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guardians_song) wrote2013-01-10 03:09 pm
Now Sporking: The Power That's Inside, Part 3/4
As I concentrated on my enemy, I saw his body tense. Knowing that he was
preparing for another attack, I faked to the left. The second he lunged, however,
I reversed direction and went back to the right, and he sent himself sprawling
into the dirt.
The Scyther chuckled as he stood up again. "You're definitely making this
interesting, little one. I have to give you credit for that," he told me. "Still,
it's not nearly as amusing as what we did with your friend's hair."
Behind me, I heard the other members of the swarm chuckling, too.
"All that beautiful red hair," he continued. "I tell you, there was nothing more
satisfying than slashing it all apart and stomping it into the ground."
An image of Jessie's hair -- her crowning glory -- being destroyed by these
monsters came to my mind once again and filled me with anger.
Jerry: *FACEPALM*
"You son of a
bitch!" I growled.
Jerry: (Scyther) Of a mantis, actually…
(Meowth) *facepaw* Neva mind.
He laughed and charged me once more. Only this time, I wasn't prepared for his
attack, and I dodged a split second too late. When I tried to jump away, he
smashed into me and sent me rolling.
And when I tried to get to my feet again, a searing pain on my arm made me
collapse. Looking down, I saw blood dripping from a gash the Scyther had made.
The sight of my blood and the intensity of the pain made the world around me go
fuzzy. In the distance, I could hear the swarm laughing again,
Jerry: Scythers go insane at the sight of red! Unless Meowth bleeds blue – which I don’t think he does – he’s within five seconds of getting swarmed by the entire pack! And Cori Falls should know this, because she brought it up earlier!
Tom: Y’ an’ yer Earth Logic… *spins one finger around ear* Y’ really expect it in THIS fic?
and I felt,
rather than saw their leader standing triumphantly over me.
"Well, that was definitely entertaining," he said. "But now, it's time for you
to die."
That's when I realized my mistake.
Scyther had made that remark about Jessie's hair on purpose!
Tom: Thank y’, Captain Obvious!
He wanted to make
me lose my cool...break my concentration. My awareness had been my one true
advantage in this battle, but I had played right into his hands and allowed him
to take it from me.
Jerry: (Meowth) He took my virtue~ *swoons*
Tom: Hey, don’t joke about that in this fic!
And that had just cost me my life.
There was no way I'd ever be able to outlast him now -- his stamina was as great
as ever while I was growing weaker by the second. And he'd had the size and
strength advantage to begin with! As agreed, this battle wouldn't be over until
one of us was dead, and I knew now that it was going to be me.
Tom: Y’ ever doubted it?
But even so, I wasn't going to let it end like this.
They say that an animal is most dangerous when it knows it's dying.
Tom: Or when it’s writin’ fanfiction.
During its
last moments of life, it lashes out at its opponent in an attempt to do as much
damage as possible. There's no more fear of getting hurt -- what does one more
injury matter when defeat is imminent? So, there's nothing left to hold back the
rage and fury of an all-out assault.
And at that moment, that was exactly how I felt.
Tom: - like a moron.
If I was going to die anyway,
then by God,
Tom: Eh? Falls, ain’t y’ pagan?
I was going to die fighting! Even if that Scyther did emerge
Tom: - from the dressin’ room wearin’ dainty Gothic Lolita clothin’ –
triumphant, I'd do my damndest to make sure he NEVER forgot his battle with the
insolent talking Meowth!
As the Scyther raised his blades and prepared to strike me down for good, my
eyes scanned his armor until I found what I was looking for.
Now that his arms were raised above his head, there was a small gap in the
plates of his exoskeleton.
Guardian’s Song: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a The Hobbit-fan.
This was my chance.
Before he could bring his blades down, I lunged at him and brought out my claws,
sinking them into the soft flesh exposed by the gap in his armor. The Scyther
screamed and reeled backwards, throwing me to the ground once again.
My claws were coated with his blood, and the scent of it brought out some
ancient, primal instinct that had been dormant inside of me. I was no longer a
rational being.
Guardian’s Song: That sounds like every Sex Pollen/Omegaverse/SEXNOWPLOTLATER fic ever.
Only the wild animal -- the hunter -- existed now.
While he was still facing away from me, I launched myself into the air and
landed on his back. Again, I had taken him by surprise, and he began to flail
wildly about in an attempt to throw me off. But I held fast, and after a few
minutes, the Scyther flapped his mighty wings and took to the sky.
Well, I wasn't about to let him regain the advantage in an aerial fight, so I
brought out my claws again and Fury Swiped for all I was worth. In a matter of
minutes, his wings were shredded and he fell back to the ground, landing with a
jarring crash. It would be a long time before he ever flew again.
Jerry: NOW you think of that?
And, incidentally, Meowth should have waited until the Scyther had reached maximum altitude. Meowth has the Scyther for ‘cushioning’. The Scyther has nothing.
The force of his impact with the ground threw me from his back, and I went
sprawling, several feet away.
Before I could get back to my feet and charge in for another attack, however,
Scyther was looming over me again. His eyes were burning with rage.
"This is no longer amusing," he snarled. "I'm through playing games with you!"
With that, the Scyther split into two and initiated his Double Team attack.
Jerry: …He could have ended that fight immediately. Meowth was downed and stunned, and the Scyther was looming over him.
Tom: *shakes head* Y’ an’ yer Earth Logic. Get married, why don’tcha?
Undaunted, I charged at the two monsters, claws out and ready to slash.
And that proved to be my undoing.
When I charged in, the Scyther I picked to attack turned out to be the illusion.
And when I went to tackle it and ended up hitting nothing but air, I was thrown
off balance.
Which left me vulnerable.
Taking advantage of my momentary confusion, the real Scyther hit me from behind
and began to slash relentlessly. Then, he slammed me to the ground. I felt bones
cracking as I buckled under the force of his crushing blow.
Jerry: But Scyther had Meowth in that position six paragraphs ago!
Tom: I tell y’, Earth Logic’s useless here.
I tried to get up again, but there was a burning pain in my chest, making it
almost impossible to move -- it felt like flaming daggers were being jabbed into
my ribs!
The Scyther bodyHYPHENslammed me a couple more times for good measure, but there
really wasn't any need. I had been defeated.
He chuckled as he stood over me once more. "NOW, little cat, it's time for you
to die!" he said.
Jerry: - twirling his mustache evilly.
I looked up at him and saw the pale silver light of the crescent moon reflecting
off of
Jerry: - the purple prose -
his blades as he raised them overhead again.
Not wanting to watch as he relieved me of my head, I closed my eyes and thought
about Jessie and James instead. I wanted the last thing I saw in my mind's eye
to be something friendly.
It was so hard to believe that only a few short days ago on an island not far
from here, I had been worshipped as a
Tom: - furry.
god! And how happy Jessie, James, and I
had been together.
Tom: Yeah, after this fic, we really don’t need t’ know about that.
But now...now my two best friends
Tom: That what they call it these days?
had been hurt, and I was
dying.
Suddenly, I found my mind drifting to something Jessie had said to me on that
day. When I told the Meowth-worshippers that I couldn't stay with them because I
wanted to be with my friends, she and James came from their hiding place and
recited a special version of the motto just for me.
Guardian’s Song: *blankly* Did that actually happen? I never watched that episode, so I wouldn’t know…
I remember, Jessie's first
line was:
You protect us both from desperation.
Tom: We don’t need t’ know about how y’ “protect” ‘em from “desperation”!
No, I don't, I thought as I reflected on that line. I couldn't even stick up for
ya when ya needed help! You and James have done so much for me...but I couldn't
do nothin' for youse guys. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...."
"What did you say?"
Opening my eyes, I saw the Scyther still standing over me. He hadn't brought his
blades down yet, and there was a look of confusion on his face.
Jerry: (Scyther) How long is it going to take me to kill a single Meowth?
"What did you say?!" he asked again.
I had said my final thought aloud!
Jerry: Yes, we noticed the quotation marks.
"I...I said I'm sorry...." I muttered.
Tom: Fer th’ fic? Well, thanks, but apology not accepted.
