John Carter of Mars: rather a wash.

[guardians_song]

Admittedly, I wasn't paying too much attention to the hour or so I saw, but the CGI aliens were both unpleasant to observe and boring to observe, Virginia John Carter himself looked insipid and acted brainless, and the special effects were impressive whenever the Martian-civilization sets appeared and otherwise... um...

We'll just say that, if somebody didn't do a mashup of the footage with Super Mario Bros. sound-effects, there was a great missed opportunity for a parody.

Honestly, who thought it was a good idea outside of a parody to have Our Hero leaping, flailing about, and falling on his face for several minutes on end at the start of the Mars sequence? If the intent was to show him developing from a somewhat buffoonish newbie to a brave hero... I noticed him getting bitchier throughout the movie. That was the main character change.

Again, I didn't pay that much attention, but I'm pretty sure the hero and the romantic lead should have had more raw charisma than the goofy CGI amphibian wonderdog.

Verdict: Don't watch. Unless I really missed something or it picks up after the point where I turned it off, but I don't think that's likely.