEARLY YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BURN), and the oversimplification (the objection is not that they're Team Rocket or that they don't deserve to exist, it's that they don't DESERVE TO ROB PEOPLE WITHOUT EVEN RECEIVING A SLAP ON THE WRIST).
Again, I don't like it. At all. It raises my hackles.
...Look, if you think this behavior is at all acceptable? You haven't had it pulled on you in real life. That's all I'll say.
It's not unintentionally funny melodrama for me. It's emotional abuse with a sickly-sweet smile and a halo pasted on.
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know the difference
between right and wrong!" Ash retorted.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I don't think you do."
Guardian's Song: ...It isn't funny. It... just isn't.
I don't like this behavior even in spitefic - soured me on spitefic, in fact. I don't care what the fuck you say to justify it. That it's just funny fantasy venting, that the character deserved it for being loathsome, that you'd never do it in real life - like fuck you wouldn't. You'd do it the second you had someone you didn't like under your power.
"Stealing is wrong!" he cried. "And Team Rocket is ALWAYS stealing! Why can't
you understand that?!"
"And why can't you understand what I'm trying to say?" she asked.
Guardian's Song: Because you're just using lofty ideals and soft, smiling words to tell him that he's a soulless, retarded waste of air who makes the lives of those around him worse just by existing.
It's a mercy that Cori!Ash is too "dumb" to realize what you're trying to say. It's a mercy.
"Sometimes
there's a difference between what's legal and what's right -- Jessie, James, and
Meowth proved that yesterday when they broke our festival rule to save our
village. It was illegal, but it was an act of pure good, nevertheless. And
stealing our food may have been illegal, too...but it wasn't done with evil
intent."
"But...but they're Team Rocket!" Ash whined.
Guardian's Song: Or, rather - but that doesn't apply 99% of the time!
...not that it would help you if you weren't restricted from giving the right answer, kid. There's nothing more hate-filled and bursting with bile than an empathy-troll who finds an enemy who won't be cowed.
Ugh! Shut up, kid! You sound like a broken record! I thought. I may be the
patient pokemon, but my patience with him had worn out.
Guardian's Song: ...
Since this is my second run through the same material, I can view this optimistically. This is really a great chance to get a peek into the inner psyche of a hardline, unrepentant empathy-troll.
And it's good to see sharply and clearly that I wasn't wrong at all. They really do see whatever position they're defending as being as pure and clean as the undriven snow, and their opponents as screaming, mindless, soulless little shits who don't deserve to exist in a decent world. And, in their heart of hearts, they really wouldn't object to subjecting their opponents to every sort of brutal beating and public humiliation they could devise. ...I guess they really do think they're saintly for not doing just that, since they really don't see anything wrong with doing so. It's literally that they're being holier than thou. Empathy doesn't even begin to enter into the equation.
...It's sad, really. I like to think that people view me as a human being - or, at least, that sociopaths view me to be something to be used, exploited, and/or retaliated against if I cross them. It's honestly hard for me to grasp that some people see me as a bile-soaked ball of worthlessness the literal instant that I do anything to contradict their pious worldviews.
Such is life, I guess.
Lulu shook her head and sighed. "Your hatred really has blinded you, Ash. All
you see is Team Rocket, and you've lost sight of the humans and pokemon. You
can't understand that they're not evil because you've spent so much time lying
to yourself and convincing yourself that they are...and I think that's a shame."
Guardian's Song: ...I'm not going to burden you with my issues.
So I'll just point out that she's not even talking to him any more. She's just slowly stroking herself while fantasizing about what a worthless, lying, deluded shit he is, and how saintly she is for being so much better than he is. And, if Cori!Ash wasn't so dense that it bounced off his skull (thank heavens), he'd come to believe it.
It's wrong to do that to a child. I don't care how righteous you think you are. It's wrong.
"Oh, I don't believe this!" Ash cried. "They've got you fooled -- you're falling
for their act again! Can't you see that?!"
Guardian's Song: *tired sigh* ...No, Ash, it's that you can't see that she fits in with their lot just fine.
"I think the only person around here who can't see is you," Lulu retorted. "I'm
proud to call Jessie, James, and Meowth my friends.
Tom: You've known 'em less than 24 hours, lady! Go see a shrink!
They may not be perfect, but
then, nobody is.
Guardian's Song: False dichotomy, again.
That doesn't change the fact that they're good people. I'm
sorry if you can't accept that."
"I don't accept it!" he told her.
"Obviously," she said. "Your behavior towards them yesterday -- the way you were
so quick to accuse them of attacking our Wobbuffets without any evidence and the
way you were so quick to condemn them for everything else -- was a slap in the
face. But you know what? They didn't come back here to fight you or retaliate
for the way they were treated! They came back to apologize to us and try to
atone for what they did. They're trying to make amends, and what do you do? You
just slap them in the face again when they turn the other cheek! You're a very
mean and spiteful person, Ash Ketchum. I can forgive someone who makes an honest
mistake, but I have no tolerance for real troublemakers. And if you insist on
causing trouble for my friends when they're trying their best to do the right
thing, then perhaps you should leave."
Guardian's Song: Yeah, I'm sure this is very funny if you haven't received the same treatment in real life. Oh, we're so ~righteous~. We're so righteous that we get off on telling a ten-year-old that he's a nasty, spiteful person who shouldn't be allowed near decent people. Oh, and, as a bonus, that he's too retarded to understand How Things Are, so he'll just have to take it on faith if he doesn't want to be told what an evil little shit he is again.
Oh, yes, Cori. Tell me again how much your characters are good, noble people who despise cruelty, unfairness, and lording it over those weaker than you.
Ash stared at Lulu in disbelief when she said this.
"What?!" Meowth said defensively. "Is it really so hard ta believe dat we're
tryin' ta do somethin' decent for a change?!"
Jerry: Why...
Tom: ...Yep.
"As a matter of fact, it is!" he retorted.
"Well, it's the truth plain and simple! Deal with it, kid!" Jessie told him.
"Yeah! Call us back once you've wrapped your brain around that one!" said James.
Of course, that's operating on the assumption that he actually has a brain! I
remarked.
Jessie facefaulted. "Hmmm...that's a good point, Wobbuffet."
Jerry: Yes - the assumption that ANYONE in this story has a brain.
Ash frowned again. "Fine. I guess you really are trying to be nice this
time...but that doesn't mean I trust you now -- that's just not gonna happen!"
Jerry: Except, apparently, for Ash!
"Nobody said you had to," James replied. "But it wouldn't kill you to act like a
civilized human being around us. We have feelings too, you know."
Guardian's Song: *bursts out laughing* Oh, I know all too well that people like you have FEELINGS! In fact, you're the only ones allowed to have feelings in the WORLD! Because, heaven knows, no one in the history of existence has ever suffered so much as YOU!
Heh heh... don't mind me... hit a nerve there...
"Yeah. Whatever," Ash grumbled. With that, he turned on his heel and walked off
in a huff. "Come on, Brock, Misty. Let's go."
Before following Ash, however, Brock and Misty approached us.
"I guess we really do owe you an apology," said Brock. "It was wrong of us to
jump to conclusions and assume you were up to no good without any kind of
proof...
Tom: (Brock) Except a little thing called "Testing Team Rocket's goodness via the scientific method, we discovered that you were consistently out for your own illegitimate profit - results consistent over 100+ consecutive trials".
(James) *piously* And that is why you filthy atheists must have FAITH!!11!
and it was wrong of us to be so nasty with you when it turned out that
we were wrong. I really am sorry that happened...and I'm sorry for the way Ash
acted just now -- it was completely uncalled for. I honestly don't know what got
into him. I know he hates you guys, but he's not normally like this...."
Guardian's Song: Fic sporks self.
Sorry. Nerves still on edge from above section, analysis-without-bile is restricted.
"I think dat's the problem right dere -- he hates us," Meowth replied.
"That's still no excuse for him being so rude...especially when you're trying to
do something good," Brock continued. Then, to Lulu, "You're right about a lot of
things.
Guardian's Song: Readers, do me a little favor - imagine a giant middle finger shooting out of the top of your screen, with the rest of the hand filling the entire screen.
Thank you! You now have my opinion on that line. Moving on...
I promise I'll talk to Ash once he cools off. Maybe he'll listen to me."
"I appreciate that," said Lulu. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Brock. I'm sorry
your visit had to end like this."
"It was a pleasure meeting you, too," he said. "I hope my friends and I can
visit your village again someday...under better circumstances."
Guardian's Song: Please imagine that said middle finger is persisting through the above two paragraphs. Thanks again!
Lulu nodded as Brock waved and took his leave.
"I'm sorry, too," Misty said once Brock was gone.
Yeah, right! I thought. You may be apologizing now, kiddo, but the next time you
see us, you'll go right back to being mean!
Tom: Little thing called "you're not friends in canon"...
Not t' mention YOU'LL go right back t' stealin' her Pokemon, so why d' y' think she's gonna give y' idiots a free pass?
"Funny thing, Misty, but we're havin' a real hard time believin' ya," Meowth
told her.
Tom: An' so are th' readers.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Misty, it's easy to treat somebody like crap
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||
and then say you're sorry, but
real friendship takes work," James explained. "And...well...we just get the
feeling you're not ready for that."
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, Madam Suicidal-Over-Haircut is certainly ready for marriage and children! And Herr Emotional-Breakdown-Whenever-He-Doubts-His-One-Twoo-Wub Otherkin is certainly ready for that as well!
"Look, I know I still say mean things about you, but
Jerry: (Misty) - you completely deserve it.
I told you not to take it
to heart!" she protested.
"That's easier said than done," Jessie sighed. "To be honest, it was easier to
take your insults back when we knew you hated us. But now that you're supposed
to be our friend...well, it just feels like betrayal."
Jerry: ...Miss Falls, perhaps you should take that as a hint that she ISN'T their friend in canon?
"But you guys make fun of each other all the time, and...."
"That's different," James told her. "Jessie, Meowth, and I can get away with
teasing each other because we're close, and we know it's all in good fun."
Jerry: Um, sorry. I READ The Thorns of the Rose, and I know that's an absolute lie.
Tom: Doubleplusungood oldthinker refs unfic. Oldthinker, go Minitrue doubleplusfast.
He
then took Jessie by the hand. "And when we say or do something that really is
hurtful, we don't just apologize -- we make a real effort to work through it and
make things better."
Jerry: (James) So we can crash right back into an emotional breakdown in the next fic! :D
"And you just can't do that, Misty...not while you're trying so hard to keep up
the appearance of hating us, anyway," Jessie chimed in.
Tom: (Misty) I'll stop keeping up the APPEARANCE, then. *slaps them all and rides off on Starmie before they can retaliate*
Yes! I said to myself as I watched the exchange. Tell her off once and for all!
"Are...are you saying you don't want to be friends anymore?" she asked sadly.
"That depends on whether you want to be our friend or not," Jessie replied.
"Yeah. Friendship isn't about appearances or deception," James added. "You're
not doing Ash and Brock any favors by lying to them about us...and you're
certainly not doing us any favors, either. All we're saying is that you need to
stop pretending. Be our friend, or don't be our friend -- you can't have it both
ways."
Guardian's Song: So stop being their friend, Misty!
"That's a lot to ask," she muttered. "You saw for yourself how Ash went
ballistic just now -- he wouldn't be able to understand."
"Well, if pretendin' ta hate us for his sake is more important ta you den
treatin' us with a bit a civility, den maybe bein' friends with ya ain't such a
good idea!" Meowth snapped.
Jerry: Yep, being associated with a ballistic person prone to violent outbursts is certainly something without any complications and not at all a reason Misty should worry for her safety, BY FIC LOGIC, if she tried to cross Cori!Ash.
You know, for someone who wrote Jessie as having an abusive boyfriend, maybe Miss Falls should have ACTUALLY RESEARCHED ABUSE.
"Does this mean we're enemies again?" Misty sighed. "I don't want that."
"Then stop acting like we're enemies, for godsake! If that's too much to ask,
then you don't have any business calling yourself our friend in the first
place!" Jessie cried. "I used to have a friend like you -- her name was Cassidy.
And do you know what I did when I couldn't take her back-stabbing and toying
with me anymore? I told her to hit the road, that's what.
Tom: *narrating* An' she promptly said, "You know what? I don't need a wangsty, MY HAIR IS LIKE MY MOMMY TO ME loser like you in my life any more," an' hit the road with a wide grin on her face an' a roarin' motorcycle under her rear. Y' were left chokin' on dust clouds.
Jerry: *sideways glance* SOMEONE is god-moding around here...
I didn't need a friend
like her, and if you insist on treating us like shit
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||
just for the sake of
appearance, then we don't need a friend like you, either!"
"Jessie and Meowth are right," James agreed. "Misty, if you want this friendship
to work, it's going to take a lot more than being mean to us in public and then
apologizing when nobody is looking. Real friends don't put on acts like that.
Real friends aren't embarrassed to admit that they're friends with each other.
We've been trying to be nicer to you...now it's your turn to try and be nicer to
us. I know that's not going to be easy, but whether or not it's worth the effort
is up to you."
Jerry: I'd say it definitely isn't. Not with these creepy versions of Jessie and James, anyway. Do you really WANT permanent enrollment in that personality cult?
"Think about it," Jessie said coldly. "If you want to be our friend, then be our
friend. But if being a phony is more important, then you can go to hell
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
for all
we care."
Misty hung her head. "I guess that's it, then. I already told you I just can't
let Ash and Brock know."
"Den I guess we ain't worth bein' friends with, huh?" Meowth asked
sarcastically.
"You're the ones who said it, not me," she replied.
Guardian's Song: Uh, Cori Falls? Are you sure you want to give the "twerps" all the snark in this fic? Really? That's not doing YOUR ~favorite characters~ any favors...
"You might not have said it with words, but you're always saying it with your
actions...
Tom: An' she's completely right.
and every apology you make just rings more and more hollow,"
Jerry: Like your characterizations.
Jessie
told her. "If that's your choice, then go back to your real friends, and leave
us alone."
Misty's eyes filled with tears as she turned away from us and followed Ash and
Brock.
Tom: Tears'a joy.
"We really did want to befriends cult leaders, Misty," James called after her. "Maybe
Guardian's Song: *whistles innocently*
someday we can make friendship work, but you have a lot of growing up to do
before that can ever happen."
"Maybe...." she muttered.
Jerry: (Misty) And maybe you do.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched Misty walking away. Good! I thought.
Maybe now Jessie, James, and Meowth won't feel obligated to be so nice to her
when she acts like a bitch!
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
It's about time they told her like it is!
Once we were alone again, Jessie put her arms around James. "Are you okay,
sweetie?" she asked.
"I'm fine...thanks to Wobbuffet," he replied.
Tom: (James) *gasp* That ten-year-old might have chipped my manicure!
I smiled again.
Jessie and James returned my smile and patted me on the head.
"I still can't believe the way Ash spazzed out on us!" Meowth remarked. "He's
done some pretty crappy
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |
stuff ta us before, but jeez!"
