guardians_song (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guardians_song) wrote2012-09-17 08:57 pm
guardians_song) wrote2012-09-17 08:57 pm
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So, since my Dreamwidth f-list is pretty small right now...
Let's contemplate what would happened if infamous badficcer Cori Falls had been a Fire Emblem fan rather than a Pokemon fan.
FE6:
-Roy is a big evil meanie-pants who picks on Zephiel, who just wasn't loved enough as a child.
-Zephiel/Brunya, I suppose?
-A Jahn fangirl would have joined up with Cori and written her self-insert OC into a pairing with Jahn, who has mysteriously grown emotions.Well, he obviously has emotions, but "non-self-righteous ***hole" emotions, I mean.
-Desmond would be resurrected at least once to be put through an incredibly humiliating and undignified second deathand everyone would remember this as The One Thing Cori Did Right.
-The Bern army would be a loving and benevolent place not at all focused on world conquest.
-At least one War Dragon of abnormal intelligence would be converted into a wise-cracking loudmouth obsessed with Zephiel and Brunya's sex life.
-The entire issue with Idoun would be completely whitewashed. That, or we'd find out she enjoyed being brainwashed. Or something.
Any other suggestions, Sarajayechan?I'll post FE7 and FE8 speculations later. :P
FE6:
-Roy is a big evil meanie-pants who picks on Zephiel, who just wasn't loved enough as a child.
-Zephiel/Brunya, I suppose?
-A Jahn fangirl would have joined up with Cori and written her self-insert OC into a pairing with Jahn, who has mysteriously grown emotions.
-Desmond would be resurrected at least once to be put through an incredibly humiliating and undignified second death
-The Bern army would be a loving and benevolent place not at all focused on world conquest.
-At least one War Dragon of abnormal intelligence would be converted into a wise-cracking loudmouth obsessed with Zephiel and Brunya's sex life.
-The entire issue with Idoun would be completely whitewashed. That, or we'd find out she enjoyed being brainwashed. Or something.
Any other suggestions, Sarajayechan?I'll post FE7 and FE8 speculations later. :P
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*snork* Vaida could team up with Hector. Cori'd probably be attempting to hurl him into Arenas against Silver Sword Swordmasters, while everyone else screamed 'HE'S ESSENTIAL TO THE PLOT!!!'
And of course waiting forever to beat a boss or seize a throne.
Arenas double as Tunnels of Love in my games. >_> 'Where did Mommy and Daddy have their first support conversation? Why, Port of Badon, of course. And their second was at New Resolve, and their third at Four-Fanged Offense...'
"So Erk and Priscilla were married and had 2.5 perfect children and the pain in Priscilla's soul was finally healed by True Love." And making an ending for Serra and Lucius, especially with his "I thank St. Elimine for bringing you to my side".
Well, their ending is sappy enough already, given the knowledge of all her OTHER support endings. Serra and LUCIUS, though... Oh gad, just think of it. They BOTH get to angst over their CANONICAL orphaned, miserable childhoods. It would be double-strength Cori!Jessie Backstory Angst.
...Well, canon!Serra would have ONE thing to rejoice over as Cori shoved her into that formula, at least. You know Cori would have her parents be an Eturian count and his wife, just as she always dreamed. (Cori was relatively smart at exploiting canon loopholes, so she'd probably claim that Serra's parents were of the same house as Nino's to give both an excuse as to WHY Serra ended up orphaned and an excuse to make Serra TEH BEST LIGHT MAGIC USER EVAR.) So SERRA would have all her dreams made reality... poor Lucius's only consolation would be that people no long mistook him for the opposite sex. :( Poor Lucius.
On one hand, Heath/Vaida would finally get some recognition. On the other hand, it might as well not BE them.
That would be true of ALL the Cori!pairings, though...D: Ewww. Where?
Dunno, he didn't mention a link. Probably on fanfiction.net. *shrug* I'm not exactly going to go looking for it...
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Yeah, arenas are prime spots for building supports. XD
Serra and LUCIUS, though... Oh gad, just think of it. They BOTH get to angst over their CANONICAL orphaned, miserable childhoods. It would be double-strength Cori!Jessie Backstory Angst.
Oh God, yes. Lucius's beloved awesome dad was killed by the EEEEEVIL Renault, so his saintly mother died of heartbreak and he was put in a mean orphanage where he was bullied. And Serra would have had a gang of Libbies picking on her at the orphanage too...or worse, village girls from rich families who stopped by the place for the sole purpose of bullying her.
...Well, canon!Serra would have ONE thing to rejoice over as Cori shoved her into that formula, at least. You know Cori would have her parents be an Eturian count and his wife, just as she always dreamed. (Cori was relatively smart at exploiting canon loopholes, so she'd probably claim that Serra's parents were of the same house as Nino's to give both an excuse as to WHY Serra ended up orphaned and an excuse to make Serra TEH BEST LIGHT MAGIC USER EVAR.) So SERRA would have all her dreams made reality... poor Lucius's only consolation would be that people no long mistook him for the opposite sex. :( Poor Lucius.
LOL, true about canon!Serra. "Hey, at least she knows the truth about my parents!" But Cori's storytelling might even be a bit much for HER at some point.
Yes. Sadly. D: Hector/Farina is my Hector OTP, but it'd be written as a throwaway ship because Cori thinks they're both douchebags.D: Good call.
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Lucius's beloved awesome dad was killed by the EEEEEVIL Renault, so his saintly mother died of heartbreak and he was put in a mean orphanage where he was bullied.
Oh gad, can you imagine? Cori!(Lucius/Renault supports) would be the bastard spawn of The Prodigal Parents and Never Too Late, with Cori!Renault weeping and begging for forgiveness and Cori!Lucius beating him up. *tries not to burst out laughing*
To be fair, Serra would still be going along with the 'interpretations', since she was the melodramatic type. I can actually see Sain and Serra going native, with Sain applauding the over-the-top romance and Serra being really into the sheer melodrama of it all. They'd wise up after a while, of course, but not before far too much assistance of 'Tactician Cori'...
and Serra getting to be a secret Princess of Eturia, by the time Cori was done. :PYes. Sadly. D: Hector/Farina is my Hector OTP, but it'd be written as a throwaway ship because Cori would think they're both douchebags.
Eliwood/Ninian'd probably be the most IC, because she would LOVE the sad-mystical-maiden/gentle-knight stuff, but even that would have Eliwood cursing, ranting, and assaulting everybody. And Ninian doing the same.
Nergal'd probably get a hernia from sheer uncontrollable laughter.*sigh*no subject
Louise: *looks up from her sugary romance novel and bag of candies* Hmm? You say something, Lord Hector?
and if this were a modern AU, cue Bartre eating cold pizza topped with Doritos and pounding back beers while Dorcas facepalms and goes back to fixing the coffeemakerOh gad, can you imagine? Cori!(Lucius/Renault supports) would be the bastard spawn of The Prodigal Parents and Never Too Late, with Cori!Renault weeping and begging for forgiveness and Cori!Lucius beating him up. *tries not to burst out laughing*
Eliwood: Bishop Renault?! What happened to you?
Renault: *bleeding and bruised* You know that delicate-looking blonde boy?
Eliwood: ...Lucius?! @_@
Hahaha, I can totally see that. Those two might actually make the whole situation FUNNY (as in genuinely funny and not scary-funny) with their Large Ham antics.
And "most IC" for Cori would still be awful because she'd rely a lot on stereotypes.
Those two cursing, ranting and beating people is still the funniest image ever.no subject
Renault: *bleeding and bruised* You know that delicate-looking blonde boy?
Eliwood: ...Lucius?! @_@
Likewise, after Valorous Roland -
Eliwood: You fiend! What have you done to Ninian?
Nergal: *bruised, bleeding, and missing several teeth* It's not what I'VE done to Ninian. It's what Ninian's done to ME. She cursed me out, beat me up, and at the end screamed, "FUCK YOU, I'M A DRAGON!", Mamkute'd out, and ran off to have four-hour 'Support Level Increased!' sessions with you. Is anyone supposed to feel sorry for her fate? I don't.
Hahaha, I can totally see that. Those two might actually make the whole situation FUNNY (as in genuinely funny and not scary-funny) with their Large Ham antics.
I'd pay to see all this, at this point...Those two cursing, ranting and beating people is still the funniest image ever.
If the proposed Sain/Florina pairing went through, we'd see FLORINA doing the same. :D;;
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Eliwood: ...is it bad that I find that kind of hot?
Hector: Okay that's it, no more booze for you, Eliwood.
Nergal: HEY! STOP CHATTERING AND GET ME SOME IODINE, I'M BLEEDING HERE!
Athos: *facepalm* Is it just me, or do things get crazier and crazier the longer you keep that tactician of yours on the payroll?
Oh God, Florina cursing. D: I read a fic where she slapped Hector once, but the fic in general was sorta cracky so it was actually funny. Cori would play it for seriousness.
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Nils: I'm confused. Am I supposed to hug Nergal while sobbing wildly, or to beat him up and call him a fucking asshole shitheel?
Nergal: Get in line, whelp. I already had a council of dragon elders and Athos do that to me two hundred years ago. Why do you think I wear this turban?
Yes, and she would play Florina's Pegasus neighing obscenities and intentionally falling on Hector three times a day for serious business, too. :P
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Ninian: Um...e-excuse me? I'm...kind of...dying right now...if someone could get a healer, or a bandage...or at least take me indoors...the grass is...irritating my wound...
Tactician Cori: Nergal! You're supposed to cry a single tear as this cuts into your heart and you're not sure why!
Nergal: ...tell you what. I'll revive Ninian and stop trying to take over the world with dragons if you'll let me kill your tactician.
Hector: Then you'll treat us all to a lifetime supply of booze that we're gonna need to forget this past year?
Nergal: ONLY a lifetime supply?
Oh God, I actually laughed at that image. XD "Huey, stop cursing!" "How can you understand that thing?" "FUCK YOU DON'T DISS MY FLYING PONY ASSHOLE"
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Athos: Ah... spoiler warning?
Nergal: *smugly* Eliwood kills Ninian on page 368, the secret of the Crying Game is that Lucius is a man, and I am Luke's father. Or something.
Tactician Cori: Aaaaaactually, that's pretty close... and furthermore, Aenir was your sled - er, wife.
Nergal: ...Who?
Tactician Cori: *equally smugly* You'll see...
[Canas: Aaaaaagh! WARN for these things!]
Hector: I didn't even know pony assholes could fly!
Huey: #%#@$@^!^!!!! #U$UI@*#(*@(*)@ J@JJO!OI(**R *******************!
Hector: As for your Pegasus, I don't even WANT to know what it just said...
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brb laughing ass offAthos: Miss Cori, I'm beginning to wonder how Eliwood could have hired you in the first place.
Tactician Cori: I was the only one willing to throw myself into danger like this! They should be GRATEFUL!
Vaida: YOU should be grateful I haven't killed you yet! *hiss*
Tactician Cori: Quiet! You're supposed to be sobbing in Heath's arms!
Heath: ...
Vaida: *grabs his arm* Try to play knight in shining armor for me and I'll have your yarbles!
Priscilla: Shh! Don't let Cori know you've been reading a book not on her Approved list!
Florina: She said you suck and she's going to break your balls.
Hector: D:
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Tactician Cori: You two were clearly soulmates. Little things like 'consciousness' and 'having met' shouldn't get in the way of true love.
Eliwood: Also, why did you keep calling me 'James'?
Tactician Cori: Grr... Nils, play that little ditty called 'Stabbing Overthataway' I commissioned from you the other day, will you? Calm these wretches down.
Nils: What's the difference between you and Nergal, again?
Nergal: I'm prettier.
Nils: ...Dear spirits of the ice, NO.
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Vaida: I'm happy to kill her any time, you know. Just say the word.
Nergal: No way! They said I could as long as I gave them booze!
Bartre: RAWR! Let ME do it before she starts trying to give me a mental makeover again! Those books have too many long words and they're boring!
Raven: Something's wrong when even PRISCILLA realizes before the tactician does why I can't fulfill my "sacred promise".
Priscilla: *nervous laugh*
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Raven: Damnit... *runs*
Vaida: I'll never forgive this tactician! Ever since she tried to make me a 'nymph-like creature' -
Nils: Better that than being a nymphomaniac like half the people in this army. I can't tell you how many four-hour 'Support Level Increased' sessions I've stumbled across. Can't run off to the bushes without stumbling over Lucius and Serra braiding each others' hair, or Sain and Florina discussing pretty girls...
Tactician Cori: Wait, what? What the hell? THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DOING!
Ninian: *off in the background* Um... hello? Dying here?
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Lucius: Lord Raymond! *chases*
Heath: Commander Vaida is beautiful just the way she is! *swoon*
Vaida: Stop that!
Florina: Well...I AM bisexual. >.>
Tactician Cori: No! No you're not, this is an E-rated story, there are no gay people in E-rated stories! You and Lyn are just friends! What's wrong with two girls just having a close friendship?! [continues her homophobic rants]
Serra: *attempting to heal Ninian with Recover staff* Ugh, why didn't they carry the Valkyrie staff from Jugdral forward into Elibe?! Stupid dead Edda bloodline...
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Nergal: Is ANYONE paying attention to me?
Tactician Cori: Sure! I'm currently writing "Never Too Late: Elibe Edition"! :D
Nergal: ...ASIDE from her...
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Vaida: Can someone answer me the very simple question of why she isn't dead yet?
Eliwood: We can't afford to be murdering people right now, Dame Vaida. ...tempting as it is.
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Nergal: I believe there exists a creature more annoying than Sonia. I'm shocked too.
Tactician Cori: Hector?
Nergal: ...
Tactician Cori: Farina?
Nergal: ...*facepalm*
Tactician Cori: Oh! Oh! I know! Desmond?
Nergal: While technically correct, that isn't what I meant.
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Serra: *facepalm* She means YOU, Tactician Cori! She means you!
Matthew: ...Serra?
Serra: I'm not as dense as everyone thinks I am, you know. I-oh, right, Cori's watching, can't show my vulnerable side. ...Matthew, get me a drink! I'm tired from trying to revive Ninian!