He scowled. "Stupid cat! I'm about to kill you, and YOU'RE apologizing to ME?!"
Tom: (Meowth) Yeah, dis is really gonna look embarrassing on your kill record. ‘Lv. 79 Kangashkan, Lv. 76 Scyther, Lv. 78 Scyther, Lv. 81 Scyther, Lv. 73 Nidoking, Lv. 75 Pinsir, Lv. 80 Dodrio, Lv. 12 Meowth…’
Well, he didn't know that I was really apologizing to Jessie and James, but
seeing the confused look on his face gave me another idea.
Tom: (Meowth) Runnin’ off and joinin’ de soicus!
Now I knew that I'd lost this battle because we'd been fighting it on his terms.
Jerry: As opposed to what? Little Cup terms?
Of course I didn't stand a chance in a physical match, but in a battle of wits
and words, I could destroy him easily.
Tom: Then this Scyther must be th’ slow one in th’ pack.
It was time to start fighting on my terms
now. I knew I was still going to die, but I wasn't going to let him emerge
victorious!
Jerry: (Meowth) Let’s play riddles! This thing all things devours – birds, beasts, trees, flowers –
"I...ain't apologizin' to ya," I said. "I just feel sorry for ya."
Tom: (Meowth) Everyone at Scythermogon will be constantly laughin’ in yer face!
"Why do YOU feel sorry for ME?!" he demanded.
Jerry: (Meowth) Because that chitin is so not your color.
"I'm sorry dat yer filled with so much hate," I told him. "Ya hate all humans,
but dat's only because ya never had a friend.
*SCREECHING NON-SEQUITUR*
Jerry: What?! How in the world does that follow?! He could be friends with other Pokémon! He probably is friends with other Pokémon! What does hating humans have to do with having friends?!
Tom: *equally flabbergasted* I guess, t’ th’ reverse-furry here, only humans count as friends.
Y’ know, filthy HYOOOMANS – uh, POKÉMANS – an’ all’a that.
Yer existence must be pretty empty,
and I pity ya."
"And where has friendship gotten you?" he shot back. "Look at you, cat. Your
love for those humans has cost you your life.
Tom: (/b/tard Scyther) YIFF IN THE BLAZING PITS OF THE UNDERWORLD, FURFAG!
If you didn't care about them...."
Tom: (/b/tard Scyther) …Then you wouldn’t be a furry.
"....IAPOSTROPHEd've died long ago," I said, cutting him off. "Dey've saved Meowth's life
on more den one occasion. And my friendship with dem...it's given my life so
much meanin' and happiness.
Tom: Is that what furries call it in public?
I may be dyin' now, but I ain't got no regrets.
Jerry: (Meowth) Except neva doin’ anythin’ with my life, neva livin’ de good life, not winnin’ Meowsie’s hawt, neva regainin’ de Boss’s favor, and… Um, on second thought, can you let me go now? I think there’s a lotta things I’ve still gotta do.
Dey
gave me a life worth livin', and at least I'll die knowin' dat I tried my best
for 'em."
The Scyther said nothing. He was at a loss for words.
Jerry: (Scyther) *thinking* Good grief, this Meowth never stops talking! Will it ever let me get a word in edgewise? It doesn’t even stop to breathe!
"Goin' through life with nothin' dat moves ya so...
Jerry: And how in the WORLD does Meowth know the Scyther doesn’t have anything like that?!
Tom: (Meowth) Ya stinkin’ cisspecies bigots can neva know de true joy of bein’ a humankin! Bow down ta my magical speciesqueerness! And check yer privilege!
well, dat ain't no kinda life
as far as I'm concerned," I continued. "Better ta die knowin' dat ya loved and
were loved in return den ta go through life not carin' about nothin'.
Jerry: …This little speech is so insulting it isn’t funny.
Tom: An’ this is unusual fer Falls’s fanfics?
Guardian’s Song: General advice to anyone reading this –
In fanfiction and in real life, pious little speeches about how empty the life of anyone who disagrees with you must be make you NO friends. Pious little speeches about how your specific stance on something infinitely enriches your life, given in a way that implies that no other stance on the matter can possibly be half so enlightened or half as satisfying, have exactly the same effect, because they’re essentially the same thing.
So don’t break them out during arguments, no matter how justified you believe you are. It’s condescending, it’s blinkered, and it’s going to make even people who share your stance uncomfortable. …And, shall we say, the effect becomes greater as one moves further from your particular point of view.
*climbs off of soapbox*
"So go ahead and kill me. Like I said, I fought for my friends, and I'll die for
my friends. Kill me now, and I die with honor...."
Still unable to think of a comeback, he frowned at me.
Guardian’s Song: Also? Constantly mentioning how anyone who disagrees with you is slow-witted, sleazy, or sociopathic does NOT actually make you look better by comparison! It just makes you seem like you lack the competence to defend your own position, so you’re reduced to whining, “But they’re all stuuuupid or meeeean or eeeeevil!”
…It’s funny how Cori Falls tends to portray insane!Ash that way post-Break-From-Canon. Some tiny smidgen of self-awareness seeping through?
He raised his blades once
more, but this time, I didn't close my eyes. I would meet my death with a
defiant stare. No, he definitely wouldn't forget this battle anytime soon. Even
after his wounds had healed, my final words and my dead eyes would still pierce
into his soul.
Jerry: *screaming with laughter*
Tom: *slapping the table in a fit of uncontrollable laughing*
Jerry: She wrote that with a straight face!
Tom: Meowth th’ poetic emo!
Jerry: *in a pompous voice* My final worlds and my dead eyes would still pierce into his soul.
Tom: *with a heavy accent* I am ze Vampire Meowthstat! Feel my eternal agony and existential angst, mortal! Ze deep darkness of my decadent heart weel overwhelm you!
Jerry: But is Meowth TEARING HIM APAAAAAAWT?
Tom: His dead eyes will make th’ Scyther FED UP WITH THIS WIRRRRRLD!
Jerry: (Future!Scyther) Because I have no friends… EVERYBODY BETRAY ME!
Tom: (Meowth) You’re just a chicken! Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep!
Jerry: Never mind that, if we’re assuming fights to the death are commonplace in this Scyther pack, Meowth is hardly going to be this Scyther’s first kill…
Tom: (Scyther) I DID NAHT KILL THEM. I DID NAHT. OH HAI RIVAL! *SLASH*
I guess, in a way, it would be my own personal victory.
The moonlight flashed again on Scyther's blades as he brought them down. I
braced myself, but he stopped just before they touched my throat.
Now it was my turn to be confused.
Jerry: Like the readers?
"Hmmph!" he snorted. "I wouldn't dirty my blades on the likes of you!"
"Whatsa matter? Afraid ta finish the job?"
"A battle to the death with something as pathetic as you is a no-win situation
for me," he explained. "If you win, it means that I wasn't even strong enough to
beat a little cat. And if I win? Well, what does that prove? That I can destroy
a weakling? No, there's no honor in that...and I won't give you the satisfaction
of an honorable death."
Jerry: …Good grief. That joke actually came true!
Tom: After goin’ psycho over a haircut, nothin’s too silly fer a Falls-fic.
Jerry: …Good point.
Well, this was unexpected.
"So go on. Get out of here," he sneered. "Go live your pathetic life with the
knowledge that you didn't defeat me...that you didn't avenge your friends. You
failed them tonight...and don't you ever forget that."
Guardian’s Song: Cori Falls should thank the heavens that she wasn’t a Naruto fan, because otherwise I would have thought Scyther took that speech from Itachi Uchiha.
I guess it’s a common anime/high fantasy trope?
With that, he hauled me to my feet and shoved me away. He wasn't going to fight
me anymore, and if I attacked him now, I'd only
Jerry: - be dead.
look like a fool. (Well, more of
a fool.)
Not that it mattered. I was in so much pain that I couldn't attack him if I
wanted!
Jerry: Earth Logic! You owe me one.
Tom: Y’ don’t call any once-in-a-blue-moon thing proof y’ were justified! Y’ call it a statistical error!
There was nothing more for me to do.
And so I left. As I turned and walked (or should I say, crawled) away from my
enemies, their laughter and jeering followed me into the night.
Jerry: After that speech, I’m awfully tempted to not even play the tiniest of violins for you.
Frankly, the Scyther was right, and you proved him right. You only regard humans to be real people, you exist solely to be Jessie and James’s cheerleader, you do nothing to cultivate your own strength and talents, and you aren’t even aware that you’re a slavering sycophant. To take a Lord of the Rings example, since Cori Falls was so fond of that series, Grima Wormtongue at least knew what sort of creature he was and owned it. You don’t even have that.
You’re despicable. And I say that as a proud member of Team Rocket!
*glances at Tom* …Though, these days, we do things in the service of greater causes… right?
Tom: *looks shifty and twiddles thumbs* Uh… yeah! Riiiiight.
@->->-
I don't know how far it was to the pokemon center from there -- all the world
was a haze, and only the pain existed. Breathing was a labor LABORIOUS, and moving was
even more so. That Scyther's bodyHYPHENslams had probably cracked several of my ribs,
and my fur was matted with blood from the gashes that now covered my body.
If I didn't get treatment soon, it felt like I really was going to die.
Jerry: It only “felt like”?
When I did make it to the pokemon center, however, I had second thoughts. As I
staggered through the doors, the first thing I saw was the Twerp Trio, sitting
in the lounge area. Misty was still laughing and carrying on about Jessie and
James's new haircuts, and Ash was trying to show the new twerp, Tracey, how to
do that dorky pose he always does when he catches a new pokemon.
Jerry: YOU’RE preaching about DORKY POSES?
Have you ever LOOKED at a recording of your performance of your motto?!
The very sight of them was enough to bring up the bile from the back of my
throat and make me even sicker than I already was.
Guardian’s Song: …Was the “Twerp Trio” actually having such a conversation at the end of that episode?
Because, if not, she’s throwing in this scene just for extra melodrama. Yes, it would be melodramatic anyway, but I’d be a hypocrite for complaining about characters ~just happening~ to stumble across a creepy canon scene after At The Food Court – and Cori Falls would regard such a conversation as creepy. But if she’s just making it up? *exasperatedly rolls eyes*
I couldn't stay there.
I may have been in desperate need of healing, but I wasn't about to let those
little brats see me in such bad shape. They hated me, and they could never seem
to understand that I was a living thing, too. That I had thoughts and feelings...and
that I could get hurt.
Jerry: (Meowth) And dat it really hurts my feelin’s when dey don’t hand ova their Pokémon!
(Come ta think of it, dey have dat problem with all three
of us! Whenever we show our true natures around 'em,
Jerry: (Meowth) Our true nature dat doesn’t involve stealin’ all their Pokémon, dat is.
dey've always gotta make a
crack about us bein' "almost human," or dey're always completely shocked ta see
dat we ain't really heartless!)
Jerry: Funny, does that have anything to do with you regularly mugging them?
No, if they saw me now, they'd never understand how much pain I was in.
Guardian’s Song: Bullsh- er, Rhydon dung.
If they
were cruel enough to laugh at Jessie after what had happened to her, then why
wouldn't they laugh at me, too?
Guardian’s Song: Oh, COME THE **** ON! Meowth has been slashed to bloody shreds! You’re HONESTLY comparing that to Jessie’s HAIRCUT?! You’re honestly comparing that to Jessie’s haircut!
Cori Falls, what was WRONG with you?!
So, I quickly turned and left before any of them noticed me. I knew I should
probably have stayed and gotten treatment, but the thought of them laughing at
me...judging me...condemning me...
Guardian’s Song: What. The. ****.
I honestly don’t know what she was thinking when she wrote this part.
just like they always do, was more than I
could stand. Even if it meant being in agony for a few days while waiting for
treatment at another pokemon center,
Jerry: Or bleeding out during those next few days…
being with my friends was infinitely
preferable to staying here with people who cared nothing for me.
Guardian’s Song: So bleeding out amongst friends is so much better than getting healed in a place where you might encounter people whom you think would mock you over being fatally wounded because they laughed at your friend’s bad haircut.
…Was Cori Falls slightly intoxicated while writing this fic? Or was this just in the vicinity of the Break From Canon insanity?
@->->-
Somehow,
Guardian’s Song: SOMEHOWTM!
through a sheer act of will (driven by the desire to see Jessie and
James again, no doubt), I was able to make my way back to camp. When I arrived,
the two of them had already fallen asleep. They were resting peacefully in each
other's arms, zipped together in James's sleeping-bag.
Jerry: (Meowth) - also noiwn as Victreebel! Hey, you two! WAKE UP!
Even though they looked like a couple of leftovers from a 1980s
Jerry: – shoujo manga –
punk-rock
concert with their new mohawks, I still thought they were beautiful. They loved
each other so much. No physical imperfection could ever hide that.
Guardian’s Song: He’s so unconcerned with physical imperfection that he has to tell us beforehand that they’re still beautiful. -_-;;
But as peaceful as they seemed, I could still see the pain etched on their faces.
Jerry: (Meowth) Or maybe it had somethin’ ta do with dat Jigglypuff even now flouncin’ off in a huff…
No matter how much they loved each other, it couldn't change what had happened
today, and it still hurt them. Deeply.
Jerry: Miss Falls, you’re talking as if they lost a family member. Their hair was not a family member!
Tom: I ain’t sure, myself – That was some impressive awfully big hair.
As I looked down at them, I found myself reflecting on the Scyther's parting
words to me:
Tom: (/b/tard Scyther) A furry will never find rest in a just world!
You didn't defeat me...you didn't avenge your friends. You failed them tonight...and
don't you ever forget that.
I sighed. In my heart, I couldn't help but feel that he was right. Sure, I had
given him a couple of scratches, but his wounds would eventually heal and leave
him with scars -- a warrior's badge of honor.
Jerry: Unless his scar tissue prevents him from ever flying again.
What had my fight with him truly
accomplished? Nothing. In the end, all I had really achieved was getting my
sorry butt kicked and giving the Scyther swarm a good laugh in the process.
Tom: …Th’ fic sporks itself!
But as badly as the Scyther had crushed my body, the fact that I hadn't been
able to defend Jessie and James in their hour of need crushed my
Jerry: - hairdo.
soul. And that
hurt worse than any physical injury possibly could.
Jerry: Except, of course, for a haircut.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about this. I'm so sorry, my mind cried.
(Speaking aloud was too painful.)
Tom: *sniggers*
I tried ta make things right, but I failed.
Tom: (James) We appreciate it, Meowth, really, but – next time, just buy us two wigs.
Ya
done so much for Meowth...sacrificed so much,
Tom: They have?
Jerry: They have?
and for no other reason den
because
Tom: (Jessie) – well, where else are we going to find a talking Meowth?
ya care about me. But what have I ever done for youse guys? Nothin'...except
scratch ya, make fun of ya....
Tom: (James) Shed on the luggage…
And the one time I try ta show how much I care
about youse guys, too, I make a total mess of it.
Jerry: (Jessie) If you ever mistake a trap for a litter box again, I’ll make you into Growlithe kibble!
Dat Scyther was right -- I'm
completely worthless....
Tom: Such is th’ fate of reverse-furries.
When I looked down at Jessie and James again, I noticed that the tears I'd been
shedding as these thoughts passed through my mind had all fallen onto them.
Their heads were completely soaked!
Jerry: How much WERE you crying?!
"Heh. Will ya look at dat," I said weakly, reaching down and brushing some of my
tears off of them.
Jerry: Wait – how do you “brush away” tears that have “completely soaked” two people’s heads?
"I can't even cry for ya without makin' a mess."
The two of them remained in peaceful repose, totally unaware of all that had
happened.
Tom: That’s their usual state, ain’t it?
And I decided to keep it that way. The last thing they needed was to be bothered
by my troubles,
Jerry: And what about the readers?!
so I decided to go to bed. Maybe sleep would diminish the pain.
Maybe it wold hurt less in the morning....
Tom: He makes even gettin’ terminally injured emo.
But as I went to get my sleeping-bag, I suddenly saw a woman standing over me.
Tom: (Meowth) Cori Falls!
Her eyes were the most brilliant shade of sapphire blue -- just like Jessie's --
and her long, purple hair cascaded down her back and swept outwards, ending in
two large coils.
Jerry: (Woman) *pries two Ekans out of hair* Okay, sorry about that. They get clingy. Now, what were you saying?
Even though she was now wearing a flowing, white gown instead
of the blackHYPHEN!andHYPHEN!red-striped uniform of the Team Rocket Elite, and I had never
met the woman in person, I had seen Jessie's photographs enough to know who she
was.
Tom: (Meowth) Scarlett O’Hara, is that you?
"M-Miyamoto?" I stammered.
Guardian’s Song: Galadriel!Jessie’s-Mom. *rolls eyes* Cori Falls, if you had not had numerous severe problems with your fics, I would say “Never change”.
She nodded and smiled at me. "Hello, Meowth."
"W-whaddaya' doin' here?" I asked. "I thought you was dead."
"I am," she replied.
I felt a sweatdrop roll down my face when she said this.
Miyamoto chuckled. "Don't worry, Meowth. I'm not here to take you to the other
side,"
Jerry: (Meowth) Whaddabout the canon side?
(Miyamoto) No such luck. Check back in a dozen or so fics.
she said, as if she could read my mind. "That Scyther may have hurt you,
but it's not your time to die yet. That won't be for many, many years."
Jerry: (Meowth) So I oughtta take up sky-diving, deep-sea explorations, and no-gear mountain-climbing?
(Miyamoto) *sigh* I hate it when the living exploit destined demises.
"Den why...."
She smiled tenderly and held out her hand. "The two of us have many things to
discuss," she told me.
Jerry: (Miyamoto) First off – do you ship Katniss with Gale or Peeta?
"Come, Meowth. Walk with me for awhile."
I didn't know what Miyamoto's spirit was doing here,
Tom: (Miyamoto) The plot demanded it.
or what she could possibly
have to say to me, but I knew that her presence was a friendly one...I knew that
I could trust her. So, without hesitation, I reached up and let her take my paw
in her ethereal hand.
Tom: Y’ know, in a lotta stories, this is where it cuts t’ people findin’ a Meowth’s body in th’ woods th’ next mornin’, an expression’a unholy terror forever frozen on his face.
@->->-
"You did well tonight, Meowth," Miyamoto told me as we walked through the forest
together. "I'm proud of you."
"Y-ya are?" I said in disbelief. "Why?"
"What you did for Jessie and James was very brave," she said.
Tom: (Miyamoto) But very stupid. Honestly, Meowth, pay attention to the Designated Houses of various character roles. Ash Ketchum and his friends are the Gryffindors, with the occasional Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw as back-up. Be a proper villainous Slytherin, and live to regrow your friends’ hairstyles another day.
I sighed and hung my head. "Yeah. Real brave. My battle with dose Scythers was a
joke!
Tom: SCYTHERS, plural? Y’ only fought ONE, y’ braggart moron.
I nearly got killed, and in the end, I still wasn't able ta make things
right for my friends."
Tom: Th’ fic’s sporkin’ itself… So she intends t’ contradict it a moment later, right?
"That's where you're wrong."
Tom: Told y’ so.
I looked and saw that Miyamoto had led me to the pond where Jessie had her
breakdown earlier.
Jerry: *winces* Did you have to remind us of that?
She seated herself by the water, and
Tom: (Meowth) – she turned out to be a disguised Gastly, and promptly shoved me in.
I joined her.
"Meowth, you have done so much for the two of them," she said.
With that, she reached down and touched her hand to the surface of the water.
Suddenly, in the water appeared an image of Jessie, kneeling by a campfire and
shivering. I was curled in her lap, purring and keeping her warm.
Jerry: (Jessie) Why does this hot water bottle have fur?
Then, the image shifted to one of me and James on a snowy mountain. James was
holding me in his arms, and the two of us were embracing.
Tom: FALLS, WE DIDN’T NEED T’ KNOW ABOUT THAT! WHAT TH’ MUK WAS THAT FER?! GAH!
…An’ who’re y’, lady? Huh? Y’ don’t look weaselly t’ me. Oh, that’s yer name? An’ y’ want yer Capslock back? Well, fine… *cleans it off and hands it back to her* …Are y’ even from my canon? No?
*scratches head as she departs* They’re crossin’ dimensions now? Jeez…
And then, it changed again. Now, Jessie, James, and Mondo were tied up and
Tom: I don’t need t’ know about this kinky stuff, all right? Jeez! I thought th’ four-hour sex scenes were th’ weirdest stuff in these fics!
hanging from the branches of a tree,
Tom: Oh. Eh-heh-heh. Never mind, then.
Jerry: *unimpressed*
surrounded by a swarm of angry Beedrills...and
I was fighting the Beedrills!
"You've saved their lives on more than one occasion," said Miyamoto. "There were
a few times when your friendship made all the difference to them."
"It...it did?"
She nodded. "Yes. Just knowing that you were there for them...that they weren't
alone gave them the strength to go on."
Jerry: (James) That’s right! We’re not two losers with no hope of success, no chance of advancement, and no friends in the world! We’re three losers with no hope of success, no chance of advancement, and no friends in the world!
(Jessie) When we fail, we’ll fail together!
(Both) …
…
*break down in tears*
(Meowth) You really know how ta cheer a Meowth up, don’tcha?
Once again, the image in the water changed. This time, it was me standing in an
arena, facing off with a Primeape. All right, banana-boy! Let's go! I said
defiantly.
Miyamoto laughed. "And what about all of the sweet things you've done for them
when it wasn't a life-or-death situation?"
I watched the battle with the Primeape, which ended with me being blasted off. "But
I wasn't much help ta Jessie at dat Princess Festival," I sighed. "I didn't win
no battles for her, and she ended up losin' dose princess dolls...."
"But the important thing is that you tried," she told me.
Jerry: (James) *hopefully* Jessie, do you think it will help if we try hard enough not to have empty stomachs and not to be fifteen miles in every direction from any civilization?
(Jessie) …*tries to strangle him*
The image changed to one of me and James cheering for her...then, to one of me
and James holding tommy-guns and making jokes about eliminating Misty...
Guardian’s Song: Holy ****, did that actually happen in the show?!
I… I’m thinking not, because guns were censored out of the dub. But – in case the term is unfamiliar, “tommy-guns” are not toy guns. They are submachine guns.
If that happened in-show, that was a joke in incredibly poor taste. If Cori Falls made it up, then she really has a ****ed-up sense of humor, and I say this as a reasonably unpleasant person. That is a joke about killing a twelve-year-old with submachine guns.
…Given New Directions, I can’t pass it off as her just not thinking it through, either. Good gad.
and
finally, to one of all of us sitting together on a display stand, dressed as
princess dolls.
Oh! You're all a bunch of living dolls! Jessie cried happily.
"Dat was more James's doin' den mine," I said. "He was the one who came up with
all dose ideas."
"But you helped him...you went along with him," she argued. "Meowth, you did
your best for Jessie on that day, and you made her happy. That could have been
one of the worst days of her life, but you played an important part in seeing
that it turned out to be one of the best!"
Jerry: (Meowth) Ya do know dat Arbok, Lickitung, Weezing, an’ de rest also deserved yer thanks, by dat logic?
Miyamoto touched the surface of the water again, and the image changed to one of
me and James, sitting by a campfire and having a heart-to-heart talk.
Tom: Next time I make a joke about James/Meowth at th’ start’a a fic, club me over th’ head, will y’?
"And what about the day you found out that James and my daughter had finally
admitted their feelings for each other?" she asked. "They were so afraid to tell
you about their love,
Jerry: (James and Jessie) Nothing matters more to us than his opinion! Nothing!
(Meowth) Hmm? Whaddya talkin’ about? It’s past both yer bedtimes! Now, brush your teeth and make your beds… er, sleeping bags… before ya conk out for the night! And take out de garbage while yer at it!
(James and Jessie) Yes, sir!
but when they saw how happy you were for them, they knew
that they could trust you. That meant a lot to them, and it still does. You're
their confidante, Meowth!"
A montage of images now flashed on the surface of the water -- Jessie and James
hugging me one day when their unpleasant memories of Pokemon Tech had depressed
them;
Tom: Lemme guess, James broke a nail an’ was reminded about th’ time he broke a nail by droppin’ a textbook on his finger. Or somethin’.
me and James in a hospital, watching over Jessie while she recovered from
a case of pneumonia that she'd come down with while we were stranded on a snowy
mountain; me and Jessie throwing a welcome-back party for James on the day after
he escaped from Jessiebelle for the second time; Jessie and James comforting me
Tom: We don’t need t’ read about that sorta thing. Keep it t’ th’ Kink Meme.
on the day I lost Togepi to Misty; the three of us embracing
Tom: T’ th’ Kink Meme, I said!
and crying after
having a fight while locked in the basement of the Viridian Gym; Jessie and
James coming to my rescue when I had to face my old gang; Jessie hugging me and
promising never to leave again on the day after she stole the badges from me and
James and tried to abandon us; Jessie and James fighting Butch and Cassidy in
order to rescue me and the other pokemon from their Drowzee's hypnotic spell; me
hugging Jessie and consoling her on the day James almost got killed when he was
hit by a falling boulder and fell off of a cliff; and finally, Jessie throwing
her coins to make it look like I'd used Pay Day, and James throwing his prized
bottle cap to save me from being squeezed to death by an Onix just a few days
ago....
Guardian’s Song: Cori Falls sure loved her flashback-montages, didn’t she?
"The three of you have been through so much together," said Miyamoto once the
images in the water faded. "And you'll get through this, too...together."
"But after what happened today...it's gonna take a long time for things ta go
back ta normal," I sighed. "Dey lost more den just dere hair -- dey lost dere
security.
Jerry: They were so neurotic that a HAIRCUT made them lose their inner peace? Good grief, this is character-bashing at its worst.
And she’s supposed to be a fan?
The Scythers deserved ta be punished for dat,
Guardian’s Song: *irritably* Yes, yes, I concede that revenge-fics are highly overrated, that the revenge-narrative is unduly glorified in American society, and that often “revenge” is just childish, completely immature behavior. Yes, yes, bloody conceded.
To whom it may concern – next time you want to deconstruct the revenge narrative, save yourself a few hours and, instead of writing a fic critiquing the concept, link to this story. It’s humiliatingly stupid enough that people may just concede the point. “YOU CUT MY FRIENDS’ HAIR! PREPARE TO DIE!”
and I just wish I coulda
been strong enough ta do it...."
"You underestimate yourself, Meowth," Miyamoto said, cutting me off. "Look!"
With that, she touched the surface of the water again and showed me an image of
the lead Scyther. He was standing some distance away from the rest of his swarm,
and his head was hung in shame. He looked as if he were deep in thought.
Tom: (/b/tard Scyther) What the Muk is wrong in the brains of otherkin? What drives their utter Mukwittery?
"I...I don't understand," I said.
"He may have bested you in the physical battle, but you were the true winner,
Meowth," she explained. "Your body may be weak, but your heart and soul are
strong...and your real power lies therein."
"But he said I sold my soul!" I protested. "He said dat I gave up all my real
power...dat I'm useless as a pokemon!"
Tom: (/b/tard Scyther) Or, in short, you’re a fanatical otherkin. Same thing.
Miyamoto shook her head. "True, you gave up some physical powers in order to
become more like a human, but it did wonders for you on the inside.
Tom: ‘Cause Pokémon are worthless unless they act human! Y’ not a real being unless yer a humankin!
Eh, guess that’s why she doesn’t mind th’ rest’a what Team Rocket does. Pokémon are fer people t’ exploit! Yer only worthwhile if yer a wannabe human!
Jerry: …*gapes* …*FACEPALM*
Meowth, the
Scythers may have raw physical strength, but that's all they have.
Jerry: <smogon> They also have high speed and access to Swords Dance! And they evolve into an awesome Pokémon! </smogon>
Yours is a
power that comes from a higher plane of being --
Tom: (Miyamoto) – the author!
yours is a power that comes
from the heart.
Jerry: That’s a higher plane of being?
And in the end, the power of the heart will always prevail over
brute strength."
"Y-ya mean dat?"
"Yes." She gestured again to the image in the water. "Scyther's hatred for
humanity was what gave him his power...
Jerry: What?! Where did that come from?
and tonight, you took that from him.
Jerry: What?
Your
love for Jessie and James destroyed his hatred.
Jerry: It DID?
Tom: Should’ve increased it. Proved his point! Meowth WAS a gibbering humankin!
You've proven that love really
is the greatest power in the entire universe...that love can win a war!"
Jerry: What? When did that happen?
Tears welled up in my eyes again, but this time they were tears of joy. "I...I
guess yer right!"
Jerry: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
Tom: When Lisa was TEARING HIM APART!
Miyamoto smiled and pulled me into her lap. "And if you have a little patience,
you'll see what else the power of your love is capable of doing."
Tom: Take it t’ th’ Kink Meme!
"Whaddaya mean?" I asked.
She began to stroke my fur and scratch behind my ears. "Let me tell you a little
story," she said softly. "If my memory serves me right, there's an ancient
legend that all pokemon have magical powers."
Guardian’s Song: (Meowth) No! I had no idea! I thought ALL animals could cause earthquakes, conjure tidal waves, breathe fire, call thunderbolts from the sky, shoot beams of pure solar energy, eat dreams, knock people unconscious with pure psychic energy, et cetera, et…
"We do?"
"Yes," she replied. "According to the legend, when a pokemon acts out of love
for another living thing, for no other reason than love,
Jerry: - in loving love-love, with loving love, and in the name of lovely loving love -
it gains a very special
ability."
Well, this sure got my attention. "What kind of ability?"
Tom: (Miyamoto) When a Skitty and a Wailord love each other very much…
"Its tears become the waters of life themselves. When it truly loves another
living being and sheds tears of love, those tears can work wonders!"
Again, Miyamoto touched the surface of the water, but the scene I saw this time
was unfamiliar to me.
Guardian’s Song: Kudos to Cori Falls for remembering the memory-wipe at the end of that film.
There was a large battlefield filled with pokemon who had
been fighting each other to the death. In the middle of the field was a stone
statue of Ash. All of the pokemon were crying, and when their tears touched the
statue, it came to life.
"I don't understand," I said as I watched the scene unfold.
"Believe it or not, the kid actually did something amazing on that day -- he
sacrificed his life to save all of those pokemon from the hatred that consumed
them," she explained. "When the pokemon saw what he had done, it reminded them
all of the power of love that they had inside of themselves.
Guardian’s Song: …Oo… kay? I… guess that’s one way to interpret what happened…
When they were able
to bring an end to the violence, it unleashed the power that's inside...
Guardian’s Song: *GROANS*
the
power to bring back that which was thought to be lost forever."
Jerry: So love can bring people back from the dead?
Then why does any Trainer with loving Pokémon ever die?
(Guardian’s Song: I figured the explanation was that it was the combined tears of all those Pokémon that revived Ash. Given that movie’s messages, it was probably meant to be something along the lines of ‘When we all put aside our differences and combine our efforts, we can accomplish the impossible’. …Cori Falls might have the right interpretation, though. I freely admit that I’m not that good at analysis.)
"Whoa! The twerp did dat?!" I said in disbelief. "I guess the kid's good for
somethin' after all...."
Jerry: “Whoa! Cori Falls admitted that Ash could do something good?!” I said in disbelief. “I guess that movie did something after all…”
"Each pokemon has this power," she continued. "And over time, even humans have
learned it to some extent.
Jerry: Why do I have the unnerving feeling this entire “tears have healing powers” thing is the illegitimate child of that scene in the first movie and Harry Potter’s phoenix tears?
Tom: ‘Cause it’s freakin’ obvious?
In a way, the pokemon have taught us...just as we
teach them."
Guardian’s Song: *GROAN* Please, Miss Falls! DON’T attempt to incorporate as many of the theme-song lyrics as possible!
(…The horrible thing is that I would have tried to do exactly that when I was a Pokémon-worshipping preteen, so I really have no high ground here. It’s still wince-inducing.)
"Whaddaya' mean, Miyamoto?" I asked.
"Well, take me, for example," she said. "When I died, the powers that be gave me
a choice -- I could have either gone to Paradise,
Guardian’s Song: (Miyamoto) Also known as the Grey Havens, in all probability.
or I could stay here in this
world...in spirit form. I chose to stay."
"Why?" I asked.
Tom: (Miyamoto) There’s no porn in heaven.
Jerry: TOM!
"Because of love," came her reply. "When I died, I realized that it meant I
could always be with my daughter...so that's what I decided to do. In this form,
I can give her the protection and love that I never could when I was alive."
"Protection...does dat mean yer Jessie's
Tom: (Meowth) – condom supplier?
guardian angel?" I said in disbelief.
Miyamoto nodded. "Among others."
"Others?"
Tom: (Miyamoto) Have you WATCHED my daughter? She needs an entire battalion of guardian angels. And then some.
"It's a guardian angel's duty to watch over one soul," she explained.
Tom: (Meowth) Ya do realize Jessie lost hers long ago, don’tcha?
(Miyamoto) I never said I was very good at it.
Jerry: Tom…
"I can't
protect Jessie without protecting James as well...."
Tom: *spittake*
Jerry: What? Wait – how does that work?
Would it have been so hard to drag in that sainted grandpa James has in these fics? The way he’s described, he should be James’s guardian angel! Why does Miyamoto have to do double-duty for both of them?
At the very least, James would have appreciated it while he was still living with his parents and Jessiebelle!
"I knew it!" I exclaimed. "Dey're soul-mates, aren't dey?!"
"Yes. Two halves of the same soul. Together, they form the one soul that I'm
sworn to protect."
Tom: So both’a ‘em have only half a soul? They’re Horcruxes?
I smiled. "I always knew dose two were purr-fect together!"
"But they're not the only soul I watch over," she continued.
Jerry: (Miyamoto) I also watch over several randomly-picked souls in the land through which Jessie is currently traveling. It’s better than Days of Our Dragonites, As The Wobbuffet Turns, and General PokéCenter put together!
Tom: …You’re sayin’ she invented reality television? That monster!
"When I saw their
soul-friend,
Guardian’s Song: WHAT?
I knew I had to watch over that one as well."
"Soul-friend? Y-ya mean Meowth?"
Guardian’s Song: …We have hit a whole new level of stupidity.
Also a whole new level of creepiness, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
Again, Miyamoto nodded. Then, she took the braid that I had made from their hair
and held it up to me.
"Think of yourselves as the strands of hair in this braid," she told me.
Pointing to the red and blue-violet, she said, "Like this hair, Jessie and James
may be completely different,
Jerry: We already covered how that hair was not.
Besides, I thought that, in these stories, they had the same tastes, same feelings, same goals, and so on and so forth – How are they “completely different”?!
Tom: One’s got six letters in her name, the other has five in his! Completely different!
but their differences only serve to make their
union more beautiful. And like this hair, they may be separate -- individual --
Jerry: As opposed to what?! Being Kojiro and Musashi of Borg?!
but there's no denying that they're forever interconnected." Then, she pointed
to my cream-colored whiskers entwined with the hair. "And you? You're what makes
the braid complete.
Tom: Take y’ filthy fetishes t’ th’ Kink Meme! Lay off th’ Jessie/James/Meowth!
Jerry: I don’t think that’s what she means.
Tom: Tell me that AFTER Meowth cuddles up t’ James again an’ rambles on about how Jessie’s th’ hottest woman in th’ world!
Jerry: Eeeeer… I admit it seems unfortunate, but I still think –
Tom: Come on, aren’t y’ girls supposed t’ be better at the subtext?! I see it! An’ I don’t want t’ see it!
(Guardian’s Song: *morosely* I just had to complain in earlier sporkings that Cori Falls didn’t put enough emphasis on Meowth being the third member of the trio.
I just had to complain.)
You make their union stronger -- you keep them from unravelling UNRAVELING."
Jerry: Yes, I am so convinced of the depth of their love – a love that cannot function without their best friend continually running couples-therapist duties for them. *FACEPALM*
My eyes widened. "Wow! Dat's kinda what I was thinkin' of when I made dat braid!"
Jerry: *morosely* How funny. It’s not like the author is feeding them the same lines or anything.
Miyamoto smiled. "Such is the nature of the soul-friend," she continued. "The
soul-friend guides and protects the soul-mates. The soul-friend's destiny is
forever entwined with that of the soul-mates, and together, the three form a
perfect union."
Tom: *jerks thumb at that line*
Guardian’s Song: *moaning* I am so, so SORRY that I brought that up in earlier sporkings! I am so SORRY! *repeatedly smacks self in the face in real life*
…In my defense? She tells us this, but she doesn’t actually show it. Meowth is firmly the third wheel at all times – and even here, in the great Meowth-centric fic, his role is all about being Jessie and James’s teddy bear and would-be “avenger”.
In fact, while I’m on that topic, let me note that the above says that the “soul-friend” guides and protects the soul-mates. It says nothing – NOTHING – about the soul-mates doing anything for the “soul-friend”. He exists only to serve THEM – no reciprocation is mentioned. He is literally DESTINED to be the eternal third wheel. The purpose of his existence? Propping up their relationship. And that – is – ALL.
…You know, I’ve got to wonder if Cori Falls was a Harry/Hermione shipper. That sounds almost perfectly like how one might mix together the One True Trio and Saintly-And-Perfect Harmony groups of character-idealizers. ‘Oh, Harry and Hermione are the one true love EVER! But there’s Ron, too, who exists to be their cheerleader and faithful servant. How PERFECT~ <3” Well, come to think of it, minus the love part, that’s how the roles went in Deathly Hallows...
It goes without saying that this fundamentally disgusts me. I don’t mind the faithful-best-friend-that-stays-close-to-the-paired-characters role at all. But to have it be hard-coded as the purpose of that friend’s existence? That – that is horrific. And Cori Falls sees nothing wrong with an independent, intelligent, inquisitive being winding up forever slaved to one couple for the rest of his life, all that he is or could be paling in comparison to his caretaking of the One True Pairing.
You know, the funny thing about Miss Falls is that she takes many subtly problematic clichés to their furthest extreme, and thus lays the faults within them bare for even their supporters to see.
And she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.
I returned her smile as she handed me the braid once again.
"And that's why I choose to watch over the soul-friend as well," she explained.
"Without their soul-friend, the soul-mates would be incomplete!"
Guardian’s Song: Not “because he’s a good person”. Not “because he’s part of that unbreakable trio”. Not “because he’s loved by the ones I love.”
But because without him, “the soul-mates would be incomplete”.
Meowth really does not matter as a person in this scheme of things. He only matters as a condition for the soul-mates’ happiness. In this fic? That means Meowth’s value as a person is literally is on the same scale, if slightly higher up, as Jessie and James’s hair.
…I’m all for fixing one’s problems without therapy or drugs, but I’m being driven towards hoping that Cori Falls either got some really good therapy or really effective medications after she left fandom, because I’m not sure her issues would have resolved on their own.
"I really mean dat much to 'em?" I said, still in awe of all Miyamoto had told
me.
"Yes," came her reply. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't so -- your union is
what makes it possible for me to keep you safe."
Tom: *BLEEEURGH*
Guardian’s Song: I’ll just note that she said Meowth wouldn’t mean diddly-squat to her if he wasn’t absolutely crucial to keeping Jessie and James in Happyland, and move on.
"Heh! Ain't no wonder Team Rocket can always take a beatin' and keep comin' back
for more!
Guardian’s Song: Guardian angels shield against explosions, now? And electrocutions? And –
HEY! Darn it, Falls – If she’s supposed to be protecting them, why didn’t she prevent them from getting haircuts?! Explain that, smart-aleck!
We've got our very own guardian angel!" I mused. "I'll bet the three
of us really keep ya on yer toes!"
Miyamoto laughed again. "You do have a knack for getting yourselves into tight
spots, don't you?"
"Dat's puttin' it mildly."
"But let me tell you something," she said. "As good as you are at getting into
trouble, you're even better at getting yourselves out of it.
Jerry: (Meowth) We are?
(Jessie) We are?
(James) We are?
(Miyamoto) Shush, you’re interrupting my motivation speech.
More often than not,
you don't need me when you're in danger because your friendship -- your unity --
is what saves you. Being able to stick together like that makes all the
difference...and that's what allows me to give you a little help on the
occasions when you really are in over your heads."
"So, ya help us cuz we help each other!" I concluded.
"Precisely!"
I looked back and thought about some of the times when we were in mortal danger
but still managed to survive somehow. Now it all made sense!
Jerry: No, wait! She said that you save yourselves!
Tom: Y’ expect consistency between paragraphs? From THIS author?
"Like the St. Anne!" I exclaimed. "I bet you were dere when James fell off the
vines and Jess had ta pull him back up!"
Jerry: But –
"I was," she told me. "Because Jessie was thinking only of keeping James safe, I
was able to give her the strength to not let go of him.
Jerry: Why couldn’t she have had the strength on her own?!
I was able to hold her
steady and keep her from falling off herself."
Jerry: Why couldn’t she manage that on her own?!
Look, Miss Falls, I would think you would say the strength of their love was enough!
Tom: But that would make some sorta sense…
"And when we were stuck on dat mountain...." I began.
"....James loved Jessie so much that I was able to give him the speed and
strength he needed to dig her out of the snow before she froze to death," she
finished for me.
Jerry: Why couldn’t he have the strength on his own?!
"And I'm guessin' ya been dere with us a few other times, too."
"I have," she replied. "Even tonight. Yes, I was with you during that battle,
Meowth. You would have died for Jessie and James...and that gave me the power to
make sure you didn't. I stayed Scyther's blades...made him realize the
importance of your words before he destroyed you."
Tom: So th’ plot really DID stay his hand. Blades. Whatever.
*snorts* Yer bein’ more blatant than usual, Falls. Did th’ ~trauma~ of those haircuts force y’ into honesty, fer once?
"Whew!" I sighed.
"You're welcome," she chuckled, knowing that I had really meant to thank her.
"So, ya been dere for us all along," I said.
She nodded. "I always have been...and I always will be."
"Dat's good ta know," I told her. "Considerin' all we go through, I'm glad we've
got someone like you on our side."
Tom: (Meowth) Bein’ de author’s pets is always a good sign.
Miyamoto smiled again and lifted me into her arms. "The three of you don't have
anything to fear," she whispered. "You love each other...
Tom: …An’ if y’ try t’ tell me this is a case of ~Love Is Love~, I’m thinkin’ Jessie an’ James had th’ right idea with “T’ denounce th’ evils of truth an’ love”…
Guardian’s Song: I already told you that Meowth is actually a complete subordinate to the relationship.
Tom: Tell me whatever y’ want, but yer payin’ attention t’ what they’re sayin’. I’m payin’ attention t’ what they’re doin’.
Guardian’s Song: *sigh*
you help each other,
and because of that, I'll be watching over you, and I'll always protect you."
Guardian’s Song: (Miyamoto) People without any friends to help them and love them, however, can all just go rot! :D
Her words soothed me, and I closed my eyes. In my heart, I knew she was speaking
the truth...that no real harm would ever come to us.
Guardian’s Song: …Actually, I am in a ranting mood at the present moment, and this is a perfect opportunity for me to comment on something in a lot of fics. :D
Having bad things happen to the characters in the past doesn’t make the story realistic and gritty and tense and other such inexplicably venerated things. If bad things have happened in the past, but the author makes it blatantly clear that nothing in the present will do “real harm” to her woobies, then the readers will, in fact, know this is the land of Hurt/Comfort Happyland, where everything is fuzzy and nothing hurts.
There’s NOTHING WRONG WHATSOEVER WITH WRITING HURT/COMFORT HAPPYLAND. I enjoy reading Hurt/Comfort Happyland, because I have no need to assure myself how ~tough~ and ~edgy~ and ~in touch with the cruel realities of the world~ I am. But please don’t pretend, as Miss Falls is doing, that you are writing some deep and dramatic tale of tragedy and woe and triumphing over adversity. Realistic self-evaluation is…
Richard: …something often preached by people who have grotesquely inflated opinions of themselves –
Guardian’s Song: – Huh?! What are YOU doing here? Shoo! Shoo, I say! *kicks him out*
*turns pleasantly back to audience* Okay, as I was saying on this installment of Guardian’s Song’s Egotistical Preaching Hour –
…*scowls* He has that effect. Anyway, uh – back to the sporking!
"Never forget the power that's inside, Meowth," she continued. "The power of the
heart...."
Miyamoto pressed her lips to the golden charm on my forehead, and I found myself
being consumed by a warm, white light. A light that took away all of my physical
pain and replaced it with a sense of inner-peace.
Jerry: This isn’t helping the “body found in the woods the next morning” idea one bit.
Then, as suddenly as she had appeared, Miyamoto vanished, and I knew no more....
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Tom: Hey, don’t joke about that in this fic!
Meowth/Scyther OTP! /ducks
...now I want to write a crack!alternate take on the fight where Meowth has a ton of foeyay with the Scyther and they end up making out. >.> Gross, but at least it'd be funny compared to this narmtastic excuse for a battle scene. And oy, the padding. D:
In fanfiction and in real life, pious little speeches about how empty the life of anyone who disagrees with you must be make you NO friends. Pious little speeches about how your specific stance on something infinitely enriches your life, given in a way that implies that no other stance on the matter can possibly be half so enlightened or half as satisfying, have exactly the same effect, because they’re essentially the same thing.
So don’t break them out during arguments, no matter how justified you believe you are. It’s condescending, it’s blinkered, and it’s going to make even people who share your stance uncomfortable. …And, shall we say, the effect becomes greater as one moves further from your particular point of view.
And this is what gives Cori's fics their infamous awfulness. The entire fucking mindset.
Also? Constantly mentioning how anyone who disagrees with you is slow-witted, sleazy, or sociopathic does NOT actually make you look better by comparison! It just makes you seem like you lack the competence to defend your own position, so you’re reduced to whining, “But they’re all stuuuupid or meeeean or eeeeevil!”
Shades of Essie, Zach, Missy and Patrick, anyone? XD And Cassie in her more vindictive moments.
…It’s funny how Cori Falls tends to portray insane!Ash that way post-Break-From-Canon. Some tiny smidgen of self-awareness seeping through?
LOL, possibly. Maybe a part of her knew how crazy she sounded at that point.
...nah.
He raised his blades once
more, but this time, I didn't close my eyes. I would meet my death with a
defiant stare. No, he definitely wouldn't forget this battle anytime soon. Even
after his wounds had healed, my final words and my dead eyes would still pierce
into his soul.
Jerry: *screaming with laughter*
Tom: *slapping the table in a fit of uncontrollable laughing*
Jerry: She wrote that with a straight face!
Tom: Meowth th’ poetic emo!
Jerry: *in a pompous voice* My final worlds and my dead eyes would still pierce into his soul.
Tom: *with a heavy accent* I am ze Vampire Meowthstat! Feel my eternal agony and existential angst, mortal! Ze deep darkness of my decadent heart weel overwhelm you!
Jerry: But is Meowth TEARING HIM APAAAAAAWT?
Tom: His dead eyes will make th’ Scyther FED UP WITH THIS WIRRRRRLD!
Jerry: (Future!Scyther) Because I have no friends… EVERYBODY BETRAY ME!
Tom: (Meowth) You’re just a chicken! Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep!
Jerry: Never mind that, if we’re assuming fights to the death are commonplace in this Scyther pack, Meowth is hardly going to be this Scyther’s first kill…
Tom: (Scyther) I DID NAHT KILL THEM. I DID NAHT. OH HAI RIVAL! *SLASH*
I was wondering when The Room would show up again! <3
Meowth: Keep your stupid comments in your stupid pocket!
As for the "twerps" having that conversation...again, I never saw that ep. :/ But I doubt they could be bothered to discuss Team Rocket when Tracey just got a new Pokemon. :P
That I had thoughts and feelings...and
that I could get hurt.
Jerry: (Meowth) And dat it really hurts my feelin’s when dey don’t hand ova their Pokémon!
Hahaha, that was a good riff!
If they
were cruel enough to laugh at Jessie after what had happened to her, then why
wouldn't they laugh at me, too?
Guardian’s Song: Oh, COME THE **** ON! Meowth has been slashed to bloody shreds! You’re HONESTLY comparing that to Jessie’s HAIRCUT?! You’re honestly comparing that to Jessie’s haircut!
Cori Falls, what was WRONG with you?!
I could tl;dr about the hypocrisy of this considering what happens to Ash later on in her saga, but...nah.
I think Cori was drunk on her own "triggers" when she wrote this. Also LOL at Deus Ex Miyamoto. Like she'd take a break from partying with James's stoner grandparents to tend to emo!Meowth.
I didn't know what Miyamoto's spirit was doing here,
Tom: (Miyamoto) The plot demanded it.
James's grandparents: Welcome to our world, Miya.
She seated herself by the water, and
Tom: (Meowth) – she turned out to be a disguised Gastly, and promptly shoved me in.
Meowth: RRRRROWL! KITTY HAET WATER! *hiss, scratch*
Mittens: And that's where I get it from! :D
And I don't think the gun scene was in the show. I never saw that ep, either, but I doubt TR would make jokes THAT sadistic.
The whole scene with Meowth and Miyamoto is just so boring and schmaltzy and weepy and once again I can't believe Cori "had to" write this shit OVER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GETTING UNWANTED HAIRCUTS. HAIRCUTS!
...God, why does this make me want to write horrible Essie!fic where Katara loses one of her hair loopies or something and goes into broken babbling weepy little girl who just lost her mommy mode and needs Aang to fight Zhao to defend her honor. Complete with Zhao taunting Aang about how he "touched" Katara in a mean way.
Jerry: - in loving love-love, with loving love, and in the name of lovely loving love -
Cory Matthews: Sometimes two people who love each other are in love, and because of that love, they love each other.
And yay for the only time Cori ever acknowledges that Ash Ketchum does indeed have good points!
Would it have been so hard to drag in that sainted grandpa James has in these fics? The way he’s described, he should be James’s guardian angel! Why does Miyamoto have to do double-duty for both of them?
At the very least, James would have appreciated it while he was still living with his parents and Jessiebelle!
James's Grandpa: Well, his grandma and I couldn't start work until we were sure James was smart enough to understand our magic wicca powers. ...then he turned seventeen and we got tired of waiting around.
[assessment of Meowth's unfortunate role in Cori!Jessie and Cori!James's relationship]
The sad thing is, in spite of this? Meowth's the one who fights harder to stay in-character later on in these fics. I think this is why, too. He knows what his main purpose is among his friends, so he gets a little revenge by refusing to bend to Cori's will 100%.
At least until Cori throws canon out the window.
Having bad things happen to the characters in the past doesn’t make the story realistic and gritty and tense and other such inexplicably venerated things. If bad things have happened in the past, but the author makes it blatantly clear that nothing in the present will do “real harm” to her woobies, then the readers will, in fact, know this is the land of Hurt/Comfort Happyland, where everything is fuzzy and nothing hurts.
There’s NOTHING WRONG WHATSOEVER WITH WRITING HURT/COMFORT HAPPYLAND. I enjoy reading Hurt/Comfort Happyland, because I have no need to assure myself how ~tough~ and ~edgy~ and ~in touch with the cruel realities of the world~ I am. But please don’t pretend, as Miss Falls is doing, that you are writing some deep and dramatic tale of tragedy and woe and triumphing over adversity.
*APPLAUDS*
The sad thing is, I've probably fallen into that trap a little myself with my fics. >.> Or at least that's one more thing I need to be mindful of from now on. Cause even if someone moved on from a crappy past and is happy now, bad shit can still happen.
*eagerly awaits the last part of this sporking*
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Darn, but Cori!Meowth gets around. D|
Yeah, they'd just be ridiculously melodramatic and unintentionally funny without that mindset. With it, they're rage-inducing.
Oi, yes. And Angela.
Scyther: WHAT A STORY MEOWTH
Yeah, I figured.
Thanks!
*smacks self* Darn it! How did I miss that?
Sounds about accurate. D|
DO EET.
It's like a unicorn!
*snerk*
To be fair, once canon goes out the window, EVERYTHING goes out the window. That doesn't have to be true - there are many excellent AU or throw-strict-canon-to-the-winds fics - but it was certainly true here.
Hey, I think everyone has, me included.
A bit more than a little, in my case.Cori's problem was that she refused to admit she was writing sappy hurt/comfort over the mistreatment she perceived in canon, and went so far as to claim that this must have been what REALLY happened.
...When BNFs start proclaiming that they know canon better than the creator, bad things happen. Invariably. And I do feel sorry for Cori Falls, because she obviously had major issues behind the scenes, but... Well. *shrug*
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Darn, but Cori!Meowth gets around. D|
Yep. XD
Meowth: Keep your stupid comments in your stupid pocket!
Scyther: WHAT A STORY MEOWTH
Meowth: If everyone could love each other, the world would be a better place.
..God, why does this make me want to write horrible Essie!fic where Katara loses one of her hair loopies or something and goes into broken babbling weepy little girl who just lost her mommy mode and needs Aang to fight Zhao to defend her honor. Complete with Zhao taunting Aang about how he "touched" Katara in a mean way.
DO EET.
XD I have another Essiefic to write as a ripoff of Noel's fic, but...I will. XD
Cori's problem was that she refused to admit she was writing sappy hurt/comfort over the mistreatment she perceived in canon, and went so far as to claim that this must have been what REALLY happened.
Yep. And that canon was just a sick daydream Ash had. :P
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Meowth: HOW COULD YOU LOVE HIM
Combine the two! Have a female character get a TRAUMATIC HAIRCUT in an entirely random sideplot!
Er... yes. And who was having the sick daydreams about mauling a twelve-year-old, again? XP
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Scyther 2: ...you're a male.
Scyther: Well...Ditto gave us an egg!
Ditto: Leave me outta this, please? D: The rapist jokes are icky enough!
...Paletuna gets a traumatic haircut of like, 1 inch and Pit comforts her!
Exactly. :P
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*rubs hands together* Eeeeeexcellent. >:D
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...or better yet, for another Cori-ism. The haircut is ALL JUST A DREAM LOLOLOLOLOL.
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No, have an angel called Icemerlda Esmeworth come down from the heavens and tell Pit that the strength of his weeping over her haircut has TOTALLY FIXED IT and SHE'LL NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER PWECIOUS WOOBIES. :D
[These fics, they're an insanity goldmine. With all due respect to the Cori of today, she really had problems back then...]
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HAHAHAHAHA OH GOD. XD ...dude, when Zach realizes what she's done again he's going to snub her forevaaaaaar. XD
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Meowth: WHAT A STORY MARK
Grimer: I just like to watch you guys.
Or at least be on rather frigid terms with her. *heh* Oooh dear...
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Yyyep. XD
Though for how long before he's on her side again when someone dares to fic or meta about Azula/Ty Lee or Nephrite/Jadeite or Carrot/Chocolat.Poor, stupid Essie. She knows how to dig herself into holes!no subject
In the tradition of many a fandom_wank star...
THIS IS LATE BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO MENTION IT LAST TIME
See: Shawn Hunter to Cory/Topanga in Boy Meets World. He's the biggest C/T shipper there is, and he still has a life and identity of his own. Granted, at one point in season 5 he does tie his well-being to the status of their relationship but it's portrayed as "unhealthy, yet justified" in that he has a reason to be so fixated on them (seeing them together gave him faith in love and relationships), but despite that he's clearly not all that sane for being so obsessed (as seen in the episode "And Then There Was Shawn").
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(Anonymous) 2014-05-28 01:32 pm (UTC)(link)Of course she was. Intoxicated on the power of true wuv, pointless sacrifices, martyr syndrome and useless ghost mommy nonsense.
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(Anonymous) 2014-05-28 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)And doesn't Cory say herself in a later fic that someone that loves thier pokemon so much can't possibly have evil in thier hearts?