"I know! Why did he have to be so mean?" James asked.
Tom: Are y' FOUR YEARS OLD?
Jerry: Emotionally - that's about right!
I think he still had a hair up his ass
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||
because he couldn't stand the fact that
we were doing good, and he was wrong about us, I replied.
"Yer prolly right, Wobbu," Meowth sighed.
Jessie frowned. "Has it really gotten to that point, James? Do you really think
he's so convinced that we're evil that he just doesn't know how to accept the
fact that we're not monsters?"
Guardian's Song: *hoists a giant, flashing IRONY sign above the characterizations in this fic and taps foot against the ground*
You were saying, Miss Falls?
"It sure seems that way, Jess," he said.
"Lulu is right -- that is sad," she muttered.
@->->-
When Jessie and James finally stopped kissing (Meowth had to threaten to turn a
hose on them),
Tom: If that works, why doesn't he do it in all'a th' other fics?! Come on, y' catty bastard! Spare us th'rest'a this trash!
we continued on our way. Jessie filled James and Meowth in on her
plan to go to Lulu's house first, and they agreed that it was a good idea. It
felt as if a great weight was being lifted from our conscience as we drew closer
to our destination, but at the same time, I could sense a collective
apprehension...fear that our good intentions were all going to blow up in our
faces.
Guardian's Song: Fun fact - I was just reading some accounts of acid trips for the heck of it.
This sort of hand-waving silliness really does read like the story's on acid. All we need is some hallucinated iguanas and scorpions.
Before long, we found ourselves on the outskirts of the village once again. It
was about ten o'clock, and the Wobbuffet Festival was still going on, but the
festivities were starting to wind down. All of the young families had already
gone home (to put their children to bed, no doubt), and only a few teenagers and
adults remained, milling around the giant Wobbuffet statue in the town square.
One of those people was Lulu. She was standing at the buffet table and helping a
young, dark-haired woman wrap up the leftovers from the feast.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - Miss Falls does manage to convey environments reasonably well when nobody's talking.
Just... it would be somewhat improved if no one TALKED in her fics... D:
The two of them
had grim expressions on their faces and seemed to be talking about something
important. Knowing that it wasn't yet the right time to reveal our presence,
Jerry: In other words, there's a ~plot-important~ conversation coming up.
She doesn't even try to disguise it!
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
"I just don't understand what happened, Rachel," Lulu sighed. "I thought it was
pointless, myself."
"Sounds to me like she screwed up big-time," the woman named Rachel replied.
"First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna talk to the chief of police and get
this all sorted out."
Lulu nodded approvingly. "Good. Because I saw the whole thing...and it just
wasn't right. Something needs to be done."
"Something WILL be done," Rachel assured her. "Just go home and take it easy
tonight -- I'll see what I can do."
Lulu smiled and picked up a package of the food that she'd helped wrap. "Thank
you."
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
Tom: It's obviously a metaphor fer all'a these fics. James th' Articunokin just ain't right. I agree with 'em on that. An' they're gonna haul th' author in fer questionin'.
"I heard them mention the police," James replied. "They were probably talking
about what we did today."
"No doubt," Jessie grumbled. "That goddamned Officer Jenny really had it in for
us -- it wouldn't surprise me if they wanted to launch some kind of criminal
investigation."
Jerry: There isn't already one going?!
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Oh, quit being such a pessimist! I told her. Do you really think Lulu, of all
people, would be calling for the police to come after us?!
Jerry: After you attempted to commit a crime?!
"Wobbuffet is right!" said Meowth. "If anybody in dis burg is still on our side,
it's her!"
Jerry: (Meowth) ...And noboidy in dis burg is on our side! Case closed!
James nodded. "Yeah! Somehow, I doubt she'd turn on us like that -- she's a nice
lady, Jess."
Jerry: Hello there? Team Rocket? Criminals? Does that mean nothing to you?
Tom: Nonsense! They're just poor saps driven t' crime by th' hunger in their bellies, not at all international criminals rankin' highly in an organized crime organization! Ketchum's obviously th' only one who thinks otherwise!
"I know," she sighed. "But actually seeing her again just made me feel worse
than ever about what I did...."
"And that's precisely why we're here," James reminded her. "This is our chance
to make it up to her."
Jessie looked at him.
James smiled and extended his hand. "Now, come on. Let's go," he said softly.
Jessie smiled back at James and placed her hand in his. "Okay," she whispered.
Then, Meowth put his paw on top of their hands, and I put my hand on top of his
paw.
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* The thing is, she was probably really happy in Yu-Gi-Oh fandom... Wonder if she was already into it at this point?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Now more than ever, I was grateful that James and Meowth were here
with us...that we were doing this as a team. Once we'd mustered enough courage,
we broke from our huddle and followed Lulu to her house, taking care to stay out
of sight.
Jerry: Yes, it took TWO PEOPLE AND TWO POKEMON a while of mustering courage to pursue ONE WOMAN.
What courage.
When we arrived at Lulu's, I could sense that Jessie was losing her nerve again,
but after a moment of hesitation, she steeled herself and walked up to the door.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered as she began to knock.
James smiled at her again and put a hand on her shoulder.
Jerry: Is she FIVE?!
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu studied us for a moment and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "Come on in."
"Thank you," said Jessie.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
"I thought Officer Jenny ran you guys out of town! What are you doing
here?" she asked.
"Lulu," Jessie began, "we came back to tell you how sorry we are for what we did
today."
"And to explain why we did it," James added.
Lulu nodded and gestured for us to sit down. "I'm listening," she said.
"We...we didn't mean to cause any trouble, Lulu," Jessie told her as we seated
ourselves at the table.
"Yes. We only took the food because we were hungry," said James.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
Jerry: ...You complain about THAT, rather than saying, "YOU TOOK ALL THAT FOOD BECAUSE YOU WERE HUNGRY?"
*sigh* It's just to force a dialogue branch. Watch.
"Well, we wasn't hungry right at dat moment," Meowth told her. "But believe it
or not, dat lunch ya gave us was the first real meal we'd had in days!"
"Are you serious?!" she gasped.
All four of us nodded.
"Well, no wonder you had such an appetite," she remarked.
"We didn't know when the next time we'd have a chance to eat was going to be,"
James explained. "That's why we took the food. It wasn't anything personal or to
be mean -- it was just a survival thing."
"You were so kind to us, Lulu, and we really do appreciate the hospitality you
showed us," Jessie sighed. "Stealing your food was a terrible thing to do, and
we regret it. I just wanted you to know that."
Lulu's expression became grim again as she listened to Jessie.
"You have every right to be angry about what happened, and I don't expect to be
forgiven for what I did," Jessie continued. "But please don't be mad at my
friends. James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet didn't want to take the food, and they
tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen to them. They didn't do
anything wrong -- this is all my fault. If you're going to hate anybody, then
hate me...."
Guardian's Song: You know, someone reading this will probably point out a logical error here -
But I could really accept this. It might work as part of a fic having Team Rocket transition to being better people. It does make internal sense.
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
...Which do you think is about to happen here?
:\
"I don't hate you, Jessie," Lulu said.
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
Jessie looked up at her. "You don't?"
Lulu shook her head. "I don't hate any of you -- I'm actually glad to see you
again."
"You are?!" Jessie, James, and Meowth asked in unison.
Tom and Jerry: You are?!
"When you first arrived in town and when you were my lunch guests, I didn't see
bad people," Lulu explained as she placed her hand on my head.
Guardian's Song: If you could SEE bad people, would they be even a TENTH as dangerous?!
"Your Wobbuffet
is so happy and energetic -- nobody with a pokemon like this can possibly have
evil in their heart.
Jerry: ...And how did you know it wasn't a psychopathic Wobbuffet?
Tom: Heh heh heh. Y' missed th' obvious remark. Ash Ketchum's Pokemon are almost all so happy an' energetic it's sickenin'. Clearly, Ash must be th' nicest Pokemon Trainer in th' world, eh?
Jerry: Well, there went even Moon Logic.
Jessie, I knew from the moment I saw your Wobbuffet that
you and your friends were good people. But...I guess that's why I was so shocked
to see you trying to steal the festival food. I knew that you were nice, and I
just didn't understand how you could be capable of doing something like that. I
understand now, though. Thank you for telling me."
Jessie hung her head. "It was the very least I could do."
"Well, it's greatly appreciated," Lulu told her. "And if you four will stay
awhile, I'll see what I can do to help you."
"Help...us?" Jessie asked.
Lulu nodded. "The way you saved our festival...and our village was nothing short
of heroic," she said. "It wasn't fair that those children accused you of hurting
our Wobbuffets without any proof, it wasn't fair that Officer Jenny was so quick
to condemn you for breaking the festival rule when you only did it to help us,
it wasn't fair that you were forced to leave town...
Guardian's Song: *literal facepalm* If she just told them that 'Why didn't you ask us for help, after all you'd done to help us?' or anything of the like, I'd forgive a good deal of this. But no, they're just unconditionally given a pass on any and all bad judgment ~because they were desperate~.
Gewd gad...
(And, though I hate to defend untrue accusations - practically every OTHER time that Team Rocket's been seemingly benevolent to anyone, they turn right around and try to steal Pokemon. Ash and the others were just jumping to the overwhelmingly-likeliest conclusion.)
and now that I know why you
took our food, I don't think it was fair that you were punished so severely for
it."
"Life is never fair," James sighed. "We're used to it by now."
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
"Watch your language, Meowth! We are guests in this woman's home!" James scolded
him.
Meowth blushed. "Whoops. Sorry about dat."
Jerry: Well, THAT'S a change...
Jessie and I said nothing, just exchanged looks and snickered.
"That's okay," Lulu replied as she got back to her feet and headed for the
kitchen. "And there's still no justification for the way you were treated today.
Even though you were stealing our food, we could've let you have it as payment
for helping us -- we have plenty and to spare.
Jerry: Right. It's not stealing if they would have given it to you anyway? Is this the G-rated version of "can't rape the willing"?
There was no reason for Officer
Jenny or those children to hurt you.
Guardian's Song: Officer Jenny was an idiot, if the recounting given in-fic is accurate. The children, however, had AMPLE reason to believe...
...Wait, I already said this. *headlaptop* Never mind.
It was just wrong. Now, if you'll excuse me
for a moment...."
After Lulu went to the kitchen, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I fell silent and
reflected on everything she'd just told us.
Jerry: (Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet) Yep! Yet ANOTHER Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!
When she returned a few minutes
later, she was carrying a large plate of chocolate mint cookies and a steaming
kettle.
"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's unfairness,"
Jerry: Such as to Ash Ketchum?
Tom: Aaaaah, don't talk nonsense. Ash is always evil. If he gave a buncha food t' a million starvin' children, he'd be evil fer not givin' it t' th' POOR, ABUSED TEAM ROCKET instead!
she continued as she set
the cookies on the table and poured us each a mug of hot green tea.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
"And there
was nothing fair about what happened to you."
James, Meowth, and I each grabbed a handful of cookies and began to eat. The
chocolate coating melted in my mouth, and the inside was crisp and cool. They
were the best cookies I'd ever tasted...
Jerry: Yes, just as every time you have sex is the best sex you've ever had.
and actually getting to eat twice in one
day was a rare treat, indeed!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
"You really are on our side, aren't you?" Jessie asked as she took a sip of her
tea and grabbed a few cookies for herself.
"Yes," Lulu replied. "I consider you guys to be my friends...and I never turn my
back on a friend."
The four of us stopped eating and looked up at her in disbelief when she said
this.
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
"I spoke with the mayor earlier," she told us. "And she doesn't think Officer
Jenny was right to punish you, either.
Tom: (Lulu) She wants to "punish" you in person. *waggles eyebrows*
Jerry: Gah! The images!
She promised me that she's going to call
the police chief first thing tomorrow morning and see if he can look into
it...."
"That lady Lulu was talking to at the festival -- that must've been the mayor,"
James whispered to Jessie.
"And that must've been what they were talking about!" Jessie whispered back.
See! Didn't I tell you it was silly to think that Lulu would send the cops after
us? I said.
Jerry: And the momentary pretense at drama was so obvious that it was painful.
"....And if you guys visit the mayor tomorrow and explain the whole situation to
her, I'm sure she'll help you find a way to sort this mess out with the rest of
the village, too," she continued.
"You really think so?" James asked.
"I know so," said Lulu.
Jerry: (Lulu) Deus-ex-machina vult!
Jessie smiled, and her normally sparkling eyes went dull with tears. "Thank
you," she whispered. "I only wanted to apologize -- I didn't expect any kind of
forgiveness or hospitality...but you've given us both."
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
Lulu returned her smile. "Well, the very fact that you came back to apologize
proves that you're good people...that you deserve to be forgiven."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* Is it so hard to hold them responsible ONCE? ONCE? ONCE?
"See, Jess. I knew she'd understand!" said Meowth.
"Yeah," James told Jessie as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Lulu is a good
friend --
Tom: I take it back. Yer all psychos.
we didn't have anything to worry about."
Lulu chuckled and seated herself at the table again. "Not to be nosy, but why
were you guys starving in the first place?" she asked, changing the subject. "I
see those uniforms you're wearing, and you even said that you're members of Team
Rocket --
Jerry: You wore criminal uniforms TO YOUR APOLOGY?! *grabs hair in both fists and starts tugging*
Tom: *mouth open*
...
...
...
Fer MUK'S sakes. Yer completely Mukin' insane.
Ferget Earth Logic. Ferget Moon Logic. This is ALPHA CENTAURI Logic.
that must mean you have jobs.
Jerry: That's your ONLY REACTION to having Team Rocket members in your house?! "That must mean you have jobs"?!
Tom: Too Stupid T' Live?! Too Stupid T' BREATHE!
Why can't you just buy food?"
Tom: (Lulu) Or steal it! From someone else!
"I wish it was dat simple," Meowth sighed. "But paltry don't even begin ta
describe our salary -- we can barely make ends meet, even after we put all three
of our paychecks tagedda!"
"And we're not exactly the best employees," Jessie grumbled. "You saw with your
own eyes how incompetent we are at stealing. We don't get that many bonuses, and
a raise is pretty much out of the question."
Jerry: ...This is thievery! It's not a common corporate job! BONUSES? RAISES?
I mean, you can make all the jokes you like about the financial sector and televangelists, but they at least have some legitimate veneer! Team Rocket is an out-and-out organized crime organization! Can't you see the difference?!
Tom: Yeah - bankers wear suits an' televangelists use loads more hair pomade.
Bonuses? BONUSES? Y' smokin' somethin', Falls?
Jerry: Are they going to start talking about health insurance and retirement benefit packages next?!
"I see," said Lulu.
"And the budget we're on kind of complicates things, too," James added. "We
don't really want to be thieves -- circumstance kind of forced this line of work
on us. We're working our butts off to do something worthwhile with our lives,
though...
Jerry: (James) Which is why we keep stalking ONE KID AND HIS PIKACHU in the face of ALL EVIDENCE that it isn't going to work. That's really a sign of people who want to leave thievery ASAP, folks!
and Jessie and I want to get married and have a family someday soon."
Jessie smiled at him and blushed when he said this, and he blushed, too. "But
starting a business,
Jerry: WHAT?
You want to OWN A SMALL BUSINESS, TOO?
You - WHAT? Do you want to have a nice pool in the backyard and a fancy car before you quit thievery, too?!
Would it be SO hard to get a job and try to work your way up?! I mean, maybe yes, but if you're so remorseful, why don't you QUIT once you have enough cash saved up to survive and just fight your own way - like people who don't turn to thievery even in the face of STARVATION?!
I'm not one to preach, but at least I don't pretend that Team Rocket is my only chance to earn a living!
(It's a self-funding vigilante organization. At least in my AU future.)
Tom: *under breath* *to fourth wall* Like Scientology, we'll say whatever brings in th' recruits...
having a nice wedding, being able to provide for
children...it's taking a lot of saving and planning ahead.
Jerry: (Cori!James) Which is why we blow all our cash on crazy inventions that Pikachu will blow up anyway every chance we get!
We've been setting
aside most of our money so we can have that better life. But we've had to make a
lot of sacrifices in order to do that, and money is so tight to begin with that
we sometimes have to sacrifice necessities like food.
Jerry: (Cori!James) In favor of necessities like Arbo-Tanks.
Also, which is more important - saving money, or NOT STARVING?
Tom: But then, y' couldn't have ~Teh Dramaz~.
We stretch our paychecks
as far as they'll go, but more often than not, we don't even get to eat the
entire week before pay day...."
"How awful!" Lulu whispered. "I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"We even take second or third jobs whenever we get the chance, but those never
last long because we're always on the road," Jessie said.
Jerry: So don't STAY on the road, you idiots! Settle down in a big city, commit minor crimes against tourist Trainers under false identities, and accumulate some MONEY so you can EAT!
"We're doing
everything we can, but sometimes our backs are against the wall, and we have no
other choice but to steal. I know that's not an excuse for what we did to you
today...but it is the truth."
Guardian's Song: I'll be perfectly fair to Cori Falls, because I can see what she's doing at this point.
She's trying her damnedest to set up a logical escape route for her favorite characters using logic and foresight. It's really evident here, and I can respect that. This sort of methodical, not-really-normal-dialogue writing is a giveaway. She's trying to give Team Rocket more intelligence behind the scenes than they have in canon.
The problem is that she's simultaneously forcing it to conform to canon, and it's just not compatible with what she's writing. I can write that Harry is secretly reading up on Defense Against The Dark Arts like a full professor in his spare time, but that isn't compatible with what's actually shown in Harry Potter canon, where he seems not to have learned much past Fourth Year. I can write Ash as secretly being a genius, but... ah... um... ERRRRRRRR...
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU
I do sympathize with Cori as an author. I'm a lot more sympathetic to her than I would have been before I started trying to write a good deal of fanfiction. She does have admirable persistence, good description skills, and genuine empathy for her characters. In some ways (WORDCOUNT*), she's definitely superior to me. I can see how she got the title of "Queen of Rocketshipping"
Just... it's the rest that is so insanely ridiculous/bad/absurd that it sporks itself so hard that it nearly loops around to trollfic!
*That's not sarcasm. I often have issues losing my attention span at about 1K words on a oneshot. As for Miss Falls... 85K on a SINGLE ONESHOT? @_@
"Well, I think it's admirable that you young people are working so hard to make
something of yourselves...and you've proven that when you do have a choice, you
choose to do good.
Jerry: You always have a choice! Stop the pity party, please!
That's all the more reason you deserve a second chance," Lulu
told us. "I have a guest-room. Please stay for the night.
Ariana: (Lulu) *screen flashes* Your party has been fully healed! Come back again soon! :D
In the morning, I'll
do whatever I can to see that you get your second chance."
James nodded and shook her hand. "Thank you, Lulu," he said. "Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this means to us."
"Don't mention it," she replied. Then, gesturing towards the hallway, "Come on.
I'll show you to your room."
@->->-
After Lulu took us to the guest-room and told us to make ourselves at home,
Jessie and James set up a small cot next to the bed so that Meowth and I would
have a place to sleep. (Much to my delight, Jessie had decided that I didn't
have to go back into my poke ball
Ariana: (Wobbuffet) Wobbuffet, wob wob wob! [Translation: Thank goodness! I don't like being poked!] D:
since I was the reason we were here.) Once
they had everything in order, the two of them stripped off their uniforms and
went into the bathroom to take a shower.
While Jessie and James were bathing, I flopped onto the cot and stretched myself
out. Nice place, I remarked.
"Yeah," Meowth agreed as he admired the cross-stitch pictures and family
photographs that adorned the walls. "Real homey."
I smiled and found my thoughts returning to what James had told Lulu about
wanting to marry Jessie and have kids with her. Meowth?
"Huh?"
Do you think we'll ever have a place like this someday? I asked. A place that we
can call our home?
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Meowth returned my smile. "Well, in a way, we already have a home...with each
other. But I know what ya mean...and yeah, I think we will. Like James said,
dat's why we're workin' our asses off now."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
Do you ever think about what it's going to be like when we finally do have that
better life?
Meowth's smile grew even wider as he jumped onto the cot and seated himself next
to me. "Only all the time."
I like to think about what Jessie and James's children are gonna be like, I told
him. Except for the twerps and my old trainer, I've always loved kids.
Guardian's Song: Yep, Ash-and-co. are the only kids (aside from Wobbuffet's old trainer) that Wobbuffet has EVER hated. EVER.
*facepalm* Aw, COME ON! Are we REALLY to believe that ONE obnoxious ten-year-old is SO MUCH MORE EVIL than, say, open sadists? And vicious bullies? And, I don't know, THIEVES WHO TAKE POKEMON FROM THEIR BELOVED TRAINERS?
I'm not an Ashfen by any means - when I was a kid, I would have gleefully bashed him after he abandoned Charizard - but this is just frickin' ridiculous!
I really
want to see the day when those two have some of their own.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I can't wait ta be a uncle...and I think dere kids'll
love you, too."
You think so?
He nodded. "I know we pick on ya a lot, Wobbu, but we really are happy dat yer a
part of our family now. We woulda missed out on so much if we never met ya."
This made me smile. Thanks, Meowth.
"Ah, don't mention it."
Support rank increased to A!
After a moment, Jessie and James emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed
in their pajamas.
"Making yourselves comfy?" James asked when he saw us.
"Yep. A cat could get used ta dis," Meowth replied.
I nodded and saluted him.
Jessie came to my side and smiled. "Everything good that happened to us today
happened because of you. Thank you, Wobbuffet," she told me as she planted a
kiss atop my head.
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
Tom: *slams hands down on the desk and stands up, chair screeching on the floor behind him*
*KA-FLOUNCE*
Jerry: Come back here! I'm not going to suffer alone!
{We will now experience a brief delay...}
Aww! Thanks, Jess!
Tom: THANKS FER NOTHIN', Y' DAMN FURRY!
...Eh? Mrs. Weasley, y' say? Y' want yer Capslock back?
...*smug* Well, too bad. I'm a thief. *takes out switchblade* Now, if y' wanna argue with me, lady -
Jerry: *sits back and reads Harry Potter book as carnage ensures* Tom, what do they say about taking a knife to a wandfight?
Tom: ...OUCH...
...*in battered, bruised heap on the floor, switchblade now Transfigured into a very confused duck*
"Good night, you guys," said James.
{snip fluff}
"Good night, Jessie," he said as he put his arms around her. "I love you, too."
After Jessie fell asleep, James stayed awake for a few more minutes, gazing
adoringly at her and running his fingers through her sea of crimson hair.
"It never ceases to amaze me how sweet you can be," he whispered as he traced
the outlines of her facial features with the tip of his finger. "No matter how
tough you try to act, you have a heart of gold, Jess. I love you so much...."
Jerry: Stop Telling rather than Showing. You were an ENGLISH major, Miss Falls - didn't they TEACH you that?!
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I think she paid rapt attention during the How To Write Description parts and fell asleep during anything having to do with Character Development...
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
But now that she and I have
finally found people who really do love us, it gives me hope that everything
will be okay.
Tom: I am NOT here fer furry free-love! I have th' My Ponytas Hate You Now wank if I wanna read THAT sort of thing!
Jerry: Neither am I, but we're here for the spork and we'll STAY for the spork!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
A sense of peace came over me as I thought about the events of the day and
everything Jessie, James, and Meowth had said. Maybe they're right, I said to
myself. Maybe all of the suffering we go through now really will pay off
someday....
Tom: Mine won't!
Jerry: Oh, hush.
And so, with my sense of hope renewed, I, too, drifted into peaceful
repose...and beautiful dreams of the bright future that lay ahead of us.
@->->-
I was awakened the next morning by the familiar gnawing pain of hunger in my
stomach...a pain made all the worse by the warm, sweet aroma of food that was
permeating the room. Jessie and James must've smelled it too because they were
already out of bed and getting dressed, and even Meowth (who normally likes to
sleep in) was awake.
"Whatever Lulu's making for breakfast, it sure smells good!" Jessie said as she
brushed her hair.
After pulling on his shirt, James closed his eyes and sniffed the air. "Smells
like pancakes," he remarked.
Meowth sniffed the air, too. "Not just regular pancakes either -- blueberry
pancakes!"
Guardian's Song: *sarcastically* Nooooo! I thought it was French Toast pancakes!
...Please, Cori Falls, I'm joking. Don't ACTUALLY do that. D:
Jessie grinned. "Then what are we waiting for?! Let's eat!"
"Yeah!" James and Meowth cheered.
With that, the three of them raced out of the room. And not wanting to miss out
on breakfast (especially not one that smelled so delicious), I followed.
Sure enough, when we got to the kitchen, Lulu had a giant platter of blueberry
pancakes ready for us. "Good morning, guys," she said cheerfully. "You're
certainly up early!"
"How could we sleep when dere's food ta be eaten?!" Meowth replied as he stacked
his plate with pancakes and began shoveling forkfuls of them into his mouth.
Jessie and James gave him a playful whack on the head.
"Mind your manners, Meowth!" Jessie snapped.
James grinned sheepishly. "He means good morning, Lulu," he told her.
"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "Just eat up -- we have a busy day today!"
"Oh, yeah. We gotta visit the mayor, don't we?" Meowth said.
Jessie and James stopped eating for a moment and exchanged looks.
"It's okay. Mayor Houlihan is nice," Lulu said when she saw the concerned
expressions on their faces. "I wouldn't take you to her if I didn't think she'd
be willing to help."
"I know," Jessie said.
"Yeah. We trust your judgement, Lulu," said James.
This made her smile. "Like I said last night -- I talked to her for awhile, and
she's on your side. Just tell her what you told me, and everything should be
just fine."
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
Jessie sighed as she poured two cups of coffee and fixed a plate of pancakes for
me. "I just hope everybody else is as reasonable as Lulu and the mayor," she
whispered to James, handing him one of the cups.
James stirred a bit of milk and sugar into his coffee and took a sip. "I'm sure
they will be, Jess," he assured her.
I smiled at Jessie and saluted as she set the plate in front of me. I knew that
we could trust Lulu, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but share
Jessie's concerns. Could we really trust the rest of the village to give us a
chance to tell our side of the story and hear us out?
I guess only time would tell.
Guardian's Song: *sourly* I left that unsporked so you can see Cori Falls's tendency to reeeeally take her tiiiime with food scenes. And the thing is? Those get WORSE after the Break From Canon!
Dear gad. I dearly wish this woman had run into an editor. We'd at least lose out on her odes to various meals...
@->->-
After we finished our breakfast, Meowth and I volunteered to clear the table,
and Jessie and James did the dishes. Once we'd cleaned the kitchen...and
ourselves up, Lulu set out to take us to Mayor Houlihan. While we were on our
way to Town Hall, however, we ran into an unexpected problem.
"Come on, guys! The sooner we get to Ecruteak City, the sooner I can win a new
badge!" I heard an annoying voice say.
Oh, god. Don't tell me he's still here.... I said to myself.
Tom: Oh Articuno, Zapdos, an' Moltres, don't tell me we need MORE Ash-bashin'.
Jerry: *sourly* You even have to wonder, at this point?
My fears were confirmed when I looked and saw Ash, Misty, and Brock. They'd just
left the local pokemon center...and they were heading our way!
At my side, Jessie, James, and Meowth tensed. They'd seen the brats, too.
Fortunately, Jessie and James weren't dressed in their Team Rocket uniforms this
morning -- they'd opted to leave their jackets and gloves off and wear blue
jeans with their black shirts instead. The twerps never recognize them when
they're out of uniform, so I was hoping that we could simply pass by unnoticed.
Jerry: They never recognize them when they're out of uniform AND IN DISGUISE. Important distinction.
Guardian's Song: I mean, I never saw the infamous bikini episode, but they definitely could recognize James in a bikini with blow-up gag boobs, right?
Tom: Come ON, there's a difference between "can't see through disguises" an' OUTRIGHT FACE-BLINDNESS!
The last thing we needed was those jerks picking another fight with us when we
were only trying to make peace.
Unfortunately, Ash did catch sight of Lulu...and to make matters worse, he
decided to talk to her. Go figure.
"Heeey! Lulu!" Ash cried as he raced up the sidewalk and came to her side.
"Oh. Good morning, Ash," Lulu replied.
"My friends and I are off to Ecruteak City!" he announced proudly. "I'm gonna
win my fourth Johto League badge there!"
"That's nice," she said dryly.
"God, I hate dat kid, always struttin' around like he's king a the freakin'
world," Meowth muttered.
Yeah, he's king, alright -- King Shit of Turd Mountain! I replied.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
James's eyes widened when he heard us. "Whoa! That's a new one!" he remarked.
"Meowth, have you been teaching Wobbuffet how to curse again?!" Jessie
whispered.
"Don't lookit me -- I already taught him every word in my extensive off-color
vocabulary! I dunno where he picked dat one up!" Meowth said innocently.
Tom: What, do they really think Wobbuffet's too dumb to come up with new combinations of what he already KNOWS?
Jerry: *stony expression*
Tom: Eh, yeah, dumb question.
Then,
turning to me and grinning, "Dat's a good one, though -- I'm gonna hafta
remember it!" With that, he produced a pen and a note pad and wrote it down.
Once he was finished, the two of us high-fived.
Tom: I wanna "high-five" 'em with a Doubleslap.
Jerry: It wasn't even a good cursing spree!
Jessie buried her face in her hands and groaned. James just shrugged.
Fortunately, the twerps still hadn't taken note of us, and they hadn't heard our
exchange.
Jerry: ...Perhaps we should replace "severe face-blindness" with just plain "blindness"?
"We had a lot of fun at the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday!" Brock told Lulu.
"Thank you so much for inviting us."
"You're welcome, Brock."
"We're just sorry we can't stay longer...and that those punks and Team Rocket
caused so much trouble for you," said Misty.
You little two-faced phony! I thought as I listened to Misty insulting us...yet
again. Didn't anybody ever tell you that friends don't talk shit
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
about each
other behind their backs?!
Guardian's Song: I'd make comments about Geek Social Fallacies, except that this goes beyond that and into "horse's head in your bed" territory.
I had issues with friends-never-criticize-friends before my hiatus, but I wasn't expecting people to forgive me MASS THIEVERY. Sheesh. This is disturbing.
(In all fairness to Cori Falls, she seemed to practice this sort of fanatical loyalty in real life, to tell from her still-extant fanfiction.net page:
2. I don't agree with FF.net's ban on reviewing fics more than once. It gets on my last nerves when people say mean things about my friends' fics, and there's nothing I can do to defend them if I've already reviewed the story...or when I can't add author's notes to or defend my own work.
In other words, one of the reasons she left fanfiction.net is because she couldn't turn the reviews page into a flamewar. o_o Um... yeah, she really WAS practicing what she preached. So I can't rag on her for being "unrealistic", because that was her reality.
...On the other hand, may I reiterate that I hope she's slightly better-adjusted now? D:)
I don't know why Jessie, James, and Meowth even gave
you a chance in the first place! Stupid back-stabbing bitch....
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
Ash smirked. "I'm just glad you guys finally realized how evil and rotten Team
Rocket really is and ran them out of town!" he said. "I can't believe everybody
actually thought they were nice! That's a laugh!"
Lulu sweatdropped.
"Hello! We're standin' right here, dipshit!" Meowth grumbled.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
Really! Jeezus Christ on a motorcycle,
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
this kid is such a dumbass!
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
I agreed.
Jessie and James gritted their teeth and clenched their fists. I could tell they
were supressing the urge to say something.
Tom:
"Say, who are your friends, here?" Ash asked when he finally noticed us. "I
don't think we've been introduced."
The sweatdrop on Lulu's temple doubled in size. "Uh, does he even recognize
you?" she whispered to Jessie and James.
"He never does," they replied.
Lulu rolled her eyes.
"You know...you guys look kind of familiar...." Ash remarked after studying us
for a moment. It was then that it finally registered with him. "Hey! Wait a
minute! You're Team Rocket!" he shouted, pointing to us with an accusing finger.
Not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, are ya, kid? I asked, though I'm
sure all he heard was, "Wob-buf-fet."
Guardian's Song: Sadly, the apparent reaction is much more IC than the dialogue.
"GRRR!!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!?!" Ash demanded. "DIDN'T YOU CAUSE
ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?!"
Jerry: YES!!! BUT CORI FALLS DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP, DOES SHE?!?!?!
Tom: AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CAPSLOCK!!! AMIRITE?!?!
"Now, you hold it right there!" Lulu said, coming to our defense again. "Jessie,
James, and Meowth aren't here to cause trouble! As a matter of fact, they're
here to make up for what they did yesterday!"
"Yeah, right! Like I'm gonna believe that!" Ash sneered, fixing us with a
venomous glare.
Jerry: YES!!! LIKE THE READERS ARE GOING TO BELIEVE THAT?!!?
Tom: *under breath* You can stop now.
Jerry: OH?!?! CAN I?!
"Fine! Nobody said you had to believe us!" Jessie shot back.
"I DON'T believe you!" he snapped.
Guardian's Song: When Ash comes off as better at snark than Team Rocket, you... may not be doing a good job of Rocketfen fic. Just sayin'.
"Whatever," Meowth growled.
"Just leave us alone, kid," said James. "We have work to do."
"I will not!" he cried. "You may have fooled these people once, but you're not
gonna do it again! I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
"And we decline," James replied cooly.
Guardian's Song: So cool, he only uses one "l". *strikes a pose* That's our James!
"What's the matter?!" Ash jeered. "You losers afraid to fight me because you
know I'll win?!"
"No. We're just not in the mood for your putrescence," Jessie retorted.
"I don't know what that means, but you'd better take it back right now!" he
shouted.
Jerry: And neither does Cori Falls, since "putrescence" is such a ridiculous word to use in this situation. I think she tried to give "rotten" a thesaurus as a Hold Item and failed miserably.
"Puerile behavior", "belligerence", "wanton pugnaciousness", and... *checks thesaurus* "nescience", "sciolism", and "philistinism", if you want to get obscure... would have all done perfectly well. But no, she had to go for the smirking win and missed straight into a wall. *rolls eyes* Way to make your point, Miss Falls.
Jessie folded her arms across her chest. "No," she said defiantly.
James hooked Jessie's arm in his own
Jerry: While it was folded across her chest? Possible, but... why not just sling an arm around her shoulders?
and turned away from the brats. "Come on,
guys. We don't have to put up with this," he said.
As we continued on our way, however, Ash followed us and lobbed three of his
poke balls. "Oh, no you don't! Come back here and fight me, you cowards!
Tom: Yeah, Ash totally attacks 'em even when they're NOT DOIN' ANYTHIN'. That's why he totally attacked 'em BEFORE th' festival - Oh, wait.
Pikachu, Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile! GET THEM!!!"
Instead of following his commands and mercilessly attacking us like they usually
do, however, Ash's pokemon did nothing, just stood there and stared at us.
Tom: Even th' FIC is acknowledgin' this has nothin' t' do with canon behavior! An' she's passin' this off as pure Gospel'a Ketchum!
"What's the matter with you?!" Ash demanded. "It's Team Rocket! Go get them!"
Pikachu frowned and flattened his ears. "Pikaaa? (Ash, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?)" he sighed.
Chikorita frowned, too. "Chi-kor-ii. (I don't wanna attack them if they don't
wanna fight. It just seems wrong.)" she said.
Cyndaquil nodded. "Quiiil! (Yeah! They're not causing trouble this time!)" he
agreed.
Totodile studied us for a moment and nodded, too. "To-to. To-to-dile? (That's
right! Can't we give them the benefit of the doubt?)" he asked.
I couldn't help but smile as I listened to the four pokemon. Even though they
don't always fight fair, I don't really hate them -- they're actually kind of
okay when Ash isn't barking out orders.
Guardian's Song: So it isn't THEIR fault they don't play fair, it's ASH'S fault.
Uh, Miss Falls? Do you... ever bother to check the internal logic of A SINGLE SENTENCE?
I was relieved that they'd decided to
assess the situation themselves rather than blindly follow his commands this
time.
Tom: Yeah, this either means th' fic's sporkin' its own OOCness (SO WHY AM I HERE?!) or there's somethin' DIFFERENT about this situation.
*dryly* I dunno, WHAT COULD IT BE?
Ash, however, didn't share my feelings. "Come on!!! Why won't you fight?!" he
wailed.
Jerry: He can't HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, you dope! Of COURSE he can't share your feelings!
She treats Ash like an imbecile for not understanding what they want, but she seems to keep forgetting that Ash doesn't have a translator-Pokemon! Team Rocket needed Meowth to translate for Pikachu and Zapdos in Pokemon 2000! Contrary to what Cori Falls showed up there - and I should have pointed it out up there - Jessie and James can't understand Pokemon any better than anyone else can!
...Besides which, any human, no matter how well-trained, really shouldn't be able to hear the difference between "shit", "crap", and "turd" in Pokemonese, because there shouldn't be one. They're all vulgarities for "feces". You'd think every Pokemon speaking the language differently would be a hint that, you know, it's not a cipher for English. So Wobbuffet would sound like he said "Shit King of Shit Mountain", which... is just plain scatological, not particularly clever.
*throws up hands* What a stupid ~clever~ thing to put into her fic!
Tom: Stupid an' ~clever~ are synonyms in badfic. What's new?
Jerry: You're one to talk, Mr. I'm So Shocked The Pokemon Sound Like Furries In A Cori Falls Fic.
Tom: Don't REMIND me!
"Cuz we didn't come here ta fight! Dat's why!" Meowth snapped.
Brock grabbed Ash by the arm and pulled him back. "They said they don't want to
fight. Let it go, Ash," he said.
"Yeah! You're making a fool of yourself!" Misty said, grabbing him by his other
arm.
It's about friggin' time those other twerps called Ash on what a jerk he is! I
said as I watched the exchange.
Jerry: Uh, yeah. That's why you HONORABLE, NOBLE souls always respect when HE'S just having a normal day and don't randomly attack him and try to steal his Pokemon!
NOT.
"Really!" Meowth agreed.
Lulu shook her head and sighed.
"It's obvious he's not going to listen to reason," James told her. "Let's just
go before he tries to start something again."
"Yeah," she agreed. "Come on, guys. I know you're not troublemakers."
With that, we turned away from the twerps and continued on our way once more.
However, my instincts told me that this encounter wasn't over yet.
Jerry: By "instincts", you mean "author"?
From the
corner of my eye, I saw Ash break away from Brock and Misty...and when I turned
completely around, I saw him pick up a rock and throw it at us.
And it was going to hit James if I didn't do something!
Tom: A ten-year-old hurlin' a rock at a nearly-grown man! TH' HORROR!
...Seriously, Falls? THAT'S yer idea of drama?
LOOK OUT!!! I shouted.
At the sound of my voice, Jessie, James, Meowth, and Lulu turned around and saw
what Ash was doing.
Acting on instinct once again, I jumped in front of James and prepared to use my
Counter attack. As the rock hurdled towards me, I began to glow, and when it
struck me, it bounced harmlessly off of my body. I breathed a sigh of relief as
it landed at my feet.
Tom: So y' literally screamed just t' be a drama queen. Good t' know.
(Counter can counter AN ENTIRE ROCK THROW ASSAULT FROM A L100 GOLEM. IT AIN'T GONNA FAIL FER A TEN-YEAR-OLD THROWIN' A PEBBLE.)
An' also? Counter returns at double damage. So that rock shoulda gone flyin' straight back at Ash at double speed. An' I don't think she realized that, because she'd NEVER pass up th' opportunity t' have Ash taken down by his own throw.
Yeah, bitin' y' in th' rear that y' seem t' have never played th' games, ain't it, Falls?
"Oh, my god!" Lulu gasped. "Why did you do that, Ash?! Somebody could've been
hurt!"
Tom: *facepalm*
"Yeah! Namely, me!" James snapped.
Tom: That's th' IDEA, moron.
"What part of we don't wanna fight don't you understand, kid?!" Meowth demanded.
Tom: (Ash) The "we", the "don't", the "wanna", and the "fight".
"Quit playing innocent, Team Rocket!" Ash shouted. "It's bad enough that you
tried to ruin the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday, but coming back to cause even
more trouble is a new low!
Guardian's Song: ...*spreads hands and shrugs, smiling*
Heeeey. You think I'm gonna argue with that, Miss Falls? You got a whole 'nother thing comin'.
I'm not gonna let you bastards get away with it!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
Jessie's face contorted in anger when she heard this. "How DARE you?!" she
cried. As she began to reach for Arbok's poke ball, however, James stopped her.
"Don't do it, Jess," he said softly as he placed a hand on her arm. "He's only
trying to provoke us -- if we fight him, he wins.
Tom: *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING*
Jerry: ...Well, she got ONE point of canon right, albeit unintentionally...
Don't give him the
satisfaction."
"Fine," she grumbled.
Lulu frowned. "Listen, Ash, I didn't say anything yesterday or this morning
because I was trying to be nice, but I'm not going to keep quiet anymore! You
have a lot of nerve treating such nice people so shabbily!"
Ash's eyes widened. "What?! Don't tell me you're still on their side -- they're
TEAM ROCKET!!!"
"What does that have to do with anything?!" Lulu shot back.
Jerry: *throws up hands, then slams them into her face*
Tom: *in falsetto voice* What does them being incorrigible, unrepentant career thieves, muggers, and fraudsters have to do with anything?! *fakes a swoon*
"They're...they're Team Rocket!" he cried! "They're evil, heartless, pokemon
thieves who can't be trusted!
Tom: An' proud'a it! *thumps chest*
Jerry: *through hands* Wouldn't go that far, but... yes, that IS Team Rocket, Miss Falls. You didn't notice?
Oh, that's right, you DIDN'T. *groans*
Just look at what they did yesterday -- they
pretended to be your friends, and then they tried to steal all of your food!"
"For your information, they only took the food because they hadn't eaten in days
and didn't know when the next time they'd eat would be!" Lulu told him.
Jerry: (Lulu) Not that they mentioned any of this yesterday, but - SOB at their woes, you heartless whelp! SOB!
"And if
you ask me, they EARNED that food! There was nothing pretend about the way they
saved our festival -- it was an act of true heroism!"
Ash scowled.
"Tell me, Ash," she said. "If it were anybody but Team Rocket, taking food for
no other reason than because they were starving to death and needed something to
eat, would you have been more understanding?"
Jerry: (Ash) If they took food, yeah. If they took ALL THE FOOD AT THE FESTIVAL? I mean, that stuff's perishable! You really gonna tell me that they planned to eat ALL OF THAT STUFF before it started going bad?! Three SNORLAXES would get a stomachache from that!
Silence.
"Well?"
Ash averted his eyes. "Yeah, probably," he grumbled.
"And why is that?"
Again, Ash gave no reply.
"Is it because you're so blinded by your hatred that you can't even see that
they're living things, too?" Lulu ventured. "That they're being driven by the
need to survive and not the desire to do evil? Do you truly hate them so much
that you don't even think they deserve the right to exist?"
Guardian's Song: *starts laughing until she starts letting out whining and sobbing noises, which isn't very long*
{The below has been edited after I ran out of steam and bile. That should give you an indication of what it was like beforehand.}
...In all seriousness, I don't like this empathy trolling. This fic pretty much epitomizes why. But generally, I don't like it for the false dichotomies (they didn't have to steal the WHOLE THING, and they could have BEGGED for some if they were so desperate - the festival-goers might have understood if they gave them the whole spiel they gave Lulu), the veiled hatred and dehumanization (if you don't agree with Our Heroes, CLEARLY YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BURN), and the oversimplification (the objection is not that they're Team Rocket or that they don't deserve to exist, it's that they don't DESERVE TO ROB PEOPLE WITHOUT EVEN RECEIVING A SLAP ON THE WRIST).
Again, I don't like it. At all. It raises my hackles.
...Look, if you think this behavior is at all acceptable? You haven't had it pulled on you in real life. That's all I'll say.
It's not unintentionally funny melodrama for me. It's emotional abuse with a sickly-sweet smile and a halo pasted on.
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know the difference
between right and wrong!" Ash retorted.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I don't think you do."
Guardian's Song: ...It isn't funny. It... just isn't.
I don't like this behavior even in spitefic - soured me on spitefic, in fact. I don't care what the fuck you say to justify it. That it's just funny fantasy venting, that the character deserved it for being loathsome, that you'd never do it in real life - like fuck you wouldn't. You'd do it the second you had someone you didn't like under your power.
"Stealing is wrong!" he cried. "And Team Rocket is ALWAYS stealing! Why can't
you understand that?!"
"And why can't you understand what I'm trying to say?" she asked.
Guardian's Song: Because you're just using lofty ideals and soft, smiling words to tell him that he's a soulless, retarded waste of air who makes the lives of those around him worse just by existing.
It's a mercy that Cori!Ash is too "dumb" to realize what you're trying to say. It's a mercy.
"Sometimes
there's a difference between what's legal and what's right -- Jessie, James, and
Meowth proved that yesterday when they broke our festival rule to save our
village. It was illegal, but it was an act of pure good, nevertheless. And
stealing our food may have been illegal, too...but it wasn't done with evil
intent."
"But...but they're Team Rocket!" Ash whined.
Guardian's Song: Or, rather - but that doesn't apply 99% of the time!
...not that it would help you if you weren't restricted from giving the right answer, kid. There's nothing more hate-filled and bursting with bile than an empathy-troll who finds an enemy who won't be cowed.
Ugh! Shut up, kid! You sound like a broken record! I thought. I may be the
patient pokemon, but my patience with him had worn out.
Guardian's Song: ...
Since this is my second run through the same material, I can view this optimistically. This is really a great chance to get a peek into the inner psyche of a hardline, unrepentant empathy-troll.
And it's good to see sharply and clearly that I wasn't wrong at all. They really do see whatever position they're defending as being as pure and clean as the undriven snow, and their opponents as screaming, mindless, soulless little shits who don't deserve to exist in a decent world. And, in their heart of hearts, they really wouldn't object to subjecting their opponents to every sort of brutal beating and public humiliation they could devise. ...I guess they really do think they're saintly for not doing just that, since they really don't see anything wrong with doing so. It's literally that they're being holier than thou. Empathy doesn't even begin to enter into the equation.
...It's sad, really. I like to think that people view me as a human being - or, at least, that sociopaths view me to be something to be used, exploited, and/or retaliated against if I cross them. It's honestly hard for me to grasp that some people see me as a bile-soaked ball of worthlessness the literal instant that I do anything to contradict their pious worldviews.
Such is life, I guess.
Lulu shook her head and sighed. "Your hatred really has blinded you, Ash. All
you see is Team Rocket, and you've lost sight of the humans and pokemon. You
can't understand that they're not evil because you've spent so much time lying
to yourself and convincing yourself that they are...and I think that's a shame."
Guardian's Song: ...I'm not going to burden you with my issues.
So I'll just point out that she's not even talking to him any more. She's just slowly stroking herself while fantasizing about what a worthless, lying, deluded shit he is, and how saintly she is for being so much better than he is. And, if Cori!Ash wasn't so dense that it bounced off his skull (thank heavens), he'd come to believe it.
It's wrong to do that to a child. I don't care how righteous you think you are. It's wrong.
"Oh, I don't believe this!" Ash cried. "They've got you fooled -- you're falling
for their act again! Can't you see that?!"
Guardian's Song: *tired sigh* ...No, Ash, it's that you can't see that she fits in with their lot just fine.
"I think the only person around here who can't see is you," Lulu retorted. "I'm
proud to call Jessie, James, and Meowth my friends.
Tom: You've known 'em less than 24 hours, lady! Go see a shrink!
They may not be perfect, but
then, nobody is.
Guardian's Song: False dichotomy, again.
That doesn't change the fact that they're good people. I'm
sorry if you can't accept that."
"I don't accept it!" he told her.
"Obviously," she said. "Your behavior towards them yesterday -- the way you were
so quick to accuse them of attacking our Wobbuffets without any evidence and the
way you were so quick to condemn them for everything else -- was a slap in the
face. But you know what? They didn't come back here to fight you or retaliate
for the way they were treated! They came back to apologize to us and try to
atone for what they did. They're trying to make amends, and what do you do? You
just slap them in the face again when they turn the other cheek! You're a very
mean and spiteful person, Ash Ketchum. I can forgive someone who makes an honest
mistake, but I have no tolerance for real troublemakers. And if you insist on
causing trouble for my friends when they're trying their best to do the right
thing, then perhaps you should leave."
Guardian's Song: Yeah, I'm sure this is very funny if you haven't received the same treatment in real life. Oh, we're so ~righteous~. We're so righteous that we get off on telling a ten-year-old that he's a nasty, spiteful person who shouldn't be allowed near decent people. Oh, and, as a bonus, that he's too retarded to understand How Things Are, so he'll just have to take it on faith if he doesn't want to be told what an evil little shit he is again.
Oh, yes, Cori. Tell me again how much your characters are good, noble people who despise cruelty, unfairness, and lording it over those weaker than you.
Ash stared at Lulu in disbelief when she said this.
"What?!" Meowth said defensively. "Is it really so hard ta believe dat we're
tryin' ta do somethin' decent for a change?!"
Jerry: Why...
Tom: ...Yep.
"As a matter of fact, it is!" he retorted.
"Well, it's the truth plain and simple! Deal with it, kid!" Jessie told him.
"Yeah! Call us back once you've wrapped your brain around that one!" said James.
Of course, that's operating on the assumption that he actually has a brain! I
remarked.
Jessie facefaulted. "Hmmm...that's a good point, Wobbuffet."
Jerry: Yes - the assumption that ANYONE in this story has a brain.
Ash frowned again. "Fine. I guess you really are trying to be nice this
time...but that doesn't mean I trust you now -- that's just not gonna happen!"
Jerry: Except, apparently, for Ash!
"Nobody said you had to," James replied. "But it wouldn't kill you to act like a
civilized human being around us. We have feelings too, you know."
Guardian's Song: *bursts out laughing* Oh, I know all too well that people like you have FEELINGS! In fact, you're the only ones allowed to have feelings in the WORLD! Because, heaven knows, no one in the history of existence has ever suffered so much as YOU!
Heh heh... don't mind me... hit a nerve there...
"Yeah. Whatever," Ash grumbled. With that, he turned on his heel and walked off
in a huff. "Come on, Brock, Misty. Let's go."
Before following Ash, however, Brock and Misty approached us.
"I guess we really do owe you an apology," said Brock. "It was wrong of us to
jump to conclusions and assume you were up to no good without any kind of
proof...
Tom: (Brock) Except a little thing called "Testing Team Rocket's goodness via the scientific method, we discovered that you were consistently out for your own illegitimate profit - results consistent over 100+ consecutive trials".
(James) *piously* And that is why you filthy atheists must have FAITH!!11!
and it was wrong of us to be so nasty with you when it turned out that
we were wrong. I really am sorry that happened...and I'm sorry for the way Ash
acted just now -- it was completely uncalled for. I honestly don't know what got
into him. I know he hates you guys, but he's not normally like this...."
Guardian's Song: Fic sporks self.
Sorry. Nerves still on edge from above section, analysis-without-bile is restricted.
"I think dat's the problem right dere -- he hates us," Meowth replied.
"That's still no excuse for him being so rude...especially when you're trying to
do something good," Brock continued. Then, to Lulu, "You're right about a lot of
things.
Guardian's Song: Readers, do me a little favor - imagine a giant middle finger shooting out of the top of your screen, with the rest of the hand filling the entire screen.
Thank you! You now have my opinion on that line. Moving on...
I promise I'll talk to Ash once he cools off. Maybe he'll listen to me."
"I appreciate that," said Lulu. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Brock. I'm sorry
your visit had to end like this."
"It was a pleasure meeting you, too," he said. "I hope my friends and I can
visit your village again someday...under better circumstances."
Guardian's Song: Please imagine that said middle finger is persisting through the above two paragraphs. Thanks again!
Lulu nodded as Brock waved and took his leave.
"I'm sorry, too," Misty said once Brock was gone.
Yeah, right! I thought. You may be apologizing now, kiddo, but the next time you
see us, you'll go right back to being mean!
Tom: Little thing called "you're not friends in canon"...
Not t' mention YOU'LL go right back t' stealin' her Pokemon, so why d' y' think she's gonna give y' idiots a free pass?
"Funny thing, Misty, but we're havin' a real hard time believin' ya," Meowth
told her.
Tom: An' so are th' readers.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Misty, it's easy to treat somebody like crap
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
and then say you're sorry, but
real friendship takes work," James explained. "And...well...we just get the
feeling you're not ready for that."
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, Madam Suicidal-Over-Haircut is certainly ready for marriage and children! And Herr Emotional-Breakdown-Whenever-He-Doubts-His-One-Twoo-Wub Otherkin is certainly ready for that as well!
"Look, I know I still say mean things about you, but
Jerry: (Misty) - you completely deserve it.
I told you not to take it
to heart!" she protested.
"That's easier said than done," Jessie sighed. "To be honest, it was easier to
take your insults back when we knew you hated us. But now that you're supposed
to be our friend...well, it just feels like betrayal."
Jerry: ...Miss Falls, perhaps you should take that as a hint that she ISN'T their friend in canon?
"But you guys make fun of each other all the time, and...."
"That's different," James told her. "Jessie, Meowth, and I can get away with
teasing each other because we're close, and we know it's all in good fun."
Jerry: Um, sorry. I READ The Thorns of the Rose, and I know that's an absolute lie.
Tom: Doubleplusungood oldthinker refs unfic. Oldthinker, go Minitrue doubleplusfast.
He
then took Jessie by the hand. "And when we say or do something that really is
hurtful, we don't just apologize -- we make a real effort to work through it and
make things better."
Jerry: (James) So we can crash right back into an emotional breakdown in the next fic! :D
"And you just can't do that, Misty...not while you're trying so hard to keep up
the appearance of hating us, anyway," Jessie chimed in.
Tom: (Misty) I'll stop keeping up the APPEARANCE, then. *slaps them all and rides off on Starmie before they can retaliate*
Yes! I said to myself as I watched the exchange. Tell her off once and for all!
"Are...are you saying you don't want to be friends anymore?" she asked sadly.
"That depends on whether you want to be our friend or not," Jessie replied.
"Yeah. Friendship isn't about appearances or deception," James added. "You're
not doing Ash and Brock any favors by lying to them about us...and you're
certainly not doing us any favors, either. All we're saying is that you need to
stop pretending. Be our friend, or don't be our friend -- you can't have it both
ways."
Guardian's Song: So stop being their friend, Misty!
"That's a lot to ask," she muttered. "You saw for yourself how Ash went
ballistic just now -- he wouldn't be able to understand."
"Well, if pretendin' ta hate us for his sake is more important ta you den
treatin' us with a bit a civility, den maybe bein' friends with ya ain't such a
good idea!" Meowth snapped.
Jerry: Yep, being associated with a ballistic person prone to violent outbursts is certainly something without any complications and not at all a reason Misty should worry for her safety, BY FIC LOGIC, if she tried to cross Cori!Ash.
You know, for someone who wrote Jessie as having an abusive boyfriend, maybe Miss Falls should have ACTUALLY RESEARCHED ABUSE.
"Does this mean we're enemies again?" Misty sighed. "I don't want that."
"Then stop acting like we're enemies, for godsake! If that's too much to ask,
then you don't have any business calling yourself our friend in the first
place!" Jessie cried. "I used to have a friend like you -- her name was Cassidy.
And do you know what I did when I couldn't take her back-stabbing and toying
with me anymore? I told her to hit the road, that's what.
Tom: *narrating* An' she promptly said, "You know what? I don't need a wangsty, MY HAIR IS LIKE MY MOMMY TO ME loser like you in my life any more," an' hit the road with a wide grin on her face an' a roarin' motorcycle under her rear. Y' were left chokin' on dust clouds.
Jerry: *sideways glance* SOMEONE is god-moding around here...
I didn't need a friend
like her, and if you insist on treating us like shit
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
just for the sake of
appearance, then we don't need a friend like you, either!"
"Jessie and Meowth are right," James agreed. "Misty, if you want this friendship
to work, it's going to take a lot more than being mean to us in public and then
apologizing when nobody is looking. Real friends don't put on acts like that.
Real friends aren't embarrassed to admit that they're friends with each other.
We've been trying to be nicer to you...now it's your turn to try and be nicer to
us. I know that's not going to be easy, but whether or not it's worth the effort
is up to you."
Jerry: I'd say it definitely isn't. Not with these creepy versions of Jessie and James, anyway. Do you really WANT permanent enrollment in that personality cult?
"Think about it," Jessie said coldly. "If you want to be our friend, then be our
friend. But if being a phony is more important, then you can go to hell
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
for all
we care."
Misty hung her head. "I guess that's it, then. I already told you I just can't
let Ash and Brock know."
"Den I guess we ain't worth bein' friends with, huh?" Meowth asked
sarcastically.
"You're the ones who said it, not me," she replied.
Guardian's Song: Uh, Cori Falls? Are you sure you want to give the "twerps" all the snark in this fic? Really? That's not doing YOUR ~favorite characters~ any favors...
"You might not have said it with words, but you're always saying it with your
actions...
Tom: An' she's completely right.
and every apology you make just rings more and more hollow,"
Jerry: Like your characterizations.
Jessie
told her. "If that's your choice, then go back to your real friends, and leave
us alone."
Misty's eyes filled with tears as she turned away from us and followed Ash and
Brock.
Tom: Tears'a joy.
"We really did want to be
Guardian's Song: *whistles innocently*
someday we can make friendship work, but you have a lot of growing up to do
before that can ever happen."
"Maybe...." she muttered.
Jerry: (Misty) And maybe you do.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched Misty walking away. Good! I thought.
Maybe now Jessie, James, and Meowth won't feel obligated to be so nice to her
when she acts like a bitch!
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
It's about time they told her like it is!
Once we were alone again, Jessie put her arms around James. "Are you okay,
sweetie?" she asked.
"I'm fine...thanks to Wobbuffet," he replied.
Tom: (James) *gasp* That ten-year-old might have chipped my manicure!
I smiled again.
Jessie and James returned my smile and patted me on the head.
"I still can't believe the way Ash spazzed out on us!" Meowth remarked. "He's
done some pretty crappy
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
stuff ta us before, but jeez!"
"I know! Why did he have to be so mean?" James asked.
Tom: Are y' FOUR YEARS OLD?
Jerry: Emotionally - that's about right!
I think he still had a hair up his ass
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
because he couldn't stand the fact that
we were doing good, and he was wrong about us, I replied.
"Yer prolly right, Wobbu," Meowth sighed.
Jessie frowned. "Has it really gotten to that point, James? Do you really think
he's so convinced that we're evil that he just doesn't know how to accept the
fact that we're not monsters?"
Guardian's Song: *hoists a giant, flashing IRONY sign above the characterizations in this fic and taps foot against the ground*
You were saying, Miss Falls?
"It sure seems that way, Jess," he said.
"Lulu is right -- that is sad," she muttered.
IRONY
As Jessie rested her head on James's shoulder, he looked at Lulu and smiled.
"Thank you for coming to our defense again."
"Well, I meant every word of what I said," she told us. "Don't worry about Ash
-- I know you're good people, even if he doesn't. And I'll see to it that
everybody else in this town has a chance to hear the truth about you guys, too.
Speaking of which...we have an appointment to keep with Mayor Houlihan. Come
on."
And so, doing our best to shake off our unpleasant encounter with the twerps,
Jerry: So is the spork captain, I think. *glances at Guardian's Song*
Guardian's Song: *deep, morose sigh*
Tom: Look on the bright side! At least they weren't TOO furry in this section!
we
followed Lulu to Town Hall.
@->->-
As Jessie rested her head on James's shoulder, he looked at Lulu and smiled.
"Thank you for coming to our defense again."
"Well, I meant every word of what I said," she told us. "Don't worry about Ash
-- I know you're good people, even if he doesn't. And I'll see to it that
everybody else in this town has a chance to hear the truth about you guys, too.
Speaking of which...we have an appointment to keep with Mayor Houlihan. Come
on."
And so, doing our best to shake off our unpleasant encounter with the twerps,
Jerry: So is the spork captain, I think. *glances at Guardian's Song*
Guardian's Song: *deep, morose sigh*
Tom: Look on the bright side! At least they weren't TOO furry in this section!
we
followed Lulu to Town Hall.
@->->-
no subject
Cori Falls's fanfics are basically written in the same damn narrative voice each time, no matter who the narrator is supposed to be (male or female, human or pokemon, canon character or OC). She doesn't tailor her voice to the characters at all. Furthermore, the characters are basically author's mouthpieces, and just about everything Jessie, James, and Meowth (and co.) say after a certain point is her own opinion. And none of her narrators, human or pokemon, can stop talking about how beautiful/sexy Jessie and James are...?
I suspect that Cori Falls may have had a fangirl crush on Jessie and James, which she just couldn't set aside in her writing. I can't exactly say I think there's anything wrong with that per se (I've done the same thing for a few characters) but...on the other hand, she did let it take over her entire website for a time....
Word on that condemnation of moral double standards, too. "How DARE this guy think the sociopath deserves to be stopped from STEALING/KILLING/DESTROYING WHATEVER HE FEELS LIKE! Clearly treating him like he doesn't deserve to live is the best thing to do in any given situation!"
no subject
Yeah, she pretty much does on James. Some of her author's notes imply that Jessie's a self-insert, given how much she ~identifies~ with her. :S
"on the other hand, she did let it take over her entire website for a time...."
For a time? Until she vanished from fandom, you mean. D| Seriously, I've heard she even made TR references in her YU-GI-OH fics. WTH?!
"Word on that condemnation of moral double standards, too. "How DARE this guy think the sociopath deserves to be stopped from STEALING/KILLING/DESTROYING WHATEVER HE FEELS LIKE! Clearly treating him like he doesn't deserve to live is the best thing to do in any given situation!""
Thank you! (And haha, YEAAAAH, that describes Corific more and more as it goes on. It got completely psycho post-Break-from-Canon, but it seems to have been pretty bad even BEFORE that.)
damn character limits
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
[conversation]
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
James: Sounds like she got a text from last night from her sister in jail after she danced naked on a rooftop while doing a dramatic reading of "Little Miss Mary". ...actually, anyone who would read that thing out loud deserves to be in jail.
Meowth: Least dere's no navelfucking in dat one. *shudder*
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Cori: EARTH LOGIC IS EVIL! Get it out of my soppy romance fics!
[snip TR whining]
Should we rant about Cori wanting TR to have their cake and eat it too, or has that just been done to death?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
...no, if you avoided making that joke I should to. It's only right.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Isn't that canon, though?
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu: Get out of my house!
Jessie: B-but we're selling 12 CDs for a penny!
Lulu: ...tell me more.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
*snicker* Ew.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
James: Well, I'm related to Ilyana from Fire Emblem 9 and 10.
Jessie: That would explain the hair color.
[Lulu forgiving Jessie for stealing the food]
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
YES. Cori!Team Rocket never learns shit because THERE ARE NEVER ANY REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THEM. See, THIS is where the "calling out and consequences need to happen" attitude actually has a place-not in Fire Emblem fandom where people bitch that Eirika needed to be slapped and yelled at over her error with the stone, or Awakening "doesn't have any real consequences for actions" just because of the happy ending. Compared to two noted criminals robbing people or trying to rob people on a daily basis and getting hugs and cuddles for it instead of punishment? A girl making a naive mistake after being blatantly manipulated or Chrom not being punished for...whatever it is he did wrong according to his detractors is fucking nothing compared to this.
Making mistakes or poor choices when they seem like the right thing to do is not worth lectures and callouts. STEALING WILLFULLY IS.
/tangent, sorry
Blah blah blah more poor TR are such persecuted woobie babies weh weh weh Cori is displeased weh weh weh. She'd get along well with the woobie!Gangrel fans, methinks. If we didn't already have her pegged as a theoretical Robin/Lucina shipper and Chrom as becoming a good person she'd fit in well with the ones who monster-ized Chrom and Emm for daring not to suck Gangrel's dick.
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
WAH WAH WAH. Drawn Together did the shit sandwich song better, Cori!Meowth.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
Well, she has to feed the poor things because canon won't serve them bacon eggs and toast with a side of strawberry cheesecake for breakfast, grilled chicken and fresh fruits with french toast for lunch and fine Italian food for dinner!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
Silly GS, Cori can't have the nasty realism of starvation in her better-than-canon romance fics! Who wants to read about two emanciated delusional teenagers holding hands and shivering in front of a fire?!
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
See, what would be logical.
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
My Little Pony crew: The solution to the problem was friendship! What a shock.
Boy Meets World crew: Feeny was right! What a shock.
ATLA crew: The Fire Nation is evil! What a shock.
The Cinema Snob: This porno movie has lots of tits in it! What a shock.
And holy shit, they wore their fucking TR uniforms into Lulu's house?! And Lulu just lets it slide?! WHAT THE HELL?!
[TR whines some more]
Y'know, Cori, if you really wanted to outline the downside of being in Team Rocket, WHY DID YOU KEEP GIVING THEM SUPER NICEY-NICE BENEFACTORS WHO FED THEM COOKIES AND TEA AND CHICKEN AND PASTA AND CHEESECAKE AND DECLARED THEM THE BESTEST NICE PEOPLE EVER JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE TO THEIR POKEMON?! Seriously, just because they're nice to THEIR Pokemon doesn't mean they're not assholes.
And...wow. I forget, why all the drama about being ~forced~ to stay in TR when they clearly have plans that they should, I dunno, quit and look for more lucrative or less illegal positions in order to pay for?! Oh, right, because Cori loooooves her melodrama.
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU
EXACTLY. If Cori had just declared herself an AU writer from the outset and written whatever she pleased without trying to make it conform to canon, she may have had a better reputation among the Rocketshipping fandom, or at least not such a bad one.
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Cori!Meowth: But I'm a humankin! I can only be sexually attracted to humans!
Cori!Wobbuffet: BUT I LOVE YOU D:
Cori!Meowth: Okay!
Cori: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *implodes*
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
WHAT?!!
How did I miss that the first time I read this fic?!
What?!
I
WHAT?!!!?
...all right, to be fair I've written Pokemon as crushing on humans before and in a better-written fic I could sorta see it as being totally innocent. But in a Corific? It gives me a really grungy feeling. D:
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
Oh Tom and Jerry, I feel your pain. D: The J&J ~fwuffy fwuff~ is nauseating enough but now Meowth's corrupted Wobbuffet into wanting to bang humans!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
She accidentally wrote a James/Meowth shippy moment once. It was hilarious.
Re: damn character limits
But see, she HAS to because poor Team Rocket are staaaaarving!! We have to make absolutely sure they eat and get the bestest foods ever!
Oh, god. Don't tell me he's still here.... I said to myself.
Tom: Oh Articuno, Zapdos, an' Moltres, don't tell me we need MORE Ash-bashin'.
Jerry: *sourly* You even have to wonder, at this point?
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
[Ash bashing bullshit]
And then Ash snapped and turned into a male Noire before using Cori!TR as his archery practice targets. No? Damn.
Once he was finished, the two of us high-fived.
Tom: I wanna "high-five" 'em with a Doubleslap.
Jerry: It wasn't even a good cursing spree!
Oh God, now they're acting like immature middle school boys who think they did the cutest cleverest toughest thing ever because they called a girl fat and made her cry. Cori's TR is doing the equivalent of peeing their name in the snow then acting like they created a work of art!
...oh, yeah, this is also the one where Misty breaks off her "secret friendship" with TR because she doesn't publicly kiss their boots. D: "Friends never criticize friends" is a stupid "rule" anyway. I mean, okay, no one LIKES to be criticized but not all criticism is meant to be mean. It's a word that SOUNDS harsh, and some people would rather call it guidance, but I feel like true friends will just plain be HONEST with you. If they honestly have no issues or things they feel they need to poke you about, that's fine. If they feel the need to remind you to kick certain bad habits or cultivate better ones, that's fine too.
Ash smirked. "I'm just glad you guys finally realized how evil and rotten Team
Rocket really is and ran them out of town!" he said. "I can't believe everybody
actually thought they were nice! That's a laugh!"
Misty: Didn't they save your life once?
Ash: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for them always trying to steal my best non-human friend!
Misty: ...good point.
STOP CURSING TEAM ROCKET YOU'RE MAKING ANDREW DICE CLAY LOOK LIKE A PRUDE.
"GRRR!!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!?!" Ash demanded. "DIDN'T YOU CAUSE
ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?!"
Brock: MR. BURNS IS CAUSING US ALL TO YELL!
Misty: That's it, I'm throwing out the capslock button as soon as we get to a place with a trash can.
And ugh, the usual "Bad Ash, stop talking smack, Team Rocket are very nice people and you're a bad boy for not loving them and kissing the ground they walk on!" crap.
Aaand Ash's Pokemon side against him, as if Cori really needed to drive the point home that Everybody Hates Ash and Team Rocket Is Pure And Right. Great.
Pikachu frowned and flattened his ears. "Pikaaa?
Pikachu: (Oh no, don't tell me they replaced MY trainer with this OOC King Gangrel wannabe.)
*meanwhile*
Gangrel: EMMERYN! Let's have a Pokemon battle! :D
Emmeryn: ...um. What are you talking about?
Chrom: He's drunk, let's go back to Ylisstol.
Gangrel: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT! D:
And, um, I get that Pokemon tries to use the "there are no bad Pokemon, just bad trainers" logic, but Pokemon DO have minds of their own. When they attack TR, they're being loyal to their trainer and fellow teammates. Pikachu is THEIR friend, too.
It's about friggin' time those other twerps called Ash on what a jerk he is! I
said as I watched the exchange.
Yay, Callout Culture! Never used when it's actually necessary (Jessie, James and Meowth ROBBING PEOPLE) and always used when it's not (Ash not trusting the people who TRY TO ROB HIM ON A DAILY BASIS).
[the horrible melodrama of Ash throwing a rock at James]
Really? REALLY?! God, did Cori get things thrown at her a lot when she was a kid? Cause she always makes it sound like a fucking trauma. "Wah! Those kids almost hit me with a rock!" "Eep! A little plastic cheeseburger whizzed by my ear!" *shakes head*
"And if
you ask me, they EARNED that food! There was nothing pretend about the way they
saved our festival -- it was an act of true heroism!"
IF SHE REALLY THOUGHT SO WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST GIVE IT TO THEM INSTEAD OF THEM HAVING TO STEAL IT?! Oh, right, ~dramaaaaa~.
[rant on empathy trolling]
That's a good name for it. And I hate it, too, so fucking much. "Whaddaya MEAN you don't think my babies are precious lambs of Jesus?! YOU MUST BE A MONSTER WITH NO HEART OR SOUL!!". Fandom in general often does this, too, when they put in examples for The Woobie or Tear Jerker on TVTropes they'll say "if you didn't sob helplessly when X thing happened, you have no soul" or "if you don't want to give Y character a big hug, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
Guardian's Song: Because you're just using lofty ideals and soft, smiling words to tell him that he's a soulless, retarded waste of air who makes the lives of those around him worse just by existing.
It's a mercy that Cori!Ash is too "dumb" to realize what you're trying to say. It's a mercy.
If he could, he would be in therapy forever for constant guilt complexes and self-loathing for shit he never did wrong.
God, if I didn't wanna read your sporking comments I'd just skip through the whole part. We get it, Cori, Ash is an unrepentant shitweasel of a turd-shit-fucker-fucktard-bitchcake-cowfucker-asshole-bastard-shit-heel-dickfart with no soul because he has the fucking cheek to distrust the people who rob him on a daily basis and deserves to be put in his place by your Author Avatar who is good and right and loves Team Rocket for who they are Inside.
So I'll just point out that she's not even talking to him any more. She's just slowly stroking herself while fantasizing about what a worthless, lying, deluded shit he is, and how saintly she is for being so much better than he is. And, if Cori!Ash wasn't so dense that it bounced off his skull (thank heavens), he'd come to believe it.
It's wrong to do that to a child. I don't care how righteous you think you are. It's wrong.
Preeeeetty much.
Guardian's Song: Yeah, I'm sure this is very funny if you haven't received the same treatment in real life. Oh, we're so ~righteous~. We're so righteous that we get off on telling a ten-year-old that he's a nasty, spiteful person who shouldn't be allowed near decent people. Oh, and, as a bonus, that he's too retarded to understand How Things Are, so he'll just have to take it on faith if he doesn't want to be told what an evil little shit he is again.
Oh, yes, Cori. Tell me again how much your characters are good, noble people who despise cruelty, unfairness, and lording it over those weaker than you.
Suddenly I'm glad I made Essie so unrepentantly unsympathetic. Because otherwise her behavior would trigger genuine rage from the people behind the socks instead of hilarity when she got what was coming to her.
I'm sorry for the way Ash
acted just now -- it was completely uncalled for. I honestly don't know what got
into him. I know he hates you guys, but he's not normally like this...."
Brock: I think he got into the OOC crack again. They need to stop making it look like candy.
Misty: *running around with a Pidgey on her head* I AM MISTY THE MOLTRES!
Brock: ...yeah, I'm gonna have a talk with those people. In fact they need to stop making it all together.
Aaand now Misty gets Called Out. Yay.
"That's different," James told her. "Jessie, Meowth, and I can get away with
teasing each other because we're close, and we know it's all in good fun."
...really? Because last time I checked Cori thought comic relief teasing was Very Mean and felt the need to use her fics to make it into a big deal so they could have sobby apology sessions.
"And when we say or do something that really is
hurtful, we don't just apologize -- we make a real effort to work through it and
make things better."
Jerry: (James) So we can crash right back into an emotional breakdown in the next fic! :D
Well said, well said.
Tom: (Misty) I'll stop keeping up the APPEARANCE, then. *slaps them all and rides off on Starmie before they can retaliate*
Jessie: Waaaaaaait!
Misty: *turns around* Yeah? What is it?
Jessie: You owe me five bucks!
Misty: Screw you. *continues riding away.
Jessie: #$%&^%&ING TWERP.
