I... actually love "The Rape of the Lock." When I was fifteen or sixteen years old my mother and I acted it out with a group of her old friends at a conference at Georgetown University, and it was so much fun. But we were all aware that it was meant to be a joke. Presumably Cori should be too, if she's an English major!
I've heard it's quite good, but with the understanding that it was a joke. As you said... shouldn't Cori Falls, as an ENGLISH MAJOR, have caught that?

not only is it incredibly melodramatic to insist that getting your hair cut without your consent is like rape, but it also diminishes the trauma of rape by comparing it to something so (objectively) trivial.
PRECISELY. You said it much better than I did, but that's what I was getting at! How does one POSSIBLY think of equating involuntary haircuts to rape?!