guardians_song | I s'pose part of why I close myself off to stimulus is that I'm afraid of being disappointed by LACK

...of stimulus.

So I deaden myself because... I'm resigned to the world already being deadened, and so I choose not to disappoint myself.

It's also because I just couldn't take negative stimulus when I was younger. I'm getting more of an actual tolerance as I get older, as opposed to just blocking it out or having my emotions shut down, so I no longer need the coping mechanisms to the same extent... but I do need to remember they're there in order to switch them off.

(Also, now that I actually know the difference between true tolerance for pain and a faked "tolerance"? I am doubly convinced that "taking things in stride" is:
A) a learned skill;
B) a skill taking a surprising amount of time and directed effort to learn;
C) a skill that cannot be learned while one is in acute pain;
D) a skill that must derive from one's inner values and one's personal goals, motivations, and efforts;
E) not something one can spontaneously acquire just because a sanctimonious authority figure is lecturing one about it while one is sobbing one's guts out.
Not that I would know anything about E, now would I?
I'm sorry if I've gotten annoyingly petty about certain issues recently, and I know I have [on Tumblr, at least], but my self-righteousness increases as my amount of spine increases. Sorry, still not sure how to moderate that, guardians_song.exe is still in the debugging process.

To TL;DR the reason behind this proportionate increase in self-righteousness, I believe certain kinds of ignorance are malicious. Viewed objectively, I cannot forgive unrepentant, proud malice. And the more spine I get, the less I make excuses for myself and others.

I can be less tetchy about it, but I think that probably won't happen until I get through the first round of venting - at which point my discomfort with outright redundancy and going around in circles will take over. That may take a while. Sorry for being pissy in the meantime, guys. D:)

Anyway - yippee, it's a magical world out there, Hobbes, let's go exploring. Just need to figure out the correct way in which to phrase it.

And to figure out how I'll get my brain to shut off at night so I don't start up my computer because I can't sleep for hours on end after midnight. :P D| Well, that's how life goes...

(No, it's not electronic lighting. I have the occasional so-tired-but-can't-sleep fit even in the absence of electronics. Probable bad brain wiring. Just have to learn to circumvent it.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Eh? I don't see any of this self-righteousness or pettiness you're talking about, especially on Tumblr. (Then again, yours is probably a tiny case compared to MOST on Tumblr).

Ah, I just get bitchy on the occasional 'family angst' 100K-note post. XP I know it's not much by Tumblr standards, but I just get nervous about being bitchy at all. :P

(...keeping in mind that, "by Tumblr standards", Cori Falls would just be a slightly high-strung fan that has an unusual amount of FEELS for her precious Rockets. ;) :P ...assuming she wasn't stupid enough to be open about her homophobia on TUMBLR, of all places. If she kept her bigoted side out of things, she'd probably be a fairly standard BNF.

She was genuinely... high-strung, so she could probably have cited genuine emotion-related issues if called on bad behavior. Admittedly people would have given her funny looks if she started tagging "tw: haircuts", but... @_@

Sorry to get on a tangent, but the topic was just fresh in my mind because of your food-porn post. [Can you IMAGINE? Her Tumblr would probably be 50% food porn dear gad])

Aaah. *nod* I haven't seen that yet, but tumblr moves so fast, lol.

(It's okay! She would, yeah, compared to the angry SJW types who send death threats over misunderstandings. And LOL, she would have some VERY funny trigger warnings. "tw: haircuts. tw: Ash Ketchum" and so forth. On the other hand, she would be fresh meat for the SJWs if her homophobia did show up.

And oh God, I "like" a lot of food posts but I only reblog about 1/4 of them. Cori would reblog EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And gush over how some of them matched what she used in her fics. Or say that was what she was gonna have Team Rocket eat in her next fic.)

Thing is, she would probably be pretty into social justice herself. She just wouldn't see the conflict between her actual views and her ~excuse the photogenic woobies for everything because they're not privileged~ stanning. On the bright side, she would only post violent, graphic death threats to fictional characters, so she'd be a quite moderate SJW. :P

SHE WOULD TOTALLY SAY "ooh, this gives me ideas for my next TR fic ^_^" OVER EVERY SINGLE FOOD PORN POST. SHE'D MEAN IT, TOO.

And oh, HEADCANONS. She would be ALL OVER that concept. And she would be CONSTANTLY posting on her TR headcanons. She'd probably devote an entire Tumblr to them. Which is not bad in and of itself, but she WAS the sort of fan who'd pitch a fit if canon contradicted her fanon. And on Tumblr, she'd get a LOT of "of course canon sucks, your stuff is so much better!!!" support, and... Oi. I'm glad for both Cori's sake and the fandom that she was pre-Tumblr. The fanwars would be seen from spaaace. D|

She'd be a very strange type of SJW. XD

Yep. It doesn't help that one of the food blogs I follow posts a lot of sushi and sweets and breakfast food...including French Toast now and then.

Oh God, I can imagine her spamming up the Team Rocket tags with her headcanons. And she would definitely approve of the Ash-mocking that's gone on re: Ash being fooled by TR's disguises, not evolving his Oshawott and any other ~sin~ he committed by not being too bright. She would reblog them at least once a week. And all the "Team Rocket gives me feeeeeels" photosets and having her posse of Shigeru1313/Hot Lips/etc giving her asspats and making huge cuddlepiles over the slightest thing.

Yeah, it's a good thing she was pre-Tumblr. A VERY good thing.

XP

You would probably be able to match the posts to the fics just by the descriptions. Oh gad, with unlimited storage space, she'd probably be one of those authors who include links to actual photos of the desired outfits in her profile. Or, on AO3, directly embedded in the story.

Actually, perhaps she'd tell entire stories consisting of food porn pics, Stabbing Westward album covers, and carefully arranged GIFs from the anime. :X That... would be kind of awesome, actually. Well, let it not be said that I never praised Cori's dedication.

Oogh, yes. A BNF's inner circle tends not to be a pretty thing to behold. :\ At least Cori genuinely had issues and wasn't faking/dramatizing her problems. That's part of the reason I say I'm glad for HER sake she was pre-Tumblr - she could have gotten badly hurt if a Tumblr-level situation blew up in her face. :\

But dear gad, the wanky meta. Because she wouldn't just write wanky meta- she always expressed it through interpretive dance - er, fic. So she'd totally claim that Jessie and James ~in her headcanon~ totally felt this way, and oogh it'd be a mess.

OH GOD. If she actually did that, that would be at least creative and original and possibly less unfortunate implications. Unless she added pictures of abuse apologism or Twilight too...

Yeah, true. She wasn't well in the head and as much as other fans would've suffered her fanwank on Tumblr, she'd have been at risk for major meltdowns and explosions.

Yeeep. D: Take parts of the FE fandom wankery combined with HP wank and Bleach wank and...oh boy.

"Taking things in stride" often just translates to "stop having emotions that do not please me."

About not sleeping after midnight: have you always been a night person, including when you were a child or young adolescent? You might have delayed sleep-phase disorder. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder) I have this, so that's why I know about it. However, it could be other things -- insomnia can have lots of different causes. I don't think it's something one can figure out and take care of on one's own, without professional help.

*snrk* Yes, and also "take things in stride so you have more time to listen to MY angst, which is totally excluded from taking things in stride because reasons".

Yeah, that description sounds like both my father AND me. (His joke about meetings requiring one to be awake and preparing at 6 A.M. is "I have to stay up that late?") It's not disabling, just... inconvenient. (Especially since my mother is a morning person/mild insomniac and so can't fathom why anyone else would have trouble getting to sleep/waking up early. -_-) I have a flexible schedule and don't lose sleep on too many days. Usually I pass out before 3. (The 4 A.M. nights were not a pleasant time in my life. Especially since they once notably made themselves frequent during a semester in which I had an 8 A.M. class. I got so skilled at keeping myself awake...) A bit of caffeine usually serves me well nowadays. Just so long as I don't succumb to caffeine ADDICTION like my father, I'll be fine. *shrug*

I s'pose part of why I close myself off to stimulus is that I'm afraid of being disappointed by LACK

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject