guardians_song (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guardians_song) wrote2013-09-28 09:47 am
guardians_song) wrote2013-09-28 09:47 am
Entry tags:
Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 4/4
@->->-
When we arrived at our destination, a secretary escorted us to the mayor's
office. "Ms. Mayor, Lulu is here to see you...and she has a couple of people
with her that she says need to see you, too," the secretary announced.
"For the orgy? Send them in," the mayor replied.
As we stepped into the office, we saw the mayor sitting at her desk. She was on
the phone with somebody, and her back was turned to us, but I could tell that
she was, indeed, the small, dark-haired woman that we'd seen Lulu speaking with
at the festival.
The mayor glanced over her shoulder at us for a second and turned back to the
man on the vid-screen of her phone. "Can you hold for a minute, Chief Wigguns?"
Tom: Try to at least pretend we're t' take this fic seriously, Falls.
she asked. "Something just came up."
"Of course," the man replied.
With that, the mayor put him on hold and turned to face us. "What can I do for
you, Lulu? And who are your friends?"
"Rachel, this is Jessie, James, Meowth, and their Wobbuffet," Lulu told her.
The mayor's eyes widened. "You mean the ones you told me about yesterday?
Tom: Yeah, YESTERDAY. As in 'not already besties'.
The
ones who saved the festival?"
"This is them, all right," she replied.
"But...what are they doing here?" the mayor asked. "I thought you said Officer
Jenny ran them out of town!"
Jerry: Alas, like a particularly bad head cold, they came back.
"She did...but they came back because they felt bad about what happened, and
they want to make things up to us," Lulu said.
Tom: (Lulu) With an orgy.
"I brought them here so that you
could hear their side of the story and
Jerry: - become their loyal slaves.
work something out with the chief of
police."
The mayor smiled. "Well, your timing couldn't be better -- I'm on the phone with
Chief Wigguns right now! We're about to do a conference call with Officer
Jenny."
Jessie and James tensed at the mention of Officer Jenny's name.
Jerry: Considering that there's one in every town, you are going to get some WEIRD PTSD.
(James) Oh, woe! Not ANOTHER one!
The only worse one would be also getting a phobia of Nurse Joys. ...Incidentally, has there every been a theory that they're all a bunch of Dittos that have Become The Mask?
Tom: Nah, but that gives a whole new meaning t' badfic Pod People.
The mayor got to her feet and approached us. "Don't worry, guys -- Town Hall is
on your side, and I'm going to get this whole thing sorted out. Mayor Rachel M.
Houlihan is at your service."
"Thank you, Mayor Houlihan," Jessie replied, shaking her hand.
James shook her hand, too. "Yes, we really appreciate this."
"Houlihan?" Meowth said as he extended his paw. "Can I just call ya Hot Lips?"
Guardian's Song: *long face* That's the screenname of one of Cori Falls's Rocketshipper friends.
Let me guess. Rachel M. Houlihan was her real name?
Hey! Easy there, Hawkeye! I said, giving the cat a playful whack on the head.
"Uh...you'll have to excuse Meowth," James said sheepishly.
"Yeah. He's been watching too many reruns of M*A*S*H," Jessie added.
The mayor grinned and scratched behind Meowth's ears. "Aren't you cute?!" she
laughed. Then, she looked at me. "And you must be the Wobbuffet I've heard so
much about!"
I nodded.
"Well, hello there, Wobby! You're a cutie, too!"
Lulu is right -- this lady seems really nice! I thought as she patted me on the
head and played with the yellow ribbon I was still wearing.
Once the mayor was done admiring me, she turned her attention back to Jessie and
James and asked them about what happened at the festival. Jessie and James then
explained how the three punks with the fighting-type pokemon had come to beat up
all of the Wobbuffets and vandalize the village and how nobody would fight them
off because of the festival rule.
Guardian's Song: And the MAYOR knew nothing of this?!
They then told her about how we'd decided to
break the rule so that the punks wouldn't hurt anybody or ruin the festival and
that Officer Jenny gave us a hard time because we'd chosen to fight. And after a
moment of hesitation, Jessie even admitted to stealing the festival food, but
James quickly explained why she did it.
Mayor Houlihan's expression grew increasingly grim as she listened to the tale.
"That sounds exactly like what Lulu told me...except now I know why you took the
food," she remarked.
Jerry: So the fic is even redundant IN-FIC?
"So, Officer Jenny really did want to punish you, even
though you only broke our rule to help us?"
"Pretty much," Jessie and James said in unison.
Jerry: No need to answer my question, Cori!Jessie-and-James.
She rolled her eyes. "Good lord! What was that woman thinking?!"
"Um...not to be rude, ma'am," James interjected, "but...weren't you at the
festival when all of this happened?"
The mayor frowned again. "As a matter of fact, I wasn't," she grumbled. "I had
to attend a commissioners' meeting over to the county seat, and I didn't get
back until yesterday evening. I wasn't there to see you or those punks for
myself, and I didn't hear about it until Lulu filled me in."
Jerry: (Mayor) Meanwhile, I didn't investigate on my own at all because Lulu is my gay lover, and I trust whatever she says unconditionally.
Tom: An' th' jokes continue t' be more interestin' than th' fic.
James nodded. "I see."
"I swear, those county commissioners pick the most inconvenient times to hold
their damn meetings!" she continued. "Last month they held their meeting on the
day of the Hoppip Festival in Windydale...and the month before that, on the day
of the Sunflora Festival in Merryvale. I don't think there's a mayor in this
whole county that's actually been able to attend their own town's festival
because of the way the commissioners plan things! Morons...."
Jerry: Maybe those towns, in canon, don't actually have Supermayors ready to right all Team Rocket's wrongs on a whim?
Tom: Aw, 'a course they do. 'M sure anythin' else is just 'cause'a Ash's great-uncle or somethin'.
Jerry: Don't give her ideas.
She paused for a
moment and looked back at us. "But I'm getting off the subject, aren't I? Let me
get back to Chief Wigguns. Hold on for a minute."
"So, what do you think is going to happen now?" Jessie whispered as the mayor
picked up the phone again.
Tom: Orgy.
Jerry: At the rate the sycophancy is going, the Pokemon would join in.
{There will now be a brief delay...}
Jerry: - and lay off!
Tom: *wielding the confused duck from earlier* Never! Do! That! Again!
Jerry: *boots him in the stomach* Learn to take a joke!
Tom: If this was a Kink Meme, there'd be a request at this point fer Jessie's Pokemon ~expressing their appreciation'a their Trainer~ while James is away in a snit one day!
Jerry: I don't care if there would be! There isn't, and you need to just take the joke!
Tom: And what?! Turn it into a duck?! *gestures to his quacking former switchblade*
Jerry: If that's what it takes...
"I don't know," James replied. "I guess we just have to wait and see."
"Hey. I'm back," the mayor said.
Chief Wigguns nodded. "I took the liberty of calling Jenny while I was on hold
-- she's on the other line right now. Shall I conference her in?"
"Yes, please," she replied.
After a moment, the image on the vid-screen spilt in two, and Officer Jenny
appeared on one side. "Mayor Houlihan. What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Officer...it's been brought to my attention that something out of the ordinary
happened at the Wobbuffet Festival while I was away," she began. "Care to tell
me about it?"
Tom: *sarcastically* Wobbuffet orgy.
Jerry: What, do they just use Mirror Coat on each other all day long?
Officer Jenny saluted. "Yes, ma'am!" she said. "Those three vandals who tried to
cause trouble awhile back returned and attacked some of the villagers'
Wobbuffets. Then, a couple of crooks who said they were with Team Rocket
Tom: An' would it have KILLED y' t' WEAR CIVILIAN CLOTHES when y' weren't in th' middle'a a mission?
Jerry: But then, these poor souls couldn't be ~persecuted~ enough!
showed
up and dishonored our festival by battling them in the town square! And as if
that weren't bad enough, they resisted arrest and stole all of the festival food
when they tried to escape!"
No, this isn't a lop-sided retelling, I thought.
"Fortunately, they weren't very bright --
Tom and Jerry: You think the readers are going to argue with that, Miss Falls?
once they were outside of town, a nice
little boy named Ash Ketchum fought them off with his Pikachu and helped me get
the food back!" Officer Jenny continued.
Behind me, I could hear Jessie muttering a string of curses under her breath. I
looked and saw James place his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her.
Jerry: You know, if he's her therapist to this extent, MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T BE DATING. It would be one thing if they could handle the situation maturely, but since BOTH of them collapse into dysfunctional heaps whenever they get into a fight and lose their support structure? No. Unless getting suicidal over haircuts is supposed to be ~healthy~ now.
Tom: Never gonna get over that, are you?
Jerry: Would YOU if Butch and Cassidy were shown contemplating suicide over chipped nails?
Tom: ...-_________- Y' don't hafta put those images into my head, y' know.
"Yeah. Fought off. More like viciously attacked," Meowth grumbled.
Lulu said nothing, just snorted at the mention of Ash's name.
Guardian's Song: Shut up, you immature harridan.
"You know, it's funny how your account of what happened is so different from
everything else I've heard," the mayor remarked.
"Mayor Houlihan, with all due respect, you weren't there," said Officer Jenny.
"Yes, but I did hear an eyewitness account from Lulu," she explained.
Jerry: And the eyewitness account of the POLICE OFFICER is dog food?
And, by the way, all evidence so far is that "everything else I've heard" consists of "what Lulu told me".
Maybe Lulu and she ARE dating on the side...
"We know
she'd never lie to protect criminals -- she's the one who ran the vandals out of
town the first time! And she got to know these other so-called crooks before the
fight broke out. She says that they're good people who didn't mean any harm."
Guardian's Song: Right, because psychopaths are CERTAINLY not known for their charm and their stunning abilities to construct almost-plausible tales to deceive the optimistic and charitable! :D
"Are you saying that you believe one citizen's eyewitness account and not the
official police report?!" Officer Jenny gasped.
Jerry: Stop sporking your own fic, Cori!
Tom: Yeah! Just spork th' furry parts! Th' rest is OUR turf!
"No, that's not what I'm saying," the mayor replied. "Because I also have an
account from the perpetrators themselves,
Tom: *ROARING WITH LAUGHTER*
Jerry: Oh, YES! Let's ask the CROOKS what THEY think happened! What a BRILLIANT breakthrough in criminal justice! Of course we should trust the words of known crooks and their patsies over the words of TRAINED POLICE OFFICERS!
Tom: 'Oh, Officer! I only stole all those expensive dresses for resale on the black market... because I've always felt like a woman on the inside.'
Jerry: 'My Furby says it's true!'
Tom: 'All right, then, I'll totally let you go!'
Jerry: 'And I only kidnapped all those Chanseys... because I'm depressed and I never got enough hugs as a child.'
Tom: 'If you don't believe me, ask my accomplice!'
Jerry: 'We'll release you on the spot, and it's a crying shame the taxpayers aren't paying for your Prozac!'
Tom: 'I only beat up that ten-year-old... because he reminded me of my mother.'
Jerry: 'My therapist agrees!'
Tom: 'Little shit had it coming anyway! Have a nice day!'
Jerry: *pause* Okay, now we're getting uncomfortably close to actual fic!logic.
Tom: Th' sad thing is that y' can't make this up. 'Cept it's even less reasonable than 'He reminded me'a Mummy'.
Jerry: 'He didn't value the life of the hardened criminal over an innocent Celebi!'
Tom: 'THAT CHARD MONSTER!!11!!'
Jerry: ...And, come to think of it, How James Got His Mojo Back was essentially the first scenario with "woman" replaced by "Moltres".
Tom: *shudders* Yeah, let's drop this like a hot potato...
and their story sounds exactly like
what Lulu told me.
Jerry: Has she never heard of synchronizing alibis?!
Tom: (Mayor) Cartels don't exist! People would have to agree to secretly do something together for more than five seconds!
I'm just taking the side that's supported by more
evidence...
Jerry: Namely, HE-SAID SHE-SAID?!
and more credible evidence, at that!"
Jerry: (Mayor) I always believe criminals! Those poor Enron executives - they told me their dogs ate their accounting books!
"You mean they came back?!" she cried.
Mayor Houlihan moved aside and revealed us standing behind her. "Yes, they did."
Officer Jenny frowned. "Ms. Mayor, these people are dangerous criminals -- I'm
placing them under arrest for hooliganism, resisting arrest, and larceny! If
you'll detain them for me, I'll come and get them as soon as possible!"
Jessie, James, and Meowth tensed, and I felt a drop of sweat forming on my face.
This wasn't what we'd had in mind when we said we wanted to work things out!
Guardian's Song: Dear fic - stop sporking yourself!
(Also, if she had looked up their criminal records, she could add MANY more charges of larceny. And fraud. And assault and battery with Pokemon. And...)
"You'll do no such thing!" the mayor interjected. "From what I heard, their
hooliganism is precisely what saved our festival! Am I correct?"
"Well...yes."
"And from what they tell me, they only took our food because they were
starving," she continued.
"Theft is still a crime, regardless of why it was committed!" Officer Jenny
argued.
"Yes, but shouldn't the fact that they didn't harm anybody and only stole as a
matter of survival count for something?"
Jerry: You stole ALL THE FOOD as a matter of SURVIVAL? What are you - camels?
the mayor asked. "And shouldn't they
have been entitled to some kind of reward for helping our village?"
"No! Because they committed a crime, and then they committed another!" she
retorted.
"The only crime around here is the way these folks were treated!" Lulu broke in.
"They helped us, and we only repaid them with punishment!"
Guardian's Song: I'll agree the episode layout was apparently stupid, but COME OFF IT. That MITIGATES their crimes, but it doesn't COMPLETELY excuse them!
"Chief Wigguns, surely you understand what a serious offense breaking the
Wobbuffet Festival rule is!" Officer Jenny said. "It's a total insult to our
most time-honored tradition!"
Jerry: (Strawwoman!Jenny) And the sacrament of marriage!
"I'm aware of that, officer," Chief Wigguns replied. "But which is more
important? Upholding tradition, or ensuring the safety of the general public?"
Tom: (Strawwoman!Jenny) TRADITION ALWAYS GOES FIRST DURRR :B
Jerry: So Jenny is a conservative strawcreature, obsessed with tradition and the law over safety, and Lulu is a liberal strawcreature, obsessed with ~kindness~ and ~empathy~ over safety.
Dear Miss Falls - making the other side into a strawman doesn't make your own strawman positions any less ridiculous.
Silence.
"Would you stand idly by, allowing people and pokemon to be hurt and acts of
vandalism to take place, just for the sake of tradition?" he asked.
Guardian's Song: Cut the rhetoric, that's obviously what happened in the episode.
"Well...um...." she stammered.
"Because from everything I've heard from Mayor Houlihan and everything you
yourself told me, that's precisely what you did yesterday," he continued. "You
endangered the citizens and pokemon of our village with your insistence on
upholding tradition. You did nothing to stop the people who would have destroyed
our village, and yet you wish to punish those who helped to save our village.
Law or no law, that's a serious violation of protocol."
Officer Jenny scowled.
"Because they saved our Wobbuffets, our festival, and our village with their
criminal acts, I'm granting Jessie, James, and Meowth an official pardon for
breaking our festival rule...and that pardon extends to the attempted theft of
our food as well," said the mayor.
Jerry: Why didn't you just say that at the start?!
Tom: (Cori Falls) Massive word-padding is MANDATORY in badfic! It makes you REALISTIC!
Jerry: If all dialogue is spoken by idiots.
Tom: (Cori Falls) Well, yes. Watch me take several fics to repeat "ASH SUCKS! TR RULES! ASH SUCKS! TR RULES!" fifteen hundred times! :D
Jerry: *facepalm*
"Stealing food because of hunger isn't a
crime...not as serious a crime as assault, battery, and vandalism, anyway."
Tom: (Mayor) In fact, stealing in general isn't a crime, because it's not as serious as genocide. :B Have fun! Hail Eris!
"And as of now, you're hereby relieved of duty," Chief Wigguns told Officer
Jenny.
Jerry:
Tom: But she did it against Team Rocket, Jerry! That's like flippin' off Baby Jesus!
Jerry: ...Who's Baby Jesus?
*pause*
Tom: Y' know, yer right. I ain't got any idea either. *shrug* Movin' on...
"There's a difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the
law...a difference which I think you need to learn. Your job as a police officer
was to serve and protect the citizens, not the law.
Jerry: No, it's to ENFORCE THE LAW.
And also to protect the citizens from PEOPLE WHO WOULD STEAL ALL THEIR FOOD!
Perhaps you need to learn
that as well. Dismissed." With that, he disconnected the line that Officer Jenny
was on, and her image vanished from the vid-screen. Then, he looked past the
mayor and addressed us. "I apologize for the way Jenny handled yesterday's
situation."
"Quite alright," James replied.
Chief Wigguns nodded and turned his attention back to the mayor. "And I'll
dispatch a new officer to your district as soon as possible.
Tom: (Wiggums Senior) Her name is Lisa Simpson!
One who can serve
and protect with a greater degree of competence."
Tom: (Lisa Simpson) AS THE LIZARD QUEEEEEEN
Mayor Houlihan nodded. "You've been a great help, Chief Wigguns. Thank you," she
replied.
"No. Thank you for bringing Jenny's actions to my attention," he said. "I don't
need officers like that on my force."
Jerry: (Chief) That's right! I need one of her many identical cousins to fill the role, because -
Wait, how do I even know that's not her showing up to work as her "replacement"? D:
The mayor and the chief of police nodded at each other and smiled as they
disconnected and ended the call.
{they call a town meeting to get the word out}
@->->-
Fortunately for us, the village was small, and it was easy for Lulu and Mayor
Houlihan to get a town meeting organized. Within a couple of hours, everybody
was assembled in the town square, eager to hear the announcement their mayor had
to make.
Tom: (Mayor) I'm becoming a man! A man... with blond hair and a tan!
As we watched the milling crowd from Town Hall, however, I could sense that
Jessie was losing her nerve again.
"A public apology in front of all these people...." she sighed. "God, this is
going to be so embarrassing!"
James draped his arm around Jessie's shoulders and rested his head against her
own. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart," he whispered. "It's not like you're
going to be alone -- Meowth, Wobbuffet, and I will be up there with you."
Jerry: Why doesn't JESSIE ever comfort JAMES like this in these fics?!
Tom: Because James is a manly man and Jessie is his poor weeping maiden.
"I guess," she said as she returned his embrace.
"Look at the bright side," he continued. "Lulu forgave us, and the mayor is our
friend now!"
"We was officially pardoned!" Meowth added.
And Officer Jenny got fired! I chimed in.
"Yeah! You guys are right!" Jessie said as she listened to us. "A lot of good
things came out of this, after all!"
Jerry: Yes, the poor transients who understand how it feels to starve without a consistent paycheck are rejoicing over getting a Jenny FIRED from the police force, when they have absolutely no idea how much she has in her savings account, whether she can get another job, or whether she's even QUALIFIED for another job (since all Jennies are in the police force).
Right. Does Cori Falls actually think through what happens to anyone except for her precious woobies?
Tom: Brain-damaged!Ash would indicate "YEP".
Jerry: *SHUDDERS* HOLY ****, SHE DOES!
"And this won't be so bad either," James promised as he touched his lips to
hers.
Meowth and I exchanged looks and smiled. And as I watched James kissing Jessie,
I knew that he was right -- only good things could come from what we were going
to do.
Jerry: ...
...
...You know, she just showed her hand MUCH more than she intended to.
Tom: (Cori Falls) And do what ye will is the whole of the law - for Team Rocket! Meanwhile, only BAD things ever come from what ASH does. D:<
After a couple of minutes, Lulu returned. "It's time. Are you guys ready?" she
asked.
Jessie and James looked at each other for a moment. Then, they turned to face
her again and smiled.
"As ready as we'll ever be," James replied.
"Then let's go!"
Taking a deep breath, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I joined hands (and paws) and
followed her to the town square.
Guardian's Song: *warbling* We're off to see the Wobbuffet, the wonderful Wobbuffet of TR...
(Wobbuffet) WAAAAA-BUFFET! (XD ){
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww**w*wb
@->->-
"Ladies and gentlemen," Mayor Houlihan began. "It's been brought to my attention
by one of our most upstanding citizens that some very extraordinary things
happened at yesterday's Wobbuffet Festival."
Several villagers began to applaud.
"Our festival was almost ruined by the cruel and selfish acts of three young
vandals...and then saved when the festival rule was broken by three well-meaning
visitors," she continued. "Even though these visitors did some harmful things
yesterday, it wasn't without reason. And today, they've returned to tell us what
those reasons are. All I ask, ladies and gentlemen, is that you hear them out.
They want to make amends for what they've done. The least we can do is give them
the chance."
Jerry: (Mayor) And then lick their boots.
(Villagers) BOOOOO!
(Mayor) Oh, shut up! I bet you're all relatives of Ash Ketchum, anyway!
Jessie began to tremble as the mayor stepped aside and gave us the floor.
James gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "You can do it, Jess," he
whispered.
Jerry: (Jessie) That's right! It's... *strikes a pose* SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER! WOOOOOO!
*disco ball lowers from the ceiling as she begins to dance to "Stayin' Alive"*
When the mayor handed her the microphone, Jessie cleared her throat and stepped
forward. "Uh...hi," she said nervously.
Her greeting was met with stony silence...and several of the villagers even
scowled.
Jerry: Gee. I WONDER WHY.
Jessie sweatdropped. "Um...I guess you all remember who we are...not too fondly,
I'd imagine." She shrugged. "Well, I can't blame you for that -- I did some
really terrible things to you and your village yesterday. My friend and I broke
one of your most important traditions and insulted the spirit of your most
beloved pokemon...but we didn't mean any harm. We only did it because we saw
that your village was in danger and wanted to do something to help...."
James then stepped forward and took the microphone from Jessie. "We can't plead
ignorance -- we knew about your tradition...and we chose to break it anyway," he
said. "But we did it because we saw a situation where somebody had to stand up
and fight. We didn't like seeing innocent people and Wobbuffets being hurt and a
wonderful festival being ruined.
Tom: (James) And we weren't even behind it! D:
We have nothing but respect for what your
festival is about, and as Wobbuffet trainers ourselves, we understand the love
you have for these pokemon --
Jerry: You do?
(Wobbuffet) WAAAAAAA-BUFFET!
(James) - and that overpowering urge to strangle them that strikes at random hours of the day.
we just wanted to do whatever we could to protect
that. We're truly sorry if our actions did more harm than good -- that was never
our intent."
With confidence renewed, Jessie took the microphone back from James and
addressed the crowd once more. "That's why we broke your rule...but that still
doesn't explain why we took your food...."
The villagers scowled again and began to mutter amongst themselves when she said
this.
"Well, believe it or not, we didn't mean any harm when we did that, either," she
Jerry: (Ash) I don't mean you any harm, either! I just want you to STOP STEALING MY POKEMON!!!
continued. "We...we hadn't eaten in days when we found the food in your
store-house, and...well...the morality of the situation wasn't exactly the first
thing on my mind.
Jerry: So why didn't you stuff your faces, stuff your balloon with all the supplies THAT YOU COULD EAT BEFORE THEY WENT BAD, and stuff yourself into the balloon and RUN?!
Tom: Bah, Earth Logic!
All I saw was an opportunity to keep myself and my friends
alive, and I wanted to take it.
Jerry: Um, you went above and beyond survival.
Guardian's Song: Shh. Earth Logic.
I know that's not an excuse for what I did. I
didn't come here to make excuses or ask for forgiveness.
Guardian's Song: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You're making THANFICTION look consistent! And what count did I get for him, again?!
“ALAS! PITY ME!”: 28
...*HEADLAPTOP*
I just came here to
tell you the truth...because I feel I owe it to you."
Jessie paused for a moment and placed a hand on my back, gently nudging me
forward. "This Wobbuffet is a hero," she told them. "He didn't break the rule
when he defeated the trainers who were attacking your village. He just wanted to
defend his fellow Wobbuffets...and he did it in the spirit of what the festival
was all about -- without fighting. I was the one who chose to fight. Please
don't think badly of my Wobbuffet, just because of what I did -- he's a good
pokemon. It's not his fault he has a bad trainer. And...please don't think badly
of my friends, James and Meowth, either. They were every bit as hungry as I was,
but they didn't want to take your food...and they even tried to stop me...."
Guardian's Song: Uh, yeah. So can they get right to BLAMING JESSIE rather than giving her a free lunch for doing bad things but ~being vewy vwey sowwy about it aftewawds~?
I'm not askin' for revenge, I'm askin' for ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE DID WRONG!
I felt a lump forming in my throat as I listened to her. It was touching to hear
Jessie calling me a hero...but at the same time, it hurt to hear her calling
herself a bad trainer. That's not true, and you know it, Jessie! I thought. The
only reason I'm a hero is because I followed your commands -- you and James were
every bit a part of that as I was! And I don't care what anybody else thinks --
you guys ARE heroic!
Jerry: Good grief, you authorial mouthpiece! Just call yourself Coribuffet Falls already!
"....Anyway, that's what I came here to say," Jessie muttered. "I know you're
all probably still mad at me, and I don't expect to be forgiven. I just wanted
you to know that none of this was my friends' fault...and that we're all sorry
for what I did. I...I guess we'll be leaving now -- we've already wasted enough
of your time. Thank you for listening, though."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* It demeans legitimate sincere apologies when Miss Falls sets the whole thing up to be an automatic asspat. Because people who sincerely apologize for real? Know their apologies may not be accepted. Know they may be setting themselves up for scorn and humiliation. Know they won't have all forgiven.
And they do it anyway, because they're sincerely sorry and they want others to know that, and they feel that they owe those whom they wronged an apology.
Here? Let's face it, it's so that Cori Falls can lob just another group-lovefest at her favorite characters. Cori doesn't feel it was REALLY Wrong - she makes that obvious with all the characters who excuse Team Rocket completely ~because they were hunnngry~. She just wants Team Rocket to get forgiven. And, of course, for Ash to be bashed because he didn't MAGICALLY know that the perpetual crooks, con-artists, and fraudsters for ONCE weren't out for Number One.
I feel strongly about her making a mockery of repentance! I DO!
As Jessie handed the microphone back to the mayor and turned away from the
crowd, her eyes filled with tears.
James smiled and put an arm around her. "Well done, Jessie," he whispered. "That
was beautiful."
"Our work is done," she said softly. "Come on, guys. Let's get out of here."
Guardian's Song: Would that the scene just cut off here!
It's actually decently-written and heartfelt and emotional, but NO, we just HAVE to -
As James, Meowth, and I began to follow her, however, we suddenly heard the
sound of somebody clapping. When we turned to face the crowd again, we saw that
Lulu had gotten to her feet and was now applauding us.
I smiled again. Good ol' Lulu!
Meowth smiled, too. "Yeah. Good ol' Lulu," he echoed.
Jerry: (Villagers) Oh gad, not ANOTHER freak-out by the village stalker!
(Lulu) I'm selling body pillows of them starting tomorrow! :D
And as Lulu continued to clap, the mayor began to clap, too. After a couple of
minutes, some of the villagers started clapping as well. Before long, everybody
in town was giving us a standing ovation!
"I...I don't understand," Jessie stammered. "I thought they were mad at us!"
"Obviously not," James replied.
"Hey! What gives?" Meowth asked.
Tom: It's a CORIFIC! Are y' honestly SURPRISED at this point?
Jerry: -_- No, but she apparently thinks the readers are goldfish, and SHOULD be surprised.
Tom: That's insultin' goldfish!
Once the applause died down, Mayor Houlihan took the microphone and addressed
the crowd again. "Well, our visitors didn't come back to us expecting
forgiveness, but it looks like they've received it anyway," she began.
Everybody started clapping again.
"Jessie, James, and Meowth may have broken our festival rule, but they had a
good reason for doing it," she said.
"Right on!" somebody in the audience shouted. "Perfect plot summary, man!"
"....And I think they've taught us a valuable lesson, too," the mayor continued.
"For as long as we've had our Wobbuffet Festival, we've had the tradition of not
battling during the festival. But yesterday's events showed us that sticking to
tradition no matter what isn't always the best thing to do.
Jerry: (Villagers) Thank you, Captain Obvious!
We must never forget
who we are or abandon our customs...but sometimes traditions have to change when
they become outmoded, and rules have to be broken when it does more harm than
good to follow them.
Tom: (Villagers) Oh, what a shock! That's why we still squat in the bushes rather than using flush toilets! And have a medicine man bless our children when they get sick rather than giving them antibiotics! And light our homes at night with candles rather than lightbulbs! And...
Jessie, James, Meowth...and their Wobbuffet taught us that
when they broke our festival rule to save us. Breaking rules isn't a crime when
it serves the greater good --
Gellert Grindelwald: Ja, ja, I agree whole-heartedly! >:D
that's what they did yesterday...and yet, we
punished them for it. We punished them because we didn't understand...but I
think we understand now, and I think we owe these four a debt of gratitude."
The villagers' applause began anew.
Jerry: I need Dramamine.
Tom: "Oh, Hermione!" Draco sobbed, his grey eyes sparkling in the twilight. "We can never be together, for my father would never permit me to be with a Muggleborn..."
"Oh, Draco!" the bushy-haired girl swooned, her wide, intelligent eyes gleaming with tears of her own. "We shall elope - elope, like Romeo and Juliet, I say! - and live in peace by the shore, troubled by the cruelties of House prejudice nevermore..."
Jerry: DRAMAMINE, I said, not DRAMIONE!
"Mayor Houlihan has granted them an official pardon for the crimes they
committed yesterday," Lulu announced. "But it doesn't seem like enough to me. I
think it was wrong that they didn't even get the chance to enjoy the festival
that they helped save. I think we should hold another festival...to make up for
the one that got interrupted yesterday and to give our new friends the credit
they deserve!"
Jerry: WHAT?!
Tom: They're holdin' an entire FESTIVAL in their honor?!
Jerry: I - what - I - Does she even know how much WORK it is to prepare for these things?! And how much load it would put on the businesspeople who don't have the STOCK for festival sales?! And -
Tom: HOW MUKIN' SYCOPHANTIC CAN YOU GET?!
Jerry: This is like a Communist regime! 'ALL HAIL COMRADES JESSIE, JAMES, MEOWTH, AND WOBBUFFET, COINCIDENTALLY PARTY-CHAIRPEOPLE-FOR-LIFE!'
Tom: Mukin' heck, this is INSANE! I thought she only went REALLY Golbatexcrement-insane after Break from Canon!
Guardian's Song: Evidently not...
Lulu's remark was met with cheers.
"I think that's a great idea, Lulu...especially since I missed out on the
festivities yesterday, too," said the mayor. "Let's have a vote! Those in favor
of holding a second festival?"
All of the villagers raised their hands.
"Those opposed?"
Silence.
"Then it's unanimous -- we're having another party!"
Everybody began to cheer again.
Jessie's blue eyes sparkled as she listened to the crowd. "Wow! Who would've
imagined?!" she whispered. "I had no idea that when I came back...."
"....Things would go so well?" James ventured. His emerald eyes were sparkling,
too.
Guardian's Song: To heck with Jerry, I need Dramamine! D8
She nodded.
"Heh. We're finally gettin' credit for doin' somethin' right!" Meowth remarked.
"I kinda like it!"
"I like it, too," James sighed as he wrapped his arms around Jessie's waist and
rested his chin on her shoulder. "And we owe it all to Jessie and Wobbuffet!"
"M-me?!" Jessie said. "What did I do?"
Guardian's Song: She's a violent late-teenager, not a wide-eyed seven-year-old. Lay off the Innocent Battered Woobie antics!
"Well, it was your idea to come back here and fix things!" he told her.
"Yeah...only because I'm the one who messed things up in the first place!" she
argued.
"True," James admitted. "But in a way...your messing things up was actually for
the best! Jess, you heard them say that they learned something from our battle
-- they've changed, they've grown...all because one heroic Wobbuffet stood up
and did the right thing, for no other reason than because it was the right thing
to do. But he wouldn't have been able to do it without his wonderful trainer!"
Jerry: ...You're right, this is insulting goldfish.
Tom: Told y' so.
Jerry: WHY does she have to repeat this several times over?!
Tom: Mebbe she's hopin' th' readers're gonna believe it on th' fourteenth try...
Jessie's eyes sparkled again. "And I couldn't have done it without you and
Meowth," she replied. "I couldn't ask for better friends than you!"
Meowth smiled. "Thanks, Jess!"
Jerry: Good grief, can we STOP the constant echo chamber of Team Rocket praise?!
"Yeah. Thanks, Jess," James echoed.
Jerry: I didn't mean that literally! D:
Slowly, Jessie turned to face James and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
Then, she leaned closer and pressed her lips to his. "I love you," she muttered
between kisses.
"I love you, too," he muttered back.
My heart fluttered as I watched Jessie and James kissing again. No matter how
tough and "villainous" they try to act, there's no denying how sweet and
affectionate they really are.
Jerry: *facepalm*
Their goodness always shines through in the end.
Jerry: *double facepalm*
"James is right, ya know," Meowth remarked.
Jerry: *HEADDESK*
"Dis all happened cuz of you,
Wobbuffet -- us bein' welcomed here, us gettin' ta help dese people, everythin'
dat's happenin' now -- it never woulda been possible if you wasn't with us."
I smiled at him. Thanks, Meowth.
"Well, it's true!" he said. "I said it last night, and I'm gonna say it again --
Tom: Mebbe they've all got OCD an' they hafta say how wonderful they are constantly. Serious condition, you know.
Jerry: *muffled by hands and desk* EVERYONE in this fic has OCD. Ash just has it with insults and screaming rather than praise and bootlicking.
we're glad ta have ya as part of our family. You rock, Wobbu!"
Well, I'm glad to be here, I replied. I can honestly say that being with you has
given me true happiness.
Guardian's Song: D: Miss Falls, can you please have someone OTHER than Meowth be the recipent of those lines? Otherwise, it really DOES look like you're trying to ship Wobbuffet/Meowth...
And I meant it, too. Becoming part of Team Rocket is the best thing that ever
happened to me...and things could only get better from here!
Tom: (Wobbuffet) Wob-buffet, wob wob wob! Wub wub wub! *drops that bass* [Translation: I'll spend the rest of my life on this show being beaten up by new and interesting people! Wow, what a jet-set life I have now!] :D
@->->-
As luck would have it, the decorations from yesterday were still up, and there
were some fireworks left over, too...and since everybody was already in the town
square, arranging another party was a simple matter.
Jerry: (Villagers) We totally don't mind throwing away all our plans and obligations for the night to suck YOUR toes! :D
The only problem was that
there wasn't enough food left over from yesterday's festival, but Lulu quickly
remedied that by suggesting that they make the party into a potluck dinner. It
took a couple of hours for everybody to go home and make a dish to bring, but it
was well worth it...and getting to sample everybody's cooking gave a real "down
home" feeling to the party.
Jerry: Seriously?! They're making FOOD OFFERINGS to Team Rocket?!
Tom: Okay, I ain't kiddin' - in what fic do they construct th' temple?
Guardian's Song: They never do that.
Tom: Aw, c'mon, don't lie. I ain't gonna run away just so long as there's no furry stuff in th' 'dedication rites'. Just name th' fic.
Guardian's Song: Um... Tom, I'm serious.
Tom: They're conductin' a festival in their honor an' takin' hours out'a their nights t' cook th' Great God Rocket meals. Y' expect me t' BELIEVE that?
And now, as my friends and I stood at the buffet table, helping ourselves to
lettuce wraps, roasted chicken, pimento cheese sandwiches, strawberry rhubarb
pie, and various other things that the villagers had made,
Guardian's Song: No parody can outdo the actual fics.
I'm sorry, but these fics are such that even the most exaggerated parodies can only pass for the real thing.
I found myself
thinking again about this festival and everything it symbolized.
Jerry: *dry heaving* It represents the author's obsessive adoration fantasies for her favorite characters!
Tom: An' our queasy guts...
In a way, it
blows my mind to know that there's an entire village of people in this world
that honor and revere
Jerry: (Cori Falls) - my favorite characters! >:D BOW, PEONS! BOW!
pokemon like me. From the way Benny treated me, I never
would've imagined that I was a pokemon worth being respected...
Tom: Aw, stop yappin' about yer ex, y' twisted furry!
and I never
would've learned about this village or this festival if not for Jessie, James,
and Meowth.
Once everybody had finished eating, the mayor took the microphone again and
addressed us. "So, are you all having a good time?" she asked.
Her question was met with a round of applause.
"Then why don't we give a cheer to the folks who made this possible?" she
suggested. With that, she gestured to the four of us.
Jessie blushed, and James grinned sheepishly as everybody around us started
clapping and cheering once more.
Jerry: *runs to the bathroom to start heaving*
Tom: An' t' think, if she had just lived in a later era'a th' internet, she could have just summed this entire fic up with an OOH TR OOH macro.
"Speech! Speech!" Meowth cried, pushing the two of them towards the front of the
crowd.
James's face turned as red as Jessie's when everybody else stated chanting for
them to give a speech, too.
"I'll get you for this, Meowth!" Jessie said through clenched teeth.
"Aw, come on! It won't be so bad!" he told them.
Yeah! Can't be any worse than that big apology you gave earlier! I chimed in as
I helped the cat push them forward.
Tom: Y' ALREADY gave a speech! Shaddup!
When the mayor handed the microphone back to Jessie, she cleared her throat and
thought for a moment about what she was going to say. "Y-you know...when we were
watching the fireworks last night...and heard the festival music in the
distance...I felt like the scum of the earth.
Tom: Y' are!
I'd done my friends and my pokemon
a great disservice, and as I watched the festivities, it made me feel even worse
because my friends deserved to be celebrated,
Jerry: *retching noises from bathroom*
and they were missing out because
of me," she began. "And...knowing that I'd done something hurtful to you made me
feel bad, too. Nobody has ever treated us with so much kindness as the people of
this village -- we're usually hated and despised wherever we go.
Tom: Stop wearin' Rocket uniforms in front'a cops, morons!
I considered
you to be our friends as well...and I couldn't live with myself knowing what I'd
done to you.
Tom: We know! Shaddup!
"I came back here last night for no other reason than to apologize and explain
myself. I never expected anything like this," she continued. "So...I just wanted
to say thank you. Thank you for forgiving me and my friends. Thank you for
giving us a second chance. From the bottom of my heart...thank you."
Jerry: Stop talking!
As Jessie finished her speech, James kissed her on the forehead and took the
microphone. "I'd like to thank all of you, too," he said. "Not just for the
kindness, understanding, and hospitality you've shown us...but for reminding us
of what we're working for. You see, what we want is what you have -- a place
that we can call our home, a little house with cross-stitch pictures on the
walls and home-made afghans on the beds, a big yard for children and pokemon to
play in, maybe even a rose garden -- you get the idea.
Jerry: *sobbing and retching* Stop rubbing this glurge in!
Tom: An' YEP, they want it all. Ain't gonna settle fer an apartment while they work their way up, ain't gonna settle fer a cheap shack while they save their cash, ain't gonna settle fer a small yard - want t' own a nice home with a big yard an' a frickin' ROSE GARDEN.
Yeah, they're sure poor starvin' hardworkin' sorts, all right!
Sometimes it feels
hopeless, but being here and seeing what you have just reminds us that if we
keep working at it, someday we'll have what you have, too.
Jerry: (Cori!Team Rocket) Maybe we can get a nice, big, Martha-Stewart-esque prison cell, too! :D
Thank you for
renewing our hope...for showing us that our goal is in sight."
When James's speech drew to a close, Meowth took the microphone from him. "Just
remember dat sometimes ya gotta break the rules ta make dis world a better
place," he told them.
Jerry: SHUT UP! *retches*
Tom: Dang, I think yer on th' ghost'a Christmas Dinner Past by now.
"But no matter what happens, dere's two rules dat should
never be broken. Coincidentally, dey're also the only two rules for tonight's
festival. And dose two rules are, be excellent ta each other...."
....And PARTY ON, DUDES!!! I chimed in, finishing the sentence for him.
"Thank you, Bill and Ted!" James laughed.
Jerry: *HEADTOILET*
Suddenly, I'm not longer nauseated. Just... angry.
Tom: Yer tellin' me. I ain't been this talked-down-to since I was in a crib.
"Those pokemon have been watching way too much TV," Jessie groaned.
Once the applause our speeches were met with died down a little, the mayor took
back the microphone and addressed the villagers once again. "Well, who are we to
break rules?" she said. "Let's party!" She then gestured to the town's
pyrotechnician, who started the firework show.
As the crowd "Ooohhhed" and "Aaahhhed" at the fireworks, the four of us
approached the mayor once more.
"Enjoying the show?" she asked. "Andrew is a real expert -- he plans all the
firework displays himself...."
Tom: In a few hours with no notice, no less.
"Yeah! Dey're real gorgeous!" Meowth replied as a pink and purple fireburst with
a green halo exploded in the sky.
"We just wanted to thank you again, Mayor Houlihan," said James.
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal," she told us. "All my friends call me
Rachel."
"Okay. Then thanks...Rachel," Jessie said.
"Don't mention it."
I smiled at them and turned my attention back to the fireworks. Last night
they'd seemed so distant, a bitter reminder of our constant failure. But now
that I actually saw them up close...now that they were for me and my friends, I
finally noticed just how wonderful they were.
Tom: *snerk* Yeah, y' only care when it's a suckup fer y', don'tcha?
Like snowflakes, no two were
exactly alike -- each explosion was a different color and form.
Jerry: *comes out of bathroom, wiping mouth* Well, I - SHE'S PLAYING THE "SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE" LINE SERIOUSLY?! *runs back into bathroom*
There was one
that fanned out like golden palm fronds, one that exploded in the shape of a
silver star, a spinning Catherine wheel, a fireburst that was every color of the
rainbow -- each one was beautiful in its own special way.
One firework in particular caught my attention, however -- it exploded in the
shape of a giant red heart. Seeing it reminded me of the love we all have for
each other...and the bright future that Jessie and James's love was going to
make possible.
Tom: *laughing hysterically*
Jerry: *retching hysterically*
Not wanting them to miss out, I tapped their legs and pointed to the big heart
in the sky. Hey, guys! This one's for you!
"Alright, alright, we'll watch the fireworks with you," Jessie replied.
She and James were having a conversation with Lulu and Rachel, and they were
reluctant to end it, but when they saw the firework, they smiled.
Tom: How slowly is that firework FADIN'?
Jerry: At the speed of plot.
"Wow! That's really beautiful!" Jessie sighed.
"Think he wanted us to see it for a reason?" James queried.
I nodded.
"Awww! Is dat yer way of sayin' ya love us, Wobbu?" Meowth asked.
Yeah, it is, I told him. But I was also hoping it'd make Jess and Jim get all
lovey-dovey again.
Tom: WHAT?! Gah! Stop that stuff, y' disgustin' HUMAN-VOYEUR!
He's manufacturing his own furry porn! D:
Jerry: *from bathroom* Ohhhhhh gaaaaaaaaaawd. *retches*
"Heh! Great minds think alike!" Meowth laughed. Then, turning back to James,
"Hey! Wobbu sez he wants ya ta give Jessie a kiss!"
Tom: D8
James blushed.
Come on, lover-boy! Give her a big, juicy, wet one! You know you want to! I
said.
Tom: D:
Jessie blushed too when she heard me.
James smiled shyly and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, what could it hurt,
Jess?" he asked. "These people already know we're in love!"
Jessie returned his smile and his embrace. "Yeah. Not everybody's as dense as
that twerp."
"Thank goodness for that!" he chuckled.
Jessie giggled and leaned closer to James. And as their lips met, they tightened
their hold on each other and melted with passion.
Several people clapped when they saw Jessie and James kissing,
Jerry: *decides to just unceremoniously pass out*
but the two of
them paid no mind. They were too engrossed in each other to care about anything
anymore. And as they kissed, the fireworks continued to explode behind them,
each one more dazzling than the last. It was almost as if the fireworks were for
them and them alone, celebrating their life...and their love.
Tom: ...An' y' know somethin'? With that line, I'm gonna have t' make sure my teammate ain't chokin' on vomit in her sleep.
I'M practically chokin' on vomit, and I AIN'T asleep! *runs to bathroom*
Guardian's Song: Yeah, screw this being "for the villagers". That, right there? THAT admitted it was for Team Rocket and Team Rocket a-
It seemed only fitting.
Guardian's Song: Screw the sporkers, I'M gagging!
@->->-
{...after some mild gagging and the restoration of the sporkers, the sporking resumes}
When the party finally ended several hours later, the four of us returned to
Lulu's house and spent another night in her guest-room. And after another hearty
breakfast the next morning, Jessie and James told her that we'd soon be leaving.
"I figured you weren't going to stay long," Lulu said, with more than a hint of
sadness in her voice.
"I wish we could stay awhile, but we have a long journey ahead of us...and a lot
of work to do," Jessie replied.
"But thank you for sharing your home with us," said James. "My friends and I
will never forget your hospitality."
Tom: (James) If you know what I mean. *wink*
Jerry: Do you mind? I just FINISHED retching.
"Well, you'll always have a home here -- my village won't soon forget what you
did for us either," Lulu told us. "I hope we meet again someday."
Meowth smiled. "I hope we do, too. Yer a real class-act, Lulu!"
Tom: (Meowth) ...Class-SUCKUP act, that is.
Yeah! It's not every day we meet a nice person like you! I chimed in.
Lulu returned our smiles and patted me on the head. "You take good care of your
friends, Wobbuffet," she whispered.
Don't worry -- I will! I promised, saluting her.
As Lulu followed us outside so that she could walk us to our balloon, however,
we saw a large group of villagers being led by Rachel. And they were coming our
way.
Tom: (Villagers) KILL THE SUES! KILL THE SUES!
Jerry: (Villagers) Give us back the REAL Team Rocket if you want to live!
"Wh-what's going on?" Jessie asked.
"We figured you were going to be leaving soon, so we came to see you off,"
Rachel explained. "We have some stuff for you."
James raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
Tom: (Villagers) Three balloon animals, a package of extra-large condoms, a hobby-horse, and a real life Wailord. Don't even ask, just take them.
Rachel nodded and handed something to Jessie. "I had this plaque made for you."
Jessie smiled and showed the plaque to us. It was made of smooth, polished
cherry wood, and the gold plate had our likenesses engraved on it, along with
the words, In honor of Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet of Team Rocket --
the heroes who broke the law to save the day.
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: *bursts out laughing* CALLED IT!
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: Told y' so, didn't I? But y' kept denyin' it...
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
"It's exquisite!" James remarked. "Thank you so much, Rachel!"
"I also put one just like it at the base of our Wobbuffet statue in the town
square," she said. "That way, we can always remember you and what you've done
for us."
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: An' I want y' t' always remember THIS when y' think I'm exaggeratin' somethin'.
Guardian's Song: They LITERALLY DEDICATED THEIR WOBBUFFET STATUE TO TEAM ROCKET?!
Tom: *smirks* An' I bet they'll kiss it three times a day.
Guardian's Song:
Tom: Tooooold yooooooou.
Guardian's Song: This is worse than ANY FREAKING PARODY could have GUESSED!!
Tom: *laughs maliciously* Welcome t' Coriland, spork captain! Enjoy yer stay an' DON'T mind th' furries...
Jessie blushed. "Why...thank you so much! This is a real honor!"
"We have something else for you, too," she added.
When she said this, several villagers stepped forward and handed a large package
to each of us.
"What's all dis?" Meowth asked.
"Food," the mayor replied. "I know it's not much, but...."
"It's more than we ever could've asked for," Jessie said, cutting her off.
"Yeah!" said James. "Who are we to scoff at free food?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's not free -- you've earned every bit of it...and
more."
Jerry: *turns an involuntary retch into a cough*
Tom: Y' okay?
Jerry: Yeah... yeah... sure I am...
"Well, free or not, you can bet we'll enjoy it!" Meowth told her.
Rachel smiled as Jessie and James started packing our stuff into the balloon.
"I'm just glad we could do something to help."
Once all of our stuff was packed and we'd piled into the basket, James fired up
the balloon.
"Come back and visit us real soon!" Lulu called to us. "But until then,
farewell, wherever you fare!"
"We'll try!" Meowth called back to her.
Jessie and James waved to the crowd. "Good-bye!"
Bye! I said as I waved, too.
Everybody waved back at us, their farewells and good wishes echoing in our ears
long after the village disappeared over the horizon.
And so, we continued on our journey with a fresh supply of food, an honorary
plaque...and more importantly, the memories of an amazing adventure and a
village full of friends at our backs.
Jerry: *breaks down in moans*
This fic... is so... awful...
Tom: ...Y' know, I may feel sorry fer y', but y' really should've let me leave when I freaked out over th' furries.
Jerry: ...Fine, then, I'll offer a formal apology for that... later... when my stomach's settled...
@->->-
"Well, Jessie, it looks like we ended up with food, friends, and a festival,
after all!" James remarked later that afternoon.
"Yeah! Not bad for a bunch of criminals! Not bad at all!" Jessie laughed.
When she said this, I found myself reflecting on something Lulu had told Ash
yesterday -- sometimes there's a difference between what's legal and what's
right. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right!
My friends may not always obey the law, and sometimes circumstance forces them
to do bad things,
Jerry: (WRH!Jessie) That twelve-year-old MADE us beat him to a pulp!
but when they have a choice, they always choose to do good.
Tom: -______________________________________________________-
And they're never afraid to put themselves at risk when it serves the greater
good...no matter what the cost.
Aberforth Dumbledore: "Greater good" meaning "whatever serves our purposes today!"
Albus Dumbledore: *sniff* I beg your pardon.
Aberforth Dumbledore: Too bad, because I'm not giving it.
They may be criminals, but they're not bad. I
just wish more people were able to understand that.
Oh, well. I guess it's not completely hopeless -- Lulu, Rachel, and the rest of
those villagers saw the goodness in our hearts, after all, I said to myself.
Jerry: *contemplating pill catalogs* Is it possible to OD on Dramamine?
Tom: I dunno. If y' find out, tell ME.
Maybe someday more people will wake up and realize that we don't live in a world
where good and evil are defined by laws and boundaries, but by the desire to do
what's right.
Guardian's Song: For fuck's sakes, REALLY?!
Right. So if ANYONE does ANYTHING wrong but they ~had good intentions~, THAT LETS THEM OFF COMPLETELY?!
Holy ****! I'm not even going to ADDRESS that one! I'm not even going to dignify it with a response! Holy ****!
The only thing I'll say about that is that she's not counting ASH'S good intentions or JENNY'S good intentions, and let the READERS rant about ALL THE MYRIAD THINGS WRONG WITH THAT ONE SENTENCE!
One can only hope....
Suddenly, my train of thought was derailed by a jab in the ribs from Meowth.
Ouch! What was that for?! I demanded.
"Check it out, Wobbu!" he snickered. "It would appear dat our friends is
renewin' dere membership in the Mile High Club...yet again!"
Tom: Stop watchin' furry porn, y' two perverts! Yer POKEMON! Not HUMANS!
I looked and saw that Jessie and James were kissing. They'd taken off their
shirts, and James was unhooking Jessie's bra while she unzipped his pants.
Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's gettin' it on again! I agreed.
Jerry: ...
*starts weakly banging her head against the desk*
I quit. I quit. I quit. The fic is lampshading itself. There's no purpose for me as a sporker. This is cruel and unusual punishment. I want a lawyer.
Guardian's Song: No lawyers in Sporkerland, sorry! :D
Jerry: Let me guess, the charge of "false imprisonment" doesn't count either.
Guardian's Song: Nope!
Jerry: *whimpers*
Jessie and James stopped what they were doing when they heard us.
James sweatdropped, and I saw him mouth the word, "shit."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||
Then, turning back to
Jessie, "Uh...we're not going to do this with the pokemon watching, are we,
Jess?!"
"Of course not!" she replied. "Wobbuffet can always go back into his poke ball!"
Ariana: D: That poor Wobbuffet! Getting poked through no fault of his own! With a BALL, no less!
A mischievous grin spread across James's lips as he looked over his shoulder at
us once again. "And we can always jettison Meowth!" he said.
Tom: YIFF IN HELL, FURCAT!
"Oh, no ya don't!" Meowth snapped.
"Just kidding!" Jessie and James said in unison.
"I guess I'll just go up top and catch some rays for awhile," he sighed.
The two of them grinned as Meowth let down the rope ladder and climbed up to the
top of the balloon.
Once he was gone, Jessie brought out my poke ball. "And now, it's your turn...."
Wait! I said before she could activate the ball.
Jessie closed her eyes and exhaled in a loud huff. "I'm not leaving you out --
when it comes to the dirty jokes and smart remarks, you're just as bad as
Meowth!"
I shrugged. What can I say? I'm a carbon copy of him added just for that elusive echo-chamber effect!I learned from the best!
"Back in the poke ball, wise-ass!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:|||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
she grumbled.
Aw, come on! I pleaded. I'm all for giving you guys some privacy, but I don't
wanna go back in my ball! Can't I go up top with Meowth? Please?
"I don't see why not," James replied. "As long as we have our privacy, it
doesn't matter either way to us."
"Yeah, but Meowth is probably going to teach him every sex in the sky joke in
the book," Jessie sighed.
Tom: Just so long as he ain't teachin' him every sex-in-th'-sky TECHNIQUE in th' book. D8
Jerry: Don't make the fic worse than it is!
James cupped Jessie's chin in his hand. "He's going to learn them eventually
anyway, Jess -- he's one of us now, you know," he told her. "Besides, I think we
owe him for making these past couple of days possible. Leaving him out of his
ball awhile longer is the least we can do."
"You're right," she conceded. Then, she turned to me and pointed up the ladder.
"Go ahead...but if I hear even ONE smart remark out of you about this, you're
going back in your ball and not coming out for a whole week!"
Okay, I won't say anything when I get back, I promised as I started climbing up
the ladder. Then, looking back at James for a moment, I'll let you shoot up the
Red Baron now, Flying Ace!
...
Feeling aroused yet, dear readers?
Jessie's face turned as red as her hair, and she clenched her teeth. "Ooohhh,
you little...."
James facefaulted. "Well, he did say when he got back...."
Jessie facefaulted, too. "He's definitely one of us," she groaned.
Guardian's Song: I'd like the snark much more if not for *waves at above mental image*
"Oh, don't let it bother you," James told Jessie as he took her in his arms
again. "We're going to hear every joke and smart remark he and Meowth can dish
out anyway...so let's just enjoy ourselves and give them something to joke
about!"
"Good point," she whispered as she leaned closer and caressed his back with the
tips of her fingers.
Guardian's Song: OMGOSH SHE'S TOUCHING HIS BACK!!1! HOW EROTIC!11!
Tom: That species must be th' mortal enemy'a th' Tommy Wiseau species. Rather than havin' their erogenous zone in their navels, they've got it in their ba-
Guardian's Song: MOVING ON!
As Jessie and James started kissing again and continued to undress each other, I
resumed my climb up the ladder and joined Meowth on top of the balloon. He was
reclining on one of the ears and soaking up the warm rays of the afternoon sun.
"So, I guess ya didn't hafta go back in yer ball?" he remarked when he saw me.
Nope, I replied as I stretched myself out in front of the other ear. They said I
could stay out for awhile since I was so helpful back there.
"Yeah, I'd say ya definitely earned it," he agreed. "Oh, and I heard dat Flyin'
Ace joke. Good one!"
Well, I did learn from the best! I told him.
Meowth grinned and high-fived me. "So true, my friend! So true!"
Below us, I could hear Jessie and James giggling and crying out each other's
names.
Tom: (Wobbuffet) When they get REALLY kinky, they cry out their OWN names!
Meowth sweatdropped. "Heh. Dey sure do get frisky when dey go for over a day
without makin' love, don't dey?
Jerry: ...
...
...
Author, if you have to LAMPSHADE how sex-obsessed your characters are outside of a PORN fic, perhaps you ought to tone it down a bit.
Damn horny teenagers...."
Aw, cut them some slack, Meowth, I said. They're young, they're in love, and
they're going to spend the rest of their lives together -- I think it's
beautiful that they have such a healthy sex-life!
Tom: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop droolin' over them, y' FURRY!
"I know. I think it is, too -- I crack on 'em a lot, but dey're good kids," he
replied.
Jerry: A possibly-in-character sentiment?! In THIS fic?! *shock, horror, chagrin*
"I actually kinda enjoy goin' off by myself and givin' 'em dere
privacy. Gives me a chance ta think about stuff and unwind...though I do get
lonely sometimes."
Tom: I don't wanna hear about y' gettin' LONELY. NOT with Wobbuffet up here, NOT with all th' subtext y've been havin' all fic! I ain't into that furry stuff! Consummate yer ~LOVE~ someplace else!
Are y' even in th' same EGG GROUP?!
*checks* ...No, y' ain't. So it's doubly disturbin'!
I know the feeling, I sighed. I've spent most of my life being lonely. I don't
feel lonely anymore, though. And you're not alone either, Meowth. Jessie and
James will always be there for you...and I'm here, too.
Tom: Y' know. Y' may think I'm hysterical.
But if these were two human characters'a th' opposite sex? Y' wouldn't be sayin' I was makin' this up. Y'd be waitin' fer them t' cuddle closer an' hold hands already. An' y' know it.
*shudders*
"A long time ago...back when I first learned ta talk, I felt like the loneliest
thing in the world," Meowth whispered. "I wasn't like other pokemon...but I
wasn't human either. Every night, I'd look up at the moon and ask myself if dere
was another me somewhere. I always used ta be so sad cuz for the longest time, I
didn't think dere was...but den I met Jessie and James. When dey accepted me for
who I am and called me dere friend, I finally realized dat I'd found others like
me! And even Arbok, Weezin', Lickitung, Victreebel, and you are like me in a
lotta ways. You all feel like kindred spirits...like my family. Dere's no place
in dis world I'd rather be."
Jerry: ...You know, even if it was wangsty? If the fics were written like THIS, I wouldn't complain. It sounds true to how they are. It sounds - actually like the Team Rocket trio.
It's the constant sycophancy, weakening of the "liked" characters, and bashing of the "disliked" characters that I can't stand. Jessie and James are sex-crazed unstable delicate-flowers, Ash is a derpfaced idiot, and everyone else sucks up to Team Rocket ASAP. If an author wrote the exact reverse (and I'm sure some AAMRN reads like that), it would still be awful! Forget RTDE/DILP! The writing is just BAD!
Same here, I agreed. On the day I met you, I could sense that you were outcasts
like me...and that you were all really close with each other. I was actually
pretty nervous at first because everybody was so upset about Lickitung being
gone -- I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted as part of the group...and when
Licki came back, I was worried Jess might send me back to Benny!
Tom: Shaddup about yer ex! DAMN! Y' sound like th' sorta person who leaves forty-six crazy voicemails on their ex's phone, an' gets forever scarred into internet memory!
(Wobbuffet) Benny, MY BLITZLES HATE YOU NOW. D:<
"I remember dat," Meowth remarked. "Boy, talk about groundless fears! Dat's
almost as bad as back in the old days, when Jess and Jim was afraid ta admit dat
dey was in love with each other!"
Jerry: *gloomily* You mean, "back when this vaguely resembled anything near canon".
You know, as close as they are now, I honestly can't picture them not being a
couple! I said.
"Yeah. It was so frustratin' for me ta see 'em wantin' each other and not doin'
anythin' about it cuz dey was afraid of bein' rejected."
I'll bet!
"But dey didn't need ta be afraid of bein' rejected, and neither do you," he
continued. "We never turn our backs on anybody we care about...and as unpopular
as we are, we make sure ta treat the people who actually do like us right!
Jerry: You mean "We only judge those who treat us well to be Good People, and the others, well, IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TO STEAL FROM THEM, HATERS TO THE LEFT LOLOLOLOL"?
Yer
one of us, Wobbu, and dat ain't ever gonna change!"
I'm thankful for that, I told him. I like finally having a place where I
belong...and being able to think about a better tomorrow. I want so much to be a
part of that.
"James calls it our white tomorrow...and you will be a part of it," Meowth
promised.
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) But I'm blue! D:
"We wouldn't have it any other way!"
Good! Because you're stuck with me! I laughed.
Meowth laughed, too. "Well, dere ain't nobody we'd rather be stuck with!"
Tom: (Meowth) Sooooo... y' lookin' fer a date, Wobby-boy?
Jerry: *whaps him upside the head*
@->->-
Meowth and I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on top of the
balloon and talking. And as we talked, I thought again about everything that had
happened to us over the past couple of days.
And now that I think about it, maybe that "good guys always win and bad guys
always lose" rule isn't so hard and fast, after all.
Jerry: Oh, good. SO STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.
When all was said and done,
the twerp was the one who got thrown out of town, and we were the ones who ended
up being celebrated!
Jerry: *starts frantically signalling for Dramamine*
I think James said it best when we faced off against those
hoodlums the other day -- some rules are made to be broken! And who better to
break stupid rules than us?
Tom: Ash, breakin' th' "EVERYBODY LUVS TR 4EVA" rule in these fics!
An' I don't even LIKE th' kid much...
But on the other hand...maybe we didn't break that "good guy/bad guy" rule! Ash
left town in disgrace because he was violent and rude...and we were celebrated
for being selfless and courageous. Maybe the tables turned because Ash was the
bad guy, and we were the good guys!
Jerry: *sighs* Oh, good. Maybe now you'll acknowledge that, when you commit crimes, you get slammed for it because you ARE the bad guys, and Ash gets rewarded because he IS the good guy, rather than whine whine moan moan Ash gets it all for no good re-
We may not be able to beat him in pokemon
battles, but we sure do have him beat when it comes to being decent human
beings!
Jerry: NEVER MIND.
I think everybody will get what they deserve in the end, and we just
have to have patience until then.
Tom: Yeah, EVENTUALLY Cori Falls stopped writin'!
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* And has Ash become a Pokemon Master YET?
Tom: Ah, shaddup about canon. I'm talkin' about th' readers, y' dope.
I know that with all of the work we're putting in now and all of the love we
have for each other, we're definitely going to have our white tomorrow...and I
can definitely wait for it!
I am the patient pokemon, after all.
Jerry: But - you made a point of - you said you're NOT the patient -
The End
Jerry: To heck with this, I'm leaving! *rushes out, putting "breath mints" and "DRAMAMINE" on her shopping list*
Tom: Wait fer me, dang it! Th' furry collective is after me! *rushes after her*
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, I've promised myself a reward - off to Nuzlocke Pokemon Blue! :D
END SPORKING
FINAL COUNT:
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: 34
When we arrived at our destination, a secretary escorted us to the mayor's
office. "Ms. Mayor, Lulu is here to see you...and she has a couple of people
with her that she says need to see you, too," the secretary announced.
"For the orgy? Send them in," the mayor replied.
As we stepped into the office, we saw the mayor sitting at her desk. She was on
the phone with somebody, and her back was turned to us, but I could tell that
she was, indeed, the small, dark-haired woman that we'd seen Lulu speaking with
at the festival.
The mayor glanced over her shoulder at us for a second and turned back to the
man on the vid-screen of her phone. "Can you hold for a minute, Chief Wigguns?"
Tom: Try to at least pretend we're t' take this fic seriously, Falls.
she asked. "Something just came up."
"Of course," the man replied.
With that, the mayor put him on hold and turned to face us. "What can I do for
you, Lulu? And who are your friends?"
"Rachel, this is Jessie, James, Meowth, and their Wobbuffet," Lulu told her.
The mayor's eyes widened. "You mean the ones you told me about yesterday?
Tom: Yeah, YESTERDAY. As in 'not already besties'.
The
ones who saved the festival?"
"This is them, all right," she replied.
"But...what are they doing here?" the mayor asked. "I thought you said Officer
Jenny ran them out of town!"
Jerry: Alas, like a particularly bad head cold, they came back.
"She did...but they came back because they felt bad about what happened, and
they want to make things up to us," Lulu said.
Tom: (Lulu) With an orgy.
"I brought them here so that you
could hear their side of the story and
Jerry: - become their loyal slaves.
work something out with the chief of
police."
The mayor smiled. "Well, your timing couldn't be better -- I'm on the phone with
Chief Wigguns right now! We're about to do a conference call with Officer
Jenny."
Jessie and James tensed at the mention of Officer Jenny's name.
Jerry: Considering that there's one in every town, you are going to get some WEIRD PTSD.
(James) Oh, woe! Not ANOTHER one!
The only worse one would be also getting a phobia of Nurse Joys. ...Incidentally, has there every been a theory that they're all a bunch of Dittos that have Become The Mask?
Tom: Nah, but that gives a whole new meaning t' badfic Pod People.
The mayor got to her feet and approached us. "Don't worry, guys -- Town Hall is
on your side, and I'm going to get this whole thing sorted out. Mayor Rachel M.
Houlihan is at your service."
"Thank you, Mayor Houlihan," Jessie replied, shaking her hand.
James shook her hand, too. "Yes, we really appreciate this."
"Houlihan?" Meowth said as he extended his paw. "Can I just call ya Hot Lips?"
Guardian's Song: *long face* That's the screenname of one of Cori Falls's Rocketshipper friends.
Let me guess. Rachel M. Houlihan was her real name?
Hey! Easy there, Hawkeye! I said, giving the cat a playful whack on the head.
"Uh...you'll have to excuse Meowth," James said sheepishly.
"Yeah. He's been watching too many reruns of M*A*S*H," Jessie added.
The mayor grinned and scratched behind Meowth's ears. "Aren't you cute?!" she
laughed. Then, she looked at me. "And you must be the Wobbuffet I've heard so
much about!"
I nodded.
"Well, hello there, Wobby! You're a cutie, too!"
Lulu is right -- this lady seems really nice! I thought as she patted me on the
head and played with the yellow ribbon I was still wearing.
Once the mayor was done admiring me, she turned her attention back to Jessie and
James and asked them about what happened at the festival. Jessie and James then
explained how the three punks with the fighting-type pokemon had come to beat up
all of the Wobbuffets and vandalize the village and how nobody would fight them
off because of the festival rule.
Guardian's Song: And the MAYOR knew nothing of this?!
They then told her about how we'd decided to
break the rule so that the punks wouldn't hurt anybody or ruin the festival and
that Officer Jenny gave us a hard time because we'd chosen to fight. And after a
moment of hesitation, Jessie even admitted to stealing the festival food, but
James quickly explained why she did it.
Mayor Houlihan's expression grew increasingly grim as she listened to the tale.
"That sounds exactly like what Lulu told me...except now I know why you took the
food," she remarked.
Jerry: So the fic is even redundant IN-FIC?
"So, Officer Jenny really did want to punish you, even
though you only broke our rule to help us?"
"Pretty much," Jessie and James said in unison.
Jerry: No need to answer my question, Cori!Jessie-and-James.
She rolled her eyes. "Good lord! What was that woman thinking?!"
"Um...not to be rude, ma'am," James interjected, "but...weren't you at the
festival when all of this happened?"
The mayor frowned again. "As a matter of fact, I wasn't," she grumbled. "I had
to attend a commissioners' meeting over to the county seat, and I didn't get
back until yesterday evening. I wasn't there to see you or those punks for
myself, and I didn't hear about it until Lulu filled me in."
Jerry: (Mayor) Meanwhile, I didn't investigate on my own at all because Lulu is my gay lover, and I trust whatever she says unconditionally.
Tom: An' th' jokes continue t' be more interestin' than th' fic.
James nodded. "I see."
"I swear, those county commissioners pick the most inconvenient times to hold
their damn meetings!" she continued. "Last month they held their meeting on the
day of the Hoppip Festival in Windydale...and the month before that, on the day
of the Sunflora Festival in Merryvale. I don't think there's a mayor in this
whole county that's actually been able to attend their own town's festival
because of the way the commissioners plan things! Morons...."
Jerry: Maybe those towns, in canon, don't actually have Supermayors ready to right all Team Rocket's wrongs on a whim?
Tom: Aw, 'a course they do. 'M sure anythin' else is just 'cause'a Ash's great-uncle or somethin'.
Jerry: Don't give her ideas.
She paused for a
moment and looked back at us. "But I'm getting off the subject, aren't I? Let me
get back to Chief Wigguns. Hold on for a minute."
"So, what do you think is going to happen now?" Jessie whispered as the mayor
picked up the phone again.
Tom: Orgy.
Jerry: At the rate the sycophancy is going, the Pokemon would join in.
{There will now be a brief delay...}
Jerry: - and lay off!
Tom: *wielding the confused duck from earlier* Never! Do! That! Again!
Jerry: *boots him in the stomach* Learn to take a joke!
Tom: If this was a Kink Meme, there'd be a request at this point fer Jessie's Pokemon ~expressing their appreciation'a their Trainer~ while James is away in a snit one day!
Jerry: I don't care if there would be! There isn't, and you need to just take the joke!
Tom: And what?! Turn it into a duck?! *gestures to his quacking former switchblade*
Jerry: If that's what it takes...
"I don't know," James replied. "I guess we just have to wait and see."
"Hey. I'm back," the mayor said.
Chief Wigguns nodded. "I took the liberty of calling Jenny while I was on hold
-- she's on the other line right now. Shall I conference her in?"
"Yes, please," she replied.
After a moment, the image on the vid-screen spilt in two, and Officer Jenny
appeared on one side. "Mayor Houlihan. What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Officer...it's been brought to my attention that something out of the ordinary
happened at the Wobbuffet Festival while I was away," she began. "Care to tell
me about it?"
Tom: *sarcastically* Wobbuffet orgy.
Jerry: What, do they just use Mirror Coat on each other all day long?
Officer Jenny saluted. "Yes, ma'am!" she said. "Those three vandals who tried to
cause trouble awhile back returned and attacked some of the villagers'
Wobbuffets. Then, a couple of crooks who said they were with Team Rocket
Tom: An' would it have KILLED y' t' WEAR CIVILIAN CLOTHES when y' weren't in th' middle'a a mission?
Jerry: But then, these poor souls couldn't be ~persecuted~ enough!
showed
up and dishonored our festival by battling them in the town square! And as if
that weren't bad enough, they resisted arrest and stole all of the festival food
when they tried to escape!"
No, this isn't a lop-sided retelling, I thought.
"Fortunately, they weren't very bright --
Tom and Jerry: You think the readers are going to argue with that, Miss Falls?
once they were outside of town, a nice
little boy named Ash Ketchum fought them off with his Pikachu and helped me get
the food back!" Officer Jenny continued.
Behind me, I could hear Jessie muttering a string of curses under her breath. I
looked and saw James place his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her.
Jerry: You know, if he's her therapist to this extent, MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T BE DATING. It would be one thing if they could handle the situation maturely, but since BOTH of them collapse into dysfunctional heaps whenever they get into a fight and lose their support structure? No. Unless getting suicidal over haircuts is supposed to be ~healthy~ now.
Tom: Never gonna get over that, are you?
Jerry: Would YOU if Butch and Cassidy were shown contemplating suicide over chipped nails?
Tom: ...-_________- Y' don't hafta put those images into my head, y' know.
"Yeah. Fought off. More like viciously attacked," Meowth grumbled.
Lulu said nothing, just snorted at the mention of Ash's name.
Guardian's Song: Shut up, you immature harridan.
"You know, it's funny how your account of what happened is so different from
everything else I've heard," the mayor remarked.
"Mayor Houlihan, with all due respect, you weren't there," said Officer Jenny.
"Yes, but I did hear an eyewitness account from Lulu," she explained.
Jerry: And the eyewitness account of the POLICE OFFICER is dog food?
And, by the way, all evidence so far is that "everything else I've heard" consists of "what Lulu told me".
Maybe Lulu and she ARE dating on the side...
"We know
she'd never lie to protect criminals -- she's the one who ran the vandals out of
town the first time! And she got to know these other so-called crooks before the
fight broke out. She says that they're good people who didn't mean any harm."
Guardian's Song: Right, because psychopaths are CERTAINLY not known for their charm and their stunning abilities to construct almost-plausible tales to deceive the optimistic and charitable! :D
"Are you saying that you believe one citizen's eyewitness account and not the
official police report?!" Officer Jenny gasped.
Jerry: Stop sporking your own fic, Cori!
Tom: Yeah! Just spork th' furry parts! Th' rest is OUR turf!
"No, that's not what I'm saying," the mayor replied. "Because I also have an
account from the perpetrators themselves,
Tom: *ROARING WITH LAUGHTER*
Jerry: Oh, YES! Let's ask the CROOKS what THEY think happened! What a BRILLIANT breakthrough in criminal justice! Of course we should trust the words of known crooks and their patsies over the words of TRAINED POLICE OFFICERS!
Tom: 'Oh, Officer! I only stole all those expensive dresses for resale on the black market... because I've always felt like a woman on the inside.'
Jerry: 'My Furby says it's true!'
Tom: 'All right, then, I'll totally let you go!'
Jerry: 'And I only kidnapped all those Chanseys... because I'm depressed and I never got enough hugs as a child.'
Tom: 'If you don't believe me, ask my accomplice!'
Jerry: 'We'll release you on the spot, and it's a crying shame the taxpayers aren't paying for your Prozac!'
Tom: 'I only beat up that ten-year-old... because he reminded me of my mother.'
Jerry: 'My therapist agrees!'
Tom: 'Little shit had it coming anyway! Have a nice day!'
Jerry: *pause* Okay, now we're getting uncomfortably close to actual fic!logic.
Tom: Th' sad thing is that y' can't make this up. 'Cept it's even less reasonable than 'He reminded me'a Mummy'.
Jerry: 'He didn't value the life of the hardened criminal over an innocent Celebi!'
Tom: 'THAT CHARD MONSTER!!11!!'
Jerry: ...And, come to think of it, How James Got His Mojo Back was essentially the first scenario with "woman" replaced by "Moltres".
Tom: *shudders* Yeah, let's drop this like a hot potato...
and their story sounds exactly like
what Lulu told me.
Jerry: Has she never heard of synchronizing alibis?!
Tom: (Mayor) Cartels don't exist! People would have to agree to secretly do something together for more than five seconds!
I'm just taking the side that's supported by more
evidence...
Jerry: Namely, HE-SAID SHE-SAID?!
and more credible evidence, at that!"
Jerry: (Mayor) I always believe criminals! Those poor Enron executives - they told me their dogs ate their accounting books!
"You mean they came back?!" she cried.
Mayor Houlihan moved aside and revealed us standing behind her. "Yes, they did."
Officer Jenny frowned. "Ms. Mayor, these people are dangerous criminals -- I'm
placing them under arrest for hooliganism, resisting arrest, and larceny! If
you'll detain them for me, I'll come and get them as soon as possible!"
Jessie, James, and Meowth tensed, and I felt a drop of sweat forming on my face.
This wasn't what we'd had in mind when we said we wanted to work things out!
Guardian's Song: Dear fic - stop sporking yourself!
(Also, if she had looked up their criminal records, she could add MANY more charges of larceny. And fraud. And assault and battery with Pokemon. And...)
"You'll do no such thing!" the mayor interjected. "From what I heard, their
hooliganism is precisely what saved our festival! Am I correct?"
"Well...yes."
"And from what they tell me, they only took our food because they were
starving," she continued.
"Theft is still a crime, regardless of why it was committed!" Officer Jenny
argued.
"Yes, but shouldn't the fact that they didn't harm anybody and only stole as a
matter of survival count for something?"
Jerry: You stole ALL THE FOOD as a matter of SURVIVAL? What are you - camels?
the mayor asked. "And shouldn't they
have been entitled to some kind of reward for helping our village?"
"No! Because they committed a crime, and then they committed another!" she
retorted.
"The only crime around here is the way these folks were treated!" Lulu broke in.
"They helped us, and we only repaid them with punishment!"
Guardian's Song: I'll agree the episode layout was apparently stupid, but COME OFF IT. That MITIGATES their crimes, but it doesn't COMPLETELY excuse them!
"Chief Wigguns, surely you understand what a serious offense breaking the
Wobbuffet Festival rule is!" Officer Jenny said. "It's a total insult to our
most time-honored tradition!"
Jerry: (Strawwoman!Jenny) And the sacrament of marriage!
"I'm aware of that, officer," Chief Wigguns replied. "But which is more
important? Upholding tradition, or ensuring the safety of the general public?"
Tom: (Strawwoman!Jenny) TRADITION ALWAYS GOES FIRST DURRR :B
Jerry: So Jenny is a conservative strawcreature, obsessed with tradition and the law over safety, and Lulu is a liberal strawcreature, obsessed with ~kindness~ and ~empathy~ over safety.
Dear Miss Falls - making the other side into a strawman doesn't make your own strawman positions any less ridiculous.
Silence.
"Would you stand idly by, allowing people and pokemon to be hurt and acts of
vandalism to take place, just for the sake of tradition?" he asked.
Guardian's Song: Cut the rhetoric, that's obviously what happened in the episode.
"Well...um...." she stammered.
"Because from everything I've heard from Mayor Houlihan and everything you
yourself told me, that's precisely what you did yesterday," he continued. "You
endangered the citizens and pokemon of our village with your insistence on
upholding tradition. You did nothing to stop the people who would have destroyed
our village, and yet you wish to punish those who helped to save our village.
Law or no law, that's a serious violation of protocol."
Officer Jenny scowled.
"Because they saved our Wobbuffets, our festival, and our village with their
criminal acts, I'm granting Jessie, James, and Meowth an official pardon for
breaking our festival rule...and that pardon extends to the attempted theft of
our food as well," said the mayor.
Jerry: Why didn't you just say that at the start?!
Tom: (Cori Falls) Massive word-padding is MANDATORY in badfic! It makes you REALISTIC!
Jerry: If all dialogue is spoken by idiots.
Tom: (Cori Falls) Well, yes. Watch me take several fics to repeat "ASH SUCKS! TR RULES! ASH SUCKS! TR RULES!" fifteen hundred times! :D
Jerry: *facepalm*
"Stealing food because of hunger isn't a
crime...not as serious a crime as assault, battery, and vandalism, anyway."
Tom: (Mayor) In fact, stealing in general isn't a crime, because it's not as serious as genocide. :B Have fun! Hail Eris!
"And as of now, you're hereby relieved of duty," Chief Wigguns told Officer
Jenny.
Jerry:
Tom: But she did it against Team Rocket, Jerry! That's like flippin' off Baby Jesus!
Jerry: ...Who's Baby Jesus?
*pause*
Tom: Y' know, yer right. I ain't got any idea either. *shrug* Movin' on...
"There's a difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the
law...a difference which I think you need to learn. Your job as a police officer
was to serve and protect the citizens, not the law.
Jerry: No, it's to ENFORCE THE LAW.
And also to protect the citizens from PEOPLE WHO WOULD STEAL ALL THEIR FOOD!
Perhaps you need to learn
that as well. Dismissed." With that, he disconnected the line that Officer Jenny
was on, and her image vanished from the vid-screen. Then, he looked past the
mayor and addressed us. "I apologize for the way Jenny handled yesterday's
situation."
"Quite alright," James replied.
Chief Wigguns nodded and turned his attention back to the mayor. "And I'll
dispatch a new officer to your district as soon as possible.
Tom: (Wiggums Senior) Her name is Lisa Simpson!
One who can serve
and protect with a greater degree of competence."
Tom: (Lisa Simpson) AS THE LIZARD QUEEEEEEN
Mayor Houlihan nodded. "You've been a great help, Chief Wigguns. Thank you," she
replied.
"No. Thank you for bringing Jenny's actions to my attention," he said. "I don't
need officers like that on my force."
Jerry: (Chief) That's right! I need one of her many identical cousins to fill the role, because -
Wait, how do I even know that's not her showing up to work as her "replacement"? D:
The mayor and the chief of police nodded at each other and smiled as they
disconnected and ended the call.
{they call a town meeting to get the word out}
@->->-
Fortunately for us, the village was small, and it was easy for Lulu and Mayor
Houlihan to get a town meeting organized. Within a couple of hours, everybody
was assembled in the town square, eager to hear the announcement their mayor had
to make.
Tom: (Mayor) I'm becoming a man! A man... with blond hair and a tan!
As we watched the milling crowd from Town Hall, however, I could sense that
Jessie was losing her nerve again.
"A public apology in front of all these people...." she sighed. "God, this is
going to be so embarrassing!"
James draped his arm around Jessie's shoulders and rested his head against her
own. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart," he whispered. "It's not like you're
going to be alone -- Meowth, Wobbuffet, and I will be up there with you."
Jerry: Why doesn't JESSIE ever comfort JAMES like this in these fics?!
Tom: Because James is a manly man and Jessie is his poor weeping maiden.
"I guess," she said as she returned his embrace.
"Look at the bright side," he continued. "Lulu forgave us, and the mayor is our
friend now!"
"We was officially pardoned!" Meowth added.
And Officer Jenny got fired! I chimed in.
"Yeah! You guys are right!" Jessie said as she listened to us. "A lot of good
things came out of this, after all!"
Jerry: Yes, the poor transients who understand how it feels to starve without a consistent paycheck are rejoicing over getting a Jenny FIRED from the police force, when they have absolutely no idea how much she has in her savings account, whether she can get another job, or whether she's even QUALIFIED for another job (since all Jennies are in the police force).
Right. Does Cori Falls actually think through what happens to anyone except for her precious woobies?
Tom: Brain-damaged!Ash would indicate "YEP".
Jerry: *SHUDDERS* HOLY ****, SHE DOES!
"And this won't be so bad either," James promised as he touched his lips to
hers.
Meowth and I exchanged looks and smiled. And as I watched James kissing Jessie,
I knew that he was right -- only good things could come from what we were going
to do.
Jerry: ...
...
...You know, she just showed her hand MUCH more than she intended to.
Tom: (Cori Falls) And do what ye will is the whole of the law - for Team Rocket! Meanwhile, only BAD things ever come from what ASH does. D:<
After a couple of minutes, Lulu returned. "It's time. Are you guys ready?" she
asked.
Jessie and James looked at each other for a moment. Then, they turned to face
her again and smiled.
"As ready as we'll ever be," James replied.
"Then let's go!"
Taking a deep breath, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I joined hands (and paws) and
followed her to the town square.
Guardian's Song: *warbling* We're off to see the Wobbuffet, the wonderful Wobbuffet of TR...
(Wobbuffet) WAAAAA-BUFFET! (XD ){
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww**w*wb
@->->-
"Ladies and gentlemen," Mayor Houlihan began. "It's been brought to my attention
by one of our most upstanding citizens that some very extraordinary things
happened at yesterday's Wobbuffet Festival."
Several villagers began to applaud.
"Our festival was almost ruined by the cruel and selfish acts of three young
vandals...and then saved when the festival rule was broken by three well-meaning
visitors," she continued. "Even though these visitors did some harmful things
yesterday, it wasn't without reason. And today, they've returned to tell us what
those reasons are. All I ask, ladies and gentlemen, is that you hear them out.
They want to make amends for what they've done. The least we can do is give them
the chance."
Jerry: (Mayor) And then lick their boots.
(Villagers) BOOOOO!
(Mayor) Oh, shut up! I bet you're all relatives of Ash Ketchum, anyway!
Jessie began to tremble as the mayor stepped aside and gave us the floor.
James gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "You can do it, Jess," he
whispered.
Jerry: (Jessie) That's right! It's... *strikes a pose* SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER! WOOOOOO!
*disco ball lowers from the ceiling as she begins to dance to "Stayin' Alive"*
When the mayor handed her the microphone, Jessie cleared her throat and stepped
forward. "Uh...hi," she said nervously.
Her greeting was met with stony silence...and several of the villagers even
scowled.
Jerry: Gee. I WONDER WHY.
Jessie sweatdropped. "Um...I guess you all remember who we are...not too fondly,
I'd imagine." She shrugged. "Well, I can't blame you for that -- I did some
really terrible things to you and your village yesterday. My friend and I broke
one of your most important traditions and insulted the spirit of your most
beloved pokemon...but we didn't mean any harm. We only did it because we saw
that your village was in danger and wanted to do something to help...."
James then stepped forward and took the microphone from Jessie. "We can't plead
ignorance -- we knew about your tradition...and we chose to break it anyway," he
said. "But we did it because we saw a situation where somebody had to stand up
and fight. We didn't like seeing innocent people and Wobbuffets being hurt and a
wonderful festival being ruined.
Tom: (James) And we weren't even behind it! D:
We have nothing but respect for what your
festival is about, and as Wobbuffet trainers ourselves, we understand the love
you have for these pokemon --
Jerry: You do?
(Wobbuffet) WAAAAAAA-BUFFET!
(James) - and that overpowering urge to strangle them that strikes at random hours of the day.
we just wanted to do whatever we could to protect
that. We're truly sorry if our actions did more harm than good -- that was never
our intent."
With confidence renewed, Jessie took the microphone back from James and
addressed the crowd once more. "That's why we broke your rule...but that still
doesn't explain why we took your food...."
The villagers scowled again and began to mutter amongst themselves when she said
this.
"Well, believe it or not, we didn't mean any harm when we did that, either," she
Jerry: (Ash) I don't mean you any harm, either! I just want you to STOP STEALING MY POKEMON!!!
continued. "We...we hadn't eaten in days when we found the food in your
store-house, and...well...the morality of the situation wasn't exactly the first
thing on my mind.
Jerry: So why didn't you stuff your faces, stuff your balloon with all the supplies THAT YOU COULD EAT BEFORE THEY WENT BAD, and stuff yourself into the balloon and RUN?!
Tom: Bah, Earth Logic!
All I saw was an opportunity to keep myself and my friends
alive, and I wanted to take it.
Jerry: Um, you went above and beyond survival.
Guardian's Song: Shh. Earth Logic.
I know that's not an excuse for what I did. I
didn't come here to make excuses or ask for forgiveness.
Guardian's Song: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You're making THANFICTION look consistent! And what count did I get for him, again?!
“ALAS! PITY ME!”: 28
...*HEADLAPTOP*
I just came here to
tell you the truth...because I feel I owe it to you."
Jessie paused for a moment and placed a hand on my back, gently nudging me
forward. "This Wobbuffet is a hero," she told them. "He didn't break the rule
when he defeated the trainers who were attacking your village. He just wanted to
defend his fellow Wobbuffets...and he did it in the spirit of what the festival
was all about -- without fighting. I was the one who chose to fight. Please
don't think badly of my Wobbuffet, just because of what I did -- he's a good
pokemon. It's not his fault he has a bad trainer. And...please don't think badly
of my friends, James and Meowth, either. They were every bit as hungry as I was,
but they didn't want to take your food...and they even tried to stop me...."
Guardian's Song: Uh, yeah. So can they get right to BLAMING JESSIE rather than giving her a free lunch for doing bad things but ~being vewy vwey sowwy about it aftewawds~?
I'm not askin' for revenge, I'm askin' for ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE DID WRONG!
I felt a lump forming in my throat as I listened to her. It was touching to hear
Jessie calling me a hero...but at the same time, it hurt to hear her calling
herself a bad trainer. That's not true, and you know it, Jessie! I thought. The
only reason I'm a hero is because I followed your commands -- you and James were
every bit a part of that as I was! And I don't care what anybody else thinks --
you guys ARE heroic!
Jerry: Good grief, you authorial mouthpiece! Just call yourself Coribuffet Falls already!
"....Anyway, that's what I came here to say," Jessie muttered. "I know you're
all probably still mad at me, and I don't expect to be forgiven. I just wanted
you to know that none of this was my friends' fault...and that we're all sorry
for what I did. I...I guess we'll be leaving now -- we've already wasted enough
of your time. Thank you for listening, though."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* It demeans legitimate sincere apologies when Miss Falls sets the whole thing up to be an automatic asspat. Because people who sincerely apologize for real? Know their apologies may not be accepted. Know they may be setting themselves up for scorn and humiliation. Know they won't have all forgiven.
And they do it anyway, because they're sincerely sorry and they want others to know that, and they feel that they owe those whom they wronged an apology.
Here? Let's face it, it's so that Cori Falls can lob just another group-lovefest at her favorite characters. Cori doesn't feel it was REALLY Wrong - she makes that obvious with all the characters who excuse Team Rocket completely ~because they were hunnngry~. She just wants Team Rocket to get forgiven. And, of course, for Ash to be bashed because he didn't MAGICALLY know that the perpetual crooks, con-artists, and fraudsters for ONCE weren't out for Number One.
I feel strongly about her making a mockery of repentance! I DO!
As Jessie handed the microphone back to the mayor and turned away from the
crowd, her eyes filled with tears.
James smiled and put an arm around her. "Well done, Jessie," he whispered. "That
was beautiful."
"Our work is done," she said softly. "Come on, guys. Let's get out of here."
Guardian's Song: Would that the scene just cut off here!
It's actually decently-written and heartfelt and emotional, but NO, we just HAVE to -
As James, Meowth, and I began to follow her, however, we suddenly heard the
sound of somebody clapping. When we turned to face the crowd again, we saw that
Lulu had gotten to her feet and was now applauding us.
I smiled again. Good ol' Lulu!
Meowth smiled, too. "Yeah. Good ol' Lulu," he echoed.
Jerry: (Villagers) Oh gad, not ANOTHER freak-out by the village stalker!
(Lulu) I'm selling body pillows of them starting tomorrow! :D
And as Lulu continued to clap, the mayor began to clap, too. After a couple of
minutes, some of the villagers started clapping as well. Before long, everybody
in town was giving us a standing ovation!
"I...I don't understand," Jessie stammered. "I thought they were mad at us!"
"Obviously not," James replied.
"Hey! What gives?" Meowth asked.
Tom: It's a CORIFIC! Are y' honestly SURPRISED at this point?
Jerry: -_- No, but she apparently thinks the readers are goldfish, and SHOULD be surprised.
Tom: That's insultin' goldfish!
Once the applause died down, Mayor Houlihan took the microphone and addressed
the crowd again. "Well, our visitors didn't come back to us expecting
forgiveness, but it looks like they've received it anyway," she began.
Everybody started clapping again.
"Jessie, James, and Meowth may have broken our festival rule, but they had a
good reason for doing it," she said.
"Right on!" somebody in the audience shouted. "Perfect plot summary, man!"
"....And I think they've taught us a valuable lesson, too," the mayor continued.
"For as long as we've had our Wobbuffet Festival, we've had the tradition of not
battling during the festival. But yesterday's events showed us that sticking to
tradition no matter what isn't always the best thing to do.
Jerry: (Villagers) Thank you, Captain Obvious!
We must never forget
who we are or abandon our customs...but sometimes traditions have to change when
they become outmoded, and rules have to be broken when it does more harm than
good to follow them.
Tom: (Villagers) Oh, what a shock! That's why we still squat in the bushes rather than using flush toilets! And have a medicine man bless our children when they get sick rather than giving them antibiotics! And light our homes at night with candles rather than lightbulbs! And...
Jessie, James, Meowth...and their Wobbuffet taught us that
when they broke our festival rule to save us. Breaking rules isn't a crime when
it serves the greater good --
Gellert Grindelwald: Ja, ja, I agree whole-heartedly! >:D
that's what they did yesterday...and yet, we
punished them for it. We punished them because we didn't understand...but I
think we understand now, and I think we owe these four a debt of gratitude."
The villagers' applause began anew.
Jerry: I need Dramamine.
Tom: "Oh, Hermione!" Draco sobbed, his grey eyes sparkling in the twilight. "We can never be together, for my father would never permit me to be with a Muggleborn..."
"Oh, Draco!" the bushy-haired girl swooned, her wide, intelligent eyes gleaming with tears of her own. "We shall elope - elope, like Romeo and Juliet, I say! - and live in peace by the shore, troubled by the cruelties of House prejudice nevermore..."
Jerry: DRAMAMINE, I said, not DRAMIONE!
"Mayor Houlihan has granted them an official pardon for the crimes they
committed yesterday," Lulu announced. "But it doesn't seem like enough to me. I
think it was wrong that they didn't even get the chance to enjoy the festival
that they helped save. I think we should hold another festival...to make up for
the one that got interrupted yesterday and to give our new friends the credit
they deserve!"
Jerry: WHAT?!
Tom: They're holdin' an entire FESTIVAL in their honor?!
Jerry: I - what - I - Does she even know how much WORK it is to prepare for these things?! And how much load it would put on the businesspeople who don't have the STOCK for festival sales?! And -
Tom: HOW MUKIN' SYCOPHANTIC CAN YOU GET?!
Jerry: This is like a Communist regime! 'ALL HAIL COMRADES JESSIE, JAMES, MEOWTH, AND WOBBUFFET, COINCIDENTALLY PARTY-CHAIRPEOPLE-FOR-LIFE!'
Tom: Mukin' heck, this is INSANE! I thought she only went REALLY Golbatexcrement-insane after Break from Canon!
Guardian's Song: Evidently not...
Lulu's remark was met with cheers.
"I think that's a great idea, Lulu...especially since I missed out on the
festivities yesterday, too," said the mayor. "Let's have a vote! Those in favor
of holding a second festival?"
All of the villagers raised their hands.
"Those opposed?"
Silence.
"Then it's unanimous -- we're having another party!"
Everybody began to cheer again.
Jessie's blue eyes sparkled as she listened to the crowd. "Wow! Who would've
imagined?!" she whispered. "I had no idea that when I came back...."
"....Things would go so well?" James ventured. His emerald eyes were sparkling,
too.
Guardian's Song: To heck with Jerry, I need Dramamine! D8
She nodded.
"Heh. We're finally gettin' credit for doin' somethin' right!" Meowth remarked.
"I kinda like it!"
"I like it, too," James sighed as he wrapped his arms around Jessie's waist and
rested his chin on her shoulder. "And we owe it all to Jessie and Wobbuffet!"
"M-me?!" Jessie said. "What did I do?"
Guardian's Song: She's a violent late-teenager, not a wide-eyed seven-year-old. Lay off the Innocent Battered Woobie antics!
"Well, it was your idea to come back here and fix things!" he told her.
"Yeah...only because I'm the one who messed things up in the first place!" she
argued.
"True," James admitted. "But in a way...your messing things up was actually for
the best! Jess, you heard them say that they learned something from our battle
-- they've changed, they've grown...all because one heroic Wobbuffet stood up
and did the right thing, for no other reason than because it was the right thing
to do. But he wouldn't have been able to do it without his wonderful trainer!"
Jerry: ...You're right, this is insulting goldfish.
Tom: Told y' so.
Jerry: WHY does she have to repeat this several times over?!
Tom: Mebbe she's hopin' th' readers're gonna believe it on th' fourteenth try...
Jessie's eyes sparkled again. "And I couldn't have done it without you and
Meowth," she replied. "I couldn't ask for better friends than you!"
Meowth smiled. "Thanks, Jess!"
Jerry: Good grief, can we STOP the constant echo chamber of Team Rocket praise?!
"Yeah. Thanks, Jess," James echoed.
Jerry: I didn't mean that literally! D:
Slowly, Jessie turned to face James and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
Then, she leaned closer and pressed her lips to his. "I love you," she muttered
between kisses.
"I love you, too," he muttered back.
My heart fluttered as I watched Jessie and James kissing again. No matter how
tough and "villainous" they try to act, there's no denying how sweet and
affectionate they really are.
Jerry: *facepalm*
Their goodness always shines through in the end.
Jerry: *double facepalm*
"James is right, ya know," Meowth remarked.
Jerry: *HEADDESK*
"Dis all happened cuz of you,
Wobbuffet -- us bein' welcomed here, us gettin' ta help dese people, everythin'
dat's happenin' now -- it never woulda been possible if you wasn't with us."
I smiled at him. Thanks, Meowth.
"Well, it's true!" he said. "I said it last night, and I'm gonna say it again --
Tom: Mebbe they've all got OCD an' they hafta say how wonderful they are constantly. Serious condition, you know.
Jerry: *muffled by hands and desk* EVERYONE in this fic has OCD. Ash just has it with insults and screaming rather than praise and bootlicking.
we're glad ta have ya as part of our family. You rock, Wobbu!"
Well, I'm glad to be here, I replied. I can honestly say that being with you has
given me true happiness.
Guardian's Song: D: Miss Falls, can you please have someone OTHER than Meowth be the recipent of those lines? Otherwise, it really DOES look like you're trying to ship Wobbuffet/Meowth...
And I meant it, too. Becoming part of Team Rocket is the best thing that ever
happened to me...and things could only get better from here!
Tom: (Wobbuffet) Wob-buffet, wob wob wob! Wub wub wub! *drops that bass* [Translation: I'll spend the rest of my life on this show being beaten up by new and interesting people! Wow, what a jet-set life I have now!] :D
@->->-
As luck would have it, the decorations from yesterday were still up, and there
were some fireworks left over, too...and since everybody was already in the town
square, arranging another party was a simple matter.
Jerry: (Villagers) We totally don't mind throwing away all our plans and obligations for the night to suck YOUR toes! :D
The only problem was that
there wasn't enough food left over from yesterday's festival, but Lulu quickly
remedied that by suggesting that they make the party into a potluck dinner. It
took a couple of hours for everybody to go home and make a dish to bring, but it
was well worth it...and getting to sample everybody's cooking gave a real "down
home" feeling to the party.
Jerry: Seriously?! They're making FOOD OFFERINGS to Team Rocket?!
Tom: Okay, I ain't kiddin' - in what fic do they construct th' temple?
Guardian's Song: They never do that.
Tom: Aw, c'mon, don't lie. I ain't gonna run away just so long as there's no furry stuff in th' 'dedication rites'. Just name th' fic.
Guardian's Song: Um... Tom, I'm serious.
Tom: They're conductin' a festival in their honor an' takin' hours out'a their nights t' cook th' Great God Rocket meals. Y' expect me t' BELIEVE that?
And now, as my friends and I stood at the buffet table, helping ourselves to
lettuce wraps, roasted chicken, pimento cheese sandwiches, strawberry rhubarb
pie, and various other things that the villagers had made,
Guardian's Song: No parody can outdo the actual fics.
I'm sorry, but these fics are such that even the most exaggerated parodies can only pass for the real thing.
I found myself
thinking again about this festival and everything it symbolized.
Jerry: *dry heaving* It represents the author's obsessive adoration fantasies for her favorite characters!
Tom: An' our queasy guts...
In a way, it
blows my mind to know that there's an entire village of people in this world
that honor and revere
Jerry: (Cori Falls) - my favorite characters! >:D BOW, PEONS! BOW!
pokemon like me. From the way Benny treated me, I never
would've imagined that I was a pokemon worth being respected...
Tom: Aw, stop yappin' about yer ex, y' twisted furry!
and I never
would've learned about this village or this festival if not for Jessie, James,
and Meowth.
Once everybody had finished eating, the mayor took the microphone again and
addressed us. "So, are you all having a good time?" she asked.
Her question was met with a round of applause.
"Then why don't we give a cheer to the folks who made this possible?" she
suggested. With that, she gestured to the four of us.
Jessie blushed, and James grinned sheepishly as everybody around us started
clapping and cheering once more.
Jerry: *runs to the bathroom to start heaving*
Tom: An' t' think, if she had just lived in a later era'a th' internet, she could have just summed this entire fic up with an OOH TR OOH macro.
"Speech! Speech!" Meowth cried, pushing the two of them towards the front of the
crowd.
James's face turned as red as Jessie's when everybody else stated chanting for
them to give a speech, too.
"I'll get you for this, Meowth!" Jessie said through clenched teeth.
"Aw, come on! It won't be so bad!" he told them.
Yeah! Can't be any worse than that big apology you gave earlier! I chimed in as
I helped the cat push them forward.
Tom: Y' ALREADY gave a speech! Shaddup!
When the mayor handed the microphone back to Jessie, she cleared her throat and
thought for a moment about what she was going to say. "Y-you know...when we were
watching the fireworks last night...and heard the festival music in the
distance...I felt like the scum of the earth.
Tom: Y' are!
I'd done my friends and my pokemon
a great disservice, and as I watched the festivities, it made me feel even worse
because my friends deserved to be celebrated,
Jerry: *retching noises from bathroom*
and they were missing out because
of me," she began. "And...knowing that I'd done something hurtful to you made me
feel bad, too. Nobody has ever treated us with so much kindness as the people of
this village -- we're usually hated and despised wherever we go.
Tom: Stop wearin' Rocket uniforms in front'a cops, morons!
I considered
you to be our friends as well...and I couldn't live with myself knowing what I'd
done to you.
Tom: We know! Shaddup!
"I came back here last night for no other reason than to apologize and explain
myself. I never expected anything like this," she continued. "So...I just wanted
to say thank you. Thank you for forgiving me and my friends. Thank you for
giving us a second chance. From the bottom of my heart...thank you."
Jerry: Stop talking!
As Jessie finished her speech, James kissed her on the forehead and took the
microphone. "I'd like to thank all of you, too," he said. "Not just for the
kindness, understanding, and hospitality you've shown us...but for reminding us
of what we're working for. You see, what we want is what you have -- a place
that we can call our home, a little house with cross-stitch pictures on the
walls and home-made afghans on the beds, a big yard for children and pokemon to
play in, maybe even a rose garden -- you get the idea.
Jerry: *sobbing and retching* Stop rubbing this glurge in!
Tom: An' YEP, they want it all. Ain't gonna settle fer an apartment while they work their way up, ain't gonna settle fer a cheap shack while they save their cash, ain't gonna settle fer a small yard - want t' own a nice home with a big yard an' a frickin' ROSE GARDEN.
Yeah, they're sure poor starvin' hardworkin' sorts, all right!
Sometimes it feels
hopeless, but being here and seeing what you have just reminds us that if we
keep working at it, someday we'll have what you have, too.
Jerry: (Cori!Team Rocket) Maybe we can get a nice, big, Martha-Stewart-esque prison cell, too! :D
Thank you for
renewing our hope...for showing us that our goal is in sight."
When James's speech drew to a close, Meowth took the microphone from him. "Just
remember dat sometimes ya gotta break the rules ta make dis world a better
place," he told them.
Jerry: SHUT UP! *retches*
Tom: Dang, I think yer on th' ghost'a Christmas Dinner Past by now.
"But no matter what happens, dere's two rules dat should
never be broken. Coincidentally, dey're also the only two rules for tonight's
festival. And dose two rules are, be excellent ta each other...."
....And PARTY ON, DUDES!!! I chimed in, finishing the sentence for him.
"Thank you, Bill and Ted!" James laughed.
Jerry: *HEADTOILET*
Suddenly, I'm not longer nauseated. Just... angry.
Tom: Yer tellin' me. I ain't been this talked-down-to since I was in a crib.
"Those pokemon have been watching way too much TV," Jessie groaned.
Once the applause our speeches were met with died down a little, the mayor took
back the microphone and addressed the villagers once again. "Well, who are we to
break rules?" she said. "Let's party!" She then gestured to the town's
pyrotechnician, who started the firework show.
As the crowd "Ooohhhed" and "Aaahhhed" at the fireworks, the four of us
approached the mayor once more.
"Enjoying the show?" she asked. "Andrew is a real expert -- he plans all the
firework displays himself...."
Tom: In a few hours with no notice, no less.
"Yeah! Dey're real gorgeous!" Meowth replied as a pink and purple fireburst with
a green halo exploded in the sky.
"We just wanted to thank you again, Mayor Houlihan," said James.
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal," she told us. "All my friends call me
Rachel."
"Okay. Then thanks...Rachel," Jessie said.
"Don't mention it."
I smiled at them and turned my attention back to the fireworks. Last night
they'd seemed so distant, a bitter reminder of our constant failure. But now
that I actually saw them up close...now that they were for me and my friends, I
finally noticed just how wonderful they were.
Tom: *snerk* Yeah, y' only care when it's a suckup fer y', don'tcha?
Like snowflakes, no two were
exactly alike -- each explosion was a different color and form.
Jerry: *comes out of bathroom, wiping mouth* Well, I - SHE'S PLAYING THE "SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE" LINE SERIOUSLY?! *runs back into bathroom*
There was one
that fanned out like golden palm fronds, one that exploded in the shape of a
silver star, a spinning Catherine wheel, a fireburst that was every color of the
rainbow -- each one was beautiful in its own special way.
One firework in particular caught my attention, however -- it exploded in the
shape of a giant red heart. Seeing it reminded me of the love we all have for
each other...and the bright future that Jessie and James's love was going to
make possible.
Tom: *laughing hysterically*
Jerry: *retching hysterically*
Not wanting them to miss out, I tapped their legs and pointed to the big heart
in the sky. Hey, guys! This one's for you!
"Alright, alright, we'll watch the fireworks with you," Jessie replied.
She and James were having a conversation with Lulu and Rachel, and they were
reluctant to end it, but when they saw the firework, they smiled.
Tom: How slowly is that firework FADIN'?
Jerry: At the speed of plot.
"Wow! That's really beautiful!" Jessie sighed.
"Think he wanted us to see it for a reason?" James queried.
I nodded.
"Awww! Is dat yer way of sayin' ya love us, Wobbu?" Meowth asked.
Yeah, it is, I told him. But I was also hoping it'd make Jess and Jim get all
lovey-dovey again.
Tom: WHAT?! Gah! Stop that stuff, y' disgustin' HUMAN-VOYEUR!
He's manufacturing his own furry porn! D:
Jerry: *from bathroom* Ohhhhhh gaaaaaaaaaawd. *retches*
"Heh! Great minds think alike!" Meowth laughed. Then, turning back to James,
"Hey! Wobbu sez he wants ya ta give Jessie a kiss!"
Tom: D8
James blushed.
Come on, lover-boy! Give her a big, juicy, wet one! You know you want to! I
said.
Tom: D:
Jessie blushed too when she heard me.
James smiled shyly and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, what could it hurt,
Jess?" he asked. "These people already know we're in love!"
Jessie returned his smile and his embrace. "Yeah. Not everybody's as dense as
that twerp."
"Thank goodness for that!" he chuckled.
Jessie giggled and leaned closer to James. And as their lips met, they tightened
their hold on each other and melted with passion.
Several people clapped when they saw Jessie and James kissing,
Jerry: *decides to just unceremoniously pass out*
but the two of
them paid no mind. They were too engrossed in each other to care about anything
anymore. And as they kissed, the fireworks continued to explode behind them,
each one more dazzling than the last. It was almost as if the fireworks were for
them and them alone, celebrating their life...and their love.
Tom: ...An' y' know somethin'? With that line, I'm gonna have t' make sure my teammate ain't chokin' on vomit in her sleep.
I'M practically chokin' on vomit, and I AIN'T asleep! *runs to bathroom*
Guardian's Song: Yeah, screw this being "for the villagers". That, right there? THAT admitted it was for Team Rocket and Team Rocket a-
It seemed only fitting.
Guardian's Song: Screw the sporkers, I'M gagging!
@->->-
{...after some mild gagging and the restoration of the sporkers, the sporking resumes}
When the party finally ended several hours later, the four of us returned to
Lulu's house and spent another night in her guest-room. And after another hearty
breakfast the next morning, Jessie and James told her that we'd soon be leaving.
"I figured you weren't going to stay long," Lulu said, with more than a hint of
sadness in her voice.
"I wish we could stay awhile, but we have a long journey ahead of us...and a lot
of work to do," Jessie replied.
"But thank you for sharing your home with us," said James. "My friends and I
will never forget your hospitality."
Tom: (James) If you know what I mean. *wink*
Jerry: Do you mind? I just FINISHED retching.
"Well, you'll always have a home here -- my village won't soon forget what you
did for us either," Lulu told us. "I hope we meet again someday."
Meowth smiled. "I hope we do, too. Yer a real class-act, Lulu!"
Tom: (Meowth) ...Class-SUCKUP act, that is.
Yeah! It's not every day we meet a nice person like you! I chimed in.
Lulu returned our smiles and patted me on the head. "You take good care of your
friends, Wobbuffet," she whispered.
Don't worry -- I will! I promised, saluting her.
As Lulu followed us outside so that she could walk us to our balloon, however,
we saw a large group of villagers being led by Rachel. And they were coming our
way.
Tom: (Villagers) KILL THE SUES! KILL THE SUES!
Jerry: (Villagers) Give us back the REAL Team Rocket if you want to live!
"Wh-what's going on?" Jessie asked.
"We figured you were going to be leaving soon, so we came to see you off,"
Rachel explained. "We have some stuff for you."
James raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
Tom: (Villagers) Three balloon animals, a package of extra-large condoms, a hobby-horse, and a real life Wailord. Don't even ask, just take them.
Rachel nodded and handed something to Jessie. "I had this plaque made for you."
Jessie smiled and showed the plaque to us. It was made of smooth, polished
cherry wood, and the gold plate had our likenesses engraved on it, along with
the words, In honor of Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet of Team Rocket --
the heroes who broke the law to save the day.
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: *bursts out laughing* CALLED IT!
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: Told y' so, didn't I? But y' kept denyin' it...
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
"It's exquisite!" James remarked. "Thank you so much, Rachel!"
"I also put one just like it at the base of our Wobbuffet statue in the town
square," she said. "That way, we can always remember you and what you've done
for us."
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: An' I want y' t' always remember THIS when y' think I'm exaggeratin' somethin'.
Guardian's Song: They LITERALLY DEDICATED THEIR WOBBUFFET STATUE TO TEAM ROCKET?!
Tom: *smirks* An' I bet they'll kiss it three times a day.
Guardian's Song:
Tom: Tooooold yooooooou.
Guardian's Song: This is worse than ANY FREAKING PARODY could have GUESSED!!
Tom: *laughs maliciously* Welcome t' Coriland, spork captain! Enjoy yer stay an' DON'T mind th' furries...
Jessie blushed. "Why...thank you so much! This is a real honor!"
"We have something else for you, too," she added.
When she said this, several villagers stepped forward and handed a large package
to each of us.
"What's all dis?" Meowth asked.
"Food," the mayor replied. "I know it's not much, but...."
"It's more than we ever could've asked for," Jessie said, cutting her off.
"Yeah!" said James. "Who are we to scoff at free food?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's not free -- you've earned every bit of it...and
more."
Jerry: *turns an involuntary retch into a cough*
Tom: Y' okay?
Jerry: Yeah... yeah... sure I am...
"Well, free or not, you can bet we'll enjoy it!" Meowth told her.
Rachel smiled as Jessie and James started packing our stuff into the balloon.
"I'm just glad we could do something to help."
Once all of our stuff was packed and we'd piled into the basket, James fired up
the balloon.
"Come back and visit us real soon!" Lulu called to us. "But until then,
farewell, wherever you fare!"
"We'll try!" Meowth called back to her.
Jessie and James waved to the crowd. "Good-bye!"
Bye! I said as I waved, too.
Everybody waved back at us, their farewells and good wishes echoing in our ears
long after the village disappeared over the horizon.
And so, we continued on our journey with a fresh supply of food, an honorary
plaque...and more importantly, the memories of an amazing adventure and a
village full of friends at our backs.
Jerry: *breaks down in moans*
This fic... is so... awful...
Tom: ...Y' know, I may feel sorry fer y', but y' really should've let me leave when I freaked out over th' furries.
Jerry: ...Fine, then, I'll offer a formal apology for that... later... when my stomach's settled...
@->->-
"Well, Jessie, it looks like we ended up with food, friends, and a festival,
after all!" James remarked later that afternoon.
"Yeah! Not bad for a bunch of criminals! Not bad at all!" Jessie laughed.
When she said this, I found myself reflecting on something Lulu had told Ash
yesterday -- sometimes there's a difference between what's legal and what's
right. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right!
My friends may not always obey the law, and sometimes circumstance forces them
to do bad things,
Jerry: (WRH!Jessie) That twelve-year-old MADE us beat him to a pulp!
but when they have a choice, they always choose to do good.
Tom: -______________________________________________________-
And they're never afraid to put themselves at risk when it serves the greater
good...no matter what the cost.
Aberforth Dumbledore: "Greater good" meaning "whatever serves our purposes today!"
Albus Dumbledore: *sniff* I beg your pardon.
Aberforth Dumbledore: Too bad, because I'm not giving it.
They may be criminals, but they're not bad. I
just wish more people were able to understand that.
Oh, well. I guess it's not completely hopeless -- Lulu, Rachel, and the rest of
those villagers saw the goodness in our hearts, after all, I said to myself.
Jerry: *contemplating pill catalogs* Is it possible to OD on Dramamine?
Tom: I dunno. If y' find out, tell ME.
Maybe someday more people will wake up and realize that we don't live in a world
where good and evil are defined by laws and boundaries, but by the desire to do
what's right.
Guardian's Song: For fuck's sakes, REALLY?!
Right. So if ANYONE does ANYTHING wrong but they ~had good intentions~, THAT LETS THEM OFF COMPLETELY?!
Holy ****! I'm not even going to ADDRESS that one! I'm not even going to dignify it with a response! Holy ****!
The only thing I'll say about that is that she's not counting ASH'S good intentions or JENNY'S good intentions, and let the READERS rant about ALL THE MYRIAD THINGS WRONG WITH THAT ONE SENTENCE!
One can only hope....
Suddenly, my train of thought was derailed by a jab in the ribs from Meowth.
Ouch! What was that for?! I demanded.
"Check it out, Wobbu!" he snickered. "It would appear dat our friends is
renewin' dere membership in the Mile High Club...yet again!"
Tom: Stop watchin' furry porn, y' two perverts! Yer POKEMON! Not HUMANS!
I looked and saw that Jessie and James were kissing. They'd taken off their
shirts, and James was unhooking Jessie's bra while she unzipped his pants.
Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's gettin' it on again! I agreed.
Jerry: ...
*starts weakly banging her head against the desk*
I quit. I quit. I quit. The fic is lampshading itself. There's no purpose for me as a sporker. This is cruel and unusual punishment. I want a lawyer.
Guardian's Song: No lawyers in Sporkerland, sorry! :D
Jerry: Let me guess, the charge of "false imprisonment" doesn't count either.
Guardian's Song: Nope!
Jerry: *whimpers*
Jessie and James stopped what they were doing when they heard us.
James sweatdropped, and I saw him mouth the word, "shit."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
Then, turning back to
Jessie, "Uh...we're not going to do this with the pokemon watching, are we,
Jess?!"
"Of course not!" she replied. "Wobbuffet can always go back into his poke ball!"
Ariana: D: That poor Wobbuffet! Getting poked through no fault of his own! With a BALL, no less!
A mischievous grin spread across James's lips as he looked over his shoulder at
us once again. "And we can always jettison Meowth!" he said.
Tom: YIFF IN HELL, FURCAT!
"Oh, no ya don't!" Meowth snapped.
"Just kidding!" Jessie and James said in unison.
"I guess I'll just go up top and catch some rays for awhile," he sighed.
The two of them grinned as Meowth let down the rope ladder and climbed up to the
top of the balloon.
Once he was gone, Jessie brought out my poke ball. "And now, it's your turn...."
Wait! I said before she could activate the ball.
Jessie closed her eyes and exhaled in a loud huff. "I'm not leaving you out --
when it comes to the dirty jokes and smart remarks, you're just as bad as
Meowth!"
I shrugged. What can I say? I'm a carbon copy of him added just for that elusive echo-chamber effect!
"Back in the poke ball, wise-ass!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING:
she grumbled.
Aw, come on! I pleaded. I'm all for giving you guys some privacy, but I don't
wanna go back in my ball! Can't I go up top with Meowth? Please?
"I don't see why not," James replied. "As long as we have our privacy, it
doesn't matter either way to us."
"Yeah, but Meowth is probably going to teach him every sex in the sky joke in
the book," Jessie sighed.
Tom: Just so long as he ain't teachin' him every sex-in-th'-sky TECHNIQUE in th' book. D8
Jerry: Don't make the fic worse than it is!
James cupped Jessie's chin in his hand. "He's going to learn them eventually
anyway, Jess -- he's one of us now, you know," he told her. "Besides, I think we
owe him for making these past couple of days possible. Leaving him out of his
ball awhile longer is the least we can do."
"You're right," she conceded. Then, she turned to me and pointed up the ladder.
"Go ahead...but if I hear even ONE smart remark out of you about this, you're
going back in your ball and not coming out for a whole week!"
Okay, I won't say anything when I get back, I promised as I started climbing up
the ladder. Then, looking back at James for a moment, I'll let you shoot up the
Red Baron now, Flying Ace!
...
Feeling aroused yet, dear readers?
Jessie's face turned as red as her hair, and she clenched her teeth. "Ooohhh,
you little...."
James facefaulted. "Well, he did say when he got back...."
Jessie facefaulted, too. "He's definitely one of us," she groaned.
Guardian's Song: I'd like the snark much more if not for *waves at above mental image*
"Oh, don't let it bother you," James told Jessie as he took her in his arms
again. "We're going to hear every joke and smart remark he and Meowth can dish
out anyway...so let's just enjoy ourselves and give them something to joke
about!"
"Good point," she whispered as she leaned closer and caressed his back with the
tips of her fingers.
Guardian's Song: OMGOSH SHE'S TOUCHING HIS BACK!!1! HOW EROTIC!11!
Tom: That species must be th' mortal enemy'a th' Tommy Wiseau species. Rather than havin' their erogenous zone in their navels, they've got it in their ba-
Guardian's Song: MOVING ON!
As Jessie and James started kissing again and continued to undress each other, I
resumed my climb up the ladder and joined Meowth on top of the balloon. He was
reclining on one of the ears and soaking up the warm rays of the afternoon sun.
"So, I guess ya didn't hafta go back in yer ball?" he remarked when he saw me.
Nope, I replied as I stretched myself out in front of the other ear. They said I
could stay out for awhile since I was so helpful back there.
"Yeah, I'd say ya definitely earned it," he agreed. "Oh, and I heard dat Flyin'
Ace joke. Good one!"
Well, I did learn from the best! I told him.
Meowth grinned and high-fived me. "So true, my friend! So true!"
Below us, I could hear Jessie and James giggling and crying out each other's
names.
Tom: (Wobbuffet) When they get REALLY kinky, they cry out their OWN names!
Meowth sweatdropped. "Heh. Dey sure do get frisky when dey go for over a day
without makin' love, don't dey?
Jerry: ...
...
...
Author, if you have to LAMPSHADE how sex-obsessed your characters are outside of a PORN fic, perhaps you ought to tone it down a bit.
Damn horny teenagers...."
Aw, cut them some slack, Meowth, I said. They're young, they're in love, and
they're going to spend the rest of their lives together -- I think it's
beautiful that they have such a healthy sex-life!
Tom: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop droolin' over them, y' FURRY!
"I know. I think it is, too -- I crack on 'em a lot, but dey're good kids," he
replied.
Jerry: A possibly-in-character sentiment?! In THIS fic?! *shock, horror, chagrin*
"I actually kinda enjoy goin' off by myself and givin' 'em dere
privacy. Gives me a chance ta think about stuff and unwind...though I do get
lonely sometimes."
Tom: I don't wanna hear about y' gettin' LONELY. NOT with Wobbuffet up here, NOT with all th' subtext y've been havin' all fic! I ain't into that furry stuff! Consummate yer ~LOVE~ someplace else!
Are y' even in th' same EGG GROUP?!
*checks* ...No, y' ain't. So it's doubly disturbin'!
I know the feeling, I sighed. I've spent most of my life being lonely. I don't
feel lonely anymore, though. And you're not alone either, Meowth. Jessie and
James will always be there for you...and I'm here, too.
Tom: Y' know. Y' may think I'm hysterical.
But if these were two human characters'a th' opposite sex? Y' wouldn't be sayin' I was makin' this up. Y'd be waitin' fer them t' cuddle closer an' hold hands already. An' y' know it.
*shudders*
"A long time ago...back when I first learned ta talk, I felt like the loneliest
thing in the world," Meowth whispered. "I wasn't like other pokemon...but I
wasn't human either. Every night, I'd look up at the moon and ask myself if dere
was another me somewhere. I always used ta be so sad cuz for the longest time, I
didn't think dere was...but den I met Jessie and James. When dey accepted me for
who I am and called me dere friend, I finally realized dat I'd found others like
me! And even Arbok, Weezin', Lickitung, Victreebel, and you are like me in a
lotta ways. You all feel like kindred spirits...like my family. Dere's no place
in dis world I'd rather be."
Jerry: ...You know, even if it was wangsty? If the fics were written like THIS, I wouldn't complain. It sounds true to how they are. It sounds - actually like the Team Rocket trio.
It's the constant sycophancy, weakening of the "liked" characters, and bashing of the "disliked" characters that I can't stand. Jessie and James are sex-crazed unstable delicate-flowers, Ash is a derpfaced idiot, and everyone else sucks up to Team Rocket ASAP. If an author wrote the exact reverse (and I'm sure some AAMRN reads like that), it would still be awful! Forget RTDE/DILP! The writing is just BAD!
Same here, I agreed. On the day I met you, I could sense that you were outcasts
like me...and that you were all really close with each other. I was actually
pretty nervous at first because everybody was so upset about Lickitung being
gone -- I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted as part of the group...and when
Licki came back, I was worried Jess might send me back to Benny!
Tom: Shaddup about yer ex! DAMN! Y' sound like th' sorta person who leaves forty-six crazy voicemails on their ex's phone, an' gets forever scarred into internet memory!
(Wobbuffet) Benny, MY BLITZLES HATE YOU NOW. D:<
"I remember dat," Meowth remarked. "Boy, talk about groundless fears! Dat's
almost as bad as back in the old days, when Jess and Jim was afraid ta admit dat
dey was in love with each other!"
Jerry: *gloomily* You mean, "back when this vaguely resembled anything near canon".
You know, as close as they are now, I honestly can't picture them not being a
couple! I said.
"Yeah. It was so frustratin' for me ta see 'em wantin' each other and not doin'
anythin' about it cuz dey was afraid of bein' rejected."
I'll bet!
"But dey didn't need ta be afraid of bein' rejected, and neither do you," he
continued. "We never turn our backs on anybody we care about...and as unpopular
as we are, we make sure ta treat the people who actually do like us right!
Jerry: You mean "We only judge those who treat us well to be Good People, and the others, well, IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TO STEAL FROM THEM, HATERS TO THE LEFT LOLOLOLOL"?
Yer
one of us, Wobbu, and dat ain't ever gonna change!"
I'm thankful for that, I told him. I like finally having a place where I
belong...and being able to think about a better tomorrow. I want so much to be a
part of that.
"James calls it our white tomorrow...and you will be a part of it," Meowth
promised.
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) But I'm blue! D:
"We wouldn't have it any other way!"
Good! Because you're stuck with me! I laughed.
Meowth laughed, too. "Well, dere ain't nobody we'd rather be stuck with!"
Tom: (Meowth) Sooooo... y' lookin' fer a date, Wobby-boy?
Jerry: *whaps him upside the head*
@->->-
Meowth and I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on top of the
balloon and talking. And as we talked, I thought again about everything that had
happened to us over the past couple of days.
And now that I think about it, maybe that "good guys always win and bad guys
always lose" rule isn't so hard and fast, after all.
Jerry: Oh, good. SO STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.
When all was said and done,
the twerp was the one who got thrown out of town, and we were the ones who ended
up being celebrated!
Jerry: *starts frantically signalling for Dramamine*
I think James said it best when we faced off against those
hoodlums the other day -- some rules are made to be broken! And who better to
break stupid rules than us?
Tom: Ash, breakin' th' "EVERYBODY LUVS TR 4EVA" rule in these fics!
An' I don't even LIKE th' kid much...
But on the other hand...maybe we didn't break that "good guy/bad guy" rule! Ash
left town in disgrace because he was violent and rude...and we were celebrated
for being selfless and courageous. Maybe the tables turned because Ash was the
bad guy, and we were the good guys!
Jerry: *sighs* Oh, good. Maybe now you'll acknowledge that, when you commit crimes, you get slammed for it because you ARE the bad guys, and Ash gets rewarded because he IS the good guy, rather than whine whine moan moan Ash gets it all for no good re-
We may not be able to beat him in pokemon
battles, but we sure do have him beat when it comes to being decent human
beings!
Jerry: NEVER MIND.
I think everybody will get what they deserve in the end, and we just
have to have patience until then.
Tom: Yeah, EVENTUALLY Cori Falls stopped writin'!
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* And has Ash become a Pokemon Master YET?
Tom: Ah, shaddup about canon. I'm talkin' about th' readers, y' dope.
I know that with all of the work we're putting in now and all of the love we
have for each other, we're definitely going to have our white tomorrow...and I
can definitely wait for it!
I am the patient pokemon, after all.
Jerry: But - you made a point of - you said you're NOT the patient -
The End
Jerry: To heck with this, I'm leaving! *rushes out, putting "breath mints" and "DRAMAMINE" on her shopping list*
Tom: Wait fer me, dang it! Th' furry collective is after me! *rushes after her*
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, I've promised myself a reward - off to Nuzlocke Pokemon Blue! :D
END SPORKING
FINAL COUNT:
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: 34
no subject
YEP. @_@
"So they dumped some NyQuil on J&J's heads."
XD NOOOO THINK OF THE HAIRCUTS
ACTUALLY
YES THINK OF THE HAIRCUTS >:D
"Noober: *has all the mayors tied up in a closet* Hahahahaha! They bought my village idiot act flawlessly! Now I can force you all to play Yahtzee with me! While watching the Felix the Cat movie! And Sleepaway Camp III!
Mayors: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
XD
"Tom, Earth Logic doesn't work on Cori Falls. Remember? D:"
Tom: I keep tryin', though I KNOW better, dang it!
"OH GOD JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT THE ASH TRASHING WAS OVER"
That really sums up these fics, doesn't it? Just when you thought the Ash-trashing was over... SON of Ash-trashing!
"No one wants to imagine their parents being Cori Falls pod people. NO ONE. Poor 3rd Gen Morgan"
D: Yep. Poor 3rd Gen Morgan.
(Hey, think of poor Severa! She'd be Jessieized in no time flat! D:)
"Okay you took all the good ones. XD But man, this thing really IS sporking itself at this rate."
D: No matter how silly the parody, it PROBABLY ALREADY HAPPENED IN-FIC!
"This fic is made of so much straw you could stuff a scarecrow with it."
Feed it to a donkey. :P (And hope it doesn't misread "Ash" as "ass". Poor thing might get its feelings hurt.)
"*Mayor* I'm good for relieving your...tension!"
*Mayor* I can feel you shiver with antici...pation!
"Rule #2 of Corific. Rule #1 of course is that Team Rocket is ALWAYS right."
How could I have forgotten?!/1/1/1/!?!!?
"This is Jessie. She'd never sweatdrop or panic or need James's reassurance. She'd just waltz onto the stage and start bullshitting her way through a fantastical explanation. Complete with melodramatic swirls and overwrought emotions just for the hell of it."
In a situation where she was genuinely remorseful and needed to apologize, I can see her choking up
just because she's never done anything like it before. JAMES being able to just waltz on and give the speech while SHE'S freezing up, however, is just... *makes indecent gesture at fic*"Ash: GET A JOB!"
Jessie and James: FURSECUTION!11!!
"Also, were Jessie and James really sorry they did wrong, or were they sorry they got caught and made people ~mad at them~? Because the way Cori writes it it feels like the latter. They're always more concerned about making sure nobody's mad at them and thinks they're Good People than actually feeling remorse for doing wrong. Even in their dealings with each other, it's always "WAAAAAAH I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MAD AT MEEEEEE" and not "I shouldn't have acted like such an asshole"."
I'll give Cori the benefit of the doubt on the guilt, because she repeatedly emphasized that the guilt was over hurting such nice people. As in, you know, it wouldn't have mattered at all if they had been anything less than saintly towards Team Rocket. D|
"And of course Jessie cries. That's aaalll she does in these fics is CRY. And yep, everyone's applauding and patting them on the ass and ALLLL IS FORGIVEN BECAUSE TR ARE SUCH NICE PEOPLE. :D Can I strangle them now?
And holy hell, AN ENTIRE FUCKING FESTIVAL?! This is beyond asspats, this is flat-out PUBLIC ORAL SEX! If we go any further these people will be bending over to let Jessie and James assfuck them all night long!"
XD XD XD I am gratified to see that even READING the sporking accurately recreates the feeling of DOING the sporking! I did this entire thing without reading ahead, so you can see my gradual descent into WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING through the characters. :P
"FOOD PORN. D: Cori's food porn either annoys you or makes you hungry. Or both."
I just feel like I'm reading a catering menu for a conference. D:
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET IT END, CORI, LET IT END. Just say "and they had a wonderful festival with yummy food and felt accepted and loved, THE FUCKING END"!"
BWAHAHAHA! And then it keeps going and going, doesn't it? >:D
"JSDBGISFAO9URP3Q9485YUO438YUHEUWKIHRJISDLHFIKLDJFD
I am so lucky I never read this fic again because I thought it was too boring and forgettable. All of Cori's fics are blatant masturbation of her favorite characters, but this one is especially gross about it."
Boring, yes. Forgettable? I think your brain just Refused To Comprehend The True Form. XD ...To be fair, READING it is probably much easier, since the brain can gloss over the repetition. Sporking has the unfortunate side effect that you're literally going line-by-line. D:
"EW EW EW WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WHY"
XD
"Had to get in one last shot at poor Ash, didja?"
(Cori) You can NEVER get in enough shots at Ash! (/Cori)
"OH GOD IT NEVER ENDS THEY'RE GIVING THEM MORE GIFTS AND SEEING THEM OFF
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
XD I hate to say it, but I'm enjoying the knowledge that I'm not suffering alone.
"[snip TR getting monuments and plaques made for them]
at this point Cori can just have them burp rainbows and sparkles and make their armpits smell like roses and I won't even bat an eyelash"
Come to think of it, isn't all that Wiccan stuff the equivalent of that? :P
"and it just keeps going and going and going with more Wobbuffet masturbation"
Is THAT the reason for Wobbuffet's expression?!
*dodges rotten tomatoes*
"AND YET WHEN ASH AND OFFICER JENNY TRY TO STOP KNOWN CRIMINALS FROM BREAKING THE LAW AND BEING DICKBAGS, ASH GETS BEATEN UP OR INSULTED AND JENNY LOSES HER FUCKING JOB
THAT'S FAIR, CORI! THAT'S REEEEEEEAAALLL FAIR!"
YEP. WELCOME TO CORILAND.
"...oh God.
SHE JUST HAD TO GO THERE.
MEOWTH, YOU'VE CORRUPTED WOBBUFFET INTO A HUMANSEXUAL VOYUER
GAAAAAAAAH"
Yeeeeeah, the authorcam of 'OMGOSH J/J IS SO HAWT ^_^' goes horribly wrong when it's through a Pokemon's eyes, doesn't it?
"And HOW is having a Meowth and a Wobbuffet on top of a balloon not unsafe, Cori? Really?"
Because... because Coriphysics, that's why! Don't ask silly questions! :P
"(also screw her for trying to ruin the mile-high club concept in smutfic D: someone needs to write GOOD fic about an older Ash and Misty doing it on top of Charizard someday. Or even Jessie dominating James in the balloon)"
If you want extra hilarity, remember that it usually goes on for four hours. So they'll be incapacitated for that period of time.
Now, the two other possible pilots are ATOP THE BALLOON, so they aren't going to be able to do ANYTHING if anything suddenly goes wrong. Unless "NOT DIE" counts as something.
What happens if a sudden gust of wind picks up? ;D
"...over a day? REALLY? Jeez, and I thought some of the pairs I've written and RPed were horny little buggers. Over a WEEK I could understand, but a day? JEEZ."
I believe thees is called "sex addiction". Par excellence.
"CORI DID YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW GROSS THIS IS?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"
'OMGAWD JESSIE/JAMES ARE SO HAWT HOTTEST PEOPLE EVER MMM MM OMGAWD HAAAAAW-
'What do you mean, I shouldn't use a Wobbuffet as my mouthpiece?
'Why?
'What implications? I'd think Jessie/James sex is a very FORTUNATE implication!
'It's good for them to have a healthy sex life!
'Why are you backing away from me like that?
'Seriously, what am I doing wrong?
'...Huh. Weirdo. Well, nothing to be done about it, I guess! Time for me to write more hot four-hour true-love sex! :D'
"And does she even realize she wrote Meowth/Wobbuffet slash? XD I know it's gross considering the fic, but I find it hilarious. I almost wanna write totally serious Meowth/Wobbuffet slashy fluff...or rather, I would have back in the day where she was still batshit insane."
Do it anyway! Horrify your audiences in a whole NEW way! XD
"HOLY SHIT THAT WAS LONGER THAN I REMEMBER. I mistakenly thought this was one of her SHORTER fics. @_@ And 34 counts of cursing? For a fic this long that seems small, but then I remember this is a POKEMON FIC."
It's actually her tenth-biggest/nineteenth-smallest (if I'm counting right) oneshot, which places it... around the middle of the pack. (I'm using http://sarajaye.superbusnet.com/Fanfics/Corific/?C=S;O=A , by the way.)
"A Hard Night's Work", "SEVEN SHADES OF RED", "Dark Reflection", "Stories for Supper", "A Bird in the Hand", "Heroic Hearts", "A Phony Matrimony", "To Extend Our Reach To The Stars Above", and "Never Too Late" are longer. *SHUDDER*
And yep, 34 counts of shit/crap/ass/damn. Apparently Team Rocket is full of incredible pottymouths who never at all swore in front of Ash and the others while the cameras were running. Who knew? :P
"You, madam, are braver than I am for taking this on."
It helps that I did a blind run, such that I had NO IDEA what sort of shit I was heading into past the fairly-innocuous 'Oh, Cori!TeamRocket is bitching again' start...Heh. Actually, I planned to only do another half of it before hiatus-ing the sporking again, but I said to myself, "Y' know what? If you can survive this thing all the way through, you can go download a Pokemon Blue ROM and try a Nuzlocke," and so I powered through and finished it. OI, I EARNED THAT REWARD. D: D8 @_@
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That really sums up these fics, doesn't it? Just when you thought the Ash-trashing was over... SON of Ash-trashing!
This sounds like a horror movie...does this mean Ash eventually comes after them with a chainsaw? *hopeful eyes*
Oh God, Severa. She'd probably be the first victim, actually! She wibbles enough around her parents and Owain in canon, in Corific she'd be nothing BUT tears even during her tsuntsun moments!
Feed it to a donkey. :P (And hope it doesn't misread "Ash" as "ass". Poor thing might get its feelings hurt.)
You sure that's a good idea? A donkey might get sick eating this tripel
"*Mayor* I'm good for relieving your...tension!"
*Mayor* I can feel you shiver with antici...pation!
James: *prances around in leather corset and fishnets* Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me! I wanna be dirty~!
In a situation where she was genuinely remorseful and needed to apologize, I can see her choking up just because she's never done anything like it before. JAMES being able to just waltz on and give the speech while SHE'S freezing up, however, is just... *makes indecent gesture at fic*
Yeah, it'd be more "oh crap I've never actually felt guilty before! Quick, stall for time! *lets out Wobbuffet*". James would be wibbling in a corner too afraid to even TRY to come forward.
I'll give Cori the benefit of the doubt on the guilt, because she repeatedly emphasized that the guilt was over hurting such nice people. As in, you know, it wouldn't have mattered at all if they had been anything less than saintly towards Team Rocket. D|
Good point. :/ It just puts so much emphasis on the big fancy apologies and them not wanting Lulu to be mad at them it's hard to tell.
Flying blind, huh? XD Yeah, that was just like...okay, Wobbuffet narration, wangst, usual Cori fare WAIT WHAT THE SHIT?!
Boring, yes. Forgettable? I think your brain just Refused To Comprehend The True Form. XD ...To be fair, READING it is probably much easier, since the brain can gloss over the repetition. Sporking has the unfortunate side effect that you're literally going line-by-line. D:
Yeah. D: And you end up enraged or disgusted or both because WHAT IS THIS FIC'S LOGIC. Really, Jessie and James apologized for being jerks and stealing the food. They explained why they broke the rules. The people grudgingly accepting the apology I could buy. Even applauding their warped form of integrity. But THROWING THEM AN ENTIRE FESTIVAL?!
Come to think of it, isn't all that Wiccan stuff the equivalent of that? :P
Pretty much. And possibly farting gold and jewels like Cartman did on that one episode of South Park.
Is THAT the reason for Wobbuffet's expression?!
*dodges rotten tomatoes*
WORST IMAGE EVER D:
It really does. D: Meowth was bad enough, but a fucking Wobbuffet?
I believe thees is called "sex addiction". Par excellence.
Considering they're co-dependent to a disgusting extreme and are basically addicted to each other...yep.
Cori takes "oblivious" to a whooooole new level, doesn't she?
Do it anyway! Horrify your audiences in a whole NEW way! XD
I might have to. XD
HOOOOOOLY SHIT
I think that's why I tend to go with "A Warm Place" or "The Cat's Outta The Bag" when I MST these things. At least those are reasonably SHORT.
Hahaha, I saw those Nuzlocke posts. XD Yep, you sure did earn that reward!
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Meowth: I'm stayin' outta dis, guys.
"This sounds like a horror movie...does this mean Ash eventually comes after them with a chainsaw? *hopeful eyes*"
XD HA! I WISH! (I mean, a blunted chainsaw. Or something. Don't want them hurt, just mildly put out of their way.)
"Oh God, Severa. She'd probably be the first victim, actually! She wibbles enough around her parents and Owain in canon, in Corific she'd be nothing BUT tears even during her tsuntsun moments!"
...Good point. She'd probably be paired with Owain instead, because she's JUST HIDING HER LOVE FOR HIM because (in Coriland) SHE CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE HIM LIKE SHE LOST HER BELOVED PARENTS. D: And Owain IS a Jamesish personality...
"James: *prances around in leather corset and fishnets* Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me! I wanna be dirty~!"
Jessie: And if anything grows~ while you po-ose~
James: I've been posing for four hours straight! D:
Jessie: ...Stop interrupting! *whacks him with a mallet*
"Yeah, it'd be more "oh crap I've never actually felt guilty before! Quick, stall for time! *lets out Wobbuffet*". James would be wibbling in a corner too afraid to even TRY to come forward."
:S Yep. And that would be funny and touching, buuut... Corific...
"Good point. :/ It just puts so much emphasis on the big fancy apologies and them not wanting Lulu to be mad at them it's hard to tell."
In all fairness, someone as insecure and emotionally-troubled as Cori!Jessie WOULD be terrified of not having her apology accepted, being yelled at for even trying, and, basically, being treated like Cori!Ash.
IRONYThat's internally IC.And that's part of why it REALLY pisses me off that the whole thing is handwaved as unconditional TR-worship. Because it takes GUTS for someone like Cori!Jessie to face disapproval, anger, and potential scorn, and to have all of that dismissed into the Happyland fog... *ANGRY*
(I'm not like that, but I know people who are. I am thoroughly pissed off on their behalf, basically, even if they wouldn't necessarily be pissed off for themselves.)
"Flying blind, huh? XD Yeah, that was just like...okay, Wobbuffet narration, wangst, usual Cori fare WAIT WHAT THE SHIT?!"
XD PRECISELY!
"Yeah. D: And you end up enraged or disgusted or both because WHAT IS THIS FIC'S LOGIC. Really, Jessie and James apologized for being jerks and stealing the food. They explained why they broke the rules. The people grudgingly accepting the apology I could buy. Even applauding their warped form of integrity. But THROWING THEM AN ENTIRE FESTIVAL?!"
ON NO NOTICE?!
(That's what REALLY gets me. I've been in situations where people are yanked around on a last-minute basis before, and I know people who are fairly regularly. It causes them a TON of stress, frays their tempers, subtracts from their sleep budget, causes them to have issues with long-term planning over time, and all sorts of shit. And it's just all laughed off here as Happyland festivities. IT'S NOT HAPPY AND IT'S NOT FUNNY.)
"WORST IMAGE EVER D:"
XD
"It really does. D: Meowth was bad enough, but a fucking Wobbuffet?"
Come to think of it, it's probably fucking everyone. o_o I'm half-afraid of that Lickitung fic now...
"Considering they're co-dependent to a disgusting extreme and are basically addicted to each other...yep."
YEP.
"Cori takes "oblivious" to a whooooole new level, doesn't she?"
I commend her ability to see clearly and unstoppably through her own eyes. She REALLY needed to practice being ABLE to see through those of others, though! D:
"I might have to. XD"
DO IIIIIT XD;;
"HOOOOOOLY SHIT"
WELCOME TO CORILAND, LAND OF THE INFINITE ONESHOTS D:
"I think that's why I tend to go with "A Warm Place" or "The Cat's Outta The Bag" when I MST these things. At least those are reasonably SHORT."
YEP. (Need to go do TCOTB sometime myself...
"Hahaha, I saw those Nuzlocke posts. XD Yep, you sure did earn that reward!"
Thank you! XD I hope I'm going to have a good time with this one!
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...Good point. She'd probably be paired with Owain instead, because she's JUST HIDING HER LOVE FOR HIM because (in Coriland) SHE CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE HIM LIKE SHE LOST HER BELOVED PARENTS. D: And Owain IS a Jamesish personality...
Minus the big eater and crossdressing. But Cori!James isn't a crossdresser anyway and she'd make Owain an amaaaaaazing cook even though Lissa's not much of a chef and neither is Lon'qu or Ricken, her most likely husbands. And she'd draw out their supports to come off just like Out Of Maple Syrup, more wangst and regret and Severa berating herself for saying what she did even as she keeps saying it.
Jessie: And if anything grows~ while you po-ose~
James: I've been posing for four hours straight! D:
Jessie: ...Stop interrupting! *whacks him with a mallet*
James: MEANIE! ;_; I'm not talking to you anymore!
Jessie: If it means you won't interrupt the song anymore, good.
Yeah. D: And the sad thing is, I could believe the people forgiving them ONLY because Wobbuffet is silly and hard to be mad over. CANON Wobbuffet, that is.
In all fairness, someone as insecure and emotionally-troubled as Cori!Jessie WOULD be terrified of not having her apology accepted, being yelled at for even trying, and, basically, being treated like Cori!Ash. IRONY That's internally IC.
And that's part of why it REALLY pisses me off that the whole thing is handwaved as unconditional TR-worship. Because it takes GUTS for someone like Cori!Jessie to face disapproval, anger, and potential scorn, and to have all of that dismissed into the Happyland fog... *ANGRY*
(I'm not like that, but I know people who are. I am thoroughly pissed off on their behalf, basically, even if they wouldn't necessarily be pissed off for themselves.)
Yeeeeeah, true. :/ Hell, even the times Cori!Jessie DOES have to face anger and disapproval it's all forgiven. In "Where Angels Dare To Tread", James encourages her to forget all the mean things she ever did because he forgave her and it doesn't matter anymore, rather than telling her to change her perspective from "I regret it because he was mad at me" to "I had to learn a lesson in being a better friend and it's made me a better person".
(That's what REALLY gets me. I've been in situations where people are yanked around on a last-minute basis before, and I know people who are fairly regularly. It causes them a TON of stress, frays their tempers, subtracts from their sleep budget, causes them to have issues with long-term planning over time, and all sorts of shit. And it's just all laughed off here as Happyland festivities. IT'S NOT HAPPY AND IT'S NOT FUNNY.)
SERIOUSLY. D: I've done last-minute things before that WERE fun, but there's a world of difference between a quick trip into the city to check out a 7-11 made up like the Kwik-E-Mart, and planning an entire party.
The Lickitung fic is mercifully a little shorter, iirc, and I don't remember if it goes into creepy territory...I may end up reading it again to see if it does or not. D:
Yeeeep. D: Hell, I consider 4K words an accomplishment in giant oneshots, I don't think I could go the length that Cori does!
TCOTB is pretty much Meowth fapping over J&J's love, but luckily there's no sex in that one.
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D: Oi, I can SEE IT! And it BURNS!
"Yeeeeeah, true. :/ Hell, even the times Cori!Jessie DOES have to face anger and disapproval it's all forgiven. In "Where Angels Dare To Tread", James encourages her to forget all the mean things she ever did because he forgave her and it doesn't matter anymore, rather than telling her to change her perspective from "I regret it because he was mad at me" to "I had to learn a lesson in being a better friend and it's made me a better person"."
DX *bleaches brain* DAMN! What was Cori's allergy to her woobies taking responsibility for doing ANYTHING wrong, anyway?!
"The Lickitung fic is mercifully a little shorter, iirc, and I don't remember if it goes into creepy territory...I may end up reading it again to see if it does or not. D:"
The more you read her fics, the weirder they get! XD (Seriously, one individually is just off-kilter. Start tracking her patterns, though, and a lot of things REALLY stand out...)
"Yeeeep. D: Hell, I consider 4K words an accomplishment in giant oneshots, I don't think I could go the length that Cori does!"
Dude. I do long oneshots when inspiration strikes like a wildfire, but 87K WORDS IS TOO LONG FOR ALMOST ANYBODY. 87K WORDS. SINGLE ONESHOT. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
"TCOTB is pretty much Meowth fapping over J&J's love, but luckily there's no sex in that one."
THANK HEAVENS D: I REALLY DON'T NEED A MEOWTH GIVING PLAY-BY-PLAY DROOLING COMMENTARY ON THEIR SEX LIVES, THANK YOU
(...which I'm afraid would have happened if she'd written a Meowth-POV oneshot anywhere near the time of Break from Canon. D8 Nooooooo thank you, the Rocketshipping world really dodged a bullet there...)
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Because it meant admitting THEY were wrong and we just can't have that, of course. D:
Seriously. D:
Even my CHAPTERED fics aren't that long. I'll bet even all three installments of BLAM! The Musical (my pet crack original/fandom crossover project) put together aren't that big! The only fics longer I can think of are Gunlord's 500k Renault fic and some Smash Bros. fic that's like, a million words long.
ihdhfikhdrfkjdsfkhd if she'd done that I'd have confronted her and asked if she was sure she was sane