Aaand of course the Secret Friendship is ~over~ and it's so sad and dramatic and I actually feel sorry for Misty. She's the one who tried to be the bigger person by giving KNOWN CRIMINALS a chance, and when she didn't kiss their asses all the time they gave her a lecture.
And there's still more left, isn't there. D: Now I remember why I never re-read this thing. It's not the first time Cori's tried to emotionally manipulate her readers, but this is just a huge author tract from the mouth of an OOC blue blob about Why Team Rocket Is Good People And Ash And Misty Are Mean.
Re: damn character limits
:P Of course. They totally value nice food over NON-PERISHABLE FOOD THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY TAKE WITH THEM SO THEY WON'T STARVE!
(Sorry. Pet peeve in Corific.)
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE."
XD You're not used to it yet?
"Cori's TR is doing the equivalent of peeing their name in the snow then acting like they created a work of art!"
We have MERCIFULLY not hit any such point. But it gets awfully close after Break from Canon, doesn't it? With them gloating over teaching a BABY Articuno to swear like a sailor...
"...oh, yeah, this is also the one where Misty breaks off her "secret friendship" with TR because she doesn't publicly kiss their boots. D: "Friends never criticize friends" is a stupid "rule" anyway. I mean, okay, no one LIKES to be criticized but not all criticism is meant to be mean. It's a word that SOUNDS harsh, and some people would rather call it guidance, but I feel like true friends will just plain be HONEST with you. If they honestly have no issues or things they feel they need to poke you about, that's fine. If they feel the need to remind you to kick certain bad habits or cultivate better ones, that's fine too."
*NOD NOD NOD* Exactly my point!
"STOP CURSING TEAM ROCKET YOU'RE MAKING ANDREW DICE CLAY LOOK LIKE A PRUDE."
I got very tempted to link the Tourette's Shitcock Syndrome page at one point. D|
"Aaand Ash's Pokemon side against him, as if Cori really needed to drive the point home that Everybody Hates Ash and Team Rocket Is Pure And Right. Great."
-_- Subtlety is verboten in Coriland.
"Yay, Callout Culture! Never used when it's actually necessary (Jessie, James and Meowth ROBBING PEOPLE) and always used when it's not (Ash not trusting the people who TRY TO ROB HIM ON A DAILY BASIS)."
:\ You just summed up all Corinteractions with Ash in a nutshell. Here, have a nut. *proffers Cori!Meowth*
"Really? REALLY?! God, did Cori get things thrown at her a lot when she was a kid? Cause she always makes it sound like a fucking trauma. "Wah! Those kids almost hit me with a rock!" "Eep! A little plastic cheeseburger whizzed by my ear!" *shakes head*"
Perhaps they threw suggestions for new haircuts at her. :P
"That's a good name for it. And I hate it, too, so fucking much. "Whaddaya MEAN you don't think my babies are precious lambs of Jesus?! YOU MUST BE A MONSTER WITH NO HEART OR SOUL!!". Fandom in general often does this, too, when they put in examples for The Woobie or Tear Jerker on TVTropes they'll say "if you didn't sob helplessly when X thing happened, you have no soul" or "if you don't want to give Y character a big hug, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!""
In all fairness, I tend to read the ~no soul~ stuff as hyperbole. ...Unfortunately, I admit that I might give people too much credit. D:
"If he could, he would be in therapy forever for constant guilt complexes and self-loathing for shit he never did wrong."
*winces* Yes. Precisely.
"God, if I didn't wanna read your sporking comments I'd just skip through the whole part."
...Sorry? :D;;
"We get it, Cori, Ash is an unrepentant shitweasel of a turd-shit-fucker-fucktard-bitchcake-cowfucker-asshole-bastard-shit-heel-dickfart with no soul because he has the fucking cheek to distrust the people who rob him on a daily basis and deserves to be put in his place by your Author Avatar who is good and right and loves Team Rocket for who they are Inside."
...Basically. D8
"Suddenly I'm glad I made Essie so unrepentantly unsympathetic. Because otherwise her behavior would trigger genuine rage from the people behind the socks instead of hilarity when she got what was coming to her."
It helps that Essie is OBVIOUSLY a histrionic, short-sighted brat. The holier-than-thou, from-my-point-of-view-I-AM-St.-Woobie-the-Perfect behavior is what sets off my genuine rage here. D: D:< D8<
"...really? Because last time I checked Cori thought comic relief teasing was Very Mean and felt the need to use her fics to make it into a big deal so they could have sobby apology sessions."
*nodnod* Yep. Pointed that out back in Thorns, I think.
"Aaand of course the Secret Friendship is ~over~ and it's so sad and dramatic and I actually feel sorry for Misty. She's the one who tried to be the bigger person by giving KNOWN CRIMINALS a chance, and when she didn't kiss their asses all the time they gave her a lecture."
*sigh* Yes. Sums up Corific, as I keep sayin'...
"And there's still more left, isn't there. D:"
I think it's either 1/2 or 2/3rds over by this post. @_@ MEANING THERE'S STILL OVER 1/3RD LEFT
Re: damn character limits
We have MERCIFULLY not hit any such point. But it gets awfully close after Break from Canon, doesn't it? With them gloating over teaching a BABY Articuno to swear like a sailor...
Oh God, I remember that. Meowth wants to let it watch the South Park movie so it can learn to curse at Ash. D:
Cori: Subtlety? What's that? This air raid siren should get my message across perfectly!
:\ You just summed up all Corinteractions with Ash in a nutshell. Here, have a nut. *proffers Cori!Meowth*
...I'd be glad Maggie's spayed and old, but then I remember this Meowth has a thing for humans. D: Well, at least he's not likely to hump my Hello Kitty plushies either.
In all fairness, I tend to read the ~no soul~ stuff as hyperbole. ...Unfortunately, I admit that I might give people too much credit. D:
Maybe it is, but you can never tell on TVTropes.
I almost wanna write fic where Ash DOES understand the shit Cori!TR says and is broken by it, but even then his friends don't coddle him. They say yes, he does have some bad habits he needs to change but he needs to wanna make changes himself rather than letting Cori!TR and their posse dictate his life. (Even when I write things meant to give a character woobie moments I still make sure it's known that they DO have flaws, it's just not a federal crime that they do. Er, but hopefully less verbose.)
...Sorry? :D;;
It's cool. XD I read it anyway just for your rants because you are SO right. EMPATHY TROLLING SUCKS.
It helps that Essie is OBVIOUSLY a histrionic, short-sighted brat. The holier-than-thou, from-my-point-of-view-I-AM-St.-Woobie-the-Perfect behavior is what sets off my genuine rage here. D: D:< D8<
Yeah, true. Essie as a character wants people to pity her, but I as the mun want people to throw things at her. XD World of difference from Cori's bullshit.
Ah, Corific logic. I think someone on the old GAFF boards wrote up a whole list of "life lessons from Cori Falls's fanfiction". I think I still have it somewhere.
I think it's either 1/2 or 2/3rds over by this post. @_@ MEANING THERE'S STILL OVER 1/3RD LEFT
Godspeed. *sniffles and salutes you*
Re: damn character limits
And even if he couldn't - HELLO, STARVATION! CUISINE QUALITY DOESN'T MATTER TO THE DYING!
Sorry, Mrs. Weasley. *hands back Capslock*
"Cori: Subtlety? What's that? This air raid siren should get my message across perfectly!"
WRH!Cori: Air raid siren? Naw, too restrained! TRY THIS HYDROGEN BOMB, BITCH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! >:D
"I almost wanna write fic where Ash DOES understand the shit Cori!TR says and is broken by it, but even then his friends don't coddle him. They say yes, he does have some bad habits he needs to change but he needs to wanna make changes himself rather than letting Cori!TR and their posse dictate his life. (Even when I write things meant to give a character woobie moments I still make sure it's known that they DO have flaws, it's just not a federal crime that they do. Er, but hopefully less verbose.)"
*nods* ...though, in all honesty, I think the kid might NEED unconditional support for a little bit after all the shit Cori puts him through. D: I mean, fuck, pre-Break-from-Canon might be bearable, but even if you WRH out Ash's crazy behavior post-Break-from-Canon as Team Rocket's perceptions of his valid complaints, the poor kid likely has a crippling case of PTSD by the time some wish-fulfillment cop tracks them down and puts them away for good. D8
"It's cool. XD I read it anyway just for your rants because you are SO right. EMPATHY TROLLING SUCKS."
Thank you! :D (And I am SO GLAD you agree. D:)
"Yeah, true. Essie as a character wants people to pity her, but I as the mun want people to throw things at her. XD World of difference from Cori's bullshit."
PRECISELY! XD
"Ah, Corific logic. I think someone on the old GAFF boards wrote up a whole list of "life lessons from Cori Falls's fanfiction". I think I still have it somewhere.'"
Tell me if you find it! Might make a good YMMV link on the TV Tropes page.
"Godspeed. *sniffles and salutes you*"
Thanks! XD I'm done now, as you can see, but hoooooly crud. @_@ Daaaang, that was one long, awful fic...
Re: damn character limits
WRH!Cori: Air raid siren? Naw, too restrained! TRY THIS HYDROGEN BOMB, BITCH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! >:D
AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AND POKEMON RAN SCREAMING FOR THEIR LIVES.
*nods* ...though, in all honesty, I think the kid might NEED unconditional support for a little bit after all the shit Cori puts him through. D: I mean, fuck, pre-Break-from-Canon might be bearable, but even if you WRH out Ash's crazy behavior post-Break-from-Canon as Team Rocket's perceptions of his valid complaints, the poor kid likely has a crippling case of PTSD by the time some wish-fulfillment cop tracks them down and puts them away for good. D8
Yeah, pre-break-from-canon he'd probably need a few hugs, but also a reminder not to directly engage TR because even if they're thieving jerks, giving them the attention they want isn't gonna make them STOP stealing. But after that? Ash is quite obviously broken and his friends would be justified in coddling him.
It might be on my computer, it might be a printed out sheet...if the latter, I'll have to type it up. Or ask the original writer if they still have it.
*throws confetti* YAY.
Re: damn character limits
I once made the mistake of eating a semi-raw fast-food chicken sandwich because I was really hungry and I didn't want to toss it just because it was raw. :\ Didn't get sick, fortunately - but point is, HUNGER DOES NOT DEMAND MICHELIN-STARRED RESTAURANTS. Jeez!
"AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AND POKEMON RAN SCREAMING FOR THEIR LIVES."
Cori: They were doubtless relatives of Ash or Tracey, anyway! D:<
"Yeah, pre-break-from-canon he'd probably need a few hugs, but also a reminder not to directly engage TR because even if they're thieving jerks, giving them the attention they want isn't gonna make them STOP stealing. But after that? Ash is quite obviously broken and his friends would be justified in coddling him."
*whimpers*
(In all fairness, despite what Cori says, TR DOESN'T GIVE ASH A CHOICE. He HAS to directly engage with them from time to time. But, yeah, telling the poor kid to just call 911 when he sights them probably would do him a world of good. It would prevent the WRH-kickoff beatdown, at any rate. D:)
"It might be on my computer, it might be a printed out sheet...if the latter, I'll have to type it up. Or ask the original writer if they still have it."
ScreencapPhotograph it and load it up as an image! :PRe: damn character limits
Tracey: Fuck you, Cori, you know my uncle has a heart condition and can't run too long!
Ash: NOW who's the unfeeling monster who gives no regard to the feelings of others?!
Cori: ...FUCK YOU ASSHOLES, I SHOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SHITTY SELVES RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKERS!
(Totally. I can see Brock telling him this. "Ash, here's a simple way to avoid confrontations with Team Rocket. It's called 911. Next time you see them, USE IT." "Well, there IS always a Jenny around somewhere." "Aint it great? :D" "Brock, are you using this as an excuse to hit on every Jenny you see?!" "Come on, Misty, it's a double-purpose solution!")
:D That could work!
Re: damn character limits
Cori: ASH IS AN EVIL NO-GOOD MONSTER WHO DESERVES TO BE BEATEN UP AND SO ARE YOU, SKETCHIT
Tracey: Wow, talk about double standards, lady. You wrote New Directions and YOU once ranted about violent fanfics?!
"(Totally. I can see Brock telling him this. "Ash, here's a simple way to avoid confrontations with Team Rocket. It's called 911. Next time you see them, USE IT." "Well, there IS always a Jenny around somewhere." "Aint it great? :D" "Brock, are you using this as an excuse to hit on every Jenny you see?!" "Come on, Misty, it's a double-purpose solution!")"
XD And there went Team Rocket - though I'm willing to let it slide in canon, but in Corific? THROW 'EM IN THE SLAMMER
Re: damn character limits
Ash: She has a NAME, Cori. Is she just James's accessory now?
Tracey: And she calls ME sexist.
Yep. XD
Re: damn character limits
No, she's my self-insert! D:<HER PURENESS GOES BEYOND NAMESTracey: ...Jeez, all this bashing over giving them a HAIRCUT.
Misty: A haircut of ~*~*~*~*TRAUMA*~*~*~*~.
Ash: At least you got out scot-free! I lost my sanity! PERMANENTLY! D:
Re: damn character limits
Brock: Hey! D:
Re: damn character limits
The really sad thing is, that would actually be an interesting point of characterization that could shed some light onto why they were always hungry...if it were ever, ever addressed!
(well, for awhile anyway--after a certain point you'd just wonder why they didn't wise up and take food that kept longer)
Re: damn character limits
Re: damn character limits
WRH is basically one big acid trip of all the canon episodes after that point... :P
"Cori: EARTH LOGIC IS EVIL! Get it out of my soppy romance fics!"
Cori: ALPHA CENTAURI LOGIC FTW!
"Should we rant about Cori wanting TR to have their cake and eat it too, or has that just been done to death?"
Eh, that's my job at this point. You don't need to bother. :P
"Isn't that canon, though?"
*pauses and checks Pokedex entries* Well, I'll be darned. I never caught that.
"
YES. Cori!Team Rocket never learns shit because THERE ARE NEVER ANY REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THEM. See, THIS is where the "calling out and consequences need to happen" attitude actually has a place-not in Fire Emblem fandom where people bitch that Eirika needed to be slapped and yelled at over her error with the stone, or Awakening "doesn't have any real consequences for actions" just because of the happy ending. Compared to two noted criminals robbing people or trying to rob people on a daily basis and getting hugs and cuddles for it instead of punishment? A girl making a naive mistake after being blatantly manipulated or Chrom not being punished for...whatever it is he did wrong according to his detractors is fucking nothing compared to this.
Making mistakes or poor choices when they seem like the right thing to do is not worth lectures and callouts. STEALING WILLFULLY IS.
/tangent, sorry"
TANGENT?! It's COMPLETELY relevant!
" If we didn't already have her pegged as a theoretical Robin/Lucina shipper and Chrom as becoming a good person she'd fit in well with the ones who monster-ized Chrom and Emm for daring not to suck Gangrel's dick."
Not impossible. Remember, she 'reformed' Misty after WRH, even though she bashed her (physically and emotionally) before said 'reformation'. Entirely possible she'd have Gangrel show up during the three-year break and have everyone beat on Chrom for DARING TO BE MEAN TO TEH POOR WOOBIE. Then he'd be all forgiven and he could sire perfect!Lucina.
(And she'd do similarly for Emmeryn, completely glossing over the Unfortunate Implications of Emmeryn 'reforming' AFTER SHE BECAME BRAIN-DAMAGED. For the triple score on Unfortunate Implications, she'd then pair Emmeryn off with Gangrel! D:)
"Silly GS, Cori can't have the nasty realism of starvation in her better-than-canon romance fics! Who wants to read about two emanciated delusional teenagers holding hands and shivering in front of a fire?!"
She wants the nasty realism when she bashes Ash for electrocuting them or excuses them with "BUT THEY'RE STAAAARVING", and doesn't want a single scrap of it when it actually DISADVANTAGES her poor woobies. Bah humbug.
"And holy shit, they wore their fucking TR uniforms into Lulu's house?! And Lulu just lets it slide?! WHAT THE HELL?!"
XD Your brain really suppressed the memories of this fic, didn't it?
"Y'know, Cori, if you really wanted to outline the downside of being in Team Rocket, WHY DID YOU KEEP GIVING THEM SUPER NICEY-NICE BENEFACTORS WHO FED THEM COOKIES AND TEA AND CHICKEN AND PASTA AND CHEESECAKE AND DECLARED THEM THE BESTEST NICE PEOPLE EVER JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE TO THEIR POKEMON?! Seriously, just because they're nice to THEIR Pokemon doesn't mean they're not assholes."
Because weh weh weh woobies weh weh weh! :P
"And...wow. I forget, why all the drama about being ~forced~ to stay in TR when they clearly have plans that they should, I dunno, quit and look for more lucrative or less illegal positions in order to pay for?! Oh, right, because Cori loooooves her melodrama."
There also used to be something about Giovanni being a bad boss who forced Jessie into TR because her mother was one of their best agents (and James went along to make sure she had a friend in that hellhole), but ever since Giovanni got retconned to being a floofy Rocketshipper? Pah, forget any of THAT internal consistency!
"EXACTLY. If Cori had just declared herself an AU writer from the outset and written whatever she pleased without trying to make it conform to canon, she may have had a better reputation among the Rocketshipping fandom, or at least not such a bad one."
In all fairness, she probably wouldn't have gotten as well-known if she hadn't made it ~What You Didn't See~. But she should have made the ACTUAL romance/secret friendships/etc. AU, because THAT'S what bit her in the ass as the series went on and eventually forced the Break From Canon.
"WHAT?!!
How did I miss that the first time I read this fic?!
What?!
I
WHAT?!!!?
...all right, to be fair I've written Pokemon as crushing on humans before and in a better-written fic I could sorta see it as being totally innocent. But in a Corific? It gives me a really grungy feeling. D:"
Given that her ENTIRE META JUSTIFICATION for Jessie/James was, at one point, ~two beautiful people of the opposite sex MUST be banging! ;D~, you SHOULD have an absolutely grungy feeling. D8
"Oh Tom and Jerry, I feel your pain. D: The J&J ~fwuffy fwuff~ is nauseating enough but now Meowth's corrupted Wobbuffet into wanting to bang humans!"
When I started Tom's running-joke furryphobia, I wasn't expecting it to pay off THIS much. XD Not by half!
"She accidentally wrote a James/Meowth shippy moment once. It was hilarious."
O_O
Re: damn character limits
Yeah, I remember reading that bit about Wobbuffet on either Bulbapedia or TVTropes. XD Kinda scary awesome!
TANGENT?! It's COMPLETELY relevant!
Thanks. XD After I read onwards I realized just how relevant it was. Callout culture is weird sometimes. I feel like it's always present whenever a character does something remotely wrong or less than 100% right even though it's completely out of place and unnecessary. But when a character IS a huge douchebag and does something that warrants a chewing out, callout culture is nowhere to be found!
Not impossible. Remember, she 'reformed' Misty after WRH, even though she bashed her (physically and emotionally) before said 'reformation'. Entirely possible she'd have Gangrel show up during the three-year break and have everyone beat on Chrom for DARING TO BE MEAN TO TEH POOR WOOBIE. Then he'd be all forgiven and he could sire perfect!Lucina.
(And she'd do similarly for Emmeryn, completely glossing over the Unfortunate Implications of Emmeryn 'reforming' AFTER SHE BECAME BRAIN-DAMAGED. For the triple score on Unfortunate Implications, she'd then pair Emmeryn off with Gangrel! D:)
Oh God. D: People DO ship Gangrel/Emmeryn, but Cori would make it extra gross. Gangrel crying and Emm comforting him is canon in Hot Spring Scramble, so Cori would make it three times as long and ten times as weepy.
She wants the nasty realism when she bashes Ash for electrocuting them or excuses them with "BUT THEY'RE STAAAARVING", and doesn't want a single scrap of it when it actually DISADVANTAGES her poor woobies. Bah humbug.
Can't have it both ways, Falls. And I say this as someone who HATES "can't have it both ways".
XD Your brain really suppressed the memories of this fic, didn't it?
I think it did. D: Or at the time it was so boring I forgot it in favor of the more memorable crapfics.
There also used to be something about Giovanni being a bad boss who forced Jessie into TR because her mother was one of their best agents (and James went along to make sure she had a friend in that hellhole), but ever since Giovanni got retconned to being a floofy Rocketshipper? Pah, forget any of THAT internal consistency!
Yeah, Giovanni used to be picked on as a mean boss, but even then I think Cori liked him well enough? To be fair that was from J&J's perspective and they didn't yet know that the boss had a soft spot for him.
True. WYDS was probably a better formula than WRH, cause at least she still followed canon and her stories were merely offscreen happenings.
Given that her ENTIRE META JUSTIFICATION for Jessie/James was, at one point, ~two beautiful people of the opposite sex MUST be banging! ;D~, you SHOULD have an absolutely grungy feeling. D8
I already do, but this just makes it worse. D:
XD I honestly have nothing against furries, really. I'm not a fan but I know the furry fandom's not ALL whackjobs.
Yeah, in "Hard Night's Work" iirc. James was being all weepy and Meowth comforted him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Re: damn character limits
Callout fans tend not to devour their own. Unfortunately. -_-;; (And Cori is the shining paragon of that tendency.)
"Oh God. D: People DO ship Gangrel/Emmeryn, but Cori would make it extra gross. Gangrel crying and Emm comforting him is canon in Hot Spring Scramble, so Cori would make it three times as long and ten times as weepy."
Yeah, I honestly ship it a little after reading the barracks conversations on the Wiki, but a LOOOOONG way down the road. Like, after Emm regains herself and when Gangrel's fully repented. Cori... would make it look like her Jessie/James on STEROIDS. D8
"Can't have it both ways, Falls. And I say this as someone who HATES "can't have it both ways"."
SAME HERE. I'm normally ADVOCATING more looseness in characterization and exploration of alternate routes (after going way too dogmatic in my early fandom days), but Cori takes it up to twenty-seven. (FORGET ELEVEN, we left eleven behind several fics ago and we're climbin' up the ladder with every other fic... D8)
"I think it did. D: Or at the time it was so boring I forgot it in favor of the more memorable crapfics."
I take it you suppressed the FESTIVAL HELD SOLELY IN JESSIE AND JAMES'S HONOR? :P (Not ragging on you - that outburst in Part 4 was my ACTUAL reaction when I got to it. I think your brain just went NOPENOPENOPE and wiped the memory there.)
"Yeah, Giovanni used to be picked on as a mean boss, but even then I think Cori liked him well enough? To be fair that was from J&J's perspective and they didn't yet know that the boss had a soft spot for him."
I really suspect it happened after the Jessie's-Mom Drama CD, because we all know her favoritism towards people with Unhappy Pasts. :S Plus, Giovanni's mom made a convenient scapegoat for Everything Wrong With TR at that point, if I recall her fics correctly.
I'd put it down to Jessie and James's POV if they weren't otherwise always right about everything. That indicates an actual authorial-viewpoint shift to me, and it's pretty jarring.
"True. WYDS was probably a better formula than WRH, cause at least she still followed canon and her stories were merely offscreen happenings."
It gave her stories some semblance of structure, plot, and conflict that they just plain lacked in the WRH material. I hate to say it, but she seems to have not had ENOUGH 'creativity' without canon as her self-enforced restriction. There were never any setbacks, no long-lasting conflict, no true difficulties... It was just a self-indulgent lovefest.
:\ And I REALLY don't like saying that, because I tolerate slice-of-life and wish-fulfillment when fandom elitists whine about IT'S NOT GWIMDAWK SO IT SUUUUUUCKS. But it's really true of the WRH trilogy and associated fics. It is.
"I already do, but this just makes it worse. D:"
XD Sorry! If it's any comfort, the characters are having it worse than you are...
"XD I honestly have nothing against furries, really. I'm not a fan but I know the furry fandom's not ALL whackjobs."
I don't have anything against most of them either, really. Some of the art is cute. It's just the more bestiality-inclined section that grosses me out and the FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON otherkins that make me want to cast Summon Fandom Wank, and that's the part with the accidental subtext and the part that Cori!James glomps during these fics, so... :P
"Yeah, in "Hard Night's Work" iirc. James was being all weepy and Meowth comforted him and gave him a kiss on the cheek."
O__________O O...kay, that's... maybe just friendship, but with the amount of subtext floatin' around... D::::::::
Re: damn character limits
Yeah, I honestly ship it a little after reading the barracks conversations on the Wiki, but a LOOOOONG way down the road. Like, after Emm regains herself and when Gangrel's fully repented. Cori... would make it look like her Jessie/James on STEROIDS. D8
I don't, but I CAN see why people would.
Totally. Gangrel would fulfill both the Jessie AND James roles (studly protector who wonders how Emm can even love him after he's been such a bad boy) and Emm is obviously Jessie with a teeny bit of James. D:
SAME HERE. I'm normally ADVOCATING more looseness in characterization and exploration of alternate routes (after going way too dogmatic in my early fandom days), but Cori takes it up to twenty-seven. (FORGET ELEVEN, we left eleven behind several fics ago and we're climbin' up the ladder with every other fic... D8)I really suspect it happened after the Jessie's-Mom Drama CD, because we all know her favoritism towards people with Unhappy Pasts. :S Plus, Giovanni's mom made a convenient scapegoat for Everything Wrong With TR at that point, if I recall her fics correctly.
Yeah, but Giovanni still excused her with "oh she was sad because she lost her beloved husband". Though it still didn't stop Jessie's grandparents from cheering when they found out she'd died.
*nods* Her WYDS format turned the conflict into huge screaming melodrama but at least it was THERE.
:\ And I REALLY don't like saying that, because I tolerate slice-of-life and wish-fulfillment when fandom elitists whine about IT'S NOT GWIMDAWK SO IT SUUUUUUCKS. But it's really true of the WRH trilogy and associated fics. It is.
Oh, I know. I love fluff and slice of life and happyfic, but Cori just took it too far.
Yeah, some furries ARE batfuck crazy...then again, show me a fandom that DOESN'T have batfuck crazies.
O__________O O...kay, that's... maybe just friendship, but with the amount of subtext floatin' around... D::::::::
Considering canon already had Meowth glomming all over James at one point due to love potion...yeah. Hard not to glean slashy subtext from that scene!
Re: damn character limits
I dunno, I just see some subtext in the Relationship Tile (NOT Barracks - sorry) conversations.
"Asking - Emmeryn
"Why do you wander off like that after battles, fool? You'll get hurt." (free time)
"This might sound strange coming from me, but what will you do from here on out?" (dreams)
"You look wretchedly happy. Have some of your memories returned?" (happy)
"You know, you should let me take the lead in the next fight. It's dangerous out there." (team up)
Replying - Emmeryn
"I usually just let my mind wander. I'd lend you a hand, if you had the sense to ask." (free time)
"Me? You should be thinking of yourself. ...Not that it's any concern of mine." (dreams)
"I should have SCARRED your face, so your brother would end me good and proper..." (happy)
"Well...all right. How am I supposed to say no to you?" (team up)
--
Replying - Chrom/Lissa/GangrelEdit
"I just...want to...know you better..." (dreams)
"No... I can't...remember a thing... I'm sorry" (happy)
"I'm just...going for walks. I'm sorry I...worried." (free time)
"
Totally. Gangrel would fulfill both the Jessie AND James roles (studly protector who wonders how Emm can even love him after he's been such a bad boy) and Emm is obviously Jessie with a teeny bit of James. D:
YEP. D8 (Though I guess Emm is more broken!Jessie with Gangrel as a more hardcore-James
not that it would affect how Cori would write him.)Yeah, but Giovanni still excused her with "oh she was sad because she lost her beloved husband". Though it still didn't stop Jessie's grandparents from cheering when they found out she'd died.
Really? Never read NTL all the way through, sorry. XD;; Thanks for telling me. Think the Jessie's-grandparents reaction is indicative, though. :P
*nods* Her WYDS format turned the conflict into huge screaming melodrama but at least it was THERE.
EXACTLY. After that? Blahblahblah Stabbing Westward blahblahblah Fu King restaurant blahblahblah French toast!
Oh, I know. I love fluff and slice of life and happyfic, but Cori just took it too far.
Oi, YES... @_@
Yeah, some furries ARE batfuck crazy...then again, show me a fandom that DOESN'T have batfuck crazies.
I'm sporkin' one, ain't I? XDConsidering canon already had Meowth glomming all over James at one point due to love potion...yeah. Hard not to glean slashy subtext from that scene!
XD Poor Cori. Tried so hard to write pure het and wound up with subtext all over the place. We'd probably have femmeslash ships if these fics didn't fail Bechdel test HARD. (And even then, Lickitung is female in these fics, and an entire oneshot is dedicated to its journey back to Jessie, so... OH GAD, BRAIN BLEACH... D8)
Re: damn character limits
Totally. D: And when Emm gets some of her memories back and remembers the war she'd of course weep like HIBY!Azula and blame herself for Gangrel's fall!
I read NTL recently using Ponify (an add-on for Chrome). It's slightly funnier that way!
EXACTLY. After that? Blahblahblah Stabbing Westward blahblahblah Fu King restaurant blahblahblah French toast!
Yep. Oh, there's the occasional Ash encounter with the usual pretentious throwdown but they kick his ass and are applauded for it! And don't worry, even though their encounter with The Twerp disturbed them they went on their merry way to buy groceries and eat fancy Italian food and have super-hot sex!
XD Poor Cori. Tried so hard to write pure het and wound up with subtext all over the place. We'd probably have femmeslash ships if these fics didn't fail Bechdel test HARD. (And even then, Lickitung is female in these fics, and an entire oneshot is dedicated to its journey back to Jessie, so... OH GAD, BRAIN BLEACH... D8)
Also, remember how Arbok called Jessie "My Jessie" in "The Power That's Inside"? Yeaaaaah D: