guardians_song: Icon depiction of the sporker Richard. (Default)
2014-08-26 12:41 am

[August 25, 2014] Activity Report

What I did today: E-mailed a professor. Worked a bit on my research. Talked to people on Tumblr. Began exercising again. Doodled a fat lot. Picked back up a game I should have finished ages ago. Came up with dumb original-fiction plot ideas.
Things I really should have done: Reviewed French; reviewed Driver's Manual; continued Nuzlockes
Benefits I would have gotten from that: Knowing more French; knowing more Spanish, coming closer to actually driving; posting on the Nuzlocke Forums again
Reasons I didn't do that: too distracted by Tumblr, "really not feeling it" in general, took a long time to write the e-mail to the professor due to having to double-check some things, kind of out of it today
What I should have done: drank more caffeine, gotten the e-mail out of the way earlier, restricted Internet use

Chances of doing things tomorrow (August 26): Not high; will have to meet professor in morning. Tend to be tired afterwards.
Ideas: Restrict Tumblr to morning and between 6-9 PM to catch activity of certain east US friends. Focus on 'work' thinking. Haul laptop around with me. Write in my notebooks when not otherwise occupied. Work on creating translation-keys for my own benefit.

Brief comments on the above benefits:
Read more... )

I have no idea how much of these virtuous ideas I'll actually follow, but I'm hoping to motivate myself to do more by posting my actual activities. HabitRPG tended to fall through due to suffering severe penalties if I simply forgot to be present for a day, I completely forget about checklists without outside motivation, and I reacted well to posting my exercise updates on Tumblr (until I came down withThe Not-Flu From Hell). I'm hoping it will work here too.
guardians_song: Icon depiction of the sporker Richard. (Default)
2014-06-11 11:23 am

Hm. Buggerfuck.

I don't have the time for {LJ/DW AND fanfiction} AND {Nuzlocke Forums} AND {Tumblr}. Hell, I barely have enough time for ONE of the above and Real Life.

I don't get it. I had more time at the very beginning of the summer... :\ I don't understand it, though I suppose I should be glad I have more going on in Real Life. Still - it unnerves me to notice that I have to either go days without updating Tumblr or without updating Nuzlockes. And of course I've unfortunately made a joke of LJ/DW.

Heck, I haven't even had much Tumblr interaction except at night...

Oh well. I've people on Tumblr with whom I need to stay in contact, but aside from that I need to cut back. *sigh* I also updated a Nuzlocke, which gives me leeway. (Silver Randomlocke is two updates away from completion! :D) And...


Cut rambling. )
guardians_song: (celebration)
2014-05-18 11:43 pm

Bweh heh heh.

I think I figured out the characterizations for my Camp NaNo protagonists. ...Admittedly it embarrassed me to realize that I've done this "trio" before (in fanfic form - I took certain canon characters and interpreted them in a direction to my choosing), but at least I know I can get passionate about this bunch. I crashed on the earlier fic because events occurred that basically destroyed all my self-confidence, and the plot outline for this trio is embarrassingly gung-ho, but this is a more cynical take on the whole matter anyway. If I can maintain a certain level of competency in interpersonal relations, I SHOULD be able to get these three going.

Now I have to figure out the plot. :\ It's a fix-fic trio, so I have to put them in a setting where things are indescribably screwed-up. Old setting(s) used Harry Potter. I also... considered something in Fire Emblem (Elibe), but it basically sandwiched all three characters into one and had the other two as paler versions of their respective archetypes. I could have written THAT one, but I unfortunately got too eaten alive by real life to continue that.

Ugh. Now I have to work out the division of powers. The bright side is that the archetype used for the main character doesn't really need that many powers, since it's a personality thing. Unfortunately the other two do need their respective abilities (and one REALLY needs powers), so... bleh. I need world-building. I really am not big on the world-building-from-scratch thing because the sheer number of factors overwhelms me. *groans* And I always get caught up with 'How does this work?', which sabotages me when I'm trying to design the damn thing, so... bleeeeeeh. I suppose I could always solicit input from some people I know, but... meh. My brain gets eaten by Fridge Logic, forgive me.

Anyway, at least I'm now solid on the archetypes. The downside is that I always crash during the planning stages for this group, so... I'm going to force myself to undergo the hard work of figuring out the plot. D| Ah fuck, I fuckin' hate this part...
guardians_song: The adult Syaoran and Sakura from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle (TRC (het) OTP)
2014-05-06 12:59 am

So I just realized something

Part of the problem from my having a hysterical temperament wasn't just that I got hurt with great ease, it was that I could get riled up with equal ease. And that put me at the mercy of anyone who could get me riled up.

So the rage was as much a weakness as the oversensitivity.

I feel so much better now for having realized this, I can't even tell you.

I don't know quite why it makes me feel better... but it does.

Anyway, the pleasant effects will probably wear off by next morning, but it's nice for the moment. I just... hm. I'm going to sit here and think about this for a while.
guardians_song: (celebration)
2014-05-04 08:34 pm

Anyway, classes are over!


I've been on Tumblr the past few days, just catching up on people. I... do not advise Tumblr for people with a low tolerance for drama. Bleeergh.

At any rate, I think everyone's all right for now. So here I am back on DW/LJ! 

I've got sporkings to do, don't I? Oh well. :D;; (And other stuff to update...)

Hope everyone's doing well!

guardians_song: Ken Sugimori's concept art of the Pokemon starters, with the main characters and rival beside them. (Pokemon)
2014-04-08 04:03 pm

Updated Silver Randomlocke for first time in a month.

Also updated Thieflocke. Might as well do my next session of Poisoned Haven, because I've caught some crud-bug and don't really have the brains to do much work. Currently hoping to pick up a paper I need off of some sleazy Russian site or other. Ugh. Next time I talk to my professor and he mentions a hard-copy of a paper, I'ma just usin' my cellphone camera and "copying it down".

Actually, never mind. It seems the sleazy Russian sites reserve their business for textbooks that actually cost money in the real world, as opposed to obscure papers that are only relevant to weirdos doing research in that area. *sigh* Ooh well. Off to find another paper that's relevant, because that one ain't doing it until I can borrow or beg a copy off the library.

Also: oh, yay, I'm out of screenshots for STOP! THIEF! Clearly the only option is to... make more! :D ...OTL

(I am doing all right. I'm just somewhat wasted from the congestion. Mercifully, this isn't one of my class days.)

Incidentally, since apparently I'm not always clear, I don't do much programming. However, I did do a simulator of a certain RNG Nuzlockes Emerald scenario in the last month or so. Not actually that interesting, but I did manage to unnerve the person "doing" the run. :D

Hope you're all doing well.

guardians_song: GIF flashing up Japanese characters Shi, Kata, Ga, Na, I, then "It cannot be helped" in English (it cannot be helped)
2014-03-17 10:20 pm


So, because this particular episode of the monthly headache started early (noon rather than mid-afternoon), I'm actually awake to feel it drop off. So I have a more objective idea of its after-effects.

And it turns out that it isn't so much the exhaustion from the eyeache itself that causes me to feel wasted afterwards, it's a general feeling across the brain of emotional flattening and mental tiredness. I COULD work and/or go back on the internet if I so wished, I just really don't feel like it.

Presumably this continues into the next day.

Hm. Well, it's good to know that it's a mental thing rather than physical exhaustion from the eyeache itself, because the latter was hard to believe.

Anyway, I'll be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon or so. I only posted at first because normally I'm on Tumblr or the Nuzlocke Forums... probably more frequently than I should be, and so my absence needed mild explanation. After that, it was a matter of wanting to note down the feeling of general flattening for my own reference.

Sorry to not have interacted on anyone's posts as a result. If I see any interesting ones, I'll try to make up for it tomorrow.

And now to collapse face-first into my pillow. Byeeee... *clunk*
guardians_song: Ninian from Fire Emblem, knocked down and getting up (not doing so well)
2014-03-17 07:12 pm

OW. Fucking monrhly [headache]

For those interested in the details, it happens exactly one day a month, worsens in the evening, and often tires me out unusually early. And then I feel like crud warmed over for the morning after, but I'm fine after that. I honestly don't know if the tiredness is part of the [headache] or just that I have a low pain/frustration tolerance and get tired out by the stress of having it.

It's not even a headache so much as a stabbing pain around the back of my left eye. I am certain it's not a PHYSICAL issue because it only occurs ONE DAY a month, it doesn't affect vision at all, and the pain level varies depends upon light levels and such. And one-sided severe eyestrain would be awfully strange. (In context, I USED to have much better vision in my right eye than my left, but now I'm nearsighted to the same degree in both.)

I SUSPECT it's a mild, mild, mild migraine due to the eye-watering and nose-clogging side effects, plus the unilateral nature of the headache. And the monthly occurrence points towards a hormonal trigger.
(Also, if I can convince the nerves to stop being in pain for a short time, the sensation in that area is... weird. I don't know how to describe it. Like... it FEELS like I'm holding my left eye open wider than normal, even though, when I check it in the mirror or a quick selfie, my left eyelid is in fact slightly drooping.

This strange sensation is common to every instance of the monthly headache, and is in fact a precursor to the actual pain. I don't get it. If I have to physically pinpoint what's going on, I suppose it's that, when I raise my eyebrow with emphasis on the part to the side of the face, it's usually hooked up to the eyelid - you know, you raise your eyebrow and your eye gets wider? But on the left side, during these headaches, it's detached. If I want to widen the left eye, I have to use the muscles more towards the middle of the face. And, before you ask, the muscle that would ORDINARILY be involved in raising the eyelid when raising the eyebrow... is one of the ones that's hurting, yes. So it reeks of a neurological glitch fueled by a hormonal surge/drop rather than any intramuscular cause.

To articulate, I suppose THAT annoys me as badly as the actual pain, and doubly so when that area IS in pain. It just doesn't FEEL right, and it continues to monopolize some mental attention all through the duration of the irritating thing. Probably what tires me out, in the long-term...)

Anyway, I'm just complaining about it because it annoys me. Sympathies unneeded. Just trying to explain, in part, why I might be absent from my normal internet-addiction tonight. *grumbles and slouches off to do something productive while some mercifully small part of my neurology is malfunctioning on me*
guardians_song: Part of Fire Emblem 7's Chapter 19xx CG, colored (Nergal and children)
2014-03-17 07:17 am

So how are you all?

I'm doing pretty well. Sorry if I haven't been active much, but Tumblr has been eating my brain. And only my mortal soul, fortunately - I have a couple of these buggers for safety reasons. ;) *points to immortal soul stashed away in a corner and quickly throws a tarp over it again*

Anyway, I have a reasonable amount on my plate. Research project, another research project (which I need to finish up), an in-class talk I need to give by the end of the semester...

On the fandom side, I've essentially abandoned my other Nuzlocke runs while constantly updating STOP! THIEF! I... just haven't had the energy for everything else. Ditto for sporkings and other projects. Mostly, on the creative side, I've been trying to unscrew my own head. (Which is going really well, actually! I'm feeling so much better than I have for a long time. It's just rough going while it's going on, and I'm too busy trying to adjust to it to really have the brains to do anything working out from it. :D;;)

Anyway, when things are more together, I should be more active. Hope you're all doing well!
guardians_song: A crop from FE7's Arcadia CG showing Nergal and two villagers chatting over scrolls. (analytical)
2014-02-21 02:24 am

I s'pose part of why I close myself off to stimulus is that I'm afraid of being disappointed by LACK

...of stimulus.

So I deaden myself because... I'm resigned to the world already being deadened, and so I choose not to disappoint myself.

It's also because I just couldn't take negative stimulus when I was younger. I'm getting more of an actual tolerance as I get older, as opposed to just blocking it out or having my emotions shut down, so I no longer need the coping mechanisms to the same extent... but I do need to remember they're there in order to switch them off.

(Also, now that I actually know the difference between true tolerance for pain and a faked "tolerance"? I am doubly convinced that "taking things in stride" is:
A) a learned skill;
B) a skill taking a surprising amount of time and directed effort to learn;
C) a skill that cannot be learned while one is in acute pain;
D) a skill that must derive from one's inner values and one's personal goals, motivations, and efforts;
E) not something one can spontaneously acquire just because a sanctimonious authority figure is lecturing one about it while one is sobbing one's guts out.
Not that I would know anything about E, now would I?
I'm sorry if I've gotten annoyingly petty about certain issues recently, and I know I have [on Tumblr, at least], but my self-righteousness increases as my amount of spine increases. Sorry, still not sure how to moderate that, guardians_song.exe is still in the debugging process.

To TL;DR the reason behind this proportionate increase in self-righteousness, I believe certain kinds of ignorance are malicious. Viewed objectively, I cannot forgive unrepentant, proud malice. And the more spine I get, the less I make excuses for myself and others.

I can be less tetchy about it, but I think that probably won't happen until I get through the first round of venting - at which point my discomfort with outright redundancy and going around in circles will take over. That may take a while. Sorry for being pissy in the meantime, guys. D:)

Anyway - yippee, it's a magical world out there, Hobbes, let's go exploring. Just need to figure out the correct way in which to phrase it.

And to figure out how I'll get my brain to shut off at night so I don't start up my computer because I can't sleep for hours on end after midnight. :P D| Well, that's how life goes...

(No, it's not electronic lighting. I have the occasional so-tired-but-can't-sleep fit even in the absence of electronics. Probable bad brain wiring. Just have to learn to circumvent it.)

guardians_song: A crop from FE7's Arcadia CG showing Nergal and two villagers chatting over scrolls. (scholarly)
2014-02-09 10:00 pm

Imminent To-Do List:

* Run calculations on extended [topics]. Haven't done it this weekend because I was basically just down for regeneration. Need to do this before Tuesday because that's about the procrastination-interval I need to get it done before the actual deadline.
* Clean screenshots and update Poisoned Haven.
* E-mail professor about [project].
* Do some deep Spring-cleaning on various projects in my head. Distinguish themes, weed out chaff, and determine scheduling. Yes, this is imminent because I've noticed that all I've actually gotten done of said projects is various doodles in my sketchbook. Not exactly what's supposed to be accomplished.
* General deep outlining of my life. Am hitting that stage of need-to-do-this driven by the realization of how much I've actually gotten done (read: not much) that begins to motivate me on any project. Need a point system. H-RPG not cutting it (mainly because I missed several days due to collapsing into bed without checking site and have now suffered death penalty, so don't want to go back right now).

Ugh. There's enough time in the day, but I need more discipline.
guardians_song: Icon depiction of the sporker Richard. (Default)
2014-01-22 10:51 pm

Hope everyone's doing well!

Is it really only 10:51 PM? :P I know that's late, but it feels like it's after midnight.

Anyway, life's going well. A family friend from out of town was in the area yesterday and the day before that, so it was great chatting with him, and school's restarted. Ah, schoolwork. Can't live with it, can't live without it. :P Also updated my Mono-Poison Nuzlocke.

I know I need to update Randomized Silver, but I'm scared of that one because I don't remember how to get to Victory Road or what levels I should be for the Elite Four. That one's easier than it should be because enemies have 0 IVs/EVs, but I still get antsy about it. If only Kadabra wasn't Extra Dead Enchanted versus physical attacks...

Going to try a 'Thieflocke' of a Gen 1 game. Yeah, I know, trying to cram in a stupid amount, but I plead a short attention span. I can always cancel it if it bores me.

Hope everyone's doing well!
guardians_song: A crop from FE7's Arcadia CG showing Nergal and two villagers chatting over scrolls. (scholarly)
2014-01-13 03:00 am

Someone on the Nuzlocke forums was born in 1999.

I feel old.


Beginning to do checklists! I have a mental... glitch regarding completing things or doing things past a certain point, so I'm writing stuff out so as not to be such a coward any more.

Rambling about life and such. )
guardians_song: GIF flashing up Japanese characters Shi, Kata, Ga, Na, I, then "It cannot be helped" in English (Shikata ga nai)
2013-12-04 11:21 pm

I'm alive, don't worry.

I've just been on the Nuzlocke Forums for a bit. I'm doing a Nuzlocke of a randomization of Pokemon Silver and a Nuzlocke of a type-effectiveness-reversal hack of Pokemon Red.

Emotionally, I'm mildly erratic but shaping up. Priorities, priorities. Priorities include... not writing right now, figuring out what's going on in this bloody paper, running the code, and squeezing in the Nuzlockes when I have time. I've begun to think that strategic gaming boosts my brain temporarily, if only because I'm engaging in an analytical task with a guaranteed reward loop.

Oh well. Off to continue working.  )

guardians_song: GIF flashing up Japanese characters Shi, Kata, Ga, Na, I, then "It cannot be helped" in English (Shikata ga nai)
2013-12-01 08:18 pm

Weekend went all right.

Had its ups and downs.

Thinking of doing a randomized Silver Nuzlocke.

Not morose. Effect of alcohol apparently that glass of wine -> happiness and relaxation ~1 hour, crash after. Annoyed. Suspect added drinks of no use, as finite neurotransmitter reservoir -> effect inevitably of finite duration. Short duration before crash -> SHORT + finite reservoir. Very annoyed. One glass probably limit of useful effect. Therefore all drugs useless if one wine glass = maximum high.

Was never planning drug habit, but wished to at least feel virtuous for doing so. Feel like celibate priest who indulged and found self asexual.

Also unusually whiny in crash. May be blocked whininess-chemicals piling up and activating with fade of effect of wine, as adenosine piles up and activates with fade of effect of caffeine.

At least more concise. Blithering treatable. With booze withdrawal. -_-

Family also irritating. Will stop now before f-list bored.

Had dinner at around 6 PM, now beginning to crash through to clingy state always following pissy state. Therefore: happy effect around 1 hour, pissy effect around 5 hours. Don't do drugs, kids. TFLN advertising false.

On bright side, TFLN exorbitantly funny when post-buzzed. Alarming: thesaurus excruciatingly funny when post-buzzed. Unnerving: far too many things extremely funny. Have possibly accidentally sequence-broken to stoned state through crashing through pissy state. Have gotten past point of making **** up. Insert hysterical, random, unstopping fit of laughter here. Going to bed.
guardians_song: Icon depiction of the sporker Richard. (Default)
2013-11-28 07:04 pm

Also, I had my first sips of alcohol earlier today.

I only took five or so sips of wine at dinner with family and some family friends, so I think I only got mildly buzzed. It was... nice. I can see how people get addicted to the stuff.

The flavor was... iiiiiiiinteresting. Rather... strong. ...To be honest, I only took as many sips as I did because I was waiting for the flavor to get better. >_>

Mainly, my mind just went quiet. I walked outside afterwards, enjoyed the scenery, that sort of thing. ...Have to say, it was pleasant to have the constant mental chatter go silent. I don't daydream for the entertainment value as much to give my brain something to do between activities. I can see why some people experience a slight boost in cognition after a small amount of alcohol.

Anyway, I'm back to mental blithering, so obviously I wasn't very affected. Fortunately, I didn't drink enough to get any of the other effects, so I'm not going to show up on Texts From Last Night any time soon. :P (My mother did comment that I'd gone unusually quiet, however... XD)

Anyway, hope you all are doing well!
guardians_song: A crop from FE7's Arcadia CG showing Nergal and two villagers chatting over scrolls. (analytical)
2013-11-24 02:09 pm

Also, some brave soul has done a "The Room" novelization.

Right here. Note that it's rather deadpan. Sample line: Mark, not being a medical doctor, had no way of knowing if a gunshot wound to the head was fatal.

Also, I admit that I'm getting a bit tired of Gen I games, and that all those beautiful Gen III screenshots are tempting me... :P Meh. Tell you what, if I get bored with Red, I WILL move on to Ruby and see if I can FINALLY beat that game. (It is, after all, the CLASSIC Nuzlocke Experience!) ...I'll probably choose Torchic so that, when I do Emerald, I can grab Mudkip. I LIEK MUDKIPZ, YES I DO.

TL;DR: Binging and crashing, brain-chemistry edition. )

Let me recommend the music video (!) of The Erlking, which is... awesome. And also very creepy. There's also an English version.

guardians_song: GIF flashing up Japanese characters Shi, Kata, Ga, Na, I, then "It cannot be helped" in English (it cannot be helped)
2013-08-03 09:54 pm
Entry tags:

Am grasping that when a book has exercises, one is supposed to WORK THROUGH THEM.

 Yes. I know how stupid that sounds. Am seriously considering that many difficulties in "gifted" people come not so much from being ~different~ in a world that ~doesn't understand them~ so much as being able to function for an abnormally long time while lacking basic life skills and any grasp of many Obvious Things, such that no one (including themselves) realize that they are hopelessly dysfunctional time-bombs just waiting for a challenge that they can't bullshit their way through off of raw potential alone.

I am dumbfounded at my own stupidity. 

(Before you ask what I was doing BEFORE - try "looking at the exercises, nodding, and going off to do my own thing based upon them". I really didn't understand, for instance, that step-by-step instructions in How To Draw books are meant to be COPIED rather than used as occasional reference. And math textbooks? ...Don't even ask. Good GAD, I am stupid. I literally want to run back and apologize to every professor in every course in which I didn't get an "A".)

This has kind of been the Summer of Self-Help for me. I've been doing a lot of navel-gazing -Er, introspection- to get my act together, and... I think it's helped. I'm more organized, more internally motivated, and generally much further along to being the Great American... Moderately-Independent Adult than I was at the start. *fidgets* Now I actually have to put that into practice. Oh, bugger...
guardians_song: A Fire Dragon from Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken. (Fury)
2013-07-18 02:12 am

As for what I did today -

I attended a meeting.

I suppose it was valuable... I had never beheld such vapidity in the physical world. I even originally included a CAPSLOCKED rant for this post, but then I realized it might give too much detail, so I cut it out. Suffice to say - no, I can't even describe it. It was like a strawman of abject vapidity. I cannot describe it without making it sound like I'm making it up. It fell beneath my threshold of human reason.

If I was more experienced, I would say today was a waste, but - instead, it was highly educational. What the *&^%?

Ahem... well... that's all I really got done aside from the "In My Pants" gimmick and playing that Pokemon fangame. Also, I completed my third Awakening run, but... yeah. At least the deluge of meetings-of-dubious-merit has cleared up, so I can go back to working on things now...
guardians_song: A slightly edited posterized version of King Zephiel from Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken. (Amused)
2013-07-15 07:24 pm
Entry tags:

*cracking up*

I now think highly of Obscurus Lupa without watching any of her reviews save The Room. :D
'I guess I had to end it on the dancing mushroom thing.'

Though now I'm watching Linkara's review of Amazons Attack, and I've got to say - he's awesome. Or maybe I just enjoy seeing reviewers in acute pain and frustration too much. Eh, I'm a sporker. It goes with the territory.

As for me? I am currently a giant blob of Jell-O, and plan to stay that way for a bit. Have concluded that I am done with Awakening for a while (once I conclude the next two chapters), and will therefore move on to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates To Infinity.

Today, I attended stuff in the morning, ate at Subway, and turned into a giant vegetable burger from that point on. In all fairness, I have reasons. :P